CHAPTER EIGHT
Out of Rock Bottom
LAKE
How am I supposed to get out of here, change my life how everyone expects me to, when rehab’s gonna cost me my ten fingers and a leg?
I’ve asked myself the same question for thirty minutes now. I took a shower to clear my head, and it did the opposite. It’s hard to forget everything going on when I can barely take a proper shower. With my IV attached to my arm, I’m stuck standing halfway outside of the shower and cleaning myself with a cloth.
I swipe my palm across the steamy mirror and bend forward to stare at my reflection. Pale as usual. The bags under my eyes seem lighter, though.
I know I need Brooks’ help, but instead of trading over my limbs, it’ll likely be my sanity. If I relapse, I can’t get whatever he’s hiding from me. I still need his help for now. The problem is the promise he made to our sister before she died.
The promise to quit handing me money unless I put in the effort to start sobriety. Unless there’s some concrete proof I’m turning my life around, I’m screwed. Now, legal documents secure that promise. Brooks is still working through the damn details.
I roll my eyes and un-tuck my towel from my waist. I finish drying myself off. Then I take a separate towel and ruffle it through my damp hair. Out of nowhere, a familiar blonde pops into my head. Followed by a vibrant retelling of Serenity resting on my shoulder, laughing at the stupid jokes I’m making.
My eyebrows drop on my forehead, and I have a staring contest with myself in the mirror. My mind rushes with more thoughts about the future. More stuff I can’t handle and don’t want to hold to begin with.
I drop my shoulders and roll my neck. A memory flickers through of my sister and the last time I saw her. All the ruinous, terrible things I said, but then I hear Serenity’s voice.
My palm clamps around the edge of the sink. “What are you doing, Lake?” I ask myself.
The veins streaming through my arms turn itchy, and I shake my head, because I know what’s coming. Any damn minute, I’ll be crowded with memories of the past and forced to think about every single one. My brain will start whispering how easy it is to calm down with nothing but a needle and half a gram of H.
I shut my eyes, sucking in a deep breath, but instead of feeling crap about my mistakes, I see a veil of blonde hair running wildly across her scalp, and my heartbeat calms.
She cracks her wrists, because they’ve been sore since she punched them into my ribs, and she smiles a little brighter. Like she can see all of me. The clouding darkness and the damage, but she doesn’t leave.
All of her displayed for me. In all her beauty. Her name leaves the tip of my tongue. “Seren—”
“Lake?” Brooks shouts, knocking and opening the door to my room.
“You are joking.” I whisper, letting go of the counter and making sure the bathroom door is still locked. Cause my moron brother would just walk in.
I choke down all the confusion. “Yeah?”
“You showering?”
I grab onto my boxers and throw them on. “Out. What do you want?”
“Visiting,” he says. “I’m off of work.”
The guilt washes over me, because I don’t even know what that was. I run my hand through my damp hair. “Alright, give me a minute.”
***
I sit on the side of my bed while Brooks drops into his usual chair. His hand meets his chin. We don’t exchange any words. He travels that hand along his bone structure, staring at me.
I can already tell this isn’t a regular drop-in visit, because Brooks is never off of work. He’s always busy, but we only have so much longer until I’m thrown out of this hospital. There’s no question about rehab in his mind. Either that, or I end up six feet under.
That option sounds a lot simpler than getting sober. Especially because everything else remains unanswered.
Where am I gonna live when I get out of here? Living out of my truck again isn’t much of a motivator. What program am I gonna bind myself to? How the fuck do I pay for everything? Debt that feels like blunt force trauma isn’t motivating either.
The crucial question; can I manage for the sake of River’s letters?
Me and Brooks keep staring at one another until the hairs on my arms stand. I huff and choose to break the silence. “Serenity made me watch four different romance movies.”
His nod is slow. “Did she?”
“Yeah.” My hand taps on my leg. “Thanks for the money. She didn’t have a ride home.”
“It’s not a big deal.” He shrugs. “I’m just surprised you had the balls to ask me.”
“When do I not have the balls to ask something?” I raise my eyebrow.
Brooks just gives me a look. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts scrolling through it. From the looks of it, he’s scrolling on some sort of app to get mild entertainment, but there’s no doubt in my mind he’s swiping through his thousands of emails. For the same mild entertainment.
“She hasn’t been by today,” I say. “I think she’s starting her shift soon, though.”
Brooks rolls back his shoulders and sinks deeper into his chair. “You’ve been talking about her a lot.”
I’m quick on the defense. “There’s not much else to talk about.”
I was also just daydreaming about her in the bathroom before you ruined it. So she’s circling my head more than usual. Dummy.
“There’s a lot more we could talk about, Lake.” He clicks off his phone. “Like how about you needing to get and stay sober? For real this time.”
I roll my eyes. “I know, Brooks.”
It’s what I’ve been questioning myself and wanting to talk about. Although the actual conversation isn’t something I’m thrilled to have.
I never blamed Brooks and River for treating me like a child. I am their baby brother. Once my addiction spiraled and exploded in everyone’s faces—more times than I can count—it was either talk to me like a child or not at all. I guess it’s the only way they kept their conscience clean.
He asks, “what about Serenity?”
I pop my head up at her name. “What?”
The woman is driving me insane. I’m responding to her name like a damn dog. She doesn’t even like me. Sure, she doesn’t pity me, but she’s still only here out of the goodness of her heart. I don’t like her that way either. Regardless of what my mind says.
“She’s broke.”
I shake my head. “No, she was just a little short–”
“I talked with her in the hall the other day,” he cuts me off. “That wasn’t a one-time thing, Lake. It’s something that’s screwing up her life.”
I wander back to the day I got my Twix bar. Whatever that notification was, it changed her entire mood. Could that’ve been about money, too? There’s also the amount of times she shows up to my room. She’s always in different colored scrubs with bags under her eyes. She’s working constantly.
My jaw ticks. “Why were you talking to her?”
“You told me to.” He rests his foot on his knee, slumping even further into his chair. “You got concerned.”
The amount of times I see Serenity dragging her feet and yawning had me concerned. I just wanted to make sure she was alright. I lean forward and clasp my hands together. “You told me she was fine.”
He shrugs. “I lied.”
I open my mouth to ask what the hell his problem is, but he starts going on a tangent. “Listen, Lake, I’m not allowed to help you because of the promise I made to our sister. For the longest time, I thought giving you money was the only thing keeping you alive, but River was right. It was also killing you.”
I question pretending I’m five and throwing a tantrum on the ground because he keeps going before I get a word in. “What’s sad about it? You died anyway. Without my help. So I’m kind of split in half right now, and I’ve been torn since your angel called me and told me you ODed.”
I watch him through knitted brows. My teeth find a piece of loose skin on the inside of my mouth and sink into it.
“I want to help you, but I can’t throw away the promise I made to River.” He shakes his head. “Not with her watching over us, hoping I’m gonna save your life and change it, and not with the lawyer ensuring that her wishes are fulfilled.”
“I’m sorry—”
He cuts me off again. “I’m sorry you’re in this position. So thanks, but shut up.”
I listen to Brooks for once and keep quiet. It’s the least I can do in this conversation. He does a lot for me, even though I keep sneaking away and ending up in these situations.
“So, every day since your overdose, I’ve been running through stuff in my head, and trying to figure out the best course of action.” His eyes flick in different directions. “Even when I’m at work, managing an entire company, taking calls and perfecting houses, constructing buildings—I’m still wondering about a solution.”
The room chills, and the air runs thick. The bleak blue walls aren’t here to comfort me. I’m trapped, feeling frozen between my brother’s stare and the heavy air.
He sucks in a fuck ton of that air. “I’ve decided.”
I tuck in my bottom lip and bite at more skin. Still glancing at Brooks, but unable to meet his gaze. His brown eyes, mirroring mine, pierce through me with unwavering confidence.
“You like Serenity.”
I sit up straight when he says her name again, then slump back. “Wait what?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Do you want to help her?”
“She saved my life. Yeah.” There’s no hesitation in that answer. “How is she involved with this conversation?” I add.
Brooks takes another deep breath. My palms sweat. I don’t know what’s up his sleeve and the more he talks, the more anxious I’m getting.
“Marry her,” he says.
My lips quirk. I shut my eyes and wait for him to laugh, take back that crap and give me the actual plan.
“Look at me. I’m serious.”
I open my eyes to see the idiot is still staring at me. There’s not even a hint of a smile on his lips.
“Marrying her means a couple of things. One, you like her. You don’t want to add more to her problems.” He sticks up one finger. “If you marry her, that’s a step in showing you’re taking this seriously.”
The light flickers above us. It matches the static rate of my blood pressure, but part of me is still waiting for him to break out laughing.
“And two, if you marry her, she can use her insurance to cover a percentage of your rehab and hospital bills.” He swallows. “So if you screw off again, I won’t be at a complete loss.”
My teeth let go of my skin. “You can’t be serious. Is this to do with the lawyer?” I stop myself and hold up my hands. “I barely know her. Scratch that. She doesn’t know me.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “If you marry her, I can cover the rest of your bills. I can also give you an allowance. One that’ll keep Serenity out of trouble, too.”
“Brooks, you’re asking us to commit fraud,” I tilt my head. “And you sound like you’ve lost it this time.”
He makes an annoyed face. “Do you want River’s letters? I’m trying to help you get them, Lake.”
“So, this is about the lawyer?” I take a breath. “What about Serenity? You’re asking her to commit fraud. This isn’t just about me.”
He slaps his hands on his thighs twice. Then standing up from his chair. He completes his usual ritual of stretching out his back and groaning.
“Those are my terms.” His eyes fall back to me. “The only way you’re getting anything from me is if you prove you’ll try. This is the sole way I can think of to achieve that.”
I sit there with my jaw on the floor. This can’t be the one and only solution to everything.
“Otherwise, I can’t move forward with the lawyer.” My brother digs his hand into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. “It’ll help Serenity too. Whatever’s stressing her, it won’t be an issue anymore. She saved your life. You can fix hers.”
Fix her life. How on earth is my unstable life supposed to be a solution to her problems? I throw a sentence together. “Could just say screw it and run out of here.”
Brooks nods. “Yeah. You could, but you won’t. You need River’s letters, regardless of how hard you’ll try to convince yourself otherwise, and now your angel is involved.”
“That,” I pause. “What the hell, Brooks?”
He looks away from me, counting the bills in his wallet and raising an eyebrow. He better not ask me about the three bucks.
“There’s gotta be something else,” I say.
“No.” He stuffs his wallet back into his pocket and crunches a couple of ones in his hand. “It’s up to you, Lake. I’m gonna go get a coffee.”
I shake my head. “What’s your obsession with spewing dramatic crap and then leaving to get a coffee?”
“The walk to the coffee shop squashes all my damn nerves. Figure it out, Lake. I’ll be back.”
I don’t move. I don’t even breathe. Figure it out? If this happens, it’ll turn my entire life upside down. I guess that’s the point.
Shit. I’m so screwed. Again.