Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Okay, Coco. This is home,” Emma whispered to Coco, who looked up at her, her bright green harness attached to a retractable leash. Emma’s other arm was wrapped around the crate with the handles of shopping bags from the pet store hanging from her hand. “Okay, so we're gonna go up these stairs… I wish you could help me with some of these bags.” Emma unlocked the door and they stepped inside. She looked up the staircase to find Sadie sitting on the landing at the top.
“Hey.” Sadie called softly.
Emma and Coco advanced up the stairs as she watched. “Hi,” Emma replied cautiously. “This is Coco.”
“Oh my gosh, you are so cute. Do you know how cute you are?” Sadie cooed, her eyes twinkling as they drew closer.
Coco immediately took to her, wriggling out of Emma’s arms to lick Sadie’s hands, jumping into her lap. Sadie laughed. “What a ball of energy.”
“Yeah.” Emma stood frozen, unsure what to do.
“Listen,” Sadie stood to her feet, still holding Coco. “I wanted to apologize for leaving the way that I did yesterday.”
“Are you okay?” Emma stared at her, searching her face for clues as to what happened.
“I'm fine. It's just… seeing Zora get engaged like that triggered some feelings that I've been working through.” Sadie moved to the side so they could both sit down together. “As you know, I was raised by my grandmother and my grandfather. I lost both of my parents at a young age–they were in a really bad accident. And you know that my grandparents passed right after college graduation.
Emma nodded, listening, reaching in to pet Coco, but she pulled her hand away when she made contact with Sadie's.
“I'm not going to break or run away if you touch me.” Sadie smiled slightly.
“I think that remains to be seen,” Emma tilted her head, her lips quirking to the side.
“Fair, that's fair. So… I was married once.”
“Oh. Okay...” Emma's eyebrows shot up. That was not on my bingo card. Of all the scenarios she’d considered, Sadie being married previously was not one she’d played out.
“Yeah… It wasn't for long–about six months. And then she left. No reason given, no conversation. She just decided to disappear and applied for an annulment. I only found out when I got served papers.”
Ouch. “Did she ever explain?”
“No. She didn't realize that we didn't actually qualify for an annulment, so we ended up having to get a divorce. All of the communication was done through attorneys, so I never actually saw her again,” she hung her head, her shoulders drooping until Coco littered her with kisses before snuggling close.
“Wow, I'm sorry.”
“Yeah. So, one might say that I have some abandonment issues,” Sadie smiled sadly.
“I mean, given the context, I could see that. You know that's nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I’d known.”
“Yeah, it’s just… watching your friend get engaged, it just made me think of the past, and I saw your face light up and how happy you were, and I got scared. I'm in therapy, and I'm working through it. Getting tools and all the things, right? But it's hard and I fight anxiety all the time, worried that I'm gonna fall for someone who's gonna leave again. And I worry that I’m the problem.”
Coco leaned her head against Sadie's chest, one of her paws by her nose, as if she were listening to her heartbeat and wanting to ease Sadie’s nerves. Sadie cradled Coco like a baby, in one arm, her other hand gently rubbing Coco's tummy.
So it’s not just me. “I mean, you're not the only one that deals with anxiety, and I have a therapist too. I think therapy's a good thing for everybody,” Emma admitted. “So I'm never gonna judge you for that. And no matter where things go with us, I'm not the kind of person that just disappears on someone. If, for whatever reason, things don't work out, I will tell you my reasons. I can promise you a conversation. But I will also respect it if you say that you're not ready for anything right now.”
“But that’s just it–I don't want you to think that I'm not ready for anything, because I am. I can feel myself gravitating toward you. I know that there's something here.” She stared into Emma’s eyes with sincerity. “I really appreciate you for hearing me out.”
“Of course! I was so worried that I had done something wrong.”
“No, no, no,” Sadie murmured, placing her hand against Emma’s cheek, stroking her cheekbone with her thumb. “You didn't do anything wrong.”
“Sometimes I just think I'm too much for people. Not everybody can handle it.”
“I'm not going to lie to you,” Sadie laughed. “I thought that in the beginning–that you were a lot because you were so amped on that first call–but after seeing that this was the real you and not some mask or facade, it became really refreshing to me. Someone who moves through the world with so much joy. I think you’re a rare breed.”
“Yeah, I've been told I take after my grandmother who passed before I was born. I was actually named after her,” Emma smiled gently as Sadie leaned back against the banister. “I just want everybody around me to feel good.”
Sadie nodded. “That comes across. Joy loves your energy. You actually inspired her to work on a new collection called ‘Exuberance.’”
Emma beamed, her eyes saucers. “Really?”
Sadie nodded.
“Wow, that's incredible!”
“You're incredible.” Sadie squeezed Emma's thigh before reaching for her hand to give it a squeeze.
“Thank you for sharing your past with me,” Emma spoke gently.
Sadie nodded. “Thanks for not running away.”
Emma grinned. “Don't worry, I don't scare easily. Unless we’re talking movies, and then I will be the first to admit that I’m a complete punk.”