Chapter 9
CHAPTER
9
When I arrived home, I discovered Versa had already covered for me, providing a decent excuse as to my whereabouts last night. I was now indebted to her and owed her, at the least, an explanation as to why I had planned to be gone another night. At least one. I tried not to get ahead of myself or take too much pleasure in the thought of being gone multiple nights.
I told her I had met someone, but they were farther away and I was going back later that day to meet them again. As expected, she was concerned about my safety and just how far away I had wandered off without an escort. I reassured her that I was going to be fine. I argued with her that I was about to be entirely on my own, no escorts, with the Seafarers, so she might as well get used to the thought.
I returned to my room, bathed quickly, and did all the necessary primping in anticipation of the evening ahead. I had not given up on my endeavor to seduce Trace. This time I packed a small bag of my things. Just in case I was going to stay the night—or two—again. I selected each item intentionally, trying to avoid anything that would indicate I came from wealth. He had already seen me gamble a good handful of Lorcs, but he didn’t have to know where they came from.
I liked being just as much a stranger to him as he was to me. The excitement of playing out this other identity coursed through me. That’s when I decided to take the biggest risk of them all. I plucked my blood medallion from my cloak pocket and hid it under some clothes in my drawer. Leaving it behind was dangerous enough, but I didn’t want to risk him ever accidentally seeing it and what that might mean for the both of us.
I was certain a commoner knew better than trying to bed a daughter of a High Lord. And worse, I still wasn’t entirely sure Trace could be trusted; I didn’t need to end up being held for ransom or something just as terrible.
Before I made my exit, I remembered two things: the list and Aster’s rhyme! I scurried to my bedside, pulling out the book where I had hidden the parchment containing my list. I grabbed a quill and repeated the rhyme to myself over and over till I was certain I had recorded it accurately. I hadn’t put any thought into it since meeting Trace, but I knew at some point the frustration of that entire encounter would get the best of me and I’d need to pore over those words more intently. But that day was not today. I turned over the paper to the side containing the list and began to strike through another two items before hiding it away again.
Lose my maidenhead
Seduce a stranger
Gamble till I win
Get drunk
Alter my appearance
Help someone in need
Get a tattoo
Do something that scares me
Swim naked in the moonslight
Say my goodbyes
Trace’s note requested that I meet him this afternoon, meaning there wasn’t any time to hang about the manor since I’d be making the hours-long ride north again. Though Rain galloped confidently, as if he knew the way to the Doorlae Tavern after all, the activities I was seeking out were more suited for after hours.
As Rain traveled on through the forest, crystal clear thoughts of Gris came to mind; like him shutting the curtains to shield us from the harsh light of day. My cheeks were warmed by those memories. I allowed myself to revisit them in detail—for educational purposes.
Replaying my body intertwined with his, the intentional breath whispered in his ear, my yearning, stifled at first, but turning to reckless abandon beneath our writhing bodies. I concentrated on what to do differently, do better, once I finally ensnared Trace. If his words were any indication of experience, then I was certain I was no match for him; I was going to have to pull off another impeccable acting job.
If I had to guess, we had been on our journey back to the tavern about an hour, and this should have been around where we encountered Aster’s house. But it was nowhere in sight as I glanced around in all directions, trying to establish if I had gotten us lost somehow. Come to think of it, I didn’t recall seeing that house on the return ride either. Had I set us on an entirely different path?
I was keeping Rain at a slow pace while I continued to search for familiar signs when I saw the startling sight of the charred dead tree sitting in complete isolation. No picket fence, no dilapidated house or signage. Was my memory untrustworthy? I could have sworn that it was the very same tree that loomed over Aster’s house, but it was surrounded by nothing but more forest. It had to have been the very same one I witnessed just yesterday.
Rain and I passed the tree with trepidation. I urged Rain onward quickly, working to put distance between us and that eerily familiar place. Was it possible that the rumors were true?
For the remainder of the ride, I tried to distract myself with thoughts of Trace and the exciting game of what was to come. Our limited words and short time together could be described as nothing more than sparring. Each reply a jab, every unenthusiastic retort an effort to conceal. I was going to break him down bit by bit; he just didn’t know it yet.
When I could finally see the tavern, I approached nervously on horseback, scanning the area for any sign of Trace—as if he’d be waiting for me. Trace did not seem like the type to fawn over anyone. I walked Rain into the stable looking for the largest stall to give him plenty of room for the evening when I suddenly felt a hand wrap around my waist. I jumped in surprise, turning quickly with my hand already curled into a tight fist.
To my chagrin, I found Trace towering over me, a smirk plastered across his face. He took his hand and cupped my raised fist, pushing it down to my side.
“You don’t want to try that.”
I stepped back from the overwhelming presence of his stature. “Do you always go around grabbing people by surprise like that?”
He nonchalantly began tying up his horse next to Rain.
“Only the ones that try to bed me on the first night.”
He turned and winked at me.
Before I could point out that I had claimed this stall, he eyed me and said, “You don’t mind if Alcar shares? You do share, don’t you?”
He was even more attractive than I remembered from the night before, and I was no match for this kind of banter, so I replied sweetly, “Of course, be my guest.”
The dappled gray of Rain was a stunning compliment next to Alcar’s crisp white body and solidly black mane. After situating the horses, we stood there like two strangers, silence filling the void between us...
“You should eat.” He sounded bossy, but I had to admit that skipping breakfast along with the long ride had built up my appetite.
We made our way back to the tavern, the place feeling both familiar and unknown.
This time I had arrived with someone, I knew my surroundings, the bartender, and I had no intention of sparing even one drop of sobriety as Trace’s words echoed through my memory. “Sober...and nothing to dull your senses.”
Trace led us to the very same booth from the night prior, where he had intervened on my behalf. A barmaid quickly appeared, and from the looks she was giving Trace, it was clear she would love to sink her claws into him too. I did not like her eyeing my target and I made a sour face at her when she greeted him but not me.
She was short, big-busted, and showing off her assets with a low-cut blouse. Trace didn’t seem to pay any attention when she leaned further into him asking, “What can I get you, handsome?”
“We’ll take one braggot, one water, and two bowls of the stew with bread.” His dry reply gave her no indication that he returned the same affections. She flitted away in disappointment to fulfill his request.
“Ale?” I questioned. “What happened to not dulling the senses?”
“I never said a damn thing about myself, Cress. You’re the one who hasn’t proven you can drink responsibly.”
I clenched my teeth in annoyance that he continued to treat me like a child by ordering my meal.
“And don’t think I can’t read that look on your face. The stew is the only edible thing on the menu; consider that before you decide to hold a grudge.”
I relaxed my shoulders and managed a gracious, “Thank you.”
Trace leaned back into the booth, relaxing, still adorned in his cloak and those concealing gloves. Once again, he donned all black.
My chest tightened at the thought of us having to make small talk for an entire meal and, perhaps, an entire afternoon. It’s not that I wasn’t deeply curious about him, it’s just that I knew the more we talked, the more I was going to have to conceal the truth.
There were parts of me I just couldn’t share or I’d be putting myself at risk. I wasn’t a good liar, and bound to be even worse at it when his perfect lips were distracting me from damn near everything. I went with the simplest start that I could muster.
“Why’d you name your horse Alcar?” His gaze shifted into something softer, almost sad, like I caught him off guard.
“He’s named after a story from my childhood.” He paused, looking away, then finished, “One my mother used to read to me when I was very young.”
I have no idea why that minor admission appeared to pain him, but I felt like it wasn’t the right moment to pry any further. I replied, “So where are you from, and what brings you to these parts?”
I had no idea why I had stupidly asked that question, but we were likely to get around to that subject matter anyway. I just needed time to prepare my lie.
The eager barmaid arrived, setting down our drinks and meals in front of us, giving Trace time to formulate a response.
“I’m on leave from the Kingsguard.”
Ahh…military. Made sense given his rigid demeanor and all those weapons he kept under his cloak.
He took a swig of ale and I continued with the interrogation. “But where are you from?”
He shook his head, replying, “When you’re Kingsguard you’re never really from anywhere. You’re always on the move; you learn to call home wherever you are that day.”
I took two giant bites of stew, grateful that Trace had some insight about the menu.
“Well, everyone is from somewhere,” I prodded, spooning away at my meal.
“North of North. That’s where I’m from. You wouldn’t know of it.”
The way he evaded the question was condescending, but I was intrigued. Little did he know, my sister and I had studied maps of the kingdom from a young age, especially when my father was away. It comforted us to see the destinations he was traveling to up close. It helped bridge the seemingly unfathomable distance between the span of a thumb and forefinger. I let him move on for now but stowed further questions in my mind for later.
“And you…? Where are you and that beautiful horse hailing from?”
I fidgeted anxiously. Maybe he had noticed too much about Rain. To the average eye, he was simply beautiful—but to someone who knew horses, he was expensive and rare. Not an animal you’d see tied up in a run-down stable. I decided to downplay it, assuming that a common Kingsguard likely didn’t have awareness of rare horse breeds.
“Oh yeah, Rain, he’s a looker,” I took a gulp of the water. “As for me, I’m from south of South. You probably wouldn’t know of it.”
I knew my reply was snarky and he was unlikely to buy it, but it was the best I had at the moment. I could have lied and mentioned the town where I had visited Wendell’s Exchange, but then I might be expected to know all about it on the off chance he’d been there…then I’d really be in trouble.
He let out a small unimpressed laugh and took another gulp. “Well played, Cress, well played.”
I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief that he took my response as just more evasive banter.
“South of South you say? What brings you this far north?”
Of course, he had follow-up questions. “I’m just killing time, exploring. I leave in a couple of weeks to serve the Seafarers on a ship.”
I had to admit the half lie rolled off my tongue naturally, and I knew sticking with my parents’ story was going to serve me well. But instead of him thinking that I was educated, versed in languages, and familiar with the merchants guild, I needed him to think I was nothing more than a commoner in need of labor and a wage.
As I mulled over the different aspects of the lie in my mind, I realized there was an extended, thoughtful silence. He moved his empty bowl to the side. “I think I can help you kill some time. Would you like that?”
The question slid off his tongue like silk, laced with the intoxicating promise of what was to come. My thighs pressed together tightly. I wanted to kill all of time with the stranger before me.
My throat bobbed, and I think I could hear my heartbeat pounding as I nodded in agreement. “I’d like that, Trace.”
I said his name melodically, thinking of how he promised me I’d be saying it until I no longer could. A wicked smile spread across his face, exposing his teeth and accentuating his predatory gaze. “What do you have in mind?”
I glanced out the window, the daylight still burning strong. It would be too forward to drag him up to the room and strip him. Which was what I had in mind.
“Actually, I have a list,” I said boldly.
“Oh, do you now?” His interest was piqued. He continued, “And what’s something we can check off today?”
He hadn’t a single clue that he was the next thing on the list, but I had to dredge up something else or I’d blow my cover.
“Do something that scares me,” I replied, trying to sound intriguing and adventurous rather than innocent and meek. He cocked his head to the side.
“I think I’ve got an idea that suits this request,” he offered slyly.
He threw some coins on the table to pay for our meal and began to usher me up and to the exit.
“Hey, I can pay for my—” Before I could finish, he interrupted.
“I know you can, but I’m not allowing you to.” He continued his stride to the exit and I quickly followed, making up the distance between us.
We headed back to the stable, and he told me it wouldn’t be too long of a ride.
“We’ll take both horses,” he nudged me toward Rain and Alcar.
“What, you think I can’t keep my hands to myself?” I quipped flirtatiously.
He continued to prepare our horses and replied coolly, “I know you can. But I cannot.”
I was shamefully blushing at his response and almost blurted out an excuse that Rain was too tired, but that was too desperate. Trace had this way of being salacious but then acting as if he were commenting on the weather. It was infuriating, but also the exact reason he was so damn alluring. He exuded experience and casual confidence. I shuddered to imagine the number of lovers he’d taken with this charade of interested indifference. It was certainly working a number on me.
We both mounted, and he uttered, “Follow me.”
Before I could even question the destination, he took off at full speed, but I met his challenge with enthusiasm.
Rain and I kept pace with Trace and Alcar for the majority of the distance. I was probably being quite stupid, putting this much trust in him as he led me farther and farther away from anywhere I had been or could find my way back from. For all I knew, he could have been leading me to my demise. A place so isolated no one would hear my screams. But at this point in time, I would have followed this cloaked rogue into oblivion.
I tried not to let him notice my stolen glances of his wind-blown hair being swept off his face, revealing more of his sharp, handsome features in the sunlight. When he slowed Alcar, we followed suit, and arrived upon a small body of water surrounded by trees and a rocky backdrop. The center of the water was terrifyingly dark, the bottom impossible to see, implying it was very, very deep.
He dismounted and casually tied Alcar and Rain to some trees off to the side. I dismounted and began to pace around the edge of the water, “What are we doing here?” I questioned anxiously, since Trace hadn’t indicated what his idea was before we arrived.
“You want to do something that scares you. This will do the trick.” He pointed at the body of water.
“I’m not scared of swimming,” I remarked.
“Of course not. Someone who’s going to spend so much time with the Seafarers surely isn’t afraid of the water...”
His intent was lost on me. Was this some sad attempt to get me naked in the water, because I had saved that item on the list for another time.
“However, the Sav eels can be quite intimidating. What with those rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth, they could skin a tiny thing like you in mere seconds.”
My eyes widened with fear, and I felt myself holding my breath as I took a step back from the water I had been peering into. He continued to look at me knowingly, like he expected me to just welcome the insanity of his proposal.
“You’re crazy if you think I’m getting in there with those eels.”
He laughed. “You said you wanted to do something that scares you.”
“Yeah, Trace, but I’m not trying to die today!” I exclaimed, as if that needed any further explanation.
He walked up to me and placed his gloved hand on my lower back, as if that would bring me comfort. He nudged me closer back to the edge as we both peered into the pool of water.
“The good news for you is the eels are nocturnal; they’ll remain in the dark depths of this pool until sunlight no longer blankets the surface.” He paused, as if explaining that made the situation any more enticing. “That is, if you trust their natural instincts.”
He certainly had found something I was scared of, but this went beyond that. Frankly, I was terrified that some brave eel was going to make a meal out of my leg. But what would Trace think if I backed down now? After all, I was the one who had prompted this absurdity. This was a reminder that I needed to be more specific about my list in the future; that is, if I made it past this challenge.
I mustered every ounce of courage I had and turned to Trace defiantly. “Fine, I’ll do it, but you have to join me.”
“That’s not possible, dear. On the off chance anything does happen to you, we’ll want to make sure I’m there to be able to pull you out quickly.”
His point was fair—and infuriating, as I was faced with the reality that I’d be going in alone. Before my building adrenaline wavered, I marched over to the tree, walked around the horses, and began to quickly strip down. I was too focused on the task at hand to care if I was giving Trace a show, or if he was even interested. If I didn’t take care of this quickly, I was going to talk myself out of it.
I walked out from behind Rain, into the bright sunlight with my undergarments hanging loosely over my now goose-bumped flesh as I watched Trace attempt to ignore my lack of clothing.
Trace held out his hand to help me step down carefully into the still water. I shivered as the cool liquid enveloped me one limb at a time. I told myself if I was really careful and quiet about entering, then I’d be lucky enough to avoid disturbing any of the hostile eels resting in its depths.
Before letting go of Trace’s hand, he looked down at me with a taunting smile. “Any last words?”
“Yeah, don’t miss me too much.”
I yanked my hand away from him and carefully immersed the rest of my body up to my neck, as I slowly waded out farther toward the middle. Trace stood idly at the edge, waiting and watching for anything alarming. I was terrified, and I felt myself curling my toes in an attempt to keep them from accidentally drifting any deeper into the water where sunlight didn’t touch. My bones rattled with fear, but I grit my teeth and continued to stare back at Trace on the shoreline, who smiled back at me proudly and made a slow clapping motion.
All of a sudden, I heard a splash behind me, and then another. In complete panic, I began to flail and scream, hurriedly swimming with all my energy back to the shore. I was certain that there had to have been a swarm of eels coming straight for me.
When I reached the shoreline, I grabbed for Trace’s wrist, pulling myself, soaking wet, out of the water and into his arms. I stood there for a minute or two, panting and trembling, barely able to stand. Trace was holding my drenched body close to his chest when I heard him let out a laugh.
As he held me, one laugh became many. Infuriated, practically unable to see straight, I shoved myself back from his embrace.
“Was that you?” I screeched in anger.
He shook his head back and forth, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”
The fury that coursed through my veins removed any embarrassment I might have felt as my soaked undergarments clung transparently to my skin. Trace kept laughing, clearly amused, but there was something else behind that look as I confronted him.
“You could have gotten me killed! What if you disturbed the eels?”
He had gambled with my life. He tried to approach me slowly, but I took another step back from him.
“Cress, I wouldn’t have done that to you.” He pointed at the pool of water to our side. “Sav eels are saltwater creatures. You’re not going to find them in a freshwater pond.”
If it was possible to catch fire in that very moment, I think I would have exploded as pure rage pulsed in my temples; he had not only lied to me, but also played a prank at my expense. I felt stupid and angry, unable to reconcile that I hadn’t been in any real danger since he’d used magic to scare me.
I charged at him, shoving him with both my hands and yelling, “You ass! You lying, ass!”
He stumbled back a little upon my impact. “Hey, you said you wanted to do something that scared you, not that you had to be in actual danger. I think this was actually the more responsible choice.”
His logic was irrefutable, but did not make me any less pissed off. I marched over to Rain, stepped behind the tree to strip off my wet undergarments and replaced them with my dry clothes.
I yelled out from behind the tree, “That was a real cheap shot, Trace, and trust me, you’re going to pay for it.”
When I came out from behind the tree, he had moved closer and fiendishly replied, “I’m counting on it.”
He eyed me up and down as if disappointed that I was no longer on display. I strode past him, bumping his side with my shoulder.
“Ass,” I muttered under my breath while wringing out my clothes and loading them into my pack.
I was grateful for the silence and distance between us on the ride back to the inn. I was still fuming, and doing my best to remain steadfast in my desires.
Upon arriving, Trace stowed the horses together in the stall, and I was secretly hoping that Rain might give him a good kick in the balls; wishful thinking.
Trace tossed me the key. “Same room as last night, go wash up. You smell like pond water.”
I could have spat at him, but he wasn’t wrong. My damp hair reeked, and I could use a hot bath to relax all this tension I was carrying. Not to mention I wasn’t interested in bedding anyone while like this. I took the key and marched off without a word, afraid that I might say something so harsh that there’d be no wooing my way back into his good graces.
The room was exactly as I remembered, but this time, it held a lot more potential. I spent an inordinate amount of time lounging in the bath. It wasn’t remotely as nice as my own back home, but it did the trick.
Steam circled above the water and I tilted my head back to relax, but all I could think about were those Gods damned eels. What a fool I had been! I couldn’t believe I ever fell for that. I wondered what Trace was up to, down in the bar. Maybe the barmaid had returned with her antics, or perhaps he was playing an even worse prank and ditching me with the bill and a lonely room.
No. That was unlikely, not after seeing the sinister way he had looked at me when my soaked undergarments clung to every inch of my nude body, displaying me like a statue carved of pale stone.
Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he wanted me. Was this his thing? Did he like playing hard to get? My undergarments were still damp and saturated with the unpleasant aroma of wet earth and stagnant water.
After exiting, I submerged them in the bathwater, wrung them out and hung them on a line in the washroom. I didn’t have many options in the way of clothing, since I had only packed a few things—which didn’t include extra undergarments.
What was I thinking? I buttoned some fitted trousers and threw on a loose blouse and another corseted vest to accentuate my curves. Snickering to myself, I recalled how I had shown up at Gris’s place with nothing underneath, and here I was again.
If Trace was going to be disappointed that he had nothing to peel off me, that was of his own making, and maybe he’d think twice next time. I braided my damp hair and looked back at that tiny bed, taking a deep breath and reminding myself to be confident. You’ve got this.
Upon returning downstairs, I scanned the expanse of the room and discovered Trace occupying our booth. The thought of anything being ours delighted me more than I wanted to admit. I could see the sun in the early stages of setting outside the tiny windows.
The tavern had once again filled up with a lively crowd, all of them buzzing with conversation and sipping their beverages. This evening, a fiddler had taken up a spot on the other side of the bar and began playing a medley of merry tunes, hoping for anyone to spare a coin or two for his talents.
When I took my seat across from Trace, he had a glass of water waiting for me, and I rolled my eyes as I watched him enjoy his drink—which most certainly wasn’t water.
“Ahh, there’s my little nymph,” he coaxed playfully.
I tilted my head, giving him an unenthusiastic smile, unable to hide my annoyance.
“In the flesh,” I retorted.
“I ordered some cheese, bread, and cured meats. It’s the second most edible thing they have, and I figured you wouldn’t be interested in eating stew twice in one day.”
Despite his jokes and indifference, he was attentive. Telling me to stay out of trouble, as if hazards and mishaps followed me wherever I went. All his words were filled with heavy innuendo and a lustful tone. I had to admit, I liked being cared for despite how he bossed me around. His words held power over me. Gods, I wished I had that kind of power over him.
I began to silently eat my food. The adrenaline rush of the pond debacle had left me famished. I continued to go about my meal, giving him a coy silence. I wanted him to feel as awkward as I was annoyed. I knew hoping for an apology was expecting too much.
“Let’s play a game,” he said, breaking the silence between us.
“You know I’m terrible at cards,” I replied indignantly.
“No, one where we each win by getting something from the other.”
“And what’s that?” I replied, munching on my bread with disinterest. At this point, my seduction efforts had gone by the wayside.
“Information. We haven’t been extremely forthcoming with one another. And…if I’m to share a room with you this eve, then I’d like to get to know you better.”
I almost choked on my piece of bread. Was that genuine interest I just heard coming from his mouth?
I was still chewing, and he added before I could reply, “Unless bedding strangers is your thing…? Is that your thing, Cress?”
The insolence. Before I even registered what I was saying, I snapped, “No, I don’t go around bedding strangers. I’m not some sort of strumpet. Or did you forget you almost slit someone’s throat last night for implying that about me? I’ve only slept with—” I caught myself before I could finish my anger-fueled diatribe and was shocked at just how close I had been to revealing my severe lack of experience.
I bit my tongue before I said anything else. Trace just smiled back at me. It wasn’t the kind of wicked smile he usually gave me. One that implied I was going to regret something. This one was softer, kinder, maybe even understanding. He probably felt bad for me because it was clear from my outburst that I wasn’t exactly sporting a list a mile long.
“I was simply asking if that was your thing. I didn’t say I minded it,” he replied.
“Well, aren’t you open-minded,” I retorted. “What’s the game?” I was attempting to get this conversation on a different track.
I had no idea what my thing was, but I was pretty certain he’d have no problem figuring it out.
“Five questions. We each get to ask five questions of the other, and you have to answer honestly.”
I was interested, but it was risky. He was asking for honesty, but I knew there was only so much I could offer in the way of truth. I told myself if I could lie to my sister and Gris, then lying to Trace shouldn’t matter. After all, I’d never get to see him again once this was all over; how bad could the consequences be?
“Deal. I’ll go first,” I demanded eagerly.
Trace leaned back in his seat, looking just as intrigued as I was and where this little game would lead us.
“What does your tattoo mean?” Trace’s expression perked up at my first question.
“You don’t even know what it looks like; don’t you want to know that first?”
Coyly I said, “I’ll be seeing it later tonight. I’m not wasting a question on what it is, I want to know what it means,” I restated firmly.
Trace never blushed, but if he did, I’m certain he would have in that moment.
“You’re pretty clever sometimes. It’s a military tattoo; my brethren and I have them. It’s a reminder that we bleed for our king and his people. That we don’t take life without cause. You cannot wash away the lives you take, even when you’ve cleaned their blood from your hands.”
My breath hitched with the nervousness that he might as well have confirmed he’d killed someone—or maybe even multiple people. I had suspected the very first night I saw him, based on how comfortably he’d held a knife to that poor gambler’s neck.
No remorse or concern, just a singular focus. I knew better than to waste a question and ask something as crude as how many had died by his hand, but curiosity hung on the tip of my tongue.
“Do you have any family?”
What an odd question for him to ask. Did he guess that I was an orphan?
“My parents are alive, if that’s what you’re asking. And I have a sister. She’s a little older than me.”
It wasn’t entirely untrue. I just avoided mentioning that I was a twin and that she was only older than me by a couple of minutes. I don’t know that I entirely cared if Trace had family, but something about the look he gave me almost invited the question in return.
“Do you?”
His features softened into that same disheartened look he’d had when he told me about where Alcar’s name came from. I was beginning to worry I had hit an unpleasant nerve. He took another gulp of ale.
“I come from a large family. All sons. I have a handful of brothers, four to be exact. I’m the youngest.”
How odd, he didn’t mention his mother or father and it seemed intentional. The thought of four strapping young lads all with the same gorgeous features as Trace was practically unimaginable. Thank the Gods I only had to suffer the solitary brutality of his undeniable beauty, and not all of them at once.
I hadn’t noticed just how long I’d been lost in the thought of his brothers when I heard his voice, “Spare me a minute longer of you daydreaming about all my brothers, you wound me.”
I smiled back at him and held both my hands up, palms facing him in surrender. “Guilty as charged.”
“So, you’re heading out to sea? Is that something you want to pursue, and if so, why?” Trace asked with a tone more concerned than curious.
I was sure he had heard of their brutish reputation, and of course you had to have been living under a rock to not know about the rebellion. I thought for a moment about the answer, because the truth was that the lie was entangled with real desires. Ones I’d had since I was a little girl.
Hours of studying maps, days looking at paintings, sketches, and drawings of the sea—it had all captivated me. I had always felt the sea calling. My father’s influence aside, I had always known in the depths of my soul that the place I had called home for many years was not where I was truly meant to be. I longed for that future, but that was under different circumstances than the lie we’d spun. I would never get to experience that life. Not when the king had other plans for me.
“Yes, very much so.”
I spoke from my heart. From a place I had not let myself acknowledge since things were taken from my control. My truth.
“I’ve been landlocked my entire life, but it doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t long for the sea. I have an adventurer’s soul, and I am meant for the horizon.”
I caught myself in the embarrassment of how silly I sounded with my confession—but I didn’t care. It was the truest thing I had said in days, and if he didn’t like me for it, that was fine. Trace remained silent, like he was hanging on to my every word.
“You probably think that sounds stupid.”
He chimed in before I could chide myself further.
“Not at all. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re meant for something else.”
I think this was the most genuine interaction we’d had yet. This rawness was something new and different from our usual banter.
My hands fidgeted with the new energy pulsing between us. I grabbed another piece of cheese to distract myself and continued, “Do you have any hobbies? You know, when you’re not doing whatever the Kingsguard requires of you?”
I shoved the food in my mouth to give him space to answer me—and because the rapid-fire questions weren’t giving me any time to plan. I only had a few questions left and hadn’t put any good thought into what else I wanted to know. Besides what he tasted like. What his rough hands felt like running across my bare skin. I was getting carried away with my imagination.
“The military is a lot of hurry up and wait. When we’re sitting around for days at camp, you have to find ways to fill your time or you’ll lose your mind. That, or form other bad habits… I’ve been prone to sketching every now and then.”
He paused, looking at me for any sign of judgment.
“I draw mostly landscapes. To remember the places I’ve been and the lands I’ve seen.”
I couldn’t for the life of me imagine Trace doing anything artistic. It was pretty bewildering, but I needed to see these sketches with my own eyes.
“Are you any good? Shit, wait. Don’t answer that. I’m not using a question for that.”
Trace let out a small laugh, an amused smile framing his lips.
“I’ll give you one free of charge. Just because I like you.”
My eyes widened, but I dared not speak.
“Sketching isn’t exactly considered a very masculine activity, Cress. I don’t go around showing off my art or making it apparent that I do it at all. You think having brothers give you crap is tough, try a military-minded father who might teach you a lesson for catching you in such a frivolous act.”
Trace’s expression changed and a wave of melancholy swept across his face. “I don’t know if I’m good, to answer your question.”
I imagined Trace wanting to do something that brought him happiness, but being forced to hide it. While my dream of being at sea had not yet been realized, I knew that my mother and father would embrace that path, even celebrate it.
In Trace, I sensed the uncertainty and disapproval of the people he held most dear, and it saddened me. He still hadn’t made any other mention of his mother, not since telling me about Alcar’s name.
Momentarily, I realized how loud the bar had gotten. All this time I had been tuning it out, dialing into Trace’s every word like we were the only two people in the room.
Time had passed unnoticeably and with each question, the mystery of Trace was unfolding with more twists and turns. He was becoming more than a target of my desires, and I didn’t know what to do with that or the feelings that were bubbling up along with it. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel for this person or anyone.
I was struck by the sobering thought of time dwindling and, how soon, my decisions would no longer be my own, including the company I sought. Not Trace. Not Gris. No one. But the longer we sat here conversing, the more I was seeing the person that was Trace, rather than the meaningless, wicked stranger I was tempting.
I was lost in thought when Trace interrupted, “Why aren’t you scared of blades?”
The question was an odd choice with so few questions left, but it was clear that Trace was very observant.
“Don’t pretend to be surprised, Cress. You didn’t flinch, not once, when I pulled out that blade and held it to the gambler’s neck. You also didn’t show any signs of concern when I removed all my daggers last night.”
He was right, the blades didn’t concern me at all. I had spent years training in sparring at school. Blade, bow, sword—you name it, I’ve wielded it. Never in a situation of need, but I was no stranger to them. So, I lied.
“It’s dangerous out there. Especially for females. I’m not going to be caught helpless. My friend back home taught me. I made him practice with me and demonstrate everything he knew. I’m comfortable, but not an expert or anything.” I added, “Plus, it doesn’t hurt to know how to hunt, just in case.”
I hadn’t a clue if I sounded believable, and from the unconvinced look on Trace’s face it didn’t seem like he was buying it, but he elected not to pry.
I went to change the subject immediately and blurted out an entirely selfish question, “If you’ve been with the Kingsguard all this time, do you have someone waiting for you somewhere, or back home?”
He displayed a small disbelieving smile and shook his head. “No, there isn’t anyone waiting for me. If there were, I wouldn’t be entertaining this evening with you.”
Well, that was a relief.
“I don’t let myself get attached to anyone, anywhere, or anything. When you’re always on the move and your life belongs to the whims of the king and commander, you learn to settle for dalliances and stealing brief moments of joy.”
I should have bitten my tongue, but I couldn’t help myself. “Is that what I am to you…a dalliance?”
I can’t believe I asked that aloud. I also did not intend for that to be my next question. I wanted to take it back as soon as the words left my mouth.
“I don’t know what you are yet.”
His carefully worded response had me on edge. Was I being toyed with, or was this just the same smooth talk he used on every female he took to bed?
“That doesn’t count as a question, by the way,” I said casually, when what I really wanted to say was, Well I don’t have time for you to figure it out anyway .
“Of course.” He nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “That brings me to my fifth and final question. I suppose I better make it a good one, right?”
I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I could have sat there for hours going back and forth with this game of questions.
“I suppose you should.”
He paused briefly, waiting for me to acknowledge his gaze. “Cress, share the night with me?”
Was he really asking me a simple yes or no question? Something that I thought was obvious. Did it even need to be asked? Was he asking at all? The sound of it came out more like a command than a request. I channeled every ounce of desire and audacity I possessed to answer his question with one of my own.
“That depends on you telling me how you’re going to make sure there’s no chance of me forgetting a single minute of tonight. How will you make me beg?”
I matched his gaze with even more intensity, and it felt like I had struck the match to light a flame that could not be tamed.
Trace held out his hand to ask for mine. “I’d rather show you.”
And with that, I took his hand and let him lead me back to our room.