Chapter 27
Isat in a chair as a lady’s maid curled my hair. It tumbled down my shoulders in big loops, shining and shimmering in the waning light of the sun.
“I’ve always dreamt of this moment,” the queen said from the doorway. My mother said. That was going to take some getting used to.
“Your Majesty.” I straightened.
She winced, and I knew it hurt that I didn’t call the queen Mother yet, but I’d spent twenty-two years without a mother. I wasn’t even sure I needed one at this point in my life.
“Here,” she said, nodding at the lady’s maid, who curtsied and left the room. She took the thick iron tongs and wrapped another strand of hair around them. Her deep purple gown sparkled and shimmered like twilight, her gray hair swept up into a sleek bun. Wrinkles lined her face, more prominent in the light.
“You know how to curl hair?” I asked the queen.
“Oh yes,” she said, a smile on her lips. “My mother was the stylist for the queen, your father’s mother. She’d bring me sometimes when she did Her Majesty’s hair, and I’d spend hours watching the ways she styled the queen.”
Queen Bronwen was a true testament to the rags-to-riches story. I still couldn’t believe it. That the king had chosen her despite everyone telling him it would be a mistake. I loved the story. The whimsy and magic of it. The romance.
Over the last week, I’d spent every day with the queen, getting to know her, her history, my history. We’d walked the halls of the castle, drank afternoon tea, talking for hours in the drawing room, spending nights looking at the stars from the conservatory. She was so easy to talk to, and I already felt a kinship with her. She’d also promised she’d teach me to fly when I was ready. There’d been no judgment in her eyes when I’d told her I didn’t know how.
It had been wonderful learning more about this woman whom Gran told me gave me up. She’d lied to me. Not a half truth but a full-on lie because it was apparent the queen would never have given me up. I hadn’t broached that topic with my mother, not sure how to even go about it.
My mother began humming mindlessly while working my long strands around the hot tongs. We fell into a comfortable silence, and it was nice being able to just sit in peace.
I’d barely seen King Yarron, the queen telling me he was very busy with important meetings and work. I had a feeling there was something she wasn’t saying, but I’d enjoyed my time with her so much that I’d set my worries aside.
I still wasn’t sure how she could be so certain I was her daughter. She’d shown me many paintings of her in her youth, and there was a striking similarity between us. Not to mention that song... I wasn’t sure how Gran knew it, how she’d passed it on to me, but it was odd. Everything too much of a coincidence to not be true.
“You look beautiful, daughter,” the queen said, setting the tongs on the hot coals next to us, which glowed orange.
I swallowed, staring at myself in the mirror: my curled hair, my rosy cheeks and big, green eyes. The freckles that scattered across my pale skin. They’d chosen a silver dress for me, one with long sleeves and a tight bodice that flared at the waist and cascaded to the ground like a shimmering waterfall.
I did look beautiful. I felt beautiful. I also felt confused. Overwhelmed. Scared. And angry. So, so angry at Gran. At the secrets she’d kept from me. She’d taken me from two loving parents, from an entire life of being a princess. Yet some traitorous part of me still loved her and worried about her, which only made me even angrier. I hated that she’d carved out a piece of my heart and had taken it with her.
“Have you found any other information on my... on Silla?” I asked.
The queen stared at me in the mirror. “No,” she said softly. “We have many trusted advisors working on it, but none have been able to parse who this woman is or why she took you.”
Her voice was stiff, unnatural, and a pang shot through my heart at how hard it must be for her to talk about this.
I could not for the life of me figure out why Gran had taken me away from them, why she hated them so much.
My mother said they had no enemies that she knew of. That they’d just become king and queen when the Shadow War was ending. They’d both been impossibly young: my mother fifteen and my father eighteen. So young to have so much responsibility thrust on them.
I’d found out much in my time here. That my mother had been fifty years old when she’d had me, which was almost unheard of. Women simply didn’t have children that late in life. She and my father had tried and tried to produce an heir with no success until she finally got pregnant with me. Her miracle baby. She’d given birth, and she and my father were overjoyed. Until the morning they discovered I’d been taken.
They’d sent guards out to scour the lands but could not find me anywhere and had come to the painful conclusion I was dead. But without confirmation, rumors swirled in the sky court about me, many girls coming forward over the years claiming to be me. I’d told them of the tower, of my life with Gran, but it was hard to talk about because I knew it hurt the queen to hear about my childhood. She’d missed all my firsts.
“Do you think she’ll come back for you?” the queen asked, reaching around to brush a stray hair from my eyes.
I shook my head. “She’s far too weak for that, but even if she weren’t... she’s trapped somewhere, someone’s prisoner.”
I hadn’t told them everything about my time since I’d left the tower. Loch had trusted me with his story about his time in the shadow court, about his discovery of the shadow king. I didn’t want to betray that information. Not until I got a better sense of these people. My family.
My mother swallowed. “What a wretched, horrible woman.”
I laid a hand on her arm, knowing I should agree. I did agree. At this point, I didn’t know whether I hoped they found Gran or not. If they did, they’d put her to death, and I wasn’t sure I could handle that. Or they’d throw her into one of those cages high above the castle. I didn’t think I could live here knowing she was up there, suffering. But she was probably already suffering. Especially if this mysterious shadow king had her.
For all she did wrong, that horrid, wretched woman my mother referred to raised me. She’d stayed by my side when I had night terrors, nursed me to health when I was sick, taught me to read and write and to question the world around me. She made me laugh and cry, and some part of me still felt I owed her for all of that.
“Are you sure about this ball?” I asked as my mother placed a silver mask with feathers pointing out from the two ends over my eyes. “Introducing me to the whole court tonight? I’ve only been here a week. I don’t know how to be a princess, a queen.”
The queen placed her hands on my shoulders. “I’ll let you in on a secret. Neither does anyone else. I was fifteen years old when I married your father. Plucked from the streets by him after his guards hit me while flying through the air. I didn’t know a damn thing about being a queen. I just did my best, and slowly, I grew into the queen I wanted to be.”
I hadn’t thought of it like that.
“No one expects you to be a queen tonight. The people are just eager to meet you, and I know I’ve only been in your life for a week now—” Her voice wobbled, tears filling her eyes. She’d been doing that a lot lately. “But you’re truly remarkable.”
I averted my gaze. “I think you’re a bit biased.”
She came to sit on the stool next to me, gathering my hands in hers. “No, Arabella.”
I tried not to wince at that. I still wasn’t comfortable with the name. Didn’t know if I’d ever be comfortable with it.
“I’m not biased,” she insisted. “I see a woman who has been through something that would make most lose their sanity. Instead of telling me the horrors of your life in that tower, you told me of books and woodcraft and paint. You told me about a forest and a meadow that sounds lovely. About a garden you tended.” Her eyes crinkled. “You seem to make the best of every situation. Even this. I suspect you tell me the good things to shield me from the bad. I can tell you’re so giving in that way.” She paused. “Yes, it’s a dream to become a princess, but the reality is much, much different. It’s hard and grueling and tiring and overwhelming, yet you’ve managed to stay positive, to keep your head. I don’t know how you do it. You’re a marvel. Truly.”
My cheeks flushed.
“Our people will love you because we love you. And when you’re ready, we’ll begin talking about what it means that you’re our heir.”
I still wasn’t sure I wanted to be queen, that I was worthy of such a title. Just a few days ago, I’d been Poppy, a woman in a tower. Now I was a princess with an entire court on my shoulders. It was a weight I wasn’t sure I could bear. I also couldn’t admit that to my mother. She was so overjoyed. Of course she was.
The queen had many questions about how I’d escaped, and again, I’d told her as much as I could. I never revealed Loch’s true identity but told her that three strangers had gotten lost, stumbled upon my tower by accident right as I was trying to escape. I felt guilty about lying, but I’d revealed the main details. The most important ones.
The queen stood, her periwinkle dress glimmering in the last rays of the sun that shone through the windows of my chamber. The crown twinkled atop her head.
“You will do wonderful tonight,” she said, then made to move.
I grabbed her hand. “Wait. Did you talk with the king about my friends? The ones I told you about?”
She stiffened.
They were probably already gone, off on their adventure to the shadow court, and the thought made my heart sink. If I could find them, I wanted that chance.
“I have,” the queen said. “We think it’s best you stay here, in the castle, for now.”
My shoulders slumped.
“We just want you to be safe until we’re sure there are no threats against you. This is a precarious time for us, and we just found you. I’m not sure I’d survive losing you again. We will send out couriers to look for your friends, if you’d like. Let them know you’re okay.”
My head shot up. “No, that’s not necessary.”
I didn’t need anyone surprising them. Besides, I wanted to see them myself. This shocking news should come from me. Otherwise, they might not even believe it. I scarcely believed it.
She fingered one of my curls. She’d been doing that a lot lately. Finding every excuse she could to touch me. Like she thought maybe I was a ghost, here to haunt her. I’d felt like a ghost for much of my life.
“It won’t be like this forever,” the queen said. “I don’t want you to be unhappy.”
“I’m not,” I said quickly. “This is just a huge adjustment for me.”
Her hand dropped from my hair. “I know. I know it is. If the ball gets to be too much for you at any time tonight, just let me know, and we’ll have Erasmus escort you back to your room.”
I glanced out the open door, where Erasmus stood. He’d been my personal guard for the last week, and truth be told, I appreciated his company. He had a quiet, gentle way about him that calmed my frayed nerves.
“Thank you,” I said.
She cupped my cheek a final time before nodding and turning. “I’ll see you shortly.” She stopped in the doorway. “And Arabella, you’re going to be magnificent tonight.”
My stomach churned as I stared at myself in the mirror. Tonight everyone would discover who I was. If only I could be sure of it myself.