Till Death Do Us Part: A Paranormal Why Choose Romance (Vows Duet Book 1)

Chapter 38

Present Day

I’ve turned into a goddamn stalker.

I spy on Nova, sitting on the couch with Theodore’s hands in hers, from across the room. With him in here, she won’t feel the cold that comes with me. It’s safe. Rhea left only minutes ago, blatantly ignoring Nova, even when she tried to speak to her.

Theodore told me days ago that Nova wanted to see me, and I outright refused. He’d let it go almost immediately, but I could sense the message in his tight smile.

Nova will break you down, anyway.

I scowl at them as that memory ebbs away, even as the desire to rip her off that couch and away from Theodore boils through me. He hasn’t noticed me yet, totally enthralled by her.

“—family. I was afraid to tell you because…I didn’t want you to move on.”

Nova rushes the end of her statement, flushing red. Theodore just gives her a smile full of affection. Before he can respond to her, her gaze drops to their hands.

“When you touch me, do you feel like you should move on?” she asks, whispering.

That smile on Theodore’s face falls. “No. Why would you ask that?”

“I saw another ghost today, on my way home,” she answers, tentatively. “When he touched me, he said that he felt like he should go.”

Theodore shoves to his feet. “What ghost?” he asks through gritted teeth.

Nova blinks up at him. “He’s at the bus terminal. He’s been there for ten years.”

“He touched you?”

Burning brighter red than she did a minute ago, Nova narrows her eyes at him. “Not like that, you perv. Sit.”

To my surprise, he obeys, looking chagrined. “Sorry.”

“Anyway,” she says sharply, lifting a brow.

“No, I do not feel like that when I touch you,” he sighs. He looks down at himself, patting his chest. “Nor do I feel like I’m about to light up and move on because I know where Zeus is. Though,” he adds with a faint smile, “I am glad that family took him. Sasha and Ivy are sweethearts and Zeus loved playing with them.”

Relief slackens Nova’s posture, and her shoulders cave in. “Okay,” she breathes, leaning forward. “Good.”

I hate the way her head falls forward, pressing against his chest, and the way he presses his lips to the top of it. I want that to be me. Yet, I know—I know if I do anything of the sort, that it will be the beginning of the end. There’s a sort of countdown I feel inside myself, one that hasn’t started yet. If I were to do anything with Nova, anything like what I wish to, I know that the countdown will start. And then it will be only a matter of time before things get worse.

I want you so much that my soul is screaming for it.

As quickly as Nova relaxed, she stiffens, whipping around. Her eyes scan over where I am, even though I’ve hidden myself. I take stock of my being, wondering if I uttered that thought aloud.

“Rohan?” she calls. “Are you there?”

Theodore locks eyes with me. “I’m going to give you some privacy,” he murmurs, and I’m not sure if it’s a statement meant for her or me. “Talk to her,” he adds before disappearing.

I grit my teeth. I can’t. I won’t. I’m petrified if I even speak with her alone that she will suffer for it. I can’t shake this feeling that I have caused her enough suffering.

“Please, Rohan,” Nova whispers. “Please talk to me.”

Like Nova has more control than I have over myself, I know I have become visible to her when she flinches back at my sudden appearance. I hadn’t intended to do that.

Fuck.

She rises from the couch, her hands out like she’s taming a wild animal. “Please, Rohan. I really need to talk to you. I—I won’t ask anything from you. I can just help you move on.”

It hurts how sad she sounds at her own offer.

“I have nothing to say,” I answer brusquely.

There. A whisper of fire—that same whisper that I saw when she reprimanded Theodore—burning in her gaze.

“Liar.”

I press my lips into a thin line, resisting the urge to tell her she’s right. I tense when she stalks my way, green eyes flashing.

“You’re a liar,” she says, stopping in front of me, looking up into my eyes. “You’re scared of me. That’s why you stay away. Isn’t it?”

I hold my tongue.

Nova lets out a tiny, frustrated scream. “Rohan, I know you can feel this. I feel it too. I feel it with the others, but with you, it’s the strongest. You have to feel it, too. You feel it, right?”

She’s desperate for me to tell her she isn’t crazy, her eyes searching mine. I can feel the words tripping in my throat as I try to keep my mouth shut, try to keep my hands locked at my sides.

“I’m not scared of you,” I blurt out.

Not missing a beat, she throws her hands up in the air. “Then what is it?”

I drop my chin to my chest, the internal war tearing me apart. “Nova, please,” I say, the words meant to be harsh turning to pleading.

Then, God. Oh God. Her fingers touch my face, so soft and tentative that I want to scream. I want to grab her, pull her against me, hold her tight enough that I own even her breaths.

My whole world narrows down to the feeling of those five fingertips pressed to my skin. A whole life flashes before my eyes, one we never had and never will, of love, marriage, sex, children, and adventure. I see her walk into my classroom; see her watch me so closely while I teach, her brow furrowed like she knows there is more to me; see me fight my urges an entire semester before I break down and take her in my office, both of us too caught up to stop ourselves from breaking every ethical rule set for us; see her become everything to me—my wife, my partner, the mother of my children, my best friend. Late night laughter and passionate love making echo in my ears, becoming a song full of joy and passion that I want to play on my acoustic guitar.

Her fingers tip my chin back up, forcing me to look at her. Her fingers shake and I wonder if she just saw all the same things I did.

“My name,” she whispers, voice quaking. “Again. I want to hear you say my name—”

My blood still thrumming with the images of her, I lunge forward, capturing her mouth and lifting her body in one smooth motion. Her legs go around my waist as she feverishly kisses me back, our mouths open, breathing each other in. I spin us, smashing her against the wall so I can press against her hard enough that I don’t know where I end and she begins.

My hands roam her body, just like hers roam mine. It’s like we can’t stop ourselves. I know for me, I’m desperate to know every inch of her, to feel every part of her, to mark her as mine in front of the whole damn world—the other ghosts included.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” she moans into my mouth.

I’ve been waiting for you, too, I want to roar.

But the truth is, I didn’t. I didn’t wait for her. The images I saw are nothing but a taunt. If I had declined Rhea instead of being drawn in by her, I would have met Nova in my class while I was still alive. I was so close to having that perfect life I saw. So close, and Rhea ruined it. I ruined it.

It stops me cold and I pull back from Nova, keeping her pinned. Eyes closed and lips parted, she lays her head against the wall, out of breath. She keeps her eyes closed as I gently step away, lowering her to the ground, disappointment marring her face.

Her eyes finally flutter open when her feet touch the ground. “Why?”

There’s so many reasons to ask why, and she could mean any of them. I answer the one that’s forefront in my mind.

“Because I was waiting for you too, Nova. And now I’ll never have you.”

“Wait!” she yells, sensing me about to disappear. “Just…wait. Rohan just…” She grabs at my shirt, pulling me toward her. “I would rather have this than nothing. I would rather have you than never know.”

“And when I’m gone?” I ask, voice harsh. “What will happen when I have to leave you and you’re alone?”

“At least I will have had something.” Nova touches my face again, those fingers still whisper soft. “Maybe I’m just insane and I’m having a mental break. Maybe none of you are real. Maybe this is all some sort of hallucination. But I’m happy when I’m with you—any of you.”

I bristle. “So be happy with them. You don’t need me.”

“You’re wrong,” she snaps, her fingers curling into my shirt. “I need all of you.”

“Selfish of you.”

The words seem to deflate her, and I instantly regret it.

“Maybe,” she says after a pause. “But I’ve never wanted anything for myself until now, Rohan. I’ve never asked for anything because I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. But I’m asking now. I’m telling you now that this isn’t just raging hormones. This is real and terrifying, and it means something. If exploring it means I’m selfish, then so be it.”

I scramble for anything to throw as a shield between us. “What about just helping me move on?”

A pained expression crosses her face before she straightens, releasing her hold on my shirt. She smoothes out the wrinkled material, then she steps away.

“If that’s what you really want,” she murmurs, avoiding looking me in the eye, “I will help you.”

It’s not what I want. It is the furthest thing from what I want. I want to spend every second of the rest of her life watching over her, if I can’t have her myself.

“I’ll consider it,” I tell her. “Until then, we should probably keep our distance from one another.”

Nova doesn’t look up. “I don’t think that matters much anymore,” she replies, voice muted, “but all right.”

Fuck if she isn’t right. It doesn’t matter.

I must be a glutton for punishment. I lean down, pressing my lips to her cheek, disappearing from her before they even leave her skin. It’s a plea for understanding. It’s me begging her for forgiveness.

Because that countdown I could feel looming over us has begun, and I’m terrified of what that means for her.