To the Dogs

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I sat in silence all the way back to the Host's commune even though Michael left me five minutes into the ride and returned to Jake. I can't describe what a great relief that was, even under the heaviness of heartbreak. But then I went back into the pain and let it pull me under. Pain like that was akin to possession. I felt out of control, my will stolen, and no path forward.

Heartache held me in its grip until we passed through the gate. Then a shiver ran through me and Michael's vicious threat sank past the pain. I had a tragic welcome waiting for me. And yet, I was calm. I'd been expecting this. Not this precisely, but something terrible. Nothing good ever lasted. People promise to look after you, then they throw you away. It had been the same story since I was a little girl. Over and over. The smiling faces, the sympathy, the hair stroking. And then the boredom. They got over my pretty face eventually and found the Indigo beneath it lacking. The only thing that had changed since adulthood was the intensity of the feelings and the intimacy of the relationships. It was no surprise to me that I had fallen for three incredible men who promised to love me, then discarded me in a second for a waitress. That was the script of my life. Standard operating procedure.

And now, I was back in the muck, facing the very situation I had fled. The assault that still wounded me. Now, it would be complete. I'd join the millions of women who had been the target of a man's evil—the weakness in his soul. Why do women so often pay for a man's weakness? And was it irony that Jake—a man who I had once deeply loved and prayed for daily—would be the instrument of my assault? I don't know what the proper label would be, but it soured my stomach. This night would change my life. I knew I'd never get over it. Hell, it might never end.

My stomach lurched as a thought took hold—that of being with Jake and playing his Stepford wife forever with Michael watching every breath I took.

Jake parked the truck and got out. I took a deep breath and did the same. No sense in fighting this. I wasn't sure if I cared what happened to me anymore, anyway. And with that thought, calm reclaimed me. No, it didn't matter. Without Garret, Gage, and Gideon, I had no life. God, that sounds so pathetic. The old me would have sneered at a woman saying that shit. Yet, there I was, and that was the truth of it. I'd fallen too deep, protesting all the way. I didn't care about truth, gods, or ghosts. My world had shrunk to three men, and when they abandoned me, that little world had winked out. No explosion, no big bang. Just a little pfft that was hardly a sound. Gone. All gone. So what did I care if Jake wanted the hollow shell that was left?

“Come on, sweetheart, let's get you back where you belong,” Jake said and took my hand.

I looked up and saw that it was him. Back in the driver's seat, as it were. I let him lead me into the house and past rooms full of people who stopped what they were doing to stare at us. I didn't stare back. I didn't care who they were or what they thought of me. They were dead, as far as I was concerned. Zombies under a witch doctor's control. Jake may not be dead, but he was a zombie too. An elite zombie. The zombie that other zombies looked up to. The thought almost made me chuckle.

Jake took me up to his room and straight into the bathroom. A tremor of fear ran through me, but then I sank back into that well of acceptance. No, not acceptance—apathy. I was done with caring about anyone, including myself.

Right, I mentally sneered at myself. Sure. If that's what you have to tell yourself. Let's see how long apathy lasts.

As if I were my own nemesis, that thought summoned an image of Garret, Gage, and Gideon in the restaurant, their stares glued to that server. The pain that sliced through me at the mental replay was shocking in its intensity, sucker-punching my apathy in its expressionless face. Evidently, the heart doesn't go gently into that good night. It retreats awhile, but then it comes back with a vengeance. My heart's vengeance made me shudder and gasp, but I latched onto it, sensing that it might lessen the pain of what was to come. Nothing could compare to losing my hounds. If I could survive that, I could survive anything.

But it had just happened. I hadn't proven I could survive it yet. I was still trying to recover. Vulnerable. And Jake was going to exploit that.

“I'm sorry, Indie,” Jake said. “I'm so sorry for what I did. I'll never act that way again. I swear.” But as he spoke so sweetly, he undressed me.

I stared straight ahead—a doll for him to play with. I felt nothing when he got me naked. Not even fear. Like a robot, I stepped out of my panties for him. And I didn't respond to anything he said.

“Indie?”

I shifted my stare to Jake.

“Shit, I think you're in shock. We gotta get you warm. I knew a bath was a good idea.” He ran the water in the bathtub as I stood there naked.

Finally, when the water reached an acceptable level, Jake picked me up and set me down in the tub. It was more than warm, almost too hot, but that was exactly what I needed. It felt wonderful, and I slid down to submerge myself up to my chin. I didn't try to cover myself. What did I care? Jake had seen it all before, and Michael didn't give a shit. He only wanted me for Jake. If he did anything sexual to me in Jake's body, it would be about asserting his dominance, nothing more. He was a fucking cold bastard.

“Not an angel,” I murmured.

Finally, I accepted the truth. The hounds weren't demons and Silas wasn't God. Michael certainly wasn't an angel. It was so obvious. So clear to me as I lay in that water. And so absurd that I had waited until I lost the Hounds of Hades before I trusted them.

“What was that, sweetheart?” Jake asked as he took off his clothes.

I didn't respond, didn't even glance at the beautiful body he revealed.

“It's going to be all right, baby.” He got into the tub behind me, propping me forward, then settled in.

I fell back against Jake's chest and felt his erection against my back. So, it was happening. He'd bathe me, then fuck me, thinking he was making love to me. And I'd let it happen because to do otherwise would be to invite Michael's possession. And having that son of a bitch inside me had been the most horrifying, disgusting thing I'd ever experienced.

It would be all right. I'd been with Jake before. No big deal. Just my body. But even as I reassured myself, a piece inside me withered up and screamed. It didn't want this to happen. I wasn't supposed to be with Jake, never again. I was meant to be with three men. Three men who adored me. But they didn't adore me anymore. They had found their true mate. The woman who would make eternity worthwhile. The one person they would love. The only one.

A tear slipped down my cheek, but Jake didn't notice. He was too busy bathing me. A soapy cloth ran over me intimately, cradled in his large hand. It was a sight I would have given anything to see a month ago. But now it made me sad. And a bit ill.

“Come on, baby,” Jake said. “You're safe. Snap out of it. Whatever spell they put you under, it will fade. You'll see. I've got you now. You're going to be all right.”

I took a shuddering breath and a spark of rebellion rose. “Fuck you, Jake.”

Jake flinched, the cloth falling into the water. “Indie?” He shifted us so he could see my face. “Sweetheart, why would you say that?”

“Why?” I growled and glared at him. “Are you fucking serious? Are you that dense?”

Something flashed through Jake's eyes—a warning from Michael. But I didn't care. Let Michael punish me. Fuck, if I was going to self-destruct, why not go full throttle? And I had to get this out. Jake needed to hear the truth.

“I'm only here because Michael possessed me and controlled my body. He threatened to do the same again if I didn't do whatever you wanted. Not just possess me, but turn my mind to mush. That's what your fucking angel friend threatened me with!” I softened my tone to say, “I don't love you anymore, Jake. I don't want to be here, and I certainly don't want to be intimate with you. Just remember that when you fuck me in a few minutes. I don't know what Michael is going to do now, but I'm sure he'll possess me and make me say something to convince you I'm still yours. Don't believe it. I don't belong to you anymore. So, when you fuck me, it will be rape.”

Jake's expression went more and more horrified the longer I spoke. When I finished, he swallowed roughly. And that's when Michael shot out of Jake and into me.

I jerked with the violence of Michael's arrival, and then I fell into myself. Down but not into a void. I was still aware of what was happening, still a witness to what Michael was about to do. Exactly as he wanted.

“Oh, I don't know why I said that,” Michael exclaimed using my voice. “It's them. They're still controlling me, Jake. Help me!” My hands went to Jake's shoulders as I straddled his lap. His erection nestled against my sex. “Make love to me. Burn them out of me.”

Jake started to lean forward to kiss me, but then jerked back. “Oh, fuck. It's you, isn't it, Michael? I don't feel you in me. Not even withdrawn. You're gone. Are you in her? Are you forcing her to be with me?!” Jake cupped my face and stared into my eyes. “Oh, God. It is you. I can see you. Did you think I wouldn't recognize you in her?” He let go and got to his feet, water streaming from his body. “Oh, fuck me. Fuck!” Jake made a wounded sound as he left the bathtub. He went to the counter, braced himself against it, and hung his head to weep.

Seeing Jake like that tore at me, slicing through some of my anger and apathy to reach for the love I still bore him. It wasn't the same as what I felt for my hounds, but it was there. I had lied when I said I stopped loving him. I couldn't stop. Jake had been deceived, but he was still the guy I had fallen for. This proved it.

“Don't pretend that you didn't know,” Michael sneered as he got me out of the tub. “You felt me leave you earlier when we found Indigo in town. Did you think I randomly jumped out of you at the exact moment you were trying to talk your lover into returning? Of course, I possessed her and brought her back. She's my gift to you. Now, take her. This is what you want, isn't it? Your perfect Indigo by your side while you fight for God. Here she is!” He held my arms out to the sides.

Jake swung to look at me, his eyes wet and wounded. “You fucking bastard. What did you do to her that night? The night she ran. What did you do to my Indie?”

“I only tried to finish what you started, you pathetic excuse for a man. You couldn't take what belonged to you. So, I was going to take her for you. You need to let a woman know you're in control or she'll walk all over you. A man is always in—”

Jake roared, cutting off Michael's misogynistic rant, and punched the mirror. It cracked and blood splattered the glass.

“You fucking fool!” Michael snarled.

He left me suddenly, the exodus so rapid that I swayed on my feet. As I grabbed the counter for support, Jake also swayed. Then he took a deep breath and stood up straight. When he turned to face me, I backed away.

“Don't worry, Indie,” Michael sneered through Jake. “I don't want to fuck you. You're not my type.” He waved a hand at me, casting blood onto the floor. “Now, dry off and get dressed. I need to get this wound tended before it festers.” He grabbed a towel and left the room.

I stared after Jake/Michael, trembling. It took a few minutes for me to realize that I had dodged a bullet. He was leaving me alone. And then a tear fell as I replayed Jake's trauma. He was still in there, and he still loved me. He didn't want to hurt me. I could rely on that. Maybe if I played this right, Jake's love would protect me from Michael. Maybe I could even get Jake to let me go. A timid hope entered my chest, elbowing in beside my broken heart.