Chapter 13
13
I sling the strap of my bag over my shoulder, sighing as I head out of the suite. Looking over at Axel’s closed bedroom door, I shut the one to the suite, something sharp moving in my chest. Walking over to the elevator, I feel the absence of my roommate as I wait by myself in the hall.
Waking up alone yesterday morning, I figured Axel had just gone to the bathroom or was getting dressed for the day in his room. My plan had been to ask him out to breakfast, psyching myself up to tell him how the night before meant more to me than a random one-off hookup between horny friends. The moment I looked down at him on his knees after he made me see stars, I realized just how not casual I felt about us. That’s why I reached for him, kissing him as he settled over my lap and wanting to return the favor. I wanted to see where things could go between us, wanted him close to me while we slept.
But after getting dressed and running my hands through my hair over a hundred times, I emerged from my room, looking around and finding no Axel. He didn’t have classes till the afternoon on Thursdays and he usually spent a lot of the morning sleeping but checking the bathroom and knocking on his bedroom door had yielded no results as the realization slowly slid over my shoulders and tangled in the center of my chest.
He left.
I don’t know if he slept next to me. But as time passed and I paced the length of the living room and then my bedroom in two separate panics, I started to think he escaped as soon as he could. Feeling myself going a little crazy, I forced myself to leave the dorms, going on a walk around Ring Road and feeling the pit in my stomach start to gnaw at me from the inside.
Taking another deep breath, I step off the elevator, walking out to the sidewalk and heading toward the library. Keeping my eyes on the tall cathedral spires in the distance, I remember how the rest of yesterday played out.
Axel came home after class last night and went directly to his room after a grunted, “Hey,” to me on the couch. I kept playing video games, trying to keep my eyes from drifting to his closed door too often before completely giving up and going to my own bedroom to stare at the ceiling and try to quiet my rambling thoughts.
It would be one thing if he wanted to write off our hookup as a one-time thing. But his complete avoidance of me had me questioning how big of a mistake we actually made. He’d been the one to tell me we should explore our attraction, the one to offer to start this. But I pulled him into my bed. I tucked us in to go to sleep next to each other. I crossed the line past hookup to something more.
And now Axel has spent the entire day yet again avoiding me. I finally broke down and texted him if we were still meeting Janette to start our research project in the library, just to see if he would respond. Watching the little grey texting bubble made my palms sweat, but the message made my stomach plummet.
Axel
Yeah, I’ll meet you guys there.
Great. I don’t know what I expected.
I turn off Ring Road and cross into the shadow of the Gothic cathedral that looms over me. The grey stone facade shrouded in ornate details gives the building a foreboding edge and it mixes with my anxiety for this group meet up. Walking toward the library’s stone steps, I run my hand through my hair for the zillionth time and try to stave off the prickly panic making my hands shake. Not only will I have to interact with Axel who will probably avoid talking to me as much as possible, but Janette will probably be back to her usual iciness as well.
She hadn’t reached out at all yesterday either, after I basically spent the whole of Mira’s party watching after her and carrying her back to West Tower. We’d exchanged numbers when we planned out the schedule for the steps of our project, and the only text I had from her was the one that said her name so I could save her number in my phone.
Crossing under the stained-glass mural above the heavy wood doors, I bristle at the shock of cold AC blasting in the cool foyer, but it helps jolt a bit of the nerves in my system, allowing me to calmly survey the open central room I walk into. High stone archways cover the vaulted ceilings, warm lighting emanating from within them creating a pleasant glow around the area. I count two more floors above, finding balconies lined with dark railings and seeing some people walking around the edge of the room. Shadowy stacks line the walls on all three sides, more taking up the farther half of the room. A large circular information desk sits a few feet in front of me, a dozen circular study tables scattered around behind it and covered in students. Comfy chairs and sofas mingle in between the tables, some occupied and others abandoned. A couple computer stations seem out of place around the edge of the study area, the modern seemingly forced in among the ancient.
My feet echo on the dark marble floor, shoes squeaking a bit as I pass the information desk, looking for Axel or Janette or an open table to snag.
I spot Janette, sitting by herself at a far table with open books already spread out around her, bent over her laptop and typing away. Her hair is in two buns again, like the first time we met, and she wears a white tank top that shows off the smooth skin of her neck and shoulders. I walk through the tables, regretting letting Axel sit us next to her in the first place. We might have had to contend with Cassie for the rest of the semester, but it’s only been two days since we got assigned as a group and we’ve already managed to tangle everything between us up further.
“Hey,” I say, pulling the chair out across from her.
She blinks up at me, eyes adjusting after staring at her screen for so long. “Hey.” She glances around. “Where’s Axel?”
I reach into my bag, pulling out my own laptop and setting it on the table in front of me, ignoring the twinge in my gut at the question. “He’s meeting us here.”
“Okay.” She shuffles some of the books around, closing two and stacking them to make more room on the circular table for when Axel shows up. I type in my password once my laptop lights up, letting it take a minute to connect to the Wi-Fi before I check my email to clear the red badges in the corner of the icon.
“Thank you, by the way,” Janette says softly, and I look up, eyes meeting hers over the top of her laptop. “For taking care of me the other night. I remember you carrying me a bit and figure you left the water for me in the morning. You didn’t have to do that.”
Her quiet voice warms my gut, settling the earlier twinge. I smile, nodding my head before saying, “No problem.” She goes back to typing and I linger for a second, eyes roving over her as she works. The image of Christopher’s name on her phone rolls through my mind and I look back down, opening my browser to get to the doc where I type up my notes from class.
“Sorry I’m late,” Axel mumbles, rushing up to the table and grabbing one of the seats between Janette and me. The legs scrape across the floor, making several people around us glare over as Axel falls loudly into the bucket chair with a thud. He shuffles his bag off, swinging it onto the table on top of some of the books and papers Janette has spread out around her.
“You’re good,” she says, pulling her stuff out from underneath it. “We haven’t started yet.”
Axel nods, still not looking at either of us as he pulls out his stuff and tosses his bag to the floor. My hands shake on my keyboard, and I grit my teeth, trying to will myself to calm down. Anger pours over top of the ache that’s been growing in my chest, hardening around it and pushing its way through the rest of my body.
“So, Gutenberg,” Axel says, picking his head up and looking at each of us with a jovial grin. “Where do we start?”
I stare at the side of his head as Janette starts explaining the plan she thinks will work best, showing him how each of us can split the research and glancing over at me a few times as she rambles. He listens intently, not looking back over at me, but I saw the look on his face when his eyes met mine. Like nothing had happened, like everything is fine and he hadn’t spent the last twenty-four hours avoiding the shit out of me.
The anger in my blood boils under my skin, mostly directed at myself for being such an idiot. I wanted to ask him out, wanted to see if we could be more than just roommates who sometimes fuck when we’re bored, but clearly, he has already decided we’re not even that anymore, barely even friends at this point. Why else would he just show up to this meeting and act like nothing has happened, but avoid me as much as possible when others aren’t around?
I turn back to my computer, opening another tab to start researching the sub-topic Janette has assigned me and ignoring the other two sitting at the table. My fingers mash the keys as I type and keyword search the articles and research papers, I find online. Axel merrily does his own research beside me, asking Janette some questions when he hits a wall or gets confused and making me clench my jaw even further each time. His upbeat voice rubs my skin like sandpaper, making me franticly think of an excuse to leave early.
Janette peeks over at me several times as she does her own research, questions playing across her face, though she never vocalizes them. I ignore her concern, feeling like it’s more salt in the wound that she notices something off with me while he acts like everything is normal.
Seconds away from just packing up and saying I have other plans I need to get to; another voice cuts in as a shadow falls over our table.
“Hey guys!” Cassie says, voice overly cheerful and matching the beaming excitement on her face. “Starting your project for Howards?” She directs her question to the group, but her eyes find mine quickly, staying there once she has my attention.
Janette looks up at her in confusion and I hear Axel’s jaw snap shut beside me. I smile, the anger in my gut singing. “Hey, Cass,” I say with a nod. “Yeah, figured we’d get a jump start on it.”
“Us too.” She points over her shoulder, the three of us looking to see the three others from her group sat around another circular table and talking amongst themselves. Cassie leans her hands on our table. “Can’t believe this is worth thirty percent of our grade. We got stuck with Weapons and Armor of the Middle Ages.” She rolls her eyes and I see Axel’s fist clench on the table next to us. “Which topic did you all pick?” Once again, the question is posed for the whole table, but her eyes never stray from mine. I smile.
“The Impact of Gutenberg’s Printing Press,” I say, rolling my eyes dramatically.
“Oh, that shouldn’t be hard. You guys can get that done super-fast and be done before midterms, probably.” She smiles showing off her straight teeth while her cheeks heat. She doesn’t seem to notice Axel lean back in his chair away from her and cross his arms over his chest. I feel Janette’s eyes on me as well, but I ignore her, keeping my focus on Cassie and the reaction she’s helping me get out of Axel.
I decide to skip straight to the kill. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, Cass, did you want to go out sometime? Maybe we could do dinner sometime next week?” Cassie’s mouth pops into an O, eyes lighting up as her excitement intensifies.
“Yeah! Definitely! That would be so much fun!” Her whole body seems to shake as she nods profusely.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, leaning closer to her. “Here, give me your number and we can figure out the details later.” She takes the phone from my hand after I unlock it, typing quickly into the new contact profile she pulls up in record time.
I text her quick after she hands it back.
Hi, it’s Bentley
Smiling again, I watch her cheeks blush further. “I’ll text you after we’re done with this.” I add a wink, seeing Axel’s hand dig into the striped sleeve of his shirt in my periphery.
Cassie giggles, the sound too loud in my ears, and nods a bunch before turning to Axel and Janette. “See you guys in class,” she says in a high-pitched voice, waving hastily before rushing back to the table her group sits at.
I watch her until she sits down, feeling both Axel and Janette staring at me before I turn and meet his glare first, a satisfied smile set on my face. I glance over at Janette, and the smile falls.
Janette’s furrowed brow and fiery eyes make the satisfaction in my gut spoil. She glares at me, a muscle on the side of her jaw ticking. “I think we’re good for today,” she spits, breaking our eye contact and standing to gather her stuff rapidly into her bag.
I try to think of something to say, but my brain stays blank as I watch her whip around and stalk out of the library. I swallow, the hard ball of anger melting as the ache returns when I turn to look at Axel. He glares at me, still leaning back in his chair and away from the table.
“You happy with yourself?” he mutters, grabbing his laptop and backpack before getting up out of his chair. His words spark a remnant of anger, wanting to rip into him for the last thirty-six hours, but it quickly goes out as the image of Janette storming away from the table replays in my mind. Why was she so upset? My anger sparks a bit when I remember Christopher’s name on her phone again.
The rapid emotional flux leaves me a bit dizzy as my eyes refocus on Axel’s retreating form. He leaves at a more normal pace, but his spine stays ramrod straight as I watch him walk through the foyer and out into a blaze of sunshine, leaving me behind in the shadows.