Chapter 17
Present Day
Two days after Bethany met Rod, Renee, and Felix for the first time, Felix’s doctor sent along his medical files, officially transferring the responsibility to Bethany. Bethany sat at the kitchen table with an apple and a spoonful of peanut butter to read over the numerous documents, analyze his X-rays, and make notes about the upcoming procedure. More often than not, she could fully fall into the work and forget that this little boy was Rod’s grandson. When she remembered it, the truth sprang out and attacked her, reminding her of the delicacy of life—and her fear for her own children.
She took bites of apple, closed her eyes, and counted to ten. She reminded herself that she was doing all she could for her children, that they were healthy and safe. More than that, if anything went wrong—which it wouldn’t—she had the skills to help them. She was strong.
It was true that Maddie, Tommy, and Phoebe were thriving on Nantucket. Yet again, this very afternoon, they were off with their cousins, hiking through the woods and swimming. They always returned home tanned, happy, and tired, with enormous appetites that Esme was pleased to meet. The look in their eyes reminded Bethany of her own childhood joys. It felt remarkable that she could give these gifts to them—just by driving them north. Away from the Waterstones. Away from Savannah.
“I always wanted to go to Savannah,” Rebecca said dreamily one evening with a laugh. “Now, I want to erase it from the map completely.”
Bethany arranged to meet Felix again for a checkup. Because of her standing as a top surgeon in Savannah, she was able to rent a hospital room on Nantucket with just a phone call.
“We don’t have anything heavy scheduled this week, anyway,” one of the nurses explained as she led her through the glossy hallways. “We know all about you and are pleased to host you. Just let us know what you need.”
Bethany thanked her and closed the door behind her, locking herself away with Felix’s files. Again, she imagined what it would be like to operate the Nantucket surgical ward. It wouldn’t be as frantic and stressful as the Savannah surgical ward, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she needed to take a breather for a few years.
Besides, once word got around that Bethany Sutton was located on Nantucket, people would probably come from miles around to be treated by her. She’d experienced that frequently in Savannah. She’d become someone essential, someone sought after.
She wished she could tell her seventeen-year-old self this would happen one day. She would make such a startling difference in the medical community that patients would come to her rather than the other way around. She wished, too, that she could tell this to her previous colleagues and bosses from that heinous internship in Manhattan. That was the summer when she’d officially given her soul to the medical field. And not a single person in that community had believed in her.
Rod, Renee, and Felix arrived five minutes before their appointment was set to begin. This was normal. People needed answers; they didn’t dally.
“So good to see you again,” Bethany said, ushering them into the hospital room, trying not to stare at Rod for too long. She wasn’t sure she would ever get used to seeing him like this again.
Renee’s eyes were tinged with red, and Rod looked tired and rough around the edges. As though unsure of how to proceed in a professional setting, he stuck out his hand and shook Bethany’s. A shot of electricity went up her arm.
Felix looked tired and pale. Bethany inspected him succinctly, using the hospital equipment in the room and speaking to him gently and happily. Felix smiled at her, his eyes following her head around as she moved.
“He likes you,” Renee said. “I can tell.”
Bethany was accustomed to patients liking her. Even back in medical school, when she’d had no friends and her life had been a whole lot of nothingness, the doctors in charge of her wing in the hospital had said she had a way with patients, and a remarkable bedside manner. “You have wonderful compassion for your patients,” another doctor had written on her report. “Make sure you don’t lose it.” Apparently, it was common among doctors who’d worked for too long to lose empathy.
But it always warmed her heart when little kids liked her. She wanted them to feel safe most of all.
After she’d finished the examination, Renee held Felix as they talked logistics.
“We’ve already booked our flights,” Renee explained of the trip to Savannah. “And we have a hotel room right next to the hospital.”
“Perfect,” Bethany said. “I normally recommend that one. A hallway connects the hospital with the hotel, so you don’t even have to go out into the sweltering heat.”
“I looked at the humidity percentage,” Renee said with a wry laugh. “I don’t know how you handle it down there!”
“My skin got used to it after a few years,” Bethany remembered.
“You became truly Southern,” Rod joked.
With the surgery fast approaching, Bethany outlined what Renee and Rod needed to do for Felix during the days prior to and after the big day. Rod took notes on his phone as Renee nodded so much that her hair shook. Felix babbled happily and eventually fell asleep on Renee’s shoulder. The sight of it made Bethany’s heart ache. She remembered when Phoebe had fallen asleep so easily, as though all she’d needed was her mother’s warmth. Nobody told you that that would one day go away, that they would grow up and want to run away from you.
After the appointment, Renee thanked Bethany for everything, carried Felix into the hallway, and glanced back at Rod with a knowing look in her eyes. Rod remained in the hospital room, his hands in fists.
“Do you have plans for the rest of the afternoon?” he asked.
Bethany’s heart quickened. “I don’t.”
“Would you like to grab a coffee?”
Bethany gathered her things in her arms and put Felix’s files in her purse. “Sure. Coffee sounds nice.” She felt on the verge of fainting.
Rod and Bethany walked through the empty halls of the hospital to the parking lot. Rod’s truck towered over many of the other vehicles. Bethany remembered how he’d previously talked about wanting a truck for fishing and long trips across the East Coast. It suited him.
“I could drive us,” Rod said quietly, eyeing her. “If you want.”
“Okay.”
Bethany followed Rod to his truck, where he opened the passenger door and helped her up. Bethany tried to laugh even as her stomach twisted in knots. When was the last time a man had opened a door for her? Nick was supposed to be Southern, with Southern-minded manners, but he’d never done that.
Rod’s car smelled like peppermint, presumably from his gum. He drove with his hands at ten and two, and the radio played songs from the nineties. They were the same songs they’d loved in their youth—Nirvana and Incubus and Alanis Morissette. Bethany’s throat was tight. She told herself not to cry.
“Brings back memories, huh?” Rod finally said, interrupting the silence.
“Do you still listen to this stuff?”
“All the time,” Rod admitted. “I never really outgrew the songs from back then. Once the year 2000 hit, I was so busy with a toddler that I couldn’t focus on what came next. And once she grew up, I felt so out of touch with modern music.” He laughed. “What I’m saying is that I felt old as heck.”
“But you’re not old,” Bethany said. “You’re only forty-three!”
Rod glanced her way. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel old sometimes, too.”
“You have me there.”
Rod drove them to a little coffee shop near the harbor. He opened the door for her again, and a little bell jangled overhead, drawing them into the cozy interior. Bethany felt so jittery that she ordered a tea while Rod opted for a black coffee. At the last minute, he ordered a very large chocolate chip cookie with sea salt, which sat between them on the table in the corner, begging to be torn apart and shared.
Now that they faced one another like this, without the buffer of the truck’s radio, Bethany’s anxiety mounted. She was grateful when Rod decided to speak first.
“I can’t believe we’re here.”
Bethany smiled. “I can’t either.”
“I can’t thank you enough, you know?” Rod sputtered. “We’ve had such a hard time. It’s been a nightmare.”
Bethany had heard hundreds of parents and family members say just that about her patients. “We have to take it one day at a time,” she assured him.
Rod sipped his coffee and adjusted his expression. He gestured toward his head. “I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about how weird this is. I have so many questions for you. But I don’t know where to start.”
“I have questions for you, too.”
Rod brightened as though surprised she’d thought of him at all. “You start, then.”
Bethany laughed. “Me?”
“I was never as articulate as you.”
Bethany filled her mouth with piping-hot tea and scalded her tongue. “Okay.” She winced. “I heard you went away for a few years for college. How was that?”
“To tell you the truth, it was difficult,” Rod said. “I hated being away from the island for so long. Away from my boat! Away from my house! But every day, I reminded myself how lucky I was to take this chance and go after something.” He raised his shoulders. “You know, you inspired me to do that, in a way. You were always so driven. Always going after what you wanted.”
Bethany sighed. “Too driven, I think.”
“No way. Look at your career. Look at the life you’ve built!”
“How much do you know? About my life, I mean.” Bethany knew there was a great deal of information about her on the internet. She’d married into the Waterstone family, after all—and they were a frequent subject of journalism and the country’s medical narrative.
Rod took the question in stride. “I know you married another doctor. I know his family is quite prominent. But I also know you were recently named the top surgeon at a hospital in Savannah—a position that previously belonged to your father-in-law.”
Bethany raised her eyebrows. “You know a lot.”
“You’ve always been a topic of interest for me.” Rod chuckled. “It’s been amazing to watch your impressive rise.”
Bethany fought the urge to tell him she was nothing or felt like nothing.
Instead, she asked, “What about you? Did you marry?”
“Never.” Rod shook his head.
Bethany was surprised. She’d always imagined him settling down one day, donning a tuxedo, joining his life with another.
Rod palmed the back of his neck. “It makes me feel like I have four heads. Who doesn’t get married? It’s bizarre. Or people around here think it’s bizarre.”
“A lot of people don’t get married,” Bethany offered. “It’s falling out of fashion.”
“I always planned to,” Rod said. “I just never met someone.”
His eyes glowed as he gazed at her. It was as though he was confirming what they both knew—that they would have married one another, given the chance.
After a pause, Bethany added, “My husband and I are taking a break right now.”
Rod looked deflated. “I’m so sorry to hear that.” He paused. “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”
“I don’t mind.” How could she? She’d previously told Rod every single thought in her mind. They’d been two halves of the same whole.
“I do still love Nick,” Bethany said tentatively. “We’ve been married for fifteen years and have three children. We’ve been through so much. But I can’t help but think there’s a lack of respect on his side.”
Rod’s eyes widened.
“As you said, Nick was passed over for the position his father had held for decades,” Bethany continued, “and I was named top surgeon. That was probably the first day of the end of my marriage. Until then, Nick could pretend, at least, that he was a better surgeon than me or that we were equal. But now that the scales have tipped in my favor, he hasn’t looked at me the same way. It’s been proof of something for me. That he always saw me as less than. That he never thought I would truly amount to anything.”
Bethany was getting carried away, speaking too quickly. She gasped for breath and touched her chest.
“It’s okay,” Rod assured her. His nourishing and deep voice brought her back to earth.
After Bethany regained her breath, she gave Rod a soft smile. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling,” Rod said.
“Life comes at you fast.”
Rod laughed. “I’m sure you’ll see him. When we go to Savannah next week, I mean.”
Bethany’s heart thrummed. “We haven’t spoken at all since I got here. I don’t know what he thinks about any of this. I don’t even know if he misses the kids.” Her voice cracked.
Rod tilted his head. “Do you think you owe it to yourself to see him again? To hash this out? I mean, you say you still love him.”
Bethany was silent and thoughtful. She sipped her tea.
“People get divorced all the time,” Rod said. “But I know how terrible it can feel to make a rash decision and not be able to go back on it.”
Bethany raised her eyes to meet his. She understood what he was referring to almost immediately. They were both remembering their breakup all those years ago—when Bethany’s stress and depression had cratered between them. It had been rash. It had been too soon. They hadn’t been able to go back.
“Thank you for the advice,” Bethany said, surprised by how genuinely she meant it.
She didn’t want to throw away her marriage as rashly as she’d thrown away her relationship with Rod. She’d regretted that for years. Maybe she still did.
After they finished their coffee and tore apart the chocolate chip cookie, they walked along the boardwalk for a while. Rod had his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slung back as he told her a story from ten years ago, when Renee had still been a teenager, and he’d been in over his head.
“I’m at the very beginning of that chaos,” Bethany yelped. “Maddie and Tommy are thirteen.”
“Uh-oh,” Rod said. “You frightened?”
“Should I be?”
Rod’s eyes glinted. “Buckle up, Bethy. You’re in teenager territory now.”
“Ugh.”
“What are they like?” Rod asked, his face open.
Bethany thought for a moment. “They’re all very smart.”
“No surprise there.”
“I think they’re smarter than me,” Bethany said. “More socially intelligent, in any case. Maddie and Tommy are like Nick and me in that they love science and math. But Phoebe is softer. More emotional. She likes drawing pictures, reading books, and dreaming up stories. Nick and his parents see no use in the arts. Nick wants to put her in an after-school science program to improve her grades in those areas, but I keep telling them to let Phoebe be Phoebe.”
“Well said.”
Bethany rubbed her forehead. “I’m ranting,” she said with a laugh. “I’m sorry. I feel like I carry these arguments with Nick around in my head all the time.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Bethany laughed lightly, watching as a little girl scampered down the boardwalk with a melting ice cream cone. She itched to reach out and take Rod’s hand.
“It’s so good to talk to an old friend,” Bethany said finally. “I’ve had my sister and mom by my side lately, and it’s been a godsend. But I never thought they fully got me. Not the way you did.”
“We’ve gone through too much together not to get one another.”
The words were barely a whisper. Bethany squeezed her palms together, her chest aching. She felt that if she didn’t force herself to go home now and leave Rod, she might never find the strength to step away from him. She felt herself swimming in the same feelings she’d had for him thirty years ago. The power of a high schooler’s emotions transcended time and space.
“I’d better get back,” she said, her voice cracking.
“Me too.”
Bethany tucked a curl around her ear. “You’re remarkable, Rod. I hope you know that.”
Rod’s eyes glowed. “You too, Bethy. I’m thrilled to know you.”
Although Rod had driven her downtown from the hospital, Bethany insisted on walking herself home. Later, Rebecca could take her to the hospital to pick up her car. But right now, she wanted to stretch her legs and feel the soft early evening breeze through her hair. She wanted to remember fully what it meant to have her heart thrum with love.
It wasn’t like she was going to get back together with Rod. She was already married. She was already in the midst of her own mess. But it was so marvelous to dream of a new start.