Chapter 11
My stomach is filled with butterflies. Nerves. It’s not like I’ve never been on a date before. I can sit across from a man and have a meal. Right?
I just let this man fuck me in a random study hall. And this was no slow, tender love-making. It was pure, animalistic fucking.
And I loved every minute of it. My thighs close together as I squirm in my seat. I wish I wasn’t so damn awkward. I’m so stuck in my own head, trying to make a good impression, and I feel like I’m failing miserably.
“What’s wrong?” Antonio is eyeing me from the other side of the table.
He brought me to an Italian restaurant that isn’t owned by either of our families. I don’t know if it was on purpose, but I’m thankful for the reprieve. This life can be a lot. Add in how involved everyone is in our day-to-day comings and goings, the personal aspects, and it’s darn near suffocating.
“Nothing.” I smile and tuck my hair behind my ear for the tenth time in the last two minutes.
“Bullshit. Try again. And this time, don’t lie to me, Matilda. If I ask you what’s wrong, it’s because I genuinely want to know what’s wrong. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t ask,” he says.
I take a huge breath, hold it for a second, and slowly release it. “I’m nervous,” I admit.
“Because of me? Are you… scared of me, Matilda?” he asks. There’s no humor in his voice—thank god.
“No. I’m not. I’m just nervous because I don’t want to make a bad impression.” I shrug.
“Matilda Valentino, I’ve known you forever. You’ve already made an impression on me and it’s far from a bad one.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Why didn’t you say something? Before?” I ask without lifting my eyes from the table.
“Because you deserve more than what I can give you. And, well, I didn’t want to upset the peace between our families.”
I finally peer up at him. “And now? You want to upset the peace now?”
“No. I don’t. But I also don’t want to give you up. If that means stirring the pot, risking war, so be it. I promise I will come out on the other end of this.”
I’m not so sure.
I don’t say that aloud, though. I know my family. I know what they’re capable of. Then again, Antonio has developed a reputation of his own these last few months. He’ll definitely give my Zio Theo a run for his money if things come to a head.
“I think we should avoid war. It’s messy. Too much unnecessary blood is spilled and people tend to die.”
“What are your plans this weekend?” Antonio asks, clearly changing the subject.
“Not a lot. Studying, the usual Sunday dinner at Nonna’s.” I lift a single shoulder.
“I’m hosting an event, at Sin, on Saturday night. I want you there.”
“Didn’t you tell me that girls like me don’t belong in your club?”
“They don’t. You don’t. Because you’re too fucking good, pure for that place. But you’ll be with me, and nothing is going to happen to you if you’re with me.” He smiles.
“What’s the event?” I ask.
“A live band,” he says.
“Can I bring a friend, or two?”
“If it means you’ll come, then yes.”
Antonio and I chat throughout dinner. About everything and anything. My anxiety lessens with each minute that passes between us. And by the end, I’m so comfortable with the man in front of me I forget I was nervous to begin with.
Walking out of the restaurant later that night, Antonio rests his palm on my lower back and my body automatically leans into him. I can’t get enough of his touch.
I assumed he was taking me to my apartment, so when I realize he’s going the wrong way, I turn in my seat to look at him. “Where are we going?”
“Home,” he says.
“I live on the other side of the city.” I point my thumb towards the back window of the car.
“My home,” he corrects. “You don’t have class until ten tomorrow. I’ll have you back to your apartment early in the morning.”
I blink at him. I want to argue. At the same time, another part of me doesn’t. Because I also want to go home with him. I want him to take me to his bedroom. I just don’t know if I should be so easy.
“Don’t overthink it, Matilda. I like you and I sure as fuck hope you like me too. We’re getting to know each other,” he says.
“I have a question.”
“Okay.”
“If I’m yours and expected to not see anyone else.” I pause when Antonio growls. Actually growls at the implication. “Then are you mine too? Are you gonna toss out that little black book of hoes?”
“I’m yours, Matilda, and I don’t have a little black book of hoes.” He chuckles.
“Well, wherever it is you keep their numbers, you should lose them,” I say while chewing on my thumbnail.
Antonio reaches over and moves my hand away from my mouth. “I don’t have anyone’s number. Yours is the only one I’ll be calling.”
“Thank you.”
I never considered myself out of shape. I work out. I’ve taken different defense classes, trained my whole life. But one night with Antonio has a whole bunch of new muscles I had no idea even existed aching.
He woke me up an hour ago with a cup of coffee and a shirt. Which is why I’m now walking through my apartment building in nothing but that same shirt and the shoes I wore yesterday.
Pushing through my door, I pause when I come face-to-face with my brother. “Dante? What are you doing here?” I ask him.
His glare narrows as he takes me in. “Where have you been all night?”
I roll my eyes and walk past him and into my kitchen. He’s sixteen going on thirty. I swear he thinks he’s the older sibling in this relationship. “Why are you here so early?”
“I need advice. About a girl,” he says.
“About Josie you mean.” I turn and look at him. My Zio Theo and Zia Maddie adopted Dante’s girlfriend, Josie, to get her out of the foster system.
“Yeah.” He nods and rubs a hand along the back of his neck.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why won’t she agree to marry me?” He sighs.
My eyes widen. “I would guess it has something to do with the fact that you’re both sixteen, Dante.” I try to not laugh. He’s so serious about this girl. I sometimes worry about him getting in too deep.
“Age doesn’t matter. She’s it for me. I know that. So why doesn’t she know it too?”
“Dante, she knows that. But look at it from her point of view. She just got a family, a real family, who loves her and has taken her in as one of their own. She has parents for the first time in god only knows how long. And she has a home where she doesn’t have to go to bed terrified someone might break down her door in the middle of the night. She doesn’t need to worry about where her next meal is coming from.”
“I would make sure she has all of that with me too,” he counters.
“I know you would. But you need to let her have her moment, Dante. Don’t make her grow up faster than she already has. If she really is the one, she’ll still be the one in two years, or four.”
“You’re right.” He shakes his head.
“I’m always right.” I laugh.
“So, now that we’ve analyzed the shit out of my love life, why are you walking in looking like you’ve been…?” He pauses to glare at me again. “I can’t even say it. The thought makes me want to throw up.” He gags.
“Stop being ridiculous,” I tell him.
“So, who’s this guy?” Dante questions while attempting to sound casual.
“Nice try, bro. I’m not telling you shit. When I’m ready for the family to know, they will, and that includes you.”
“Are you happy, Tilly?”
“Yes. I am.” Exhausted but happy. Content. I didn’t want to leave Antonio this morning. But I have school, and he has to work—whatever that looks like for him.
“Good, then don’t let anyone try to tell you who you can and can’t see.” Dante steps closer to press a kiss to my cheek. “Tell Gambino if he breaks your heart, I’m going to tear his out and feed it to his kid brother.”
I gasp, not because of the graphic threat coming from my brother’s mouth, but at the fact he knows. “How…?”
“I saw you get out of his car this morning. It’s not like you guys were discreet about it.” Dante shrugs. “Don’t worry, sis. Your dirty little secrets are safe with me.” He winks and then walks towards the foyer.
“Dante, don’t tell Dad before I have the chance to tell him myself,” I warn.
“Wouldn’t dream of it. Just make sure you invite me to that shitshow,” he says before closing the door behind him.