Too Good To Be True

Aman

Lemons, mint, aftershave and regret.

Her hair smelt of lemons and mint. Her back was pressed against me. Her body had frozen, giving away the fact that she’d acted on impulse and was instantly regretting it.

Her spine had stiffened, and before she could convince herself to tear away from me, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer.

I liked how perfectly she fit in my arms. I rocked forward and placed my chin on her left shoulder.

‘Have you been reading my mind?’ I whispered.

‘Why?’ she responded breathily.

‘Because I’ve been wanting to hold you in my arms ever since I walked through that door this morning.’

She stilled for a bit. A moment passed. And then another. She remained silent.

I instantly regretted saying anything. Maybe she wasn’t looking at this the same way I was.

‘Tell me a secret,’ she said softly.

‘A secret?’ I wasn’t expecting that.

‘Yes, anything. That tells me you aren’t God’s favourite child.’ She half-turned to look into my eyes, and then looked down.

‘I hate tomatoes,’ I said.

‘That doesn’t count. Tell me another one.’

‘I’m deathly scared of dolls.’

‘Not good enough. Another one.’

‘I sing Britney Spears songs in the shower.’

‘Now we’re warming up,’ she smirked. ‘Another one.’

Why was I not backing down when she asked me for ONE secret, you ask? The girl I had thought about every waking minute now for the past few weeks was sitting in my lap, snuggled in my arms.

She smelt like fresh summer mornings and her skin was soft against my fingers as I traced tiny circles on her arms.

She could ask me to run naked on the streets of Mumbai and I would do it without batting an eyelid. Sharing embarrassing secrets was a fairly easy deal.

‘I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first day I saw you,’ I said quietly.

‘That’s not a secret. You’ve made that clear with all the blatant flirting and smouldering eyes.’ She again turned slightly to face me.

I noticed little freckles on her nose that I’d missed before. Her cheeks were slightly pinker than a while ago and her big eyes looked into mine.

‘Tell me something you’ve never told anyone,’ she said.

Her eyes dropped down to my lips and back to my eyes.

‘I’ve never been in love.’

She stilled in my arms. Her smile dulled ever so slightly, giving away that this wasn’t the answer she was looking for. She let her breath out and parted her lips to say something.

‘Yet …’ I said quickly, before she could let a word out.

Something changed in her gaze. We must have sat like that for a few seconds before she spoke.

‘Tell me one more secret.’

‘I’m going to kiss you now,’ I said. ‘But that’s not a secret.’ My voice sounded raspy.

‘Why?’ she asked, swallowing.

‘Because …’ I cupped her face with my hand and she turned her body towards me. I gently held the back of her neck and pulled her face closer to mine. ‘You knew that already.’

And then my lips were on hers.

Avani

This guy is mad.

I gave in to the scent of ’s aftershave as I ran my fingers through his hair. I had rehearsed this moment in my mind a thousand times before. For a brief second, he pulled away to look into my eyes, and then his lips were on mine again. Gentler this time, but more deliberate.

I felt my lips spreading into a smile when his hand dipped to my waist.

‘You’re ticklish,’ he murmured, like he was making a note rather than asking me a question.

Slowly, he slid his other hand along my waist, and I squealed.

‘Stop!’ I said, holding his face in my hands, wriggling to stop the tickles.

He paused, but just for a second, and went right back in.

‘nnnnnn! Pleaseeeee!’ I laughed uncontrollably. ‘Stoppppp!’ I twisted and turned in his lap. ‘I’ll do anything. Pleaseeee!’ I screamed.

He paused. ‘Anything?’ he asked, with one brow raised.

‘Yes!’

When he stopped, I took a few breaths, still giggling in between.

‘Be my girlfriend,’ he said. The words rolled off his tongue like they’d been sitting there for a while. He sat up straight and tucked a lock of hair behind my ears. He brushed his knuckles softly against my cheek as his eyes bore intensely into mine.

And there it was. The other shoe. It had dropped.

This guy was mad. Delusional. Not in his right mind. Couldn’t he see it was too soon? We’d known each other for just about two weeks and he wanted me to be his girlfriend? My mind was in a daze.

I felt a strange tightness in my chest. This was stupid. This wasn’t right. Relationships don’t just start like that. On a whim. With no thought of the past or the future.

Had he even figured out what he didn’t like about me yet? There was a lot to not like … How could he want me to be his girlfriend? What about love?

All I could do was stare. Which I did for an obscenely long time before following it up with the one thing that I should have avoided when I couldn’t find any words to express what I was feeling.

I got up and walked away.

Half-boners and goodbyes.

All right. What just happened?

One minute I was kissing her and the next I was sitting on the floor cushion with a ridiculous half-boner because she had simply got up and left. What was I not getting here?

When I finally had a grip on my thoughts, I slowly got to my feet and followed her.

‘I’ll take that as a no, then?’ I said. The words came out snappier than I had intended them to. I couldn’t put a finger on what I was feeling, but it was not pleasant. The slight sting I felt in my chest was unmistakeable.

‘What?’ she said, now pacing up and down in her kitchen.

‘It’s okay, Avani,’ I said, steadying myself. ‘I overstepped. I’m sorry.’

She stopped and looked at me. Maybe it was too soon, but I didn’t regret telling her how I felt.

God knows I fell for her the day I walked into the bookstore, and I would say I’ve not really hidden the way I feel. So why the sudden withdrawal? Was there something I didn’t know? Or someone I didn’t know about?

‘I have to get back to my notes. I’ll call you?’ she said, her mind clearly elsewhere.

I felt a physical ache stemming from the centre of my chest and radiating to my shoulders. I wasn’t expecting her to come running into my arms, but surely we could have had a conversation?

Could she not see we’d developed a relationship that was a little different from the usual? Why was she looking at me like she didn’t know me?

With no words to express my thoughts, I walked over to the table where I’d kept my car keys, picked them up, walked back to her, placed a kiss on her head and said, ‘Okay.’

Then I walked out the door.

Avani

It’s for the best, I think.

I must have stood frozen where I was for a good while after left. My brain was annoyingly silent now that I’d ruined a perfect moment.

Genius. Where exactly did you want to walk away to, Avani?

I was in MY house! A modest one-bedroom flat with a sad excuse for a balcony. It was so tiny that if I drilled for a little too long into my living room wall, I would have to gift Mhatre Kaka a painting to hang in his living room too.

Maybe I should go after ? Ask him to come back? But I’d done the right thing, hadn’t I? It was right of me to not lead him on any more than I probably already had.

The voice in my head sighed, almost in relief, now that it could put the turbulent thoughts about to rest. Now that it was over.

But there was another voice inside of me that had started whimpering. Like it was already heartbroken. Like it had let go of something that could’ve been magical.

But was the uncertainty worth it? What was I thinking going into this with my guard so low? I had never done that before. I’d been looking out for myself like I always had. Everybody got infatuated with someone every now and then. Especially if that someone was .

I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes, and forced them shut. There was no reason to overreact. I took in a deep breath and let it out, repeating the sequence a few more times. I’d decided to stay home that day, but I knew that would mean more moments of doubt and regret over the events of the morning. I took a quick cold shower to calm my nerves, threw on a T-shirt and leggings, and walked to the bookstore.

On the way, I messaged on the group chat to let the girls know I would be chilling at the bookstore for a couple of hours, and asked them if they wanted to join me for coffee. Maya responded saying she’d see me there in thirty minutes and Rhea texted saying she’d stepped out for an errand and would be back in twenty.

When I walked in, Martin was at his usual spot behind the coffee counter, his nose dipping alternately into a book and a big mug of coffee. I sat down heavily on the bar stool opposite him.

He looked up, then back at his book.

‘Why are you here? Didn’t you take the day off?’

‘I did.’ I shrugged. ‘But I didn’t feel like staying home by myself. Also, I was craving your eclairs.’

‘Babe, my eclair is off-limits. It’s reserved for hot strangers who promise to never call me after we bang once.’ He winked.

‘Yuck.’ I hopped off the stool to pour myself a cup of coffee.

‘Is everything okay? You look off.’

‘Wow, thanks, Martin. Apologies for not looking perfectly presentable to you on my day off,’ I snapped. It kind of slipped out before I could really think it through.

‘The fuck is up with the sass?’

I shook my head and glared at the coffee that was filling up my mug.

Martin took two steps forward so he was now standing between the coffee machine and me.

‘Talk, bitch,’ he said. But his tone was softer than before.

‘It’s nothing,’ I replied, trying to keep my voice from shaking. ‘You want another coffee?’

‘Avani?’ Martin said, his hand on my shoulder. ‘Talk.’

‘Nothing. Like I said.’

‘Is everything okay with your boo?’

‘He is NOT my boo, Martin. Honestly, calm down. Everything is not a joke.’ My voice was louder this time, though I didn’t particularly know what I was mad about.

I picked up my coffee mug and made my way to the seat by the window. I knew I wasn’t being fair. Martin was only checking on me. I looked down at my coffee and muttered a curse. What the fuck was going on with me? I took a few more deep breaths, then got up and walked back to Martin, who was now behind the coffee counter.

‘Sorry … I had a weird morning,’ I said. ‘I didn’t mean to snap at you.’

‘Like hell you did. What the fuck? What happened?’

‘I kissed .’

‘Can’t wait to see you burn this store down when you guys fuck, then.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘And why was that strange?’

‘It wasn’t.’ I sighed.

Martin’s brows drew together and he cocked his head in confusion, like I was talking to him in Mandarin.

‘Are you high?’ he asked, sounding almost worried. ‘You kissed that fine piece of man real estate and came back with a frown and a fuck-all attitude?’

I looked at Martin.

‘Was it bad?’ he asked.

‘Nope. It was perfect. Better than anything I’d ever imagined. It’s what happened after that that was strange.’

The bell at the entrance dinged as Maya walked in.

‘What’s wrong? You both look like you’ve eaten worms,’ she said as she settled into the chair opposite me.

‘Avani kissed and then came here in a bad mood and a killjoy vibe. I’m just trying to understand what’s wrong,’ Martin said.

‘You KISSED him?’ Rhea squealed from the entrance of the store as she put a big brown box of something on the floor and rushed towards us.

‘Seriously, Rhea, read the room.’ Maya took Rhea’s arm and forced her to sit on a chair next to hers. She turned to me. ‘We’re here to help, Ani. We can figure this out. Talk to us.’

‘It’s not a big deal, guys. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’ I sighed again.

‘Just walk us through your morning,’ Maya said calmly.

I told them. About the texts, about the breakfast, about the conversation that followed, about the lap-sitting, about the kissing … about the G-word.

If ever there was a group of people who knew me better than I did myself, it was this one. I didn’t even have to finish the story after that. All of them collectively sucked in their breath and hissed.

‘Please tell me you stayed there and had a conversation, and DID NOT run away as soon as you heard “girlfriend”?’ Maya said with her eyes closed, like she already knew the answer but was willing it to be otherwise.

‘I … umm … walked away … and then … umm … told him I would call him,’ I said, now regretting every word I’d uttered all over again.

‘YOU SHOOED OFF THE GUY YOU’VE BEEN OBSESSING OVER FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS AFTER SHARING THE MOST AMAZING, TOE-CURLING KISS WITH HIM?’ Rhea screamed. ‘DID YOU FORGET WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE??’

‘Rhea …’ I started.

‘ARE YOU INSANE?’

‘That’s exactly my point, okay?’ I retorted. ‘Is that all that matters? How good he looks, how he’s saying and doing all the right things? Yeah, he looks great.

Yes, he’s thoughtful and charming and respectful and funny. Yes, he’s focused and successful and close to his family. He has dogs and loves them enough to leave everything and fly a thousand kilometres when one gets stung by a bee.

He knows exactly what to say and where to be, and he brings me a lot of joy …’

‘Bitch, you’re really not making a case for yourself here,’ Martin said, his voice quiet.

‘Yeah … I don’t understand …’ Rhea added.

‘My point is that … how do you guys not see it? It’s all too good. How can someone be everything? He’s too perfect. He’s too good.’

There. That was it.

‘And … that’s a problem, why?’ Martin asked.

‘Because it doesn’t seem real. I don’t believe he—’

‘But you don’t even know the guy,’ Maya said. ‘How do you know he’s perfect? Maybe if you spend some time with him, you’ll learn about his flaws.’

‘We’ve been speaking to each other every waking minute for the past two weeks. And nothing about him seems off yet. How do I know if there’s something wrong with him?’ I asked.

‘You want something to be wrong with him?’ Martin asked.

‘Seriously, Ani, all the guys who show interest in me end up stealing my credit card or keying my car. And you have this perfectly yummy, charming guy asking you to be his girlfriend and your problem is that he has no flaws? Unbelievable …’ Rhea said, shaking her head.

‘I know this sounds ridiculous when you say it like that, but you guys don’t get it.’ I picked up my phone from the counter. ‘I’ll see you later.’

I walked out of the store without looking back. A strange feeling clawed at my chest. I had hoped for the conversation with my friends to go differently. Yes, they were right about . But they knew slightly less than I did.

Things weren’t always simple. A guy like didn’t just waltz into your life and ask you to be his girlfriend. He was successful, older, sorted.

He lived in a luxury penthouse and had a mansion in the hills, and I was just a student who worked at a bookstore to be able to afford rent—that, too, because one of Aaji’s friends had a place that was just sitting there gathering dust and she wanted to rent it out for peanuts so it would not just come crumbling down one day.

and I weren’t in the same league.

He had his ducks in a row and my ducks were basically floaty plastic bath toys.

If he was ready to be my boyfriend in the few days that we’d spent together, maybe he’d meet me with a cushioned velvet ring box the next time we went to dinner. Who knows?

So this was for the best. Before more damage was done.

I think.

2 May 2023

Had I jumped the gun?

I hadn’t texted Avani or attempted to call her since I’d walked out of her apartment almost two weeks back. I needed to work things out for myself first, clear my head of the thoughts crowding it.

I hadn’t felt this way in a very long time—not since I was twenty-four, when my girlfriend of six years had moved to Australia and ended things with me the minute she’d settled in there.

There hadn’t been much of a conversation then either.

With Avani, I wished the conversation had gone differently.

Or at all. Her sudden withdrawal and reaction indicated I’d hit a nerve, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe I should’ve been a little more careful, taken things slower.

Not in a million years had I thought I would be this involved with anything—or anyone—that wasn’t to do either with my family or my work. I had trained myself to be a fairly realistic and clear-headed person, until Avani had come along and disrupted what I thought I knew about myself.

Avani wasn’t just another girl who’d caught my attention with her expressive eyes, thick brown hair and infectious laugh—she was the calm that had settled comfortably into my otherwise hectic, work-driven life.

She wasn’t a distraction—she was the counterpoint to the hyper-focused, disciplined routine that my days were. She made it all lighter, and filled it with pleasure and excitement and wonder.

And being with her had made me realize the ‘why’ of it all.

Suddenly I knew WHY I worked maniacally every day. Because before her, there’d been no one who’d made me want to take the focus away from work, or find joy in anything else.

I hadn’t met anyone before Avani whom I wanted to spoil, pamper or provide abundantly for. As the youngest of the family, I grew up being the pampered one.

And now I’d met someone I wanted to protect and keep in the warmth of my arms on every windy day.

I knew WHY I now walked with a spring in my step, especially when I knew it was leading me to her. Because I was ready to go a long way with her.

I knew WHY none of my other relationships had felt like anything more than effort. Because they weren’t with her.

So why couldn’t I …

I sat up and held my phone tightly with both hands … but dithered.

This was stupid. I was a grown man and the CEO of my company. Making decisions was what I did best. I could do better. I knew better.

This was getting very desperate very fast. I contemplated calling Jogi to hear his two cents on the matter, but decided against it when I played out the lines in my head.

Jogi, so you remember Avani, right? Yeah, I asked her to be my girl and she kind of asked me to leave her apartment. And … well … I’ve no idea what to do about it now. What should I do?

No, that wouldn’t do. So I called up the one person in my life I knew could help me look at things from Avani’s perspective.

‘Hi, Babu.’

‘Hi, Ma.’

‘You’ve called me on a Tuesday afternoon.’

‘I’m so glad old age hasn’t hampered your time-telling skills.’ I smiled into the phone.

‘And you are in office and joking with me …’ She let her voice trail off.

‘But old age has definitely made you a fan of stating the obvious,’ I replied, trying to keep the dullness out of my voice.

‘What did you do?’

‘How are you so sure it’s my fault?’ I asked, slightly offended but also curious.

‘Because if you’d called her before you called me, you would’ve known what you’ve done wrong. And you clearly haven’t spoken to her, so here we are.’

I had to give it to Ma. I hadn’t even mentioned Avani.

I sighed and narrated the story so far. After which, for a full twenty minutes, Ma proved to me that whatever had transpired was my fault, after all.

Maybe I’d got a little too excited and jumped the gun with the whole thing.

It wasn’t completely fair of me to dive into the relationship when baby steps were what had got me to hold her in my arms in the first place.

I could’ve taken it slow and met her midway instead of pushing her that day because I was so sure of how I felt.

And though I had kind of known she was it for me the first time I had met her, two weeks was indeed a very short time to expect a commitment from anyone.

‘So what should I do now? Did I scare her off? Should I then just let her go?’ I asked Ma.

‘That’s up to you to decide, son.’ Papa had joined our chat midway. The two of them were inseparable, especially when it had something to do with Gagan or me.

‘We can’t tell you whether or not you should give up or work harder to be with her,’ Ma said. ‘But if you carefully consider all angles, I’m sure you will get your answers. Whether you like them or not.’

More points to Ma for being crystal-clear in the first part of the conversation and then painfully cryptic in the end.

I had to admit I felt calmer, though. I took a deep breath till the strange tightness in my throat and shoulders eased. I told them I loved them, ended the call, leaned back in my chair and let out another long breath.

I knew what I had to do. I picked up my phone and began to type.

Hey, gorgeous. I’m going to get right to the point. I’m sorry for springing the relationship stuff on you the other day. I might’ve gotten ahead of myself.

However, we still deserve a conversation, don’t you think? I won’t rush you. I’m here whenever you want to talk. Can’t wait to hear your voice. It’s been too long.

I hit send. My knee tapped against the bottom of my desk as I stared at my phone, waiting for a response. Was I going to get one? I told myself that even if I didn’t, it would be okay.

As romantic as it sounded to follow a girl to the ends of the earth because real love didn’t take no for an answer—or whatever else the movies taught us—I’d been raised to respect it when a woman said no.

My phone pinged.

Avani: Dinner at mine? 9 p.m.?

Me: I’ll get dessert. :)

My mother was a magician. Or maybe it was simply that she was a woman.