To Live Among Wolves (Legends of Arcadia Book 1)

Chapter 30

The dirt felt cold on my flushed skin.

I hadn’t ended up going after Nash. Halfway to his room, my temper had subsided, and I knew better than to start a fight with him like this. We needed to talk, but arguing out of hurt and anger would accomplish nothing.

Instead, I found myself kneeling in the Aisle of Kings again.

Alone.

Under the cover of heavy gray clouds, the row of standing stones seemed ancient, like nothing had moved in centuries. Like the Spirits hadn’t howled a few nights ago.

I grabbed fistfuls of the soft, rich dirt around my parents’ resting place. The immediate chill of the dirt subsided and my body heat overpowered it. I felt feverish again.

Eden and I were having a simple conversation that turned sour like rotten fruit. It’s not that I hadn’t been mad when Nash began disappearing. Caroline and I tried so many times to convince him to stay, to talk, to open up. He never listened.

My father was a great king, but there were days when he was too kind to us.

Nash had needed someone to sit him down with a firm hand and make him talk for a moment to realize that he wasn’t alone. He needed better coping mechanisms than running. But that’s what made me the Alpha and him the Omega.

Presence.

Reliability.

Maturity.

And he had been gone.

No one had discussed with my siblings who would take the throne until a week or two before our father passed. I wish I had seen it then. The Seers had grown restless, but I assumed it had been because of the solstice. The days were short and bitter cold, and the nights were longer and even colder. The waterfall had frozen two weeks earlier than expected, causing a panic about the gateway.

Could I have been that unobservant? Did I not see the signs?

My father had summoned Caroline and me into Guardian’s Glade. He’d stepped out of what was his room and would be mine. He wore his silver robe, and the long hair framing his face had been braided, the rest curling wildly around his shoulders and neck. He’d held the Compendium under one arm and a cup of Joulo tea in the other.

He’d sat on his throne of branches and beckoned us closer.

I still remembered the expression on Caroline’s face, so determined and tuned in. I was careless, flippant even.

Father had assigned us our positions, where we would be stationed from day to day, and who we were to learn under. Caroline would train under the Historians.

I could almost see his eyes boring holes into mine. He had promised to train me in everything I would need to know to be King of Arcadia. He had promised to guide me, walk by my side while I stumbled through the systems.

But he didn’t live long enough. I had abused the little time I had with him.

The last time I saw him whole and in one piece, I had been short with him. We had been discussing what to do about Nash with the feast approaching and how long he had been gone. I had condemned my brother to whatever fate he had chosen since he’d chosen everything but his kingdom, his people, his duty.

His family.

Father had defended him.

And I’d had enough. The fighting exhausted me, but I carried so much bitterness. So I’d shaken my head, shoving past my father, muttering about me being the king and not him.

I hadn’t meant it.

I hadn’t meant it at all.

And I would give anything to take those words back.

The dirt, damp from sweat, stuck to my palms. I wiped my hands on my shoulders and tried to stop or at least limit their shaking.

Ransom had mentioned side effects—nightmares, fever, fatigue, nausea. The ache and my chest grew so painful, I wondered for a moment if Ransom hadn’t tricked me, if the nightshade had more powerful, lasting effects than momentary blindness and vomiting.

Nightshade.

The ache pulsed when I thought of the vision, so real. I had spoken to Lycaon, felt his fur, heard the rumble of his laugh.

I could take nightshade to see my father and ask him for forgiveness. I can sit with him and ask for advice.

I stood, swaying with tingling legs. The ground rumbled as distant thunder moved towards the valley Arcadia slept in.

Phasing with a single bound, I trotted with a purpose down the fern-covered path into the Yard. More people milled about now, bowing their heads when I passed. I headed straight for the Sage Brush, knowing my intentions would be frowned upon by Asa, Caroline, and Eden.

Eden.

She would be furious when she found out.

Another rumble, closer and wilder, rattled my bones when I ducked into the darkening forest. The light leaked out through the foliage. I approached the first lantern when a rustling to my left froze me in my tracks.

The forest stood still around me. This calm before the storm unsettled me. The undergrowth shuffled as golden eyes and fur slipped above the plant line. I shook my head, phasing and ducking low. “What are you doing here?”

My sister phased beside me, her skin contrasting against the deep greens. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“I asked first. And I’m in charge.”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Look, I’m–” She swallowed. “I’m spying on Markus.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Spying? Do you think he’s up to something?”

She shook her head. “Not that I’m aware of, but with the nightshade incident yesterday–”

“And he talked to Eden last night by the Great River.” I gestured behind us where the water gurgled miles away.

“He was with Eden?” She furrowed her brow.

I shrugged. “I guess he went to check on her after she ran out of dinner.”

“How did he know where to find her? He should’ve been eating dinner–”

“ –in the kitchens. With everyone else. Why was he behind my room in the first place?” I turned my eyes to the entrance to the Sage Brush like talking about Markus would summon him.

“Si,” Caroline muttered so low that I thought I had imagined it.

I turned to her. Her eyes were pinned to the path leading through the doorway.

“And you’re sure he doesn’t know?” Markus hurried next to our brother.

“Trust me, he’s too busy with Eden.” Nash shook his head.

“I hope you understand what this means for me if someone finds out.” Markus ran a hand through his dusty-colored hair. “Especially your sister. I… I wouldn’t want to hurt her.”

Caroline’s body went rigid, eyes blazing with cold fury. Lightning flashed, illuminating the two men in the path, followed by a low rumble of thunder echoing in my chest.

Nash put a hand on Markus’s shoulder, stopping him before the first lanterns in the archway. “Listen, I know it’s been difficult. I know I haven’t been around for awhile, but I’m trying to make amends. If there’s anything else I can do for you, please let me know.”

Markus bowed his head to Nash and melted into the darkness of the Sage Brush. Nash watched for a moment until Markus’ heartbeat passed out of earshot, then he turned and headed up the path, shifting as he went.

When I could no longer hear his footfalls or his heartbeat beating in time with our own, I stood, intending to follow Nash. But Caroline grabbed my arm.

“Silas, you can’t follow him. He’ll know we overheard, and I don’t know what he would do. We don’t…” She shifted her eyes up and down the path. “We don’t know him anymore, right? He’s been gone for so long. What if he’s the reason that Nyx is back?”

I started to deny it. But doubt whispered in my ears with the force of a tornado. It had lived there since Nash had arrived. He’d been so quick to defend Eden…

What if he’d defended Eden because he was guilty?

Rain began to patter against the leaves. I blinked the water away, turning my head down the path.

What if Caroline was right?

What if he’s not really our brother anymore?