17. Don’t poke the devil.
Chapter 17
Don’t poke the devil.
Amelia
“ S o, what do you think?” I ask my friends after I finish showing them around the cabin.
It’s still a bit of a mess. Christian and I just moved in three days ago and we haven’t had time to unpack much. Plus, we don’t have a lot of storage space yet. We won’t until the contractor finishes our new bedroom.
“It’s going to be great,” Hadley says with a huge smile on her face. “I really love the design.”
“Me too.” I smile, happy she loves it. “This kitchen is going to be tough, though. There’s no room to cook.”
“How long before the new one is finished?” she asks.
“I don’t know.” I wrinkle my nose and think back to the conversation I had with the contractor. “Probably a couple of months.”
“Why not just stay at the homestead until it’s done?” Nova asks. There’s a hint of concern in her tone.
“You do know how many brothers he has, right?”
She shrugs like that doesn’t matter. “Yes, but … at least there you’d be living in an actual house.”
“This is a house, Nova.” I don’t bother hiding my frustration with her.
She continues inspecting the cabin like she didn’t even hear what I said. “How are you paying for all of this?”
“Nova!” Hadley presses her hand to her chest like Nova insulted her. “That’s a rude question.”
“No, it’s not.” Nova keeps talking like this is a perfectly normal conversation. “We both know Lia has put everything she has into the flower shop. Christian is a mechanic. At a shop he co-owns with his six brothers.”
“Christian does really well, actually.” I defend him. “He makes a lot of money building custom motorcycles.”
“Maybe so,” Nova continues. “But this is a huge project. It’d take a lot of custom bikes to pay for all of this.”
I cross my arms over my chest and glare at her. “I know you’re asking all these questions because you care, but you’re going about it in a very shitty way.”
She huffs. “Sorry. It’s just—” She spreads her arms out to her side and spins around. “This is a lot. And not just the additions to the cabin. You’re so far away out here.”
I sigh. “It’s not that far. It’s only ten minutes from the flower shop.”
“Yeah, but it’s even farther from my house.” She almost sounds like she’s whining. “It won’t be as easy to see you.”
“Nova.” I rush over to her and pull her into a hug. She resists me at first—because she hates hugs—but when I don’t let her go, she gives in. “You can come visit me anytime. And I’ll still come visit you.”
“I know. But it won’t be the same.” She squeezes me tighter, like she’s afraid I’m going to disappear.
“I wanna hug too!” Hadley wraps her arms around both of us. “If you don’t stop, you’re going to make me ugly cry.”
“Oh, hell no!” Nova breaks free from the group hug. “No crying or I’m leaving.”
Hadley quickly wipes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’m not crying.” Then she forces a fake smile. “See?”
Nova and I can’t stop the laughter as more tears well up in Hadley’s eyes. Where Nova deals with emotions through anger and silence, Hadley cries. The two of them balance me out. We complement each other well. It’s probably why we’ve been friends for so long.
Nova places her hands on her hips and looks around the messy room. There’s a closed off doorway on either side that leads to the additions that are still being constructed. Most of our boxes are stacked to one side. I’ve organized the kitchenette as best as I can, considering how small it is. But it’ll do for a couple of months.
Once completed, this will become an entrance and a sitting room. We’ll have a new kitchen to the right and our bedroom and bathroom will be behind that. Those are the rooms the contractor is finishing first. When we move into that space, they’ll gut the current bedroom, take down some walls and convert it to the main living area.
“This is going to be nice,” Nova says. When I look at her, she smiles. “I can see the vision.”
“It will be.” I let out a deep breath in relief and shake my arms to the side to release the tension. My friends are important to me and I need them to accept my life choices. “Fingers crossed it all gets done before the baby arrives.”
“When’s your due date again?” Hadley asks.
“End of March.” I rub my belly and smile. I’m still not showing that much, but a tiny bump is forming.
“Oy. That’s not much time.” Nova’s expression turns contemplative. “Here’s hoping this winter doesn’t slow you down.”
“Yeah, I’m worried about that too.” I admit. “But Christian’s already ordered all the supplies. That’s currently what’s stored in the new giant garage you see out there.”
“That garage looks bigger than this house.” Hadley’s eyes are wide as she peeks out the front window. “I mean, it’s huge.”
I chuckle. “He is a mechanic. I think he wants to make it a second shop so he can build motorcycles here rather than heading to the homestead every day. Cut down on the drive.”
“Are his brothers okay with that?” Nova asks.
“I think so. He mostly works on his own. Now that they have Sophia, Christian rarely needs to help with customers. If they need him, he’ll go in. Otherwise, he’s going to move all his equipment here and run the custom motorcycle business from home.”
“How is he affording all of this?” Nova circles back to the money question. She raises her hands in surrender and looks at me with nothing but concern. “It’s not a critical question. I’m just curious. ’Cause this is a lot.”
I nod. “It’s okay. I know you’re just concerned about me.”
“So, he’s got a lot of money?” Hadley asks.
“I wouldn’t say a lot, but he’s a saver.” I ring my hands together, fighting back the anxiety that’s building inside me. I wasn’t prepared to answer these questions. “Just like most of his brothers, he’s lived at home, so his expenses are minimal. And he makes great money building motorcycles.”
“Are you putting any money into the renovations?” Nova asks.
I shake my head. “He’s taking care of all of it. He wants me to focus on the flower shop.”
“So this will technically be his house.” Nova’s tone has a hint of worry behind each word.
“No, it’s our house.” I stare at her, not liking where she’s going with this. “We’re building this together.”
“With his money.” Now Nova sounds frustrated. “Is your name even on the deed?”
“Well—” I huff. I know she means well, but I really hate this line of questioning. It’s making me uneasy. “I trust him.”
“Why?” She looks confused. “Christian Mutter is probably the least trustworthy of all the Mutter brothers.”
“Nova. Don’t be mean,” Hadley says. Then she steps up next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder for support. “All we have to do is trust Lia. If she says Christian is okay, then he’s okay.”
“Has he even told you he loves you yet?” Nova continues, ignoring Hadley’s speech altogether.
“What?” My voice cracks and the single word sounds more like a screech than a question.
“Does he love you?” she asks.
“Yes!” I yell. “He doesn’t have to say the words for me to know how he feels. He loves me. I know he does.”
She shakes her head. “This is too risky, babe. I don’t like it.”
“What don’t you like?” I pull away from Hadley and pace in front of my friend. “I thought you supported my relationship with Christian.”
“Please don’t fight.” Hadley begs, fear lacing her words.
“It’s not that. It’s just—” She squares her shoulders, making it clear she’s not going to back down. “This is all happening so fast. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you have to move in with him. This doesn’t even mean you have to be together.”
“You listen to me.” I poke her in the shoulder, knocking her off her balance. Her eyes widen in surprise. “I know Christian better than just about anyone. We didn’t just have a one-night stand that led to this. We’ve been dating for two years. I love him and he loves me. Got it?”
She stares at me for a moment before she gives me a single nod. “Okay. I just wanted to make sure you’d really thought this through.”
“I’ve thought it through,” I say. “And I don’t want—”
The sound of Christian’s motorcycle coming up the long drive cuts me off. I rush over to the window just as he pulls into the spot next to his truck.
I turn to my friend and point a finger at her. “Be nice.”
Nova tosses her hands up in surrender. “I’m good.”
Hadley falls into the closest chair and drops her head. “This is way too stressful.”
“Just act normal,” I say right before the door flies open.
Christian freezes in the doorway and looks around the room. Then he glances over his shoulder. His eyes fixate on Nova’s car.
“I didn’t notice you had company,” he growls.
“Hadley and Nova came out to see the house,” I say.
He stares at me, his gaze unwavering, a storm brewing behind those intense eyes. I can’t decipher the emotions swirling within him—anger at me for inviting them over, or the lingering pain of his mother’s health. Either way, he’s hot in his grumpy mysterious way.
Covered in grease from a long day at the shop, his usually perfectly styled hair is a disheveled mess. His clothes, worn and torn from years of hard labor, cling to his broad shoulders, revealing the strength beneath. And that scowl ... that grumpy, frustrated scowl ... it makes my pulse quicken.
Why does this rugged, grease covered version of him feel so incredibly sexy? Is there something wrong with me?
Without another word, he marches past us and slams the bedroom door shut behind him.
Nova and Hadley exchange glances before Nova looks at me. “Are you sure about this? He’s not very friendly.”
“It’s fine.” I wave her off like she’s being ridiculous. “He told his mom about us last Sunday. It didn’t go so well. He’s been in a terrible mood ever since.”
“He looked like he was ready to kill someone,” Hadley says. When I look at her, she looks scared.
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “That’s just Christian. He’s always struggled with his mom. And when he’s in a bad mood, he doesn’t like being around others.”
My friends just stare at me, apparently speechless. I have to remind myself that they don’t know Christian like I do. They see an angry man ready to destroy the world. Where I see a hurt man struggling to come to terms with all the changes to his life and the fact that his mom will never love him the way a mom should. All while fighting the urge to use again.
“It’s okay. I promise.” I reassure them. “You should go, though. Let me go talk to him.”
Nova rears her head back. Her eyes are wide as she shakes it from side to side. “I don’t want to leave you if he’s like that.”
“He won’t hurt me. If that’s what you’re worried about. He would never hurt me.”
Hadley and Nova exchange looks before they turn their worried gazes back to me.
“If you’re sure,” Hadley says in a tone that suggests she’s definitely not sure about this.
“I promise.” I smile and I see them both relax a bit. “Plus, he’s extra grumpy because he quit smoking this week. It’s been really hard on him.”
“Whoa!” Nova’s eyes widen even more. “For real?”
“Yep.” I chuckle at her surprise.
“He’s doing that for you?” She points a finger at me like she still can’t believe her ears.
My smile grows as I rub my belly. “And the baby. He doesn’t want to do anything to hurt it. This is hard for him. Give him a break. Please. For me.”
“Okay.” Nova shakes her head as she walks toward me and pulls me into a tight hug. “But if you need anything, you better call us. We’ll be here in no time.”
“I know.” I reach out for Hadley to join us. Once she’s a part of the group hug, I sigh. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too.” They say in unison.
I walk them outside and watch as Nova’s car disappears down our long driveway.
I take a deep breath, enjoying how the cool air fills my lungs. Before long, these hills will be covered in snow. This little spot is so pretty when the ground is white and the trees glisten with ice. It makes me happy that I get to call this place home.
After taking one more breath of cool air, I head back inside to find Christian. I hear the shower running, so I strip out of my clothes and slowly open the bathroom door. He’s standing with his back to me and both hands resting on the wall.
I open the glass door, and it lets out a loud creak. He’s as motionless as a carved idol, lost in thought and oblivious to his surroundings. From behind, it doesn’t even look like he’s breathing.
I step up behind him and rest my hands on his back. He tenses slightly from the coolness of my touch.
“I’ll apologize to your friends next time I see them,” he says. He sounds defeated and ready to give up on life.
“Don’t worry about my friends.” I grab the washcloth hanging over the rod and lather it up with soap before I scrub it down his arm. A streak of grease and dirt instantly turns the white suds gray. “Are you okay?”
He shakes his head. “My depression is getting to me today.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” I ask. Most of the time, his depression is under control. I’ve only seen him have a depressive episode twice before.
“I’ve made so many mistakes and led a harsh life, Lia.” His voice cracks and it causes tears to well up in my eyes. I hate seeing him like this. “I feel like I’m constantly being judged.”
I pull at his arm and force him to turn around and face me. I hold my determined gaze on him while I continue to wash away the dirt and grime from his body. “I’m not judging you. Never. I choose you. I want a life with you because you make me happy.”
He holds his arms out to the side and drops his head. “How is that possible? What’s happy about any of this? I’m moody and hateful.”
I cup his cheeks and force him to look at me. “Christian, stop. That’s not who you are. It doesn’t matter if you can see it, but you make me happy. We may not have planned this, but that doesn’t change how we feel. We will make this work.”
“It shouldn’t be this hard. Your brothers stalk you wherever you go. Your mom won’t stop crying and your dad still hasn’t talked to you since the night he found out you’re pregnant. Is that really what you want?”
I huff and add more soap to the washcloth. “My family’s stupid. And that’s them ruining their lives, not mine.”
“Lia, angel. I’m scared.” He sighs and drops his forehead to mine. “Everything I touch turns to shit. I can’t live with myself if I turn you to shit too.”
“Wrong. All wrong.” I grab his hand and press it to the slight bump on my belly. “We did this together. You and me. We created life, and that is not shit. This is something wonderful.”
He stares at his hand on my stomach, and a tear breaks free from his eyes. It kills me to see him like this. My tough, powerful man is too hard on himself. I wipe away the tear and press up on my toes to give him a kiss. The relief that washes over him is palpable.
“Christian, I need you to hear me.” He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “I want this. All of this. With you. There isn’t anyone else on this planet that I want to spend my life with. Tell me you understand that.”
He nods, but he doesn’t look convinced.
I growl, and he rears his head back in surprise.
“Tell me in words.” I demand. “And tell me you want me too.”
“I want you.” He lets out a deep breath and his entire body sags. “Hell, I need you, angel. You’re the only thing I’ve ever allowed myself to want.”
“Okay then,” I say before I get back to scrubbing his body clean. I feel his eyes watching me, but I don’t look at him. He needs to accept that I’m not going anywhere. I’m ready to help him through all his struggles—his addiction, his depression, his mother, all of it. I’m not going anywhere.
Once his chest and arms are clean, I step back and motion for him to turn around. He does so without question. I scrub his back clean first and then his ass and legs. After that, I wet his hair and scrub it clean with shampoo.
After I’m done, he grabs my hand and pulls me into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispers.
“Anything for you.” I kiss his shoulder. “That’s what we do for those we love.”
All the tension he’s been holding onto melts away, and he relaxes into my hold. Then he kisses the side of my head.
A tinge of disappointment niggles at my mind that he still can’t say the words to me. I so want to hear him confess his love to me.
But I feel it in the way he holds me. I feel it in his everyday actions.
I know Christian loves me, but knowing it isn’t quite the same thing as hearing the words.