11. All men are assholes.
Chapter 11
All men are assholes.
Amelia
N o matter how much I stare at my phone, it does nothing to make Christian message me back. I’m embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve opened the message thread and reread our conversations. It’s my only connection to him at the moment.
It’s like I think if I stare at it long enough, he’ll feel my gaze and message me.
He’s not. He’s hardly said three words to me since he left. If I have to read one more ‘I’m fine’ from him, I’m going to scream.
Even worse, he’s been silent for almost forty-eight hours. At least when he messages that he’s fine, I know he’s alive.
I got three days of ‘I’m fine,’ and now it’s nothing but silence. I hate silence more than ‘I’m fine.’
I open the message thread and type out another response.
Amelia
Will you please let me know if you’re okay? Not hearing from you is killing me.
I hesitate over the send button. This message says almost the same thing as the one I sent last night before bed.
God, I’m pathetic.
I quickly hit the backspace button until every letter is gone and type out a new response.
Amelia
Please …
That one word is more than he deserves right now, but I can’t help it. He means everything to me. I need to know he’s okay.
I hit send before I can change my mind again. Then I put my phone face down on the nightstand next to my bed. Or should I say the spare bed in Nova’s apartment?
Unfortunately, staying with Nova has provided little to no peace. My family has made sure my life has been hell this past week. I’m forced to see Mom every day at work. Some days, all she does is lecture me about how irresponsible I am and tell me I’ve destroyed our family with my little stunt . She says it like I deliberately set out to embarrass the family or am acting selfish.
Other days, she pretends I don’t exist. On those days, she still talks to customers about what I did and how it makes her feel as if I’m not even there. Because of her constant talking and Beaver’s need for gossip, business has picked up. My in-store sales have exceeded my online sales for the first time in months. At least we’re making money off this scandal.
Jason and Aaron have mostly left me alone, but Linden and Tanner take turns blowing up my phone with calls or text messages. I’ve done my best to ignore them, but they make it hard. Thankfully, they’re not coming to the shop. I guess they assume Mom has that covered.
Dad hasn’t spoken to me. I knew he’d be disappointed, but I didn’t expect him to stop talking to me. I’ve messaged him a few times and called, but he hasn’t answered.
My phone buzzes with an incoming message. My heart rate picks up and my chest feels tight. There’s a fluttering sensation in my belly that always washes over me when Christian messages me. But that sensation fades quickly when I look at my phone.
Linden
Will you please come home? We need to deal with this as a family.
I groan and fall back on the bed.
“Tanner or Linden?” Nova asks. I glance up to see her standing in the doorway with a grin on her face.
“Why are you smiling?”
She shrugs. “Why not? I see no reason to frown.”
I snort. “My life is in shambles, and you want to smile?”
“Again, why not?” She steps into the room and sits cross-legged on the bed next to me. “I’ve got one of my best friends crashing in my spare bedroom. She’s great company, and she’s going to have a baby. I love babies.”
I shake my head and stare at the ceiling. “You might be the only person in my life who’s excited about this little one.”
“That’s not true. Hadley and Grams are excited.”
That makes me smile. “True. Grams came into the shop yesterday. Did I tell you that?”
She shakes her head. “Did she raise all kinds of hell?”
I shake my head, and my smile grows. “The exact opposite, actually. She was sweet and cheerful and made sure to go on and on about how excited she was about this baby. She was so sickly sweet to my mom, it made me laugh.”
“Oh God.” Nova chuckles. “I bet Johanna loved that.”
“Hardly.” I rub my belly in a protective manner and squeeze my eyes closed as the memory of Mom’s actions flood to the surface. “Grams knitted the baby the cutest little booties. Mom threatened to cut them up with a pair of scissors.”
Nova gasps. “She didn’t!”
I nod. “It was quite the spectacle. She kept yelling that no grandbaby of hers would ever wear something from a Mutter.”
“And Grams didn’t argue back?”
“Nope. She just smiled at me and said she was also making a blanket for her grandchild. She put emphasis on her . I thought Mom was going to have a coronary.”
“God, I love that woman.” I can hear Nova’s smile in her words.
“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” I glance over at Nova and try to force a smile to match hers. But I can’t do it. “She hasn’t heard from him either.”
She reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Try not to worry. He’ll be back soon. I’m sure of it.”
I nod and fight back the tears. “What if he’s using again? This is just the thing that could cause him to break.”
Nova is shaking her head before I get my greatest worry out. I’ve never said these words out loud, but I think about them all the time. Christian does too. “Nope. Don’t think like that. He’s stronger than anyone gives him credit for. You two will get through this.”
“I worry about it all the time. We both do.” I admit. “He’s worked so hard to stay clean. I don’t want to be the reason he backslides.”
“Girl, I’d bet my last dollar you’re the reason he’s stayed clean this long. You’re the strongest person I know, and that strength bleeds into everyone in your life. I guarantee he thrives on that.”
“But he’s not here!” I break. I’ve held in my emotions for as long as I can. My tears break free and stream down my face as a sob takes over. “He’s off doing God knows what and spiraling. I can’t help him out of that if he’s not here.”
“Lia.” Nova sighs and I can’t tell if it’s from frustration because I won’t listen to her reason or because she shares my concerns. It’s hard to tell with her sometimes. She’s not always the most patient person, but she cares deeply. “You’ve got to stop trying to be everyone’s savior. I know you love Christian, but the only person who can save him is himself.”
“But I can help him.” I cry.
“True, but only if he accepts your help. Right now, he needs space and time, and you need to take care of you and this baby.” She pulls her phone out of her back packet and looks at the screen. “And get ready for work. You’re going to be late.”
“I don’t want to go to work.” I cringe at how whiny my voice sounds.
Thankfully, Nova laughs instead of scalding me. She hates whiners. “Yes, you do. You love your job.”
“Mom’s driving me crazy. I can’t handle her right now.”
“When doesn’t Johanna drive you crazy?” Nova pushes to her feet. She reaches for my hands and tugs me off the bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes while you shower and get dressed.”
“With bacon?” The prospect of being able to eat bacon again excites me. Thankfully, my body didn’t reject it for long.
I look up at her with puppy dog eyes. She hates it when I do that, which is precisely why I do it.
She chuckles and shakes her head. “Not if you talk to me like that I won’t. I need a smile. Only then will I make you bacon.”
“I don’t have any smiles left in me at the moment.” Not entirely a lie. I could force a smile if I had to, but I don’t want to.
She crosses her arms over her chest with a raised brow. It’s not in my nature to take a defeatist attitude toward life. I always look for the bright side when things get tough. Right now, I’m struggling to find a bright side to hang onto.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I say. “Let me wallow in self-pity for once.”
Nova shakes her head and frowns. “No can do. The Lia I know and love doesn’t wallow. She fights back and kicks ass when things get tough. She’s strong and never gives up.”
I growl in frustration. “I’m tired of being strong all the time. When is it my turn to lean on someone else for a change?”
“Girl, you’ve got me and Hadley. You can lean on us anytime you need to, but that doesn’t mean you give up. Never give up.”
“I’m not going to give up. I just want to not fight and kick ass for at least one day. Can I have one day to wallow? Please.”
“ One more day.” She points her finger at me like she’s about to reprimand me for unacceptable behavior. “You’ve been wallowing for almost a week now. Tomorrow, you’re back to kicking ass and taking names. Deal?”
I stare at her for a moment, processing her words. She’s not wrong. I never act like this. But I’ve also never been in a situation like this before either.
“I’ll consider your offer, but I might need more than one more day.” I gather my clothes to get ready for a shower. As much as I want to skip work, I can’t. “I think I’m entitled to a little wallowing and self-pity for a change.”
“You’re not wrong, but I still don’t like it.”
“Well,” I sigh. “There are a lot of things in this world I don’t like, but that doesn’t mean I get to change it.” I force that smile that I’m not really feeling. “Now go make me bacon. Please.”
She laughs and heads out to the kitchen. “Breakfast in twenty,” she yells just before I shut the bathroom door behind me.
I take a deep breath and fall back against the door. Everything will be fine. It has to be. But for now, I’m going to let myself worry and wallow.
I wish I had never got out of bed.
Christian still hasn’t responded to my messages.
Mom is ignoring me, which makes work awkward.
Darlene keeps telling lewd jokes that normally would make me laugh, but I’m still not in a laughing mood. Mom gasps at every one of them but still doesn’t speak. She’s giving Darlene the cold shoulder too because Darlene took my side.
Random people from town keep coming in to get a look at the traitor . Yes, Mom and Dad’s loyal friends are calling me a traitor. Though these so-called loyal friends have never come into the shop before to support the family business. They’re only loyal in gossip and their dislike for the Mutters.
A loud rumble echoes in the distance. My heart rate instantly speeds up as I strain to decipher what kind of vehicle is making that noise. Whatever it is, it’s getting closer. The rumble turns into a roar, and I can’t stop the smile that creeps over my face.
I glance over at Mom, but she’s preoccupied with helping a customer. I don’t think she knows that roar belongs to a motorcycle. I’ve been around Christian long enough that I know the sound well.
I try to distract myself with paperwork as the sound intensifies, but it doesn’t work. I’m much too anxious about the possibility of seeing Christian.
“What on earth?” Mom exclaims.
I look up, only to have my heart sink. Not one, but three bikes—all with riders wearing jackets with the Unholy Ghosts MC insignia on them—stop outside the shop’s entrance.
I immediately recognize one of them as Edge, the president of the MC. The other two I’ve never seen before.
Edge swings his leg over the bike, pushes to his feet, and turns to speak to the other two men. A moment later, he turns toward the shop’s entrance.
Mom presses her hand to her chest with a look of fear on her face. “What’s he doing here?” she whisper-shouts.
“How should I know?” I say. Christian is friends with Edge and a few other members of the club, but I don’t know them.
“This is your fault, Lia. You brought this trouble to our door.”
I don’t even bother trying to hide my irritation with her. “Who says we’ve got trouble?”
She whips her head around to face me. Her eyes widen with a wild look I’ve never seen on her face before. She’s genuinely scared.
“Do you know who he is?” she whisper-shouts again.
“Of course, I know who he is. I’ve been to Posey’s plenty of times.”
The look of horror on her face almost makes me laugh, but I fight back the urge. Sometimes my parents act like I’m still a teenager and not almost thirty. The curse of living at home for so long, I guess.
Thankfully, she doesn’t get a chance to lecture me before the bell above the door rings, announcing Edge’s arrival. His formidable presence instantly changes the vibe of the shop.
His eyes land on me. In deliberate and long strides, he marches in my direction like he owns the place. He doesn’t look around or acknowledge anyone else.
I stand tall and put on my best smile. When he stops in front of the counter, I ask, “How can I help you?”
Mom gasps, causing Edge to snap his stare in her direction. She shrinks in on herself before she disappears into the back room.
Edge looks back at me with something that almost resembles a smile. I think he finds my mom’s fear amusing.
“I need to place an order,” he says. He may look like he’s capable of tearing this place apart with little to no effort, but his voice is calm and respectful. It puts me at ease.
“Do you know what you want, or would you like to look at one of our catalogs?”
“Tulips,” he says. “Red ones.”
I narrow my eyes. There’s something odd about the way he said that. “Okay, that’s easy enough. Do you want any accent flowers or foliage?”
He shakes his head. “Just tulips. Fourteen should be good.”
I furrow my brows at the number and the way he said it. It’s an odd request, but I don’t question him. I’m not scared he’ll hurt me, but this is Edge. No reason to tempt fate.
I grab an order form and write down what he wants. “Do you want to pick out a vase? We have a wide variety over there.”
I point to a shelf along the side wall. He walks over to it and picks up the first one he sees. “This one.”
I stare at him. Confused by his actions. He doesn’t seem the least bit interested in the flowers. And he keeps saying random words with emphasis. Maybe they aren’t so random after all.
“Okay.” I add it to the order while he returns to the counter. “When do you need this ready?”
“ Nine days .” His answer is clipped, and it causes me to snap mine up to meet his steely stare.
There’s something about the way he’s staring at me that causes me to pause. Maybe these words aren’t so random after all.
“Is this for a special occasion?” I ask.
He widens his stance and crosses his arms over his chest. “A friend returns in nine days .”
My heart pounds so hard, it causes my ears to ring. Is he trying to tell me something? “A friend?”
He gives me a single nod. Then he raises one brow. The look on his face suggests he thinks I should have already known that. Does he know where Christian went, and is this his way of telling me Christian will be back in nine days? They’re friends, but I thought he kept his whereabouts to himself. I hope he’s not in trouble.
Unable to look at him for fear I will see a different answer, I focus on the order form. “Will you be picking these up or do you want us to deliver them?”
“I want you to deliver them.”
My hand is shaking when I pick up the pen to complete the order form. “Address.”
He lays his hand over mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. His tone is soft, and the words are more than a whisper when he answers me. “You know the place. The one that very few have ever seen.”
My eyes sting with tears, and I quickly squeeze them shut. He knows about Christian’s cabin in the woods.
I pray Darlene can’t see how emotional I suddenly became. She’s across the room and keeps looking in my direction.
I clear my throat and take a deep breath. “What time?”
“Late,” is his only reply as he digs his wallet out of his pocket. He pulls out two crisp hundred-dollar bills and tosses them on the counter.
I stare at them with wide eyes. “This is too much.”
When I look up, he’s already heading to the door. He’s outside and on his bike before I can even wrap my head around what just happened.
Did I just receive my first secret message? And why did I have to hear it in code?
What the hell, Christian?
Darlene walks over to the front window and stares at the three men as they start up their bikes. The same loud roar that announced their arrival signifies their departure.
“Well, that was exciting!” Darlene says. I can’t see her face, but I can hear the smile in her tone. “He’s so handsome.”
“He’s scary,” Mom says from the doorway to the back room. “Lia, is this really the kind of business you want to run?”
“Yes..” I turn to her and give her a curt smile.
“Why?” She stomps her foot like a spoiled child.
“Mom!” I say way louder than I’d typically respond, but I’ve had all I can take. “Stop it with the dramatics.”
“You’ve brought trouble to our doorstep. Can’t you see that?”
“I’ve done no such thing.” I insist.
“Need I remind you of what you’ve done?”
“Nope,” I say like I don’t care what she thinks. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I care very much about what my parents think of me. Their behavior isn’t surprising, but it still hurts all the same.
She marches around the counter until she’s opposite me. “Look at me!” The demanding tone in her voice has my eyes flying to meet hers. “Please tell me this isn’t real.”
“It’s real.” My tone is mocking and disrespectful. “I love him and we’re having a baby.”
“Don’t you dare use that word.”
“Love! Love! Love!” I shout it so loud the entire block probably hears me.
“What has gotten into you?” Tears well up in her eyes and she looks like she’s about to crumble. “Your dad hasn’t slept in days. Your brothers are ready to bury that boy. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“How about you stand by my side? I’m your daughter. You shouldn’t be confused about your role in my life.”
“You don’t get it. They want to murder that man, and I can’t say I blame them. He’s the worst of that lot.”
“No, he’s not!” I slam my order pad closed and ring up Edge’s order so I can lock up the cash he gave me in the register. “Christian is misunderstood. His actions are a derivative of years of abuse from his mother. Show some compassion.”
“Compassion?” she scoffs. “I can’t, Lia. He stole my only daughter.” Her voice cracks as she struggles to keep from breaking down. “You are the strength of our family. We will not survive this. Can’t you see that?”
“I’m tired of being everyone’s strength. For once in my life, it’d be nice to have someone hold me up for a change. Just once. Is that too much to ask?”
I grab my purse from under the counter and head for the door.
“Where are you going?” Mom calls out to me.
“Anywhere but here.” I stop next to Darlene, who has remained shockingly quiet this entire time. She gives me a sympathetic look that tells me she understands. “Will you please close up the shop today?”
“Of course, honey.” She pats my arm like she’s not sure if it’s safe to touch me. “I’ll also get started on any online orders we have.”
“You don’t have to do that. I can get them ready tomorrow.”
“Nonsense.” Her smile is soothing. It makes me want to lean into her for the hug my parents should have given me a week ago. “You go and take care of yourself. The shop will be fine.”
“Thank you.” I give her my best smile even though it’s as fake as fake can get. Nothing about this morning makes me want to smile.
Once I step outside, I take a deep breath. I instantly relax. This distance between Mom and me is exactly what I needed. It doesn’t solve my problems, but it does help me calm down.
And right now, calm sounds pretty damn good.