Chapter 30
CHAPTER
30
When I came to, bright lantern lights were all around me, and I could feel a sharp sting along my shoulder blade. But it was nothing compared to the pain I had felt the moment the arrow pierced me. I was lying flat on my stomach and the hard wooden table below me was doing nothing for my comfort.
I looked up, barely lifting my head to the side, and saw Nori there tending to my wound. Thank Gods she was alright. I let out a sigh of relief as she continued to work on me.
“Thank you,” I whispered, licking my dry lips.
I was parched and my body felt extremely hot, like I’d been battling a fever.
Nori looked down at me calmly. “It’s going to be okay; I promise. Just relax.”
When I tilted my head to face the opposite direction, I realized I was laid out in the middle of the common room. That’s when I looked toward the bookshelves lining the wall across from me and saw him. Standing there in the same black attire from the ball, looking back at me—no, through me.
That’s when the memory of him abandoning Varro and I to fight alone, to die, came searing back with a fiery intensity. Uncontrollable anger engulfed me, immediately I was numb to the pain in my back.
I leapt from the table, pushing a surprised Nori back and charged towards him yelling, “You left us to die! You fucking left me, you left us both !”
I caught myself from tripping as the dizziness from blood loss overcame me, but it did nothing to deter me as I continued to march across the room toward Trace.
He stood there, motionless, with arms folded across his chest. That’s when I noticed his tattoos were back, but this time, they were red, red like blood. Not black like they had always been. Had he been glamouring me…again?
“Tell them!” I continued accusingly. “Tell them how we needed you, and how you left us!”
Angry tears were beginning to well in my eyes now that I was practically nose to nose with Trace.
“How could you?”
The words he whispered were only for me to hear. “Now you see me.”
And I did, crystal clear. The monster he had warned me about. The black cloak, always bound by duty. Morals be damned.
Balling my fists, appraising the now red tattoos sprawling over him, I gritted out a reply, “Guess it’s a good thing my blood isn’t on your hands…yet.”
Fuming, I turned my back to him and began to return to the table, wobbling with each step. Cairis came to my aid, holding me up as I made my way to a chair, and Nori quickly arrived with a cup of water as if reading my mind.
My mental shields were down, and I didn’t care. I hoped he was reading every single damn thought running through my head. His deceit spread like a plague through my mind, infecting every pleasant memory I’d ever had of us. I felt all those emotions wither and die. Our trust, our friendship, and countless nights of lovemaking, once sweet, turned sour by one simple decision—by one unforgivable action.
Saryn arrived, and I was less than thrilled to hear anything he had to say about this mess of a mission. The calm from the others indicated we hadn’t failed entirely, but that didn’t mean we’d done well, either.
“You successfully completed your mission. And despite Cress’s accusations towards Trace, you managed to return with your lives intact. Before anyone else gets the idea to critique Trace’s decision, you all should remember the number one rule. The mission above all.”
Theory took over, saying, “The mission requires sacrifice. Your lives are few, but the work you will do is for the lives of many and the protection of your kingdom. If you want to keep your lives, then train harder and plan better. Work as a team, or perish as individuals. Failure is not an option, and Trace took that seriously enough to make the necessary sacrifices.”
Before she could say another word, I was yelling again.
“Sacrifices? Are you kidding me? Tell me, Trace, what sacrifice did you make on that mission? Were a stranger’s hands roaming your body against your will? Did they try to take you by force? Did you take an arrow to your wing?”
I could feel the anger building, my hands shaking, balled into fists at my sides, when suddenly Varro was there gently grasping my arm. “Cress, look at me. Breathe. Calm down. You have to control your anger, or it might happen again.”
I was relieved to see Varro. His face was no longer stricken with horror, but his words made no sense.
“What might happen again? What are you talking about?”
Varro glanced quickly at Saryn and Theory, then back to me.
“Don’t you remember the blast?”
My head was pounding again as I palmed my forehead, trying to stave off the headache.
I tried to think back to when we were surrounded on the floor of the ballroom with blood pooled all around me, but all I could remember is blacking out in his arms and the vague feeling of wind rushing past me, then waking up here. Everything else was hazy and unclear.
“What blast?” I asked Varro, unable to remember what he was referring to.
Saryn was suddenly at my other side. “Cress, let’s have Varro take you to the healing pools. Get some rest, and tomorrow you and I can discuss your abilities.”
What abilities? That’s when I looked around the room at the rest of my team, noticing the hints of hesitation and fear in their expressions. Theory looked at me with accusing curiosity.
The healing waters sounded lovely. I turned to look up at Varro, giving him my arm as I didn’t trust myself to walk the entire way down on my own. I didn’t bother to look back at Trace as I left the room. Saryn and Theory can praise him all they want for securing the mission, but this went deeper—this was personal. This was betrayal.
Varro escorted me the entire way in silence, which I was content with because, honestly, I didn’t know what to say. My head and body ached. I was trying diligently to remember more about everything that had transpired, but my mind was blank. I remembered stabbing Nix; I remembered Varro and I being surrounded and that traitor abandoning us. I remembered the piercing feeling of the arrow…but then nothing much after that.
When we got into the room, I tried to lift my arm and immediately winced at the pain. Nori had stopped the bleeding and mended the wound, but it still felt incredibly sore.
Fear lingered heavy in my heart. What if I wouldn’t be able to fly again? I gasped at the thought, but then Varro grabbed my chin and lifted it toward him. “You will fly again. I promise.”
I pulled my chin away. “Stay out of my head,” I retorted in annoyance. I was too tired to maintain my mental shields.
Nori or Gia must have removed the dress that ruined it all and put me in looser clothing while Nori worked on repairing me. I tried again to lift my shirt, but felt the sharp pang again.
“Let me help you,” Varro commanded.
I was too sore to argue when he stepped behind me and gently began to tear away at the fabric, ever so slowly as to not jar my shoulder.
Well, that was one way to undress without lifting my arm. I saw the bloody fabric fall to the floor, and Varro remained close behind me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, unsure if I wanted it to be from him or just the steam room.
But then he gently ran a finger down the fresh scar along my shoulder blade. “The waters should take care of this, though battle wounds look good on you.”
My mouth was dry, unable to come up with some quippy reply. I swallowed the awkward lump in my throat, surprised by both his compliment and the fact that he’d left me exposed in barely-there undergarments.
He gently grabbed my shoulders, turning me to face him, and bent down to his knees. He placed his hands on my hips at the top of my pants. Gently, he began to slide them down my legs. Slower than necessary, and with fingertips grazing my skin.
His head hung low, avoiding my gaze but allowing him to drink in the length of my legs. They were still covered in dried blood from my injury; it must have seeped through the dress. I wanted to ask him what he was doing, should have stepped away, but I just stood there still and nervous, unsure of what was happening. I would have apologized for the blood, but silence enveloped us and there was no need to speak.
He stood before me, casually removing his shirt and tossing it to the floor beside my bloodied garments. He grabbed my hand and carefully led me down the steps into the pool. Once the warmth of the water hit me, I felt like I could breathe again for the first time since I awoke on that table. I inhaled the steam, letting its warmth fill my lungs.
I went to pull my hand away from Varro’s grasp. “I’m fine now.”
But he did not release me and just kept walking me farther into the cavernous pool. Once I was sitting on the ledge across from him, he finally dropped my hand and took his usual spot, perched on the other side.
He sank into the waters, rolling and relaxing his shoulders, but still keeping his gaze fixated on me.
“Why did you stay with me?” I asked, itching to know the answer.
Why was it so easy for him to stay, when Trace had left me behind, seemingly with no issue? He could have died.
“You saved Nori. Do you not deserve the same?”
That was different. Varro put himself in the path of imminent danger.
“I suppose I owe you a blood debt,” I said discouraged, knowing that maybe I wouldn’t be as brave if the situation was reversed.
Now that my headache had subsided a bit, I could feel that nuisance of a hum itching at my skin again. I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone until now.
“Do you ever experience a weird sensation, sort of like the feeling of humming against your skin? Sometimes it itches and prickles, occasionally it’s more like a tickle.”
Varro raised an eyebrow with intrigue.
I started to say, “I know it sounds stra—”
“When did you start feeling it?” he cut me off, sounding more serious than I’d expected.
“The first time was when we all bathed in the waters of Mirtith at the palace. I thought it was our powers awakening, but no one else has mentioned it to me,” I hypothesized.
“I felt it too, it started at the same time as yours. I don’t know if it’s what you think it is...” Varro confirmed.
I was too ecstatic to hear someone else had experienced this and that it began at the same time as mine. I ignored his doubts about what had caused it. I was almost certain it had something to do with our magic, or these waters, and I was going to make sure to ask the others about it.
“You really don’t remember anything, do you?” Varro inquired.
“Remember what?” I replied, confused and not wanting to leave the topic of the strange sensation now that I had found someone who could relate to it.
Varro stood, slowly making his way toward me.
“There was an explosion. It was big enough that it shattered everything in the vicinity. It was so loud that my ears still haven’t stopped ringing. That’s what stopped Nix and all his guards.”
By now Varro practically hovered above me.
“Who set off an explosion?” I asked, curious to understand how we were saved when we needed it most.
He reached out, cupping both sides of my face in his rough hands. I leaned into the warmth of the gesture before he uttered the words, “You did, Cress.”
I yanked back from his touch, wide-eyed, unable to make sense of what he had just proclaimed.
“What did you just say?”
“Cress...you caused the explosion. I can’t explain it. We were seconds away from being impaled by a mass of arrows. I was covering you to protect you, but there’s no way either of us would have survived. Suddenly, everything went still. It was as if the entire room shattered with one large burst of energy.”
His words were rushed, and with each detail he recollected, the memory of it became clearer in my mind.
My hands started to tremble under the water, and my skin began to crawl as the images returned. The memory of Trace’s blank stare. All of the bloodied guards strewn about. Some injured, others dead. Shards of glass, everywhere. The sound of distant screams.
“Oh Gods, what did I do?”
He could tell I was beginning to panic, the reality of having hurt so many people, even killed some—real people, not Vespers… The tears sat at the edge of my lashes, begging for release as a deep uncontrollable sob climbed up from my chest and erupted.
Varro reached out instinctively and pulled me into a tight hug, holding my limp body while I wept. Confused and scared, no longer familiar with myself after what I’d done. I didn’t know how I did it, or what it meant.
Pulling me into his firm golden chest, he held me, letting me fall apart. He began to gently caress the back of my head and whispered, “You’re okay. I got you. You did good, Moirai.”
I awoke in the morning to the sound of banging on my door. Groggily, I pulled myself away from the covers and cracked the door to be greeted by none other than Saryn himself. This wasn’t the person I wanted to be face-to-face with.
“Get dressed and come with me,” he ordered.
I shut the door and quickly threw on clothing, uninterested in following Saryn anywhere but knowing it really wasn’t a choice. I had built up quite an appetite and would rather be making my way to the dining hall.
I was surprised to discover my pain had dissipated. Now and then I felt a phantom jolt, but I knew it was all in my head and hoped with a few more days I’d forget the feeling entirely. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could also forget how Trace had left me for dead?
When I stepped out the door, Saryn shoved an apple in my hand. This was as close as he got to being considerate. I began to devour the apple while following closely behind him as he led us in the far opposite direction of the dormitories. The only thing I knew about this hall was that it had to be where Saryn and Theory stayed, since we’d watched them head off in the same direction each night.
We arrived at a solid-black metal door, its cold severity contrasting the wooden ones throughout the rest of the fortress.
“Hold out your hand,” Saryn requested dryly.
Unwilling to argue with him this early in the morning, I did as he asked. Holding my raised hand in his, my palm facing up, he said, “Get ready to bite into that apple.”
I had learned by now not to question him, and the second I bit into it, Saryn pulled out a blade and ran it across my hand. I yanked my hand back in anger, clutching it to my chest.
“What was that for?” I exclaimed.
“Place your hand on that door handle, the bloody one.”
He did not explain further. I lifted my hand to the doorknob, feeling my blood coat it as I gave it a good twist. The door swung open soundlessly.
Saryn shook his head in disbelief. “Figures.”
He stepped into the small chamber, ushering me to follow him.
“What is this?” I questioned, looking around at the dark, tiny room consisting of a small study desk, a chair, and shelves of books and tomes that looked like they hadn’t ever seen the light of day. They were covered in cobwebs and dust; I wasn’t entirely sure of the last time anyone had stepped foot in here, given the state of the room.
“This is a room with a door that only you can open, thanks to the blood bond you just made with it. Even though you can grant me entry, that does not make the items within accessible to me.”
He demonstrated by reaching out to grab a book from the shelf only to wince and quickly release it, as if the book had burned him.
After seeing that, I was not the least bit inclined to try it myself.
“Grab one of them,” Saryn directed me impatiently.
I reached my hand out tentatively, ready to pull my hand away the instant I encountered any pain, but as my fingers grazed the dusty books, I felt nothing. I slid one from the shelf and set it down on the small writing desk.
“Cress, only you can open that door, and only you can open these books. Think of it as a double layer of security. However, if you tried to leave the room with them, I’m almost certain you would not be able to.”
Confused and missing his implication, I questioned, “Why would I be the only one that can access these?”
Saryn sighed.
“There was one of you in our Order before. She’s gone now. But I would see her coming and going from this room nightly, a room none of us could access but her. Likely an enchantment created by someone long ago. Perhaps during the earliest days of Basdie. We hope that in every Offering there will be at least one of you, but that in itself comes with its own risks and dangers. It often skips a few generations, and for many bloodlines, it has died out completely. If I’m being honest, I would not have pegged you as one of them.”
Enough of this monologue. “As one of what ?” I asked with annoyance.
“As a Dark Wielder.”
Saryn’s response was monotone and matter-of-fact. The words sent shivers down my spine.
“What is a Dark Wielder?” I questioned, nerves clinging to the words.
“They are Fae who can control dark abilities. It goes beyond simple magic like illusions and manipulations. Dark Wielders don’t even need weapons—they are one.”
“No, no…I’m not anything like that,” I argued.
“Varro told the team what happened. You did that, albeit unknowingly, but it was you who produced enough energy and power to create a blast radius that took out numerous enemies all at once.”
My mind raced, thinking about how Varro had described it last night, and the vivid memories that had rushed back. But I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to be a Dark Wielder. It sounded scary and awful, and I just wanted to be as good as my team.
“What if I don’t want this? I’ll find a way to control it and won’t let it ever happen again,” I said, begging Saryn to give me a reprieve from any obligation to explore this further.
We could just pretend he never showed me the room, never told me anything at all.
“You don’t have a choice, Cress. You just became our strongest asset. Which means you’re our biggest advantage. Well, I should say ‘will become,’ because right now you don’t even know what you’re capable of. But you will find out.”
“I don’t want to be different. I want to train with the group.”
The sound of my pleas shocked me. All of this time, I’d only ever wanted to be special and excel, find a way to keep up with my peers. And here I was, finally being told I was unique, rare, one in a few generations, and I wanted to avoid it at all costs.
“I am not a Dark Wielder, but I will do my best to help guide you and train you. But only you can put in the work here in this room, where generations of Dark Wielders from the Order documented everything they could about their abilities.”
Saryn could feel the tension between us and the silence that hung in the stale air of the tiny room.
“Can I have the day to process this? Please, don’t make me stay here today.”
All I wanted was to be in the dining hall with my team eating breakfast, or getting the sweat kicked out of us by Theory in the training room. I was scared, struggling to wrap my mind around all of this, but I didn’t want to be isolated in some closet far from the group. Saryn had never gone easy on me; I half expected him to lock me in this room.
“Yes. You need to take care of yourself from now on. Dark abilities take more than just a lot of energy and focus. The wielder I knew seemed like she wasn’t always there, like she was…absent,” he warned me.
“Will the others be scared of me?” I questioned, remembering the looks on their faces last night.
“They should be,” was all he said as he led us away from the room, directing me to be the one to close the door behind us.