Chapter 22
22
“ W hat’d you get up to last night?” I run my hand through my still damp hair, shoving the other into my pocket so Mira doesn’t notice it clench.
“It’s a whole thing. I’ll tell you all about it when we sit down.” Mira nods, looking down at her feet as we walk through campus. She’s been fidgety since we left West Tower and I keep biting my tongue. I want to ask her what happened with her and Harley last night after they left the bar, but then I also want to tell her all about the amazing night I had with Axel and Janette and fill her in on the whole thing that has been happening all semester.
When I told her I was paired with them for the history project, she’d said at least I had Axel and at the time, I hadn’t corrected her. As things progressed the way they did with the three of us, I never got the chance to tell Mira about any of it since she was going through her own shit with Harley. His fault, in my opinion, but I know Mira doesn’t see it that way. When they left together last night, I wanted to stop her, to go toe to toe with Harley and snap some sense into him, but Mira held me off. I’d gone to the bar with a purpose and overstepping in Mira’s love life wasn’t it. But now I needed to know what the fuck is going on with them, because there’s no way I'm letting Mira go through whatever it is without someone to talk to about it.
I hold the door to the coffee shop open for Mira, chewing the inside of my cheek. I don’t know which of us should go first when we finally sit down, and I don’t know how Mira will feel about me and Janette, not to mention Axel in the mix.
We order our drinks and wait off to the side in silence. They come out together and I grab them, heading over to a free table in the corner of the cramped shop.
“So, what happened with Harley after you left?” I start, needing to just jump into things.
“Guess I’m going first,” Mira mumbles, wrapping her hands around her drink and staring down at it. I try to smile at her, feeling my stomach churn as my coffee meets it. “Do me a favor, please? Don’t say anything until I’m done.” I nod, knowing whatever she says is going to piss me off now. I grip my coffee a little tighter, hoping to mitigate my reaction so I don’t upset her, but I can tell she sees right through me when she rushes to explain. “It’s just a friends with benefits thing that we started a little bit after he started training me. I got followed home from the birthday party at the Ravens’ place and I wanted to learn how to defend myself after. I accidentally ended up at his gym and he offered to train me personally when one of his trainers started hitting on me. We started hooking up a bit after that because it became too hard to be around each other and not have little mishaps after the kissing incidents.”
All the new information settles over me, wiping everything else from my mind. I look around the shop, trying to figure out what to pinpoint in all that as the most important thing. Someone followed her home from the party. She’d been in danger because I stayed behind with Janette and let Mira walk home alone. I grit my teeth, knowing that if I had gone with Mira, Janette would have been unsafe with how drunk she was getting. My chest tightens as I try to accept the decision I made.
Mira mistakes my anger at myself for anger toward her. “I wanted to tell you so badly, but you didn’t want me going around him anymore after that day I cried at the gym. It was hard though. He came by and apologized, and we started this whole thing. I know it’s not going to end well but I can deal with the fallout when that comes. I haven’t been able to start anything serious with anyone else so might as well try purging him from my system while I have the opportunity.”
I think back to the day I picked Mira up from Harley’s gym and found her crying outside. I immediately went inside and yelled at Harley, knowing he was the reason for it. But Ramsey walked up, wanting to know what was going on and I let Mira drag me out with some excuse. Her brother would get pissed if he found out something was going on between them and I’m not sure which of them his anger would land on.
I look back at Mira, finding her watching me nervously. “Say something, Bent.”
I sigh, wishing I could go shake Harley. Mira doesn’t deserve to be someone’s dirty little secret. “I’m not mad you didn’t tell me. I get why you didn’t. But, Mir, I don’t think it’s healthy.” I lean forward, placing my elbows on the table. “You’re not just hiding from me; you’re hiding from Ramsey and he’s going to find out eventually. And when that happens, Harley will pull back again, the way he did after whatever happened at your birthday.”
“I know,” she says, leaning back and heaving a sigh. “I know this ends badly, Bent. I’m preparing for that. Harley doesn’t want anything more and I have killed any hope that he will.” She says it so confidently, but I can see the lie when she twists her hands together in her lap and scrunches up her nose.
So, I try killing her hope, so that she won’t have to. “He won’t choose you over Ramsey, Mir.”
“I know,” she whispers.
“And his friendship with Ramsey will be ruined.”
She sits up. “We would end it before that could happen.”
I shake my head. “You might not have a say in that, Mir. What if he finds out?”
She leans forward, jaw clenches. “He won’t find out Bentley.”
I hold my hands up, backing off. “Okay, let’s say he doesn’t. This can’t go on forever. It’s going to end with him hurting you, Mira.” I reach forward, grabbing one of her hands. I need her to understand now so that she doesn’t get hurt later. I've already watched her pine over Harley for the last three years and if he leaves her in the same or a worse state this time around, I'll kill him. And I’m pretty sure Ramsey will help. Squeezing her hand, I say, “It doesn’t end any other way.”
“I know that.” She squeezes my hand back. “And when it does, I’ll be able to mourn and move on. I couldn’t do that before, Bentley. I don’t know why but I couldn’t. When this ends, I’ll finally have closure.”
“Closure?” I consider the idea. Maybe she’s right. I know she thinks she knows what she’s doing, but she’s right in that she wasn’t getting anywhere close to getting over Harley back home, and I doubt moving to the same town he lives in helped that any. She nods at me across the table, and I let go of her hand to lean back and sip my coffee. “Are you at least exclusive? Herpes is forever, Amiria.”
She laughs and I smile, glad she looks more relaxed now that she’s told me. I can still see the stress of it around the lines of her face, but she doesn’t look as tense as when we walked in here together.
“I don’t know,” she whispers and looks down and away from me.
I watch her, waiting for her to look up at me again. Once she does, I say, “I’ll be there when it ends, Mir. You know that right?”
Her eyes water. She smiles slightly. “I know, Bent. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.” I nod, acknowledging her, but her words bring everything with Janette and Axel swirling back to the forefront. The need to spit it all out stabs the back of my throat, but I hold it back, realizing how fragile it is at this point. We’ve only just all gotten together. Maybe I should wait before I dump it all on Mira’s already overloaded shoulders.
“Harley thinks I should change my major.” My eyebrows shoot up as I realize I agree about something with Harley Sanders. Mira surprised me over the summer when she told me her major would be chemistry. My best friend is an artist, just like her mother, and I don’t understand why she’s killing her spark for something she doesn’t even like. “He saw my sketchbook last night and thinks I should switch to art,” she adds.
“He’s not wrong. I never got why you wanted to do chem.” I fiddle with the lid of my coffee.
She sighs, eyes clouding as she looks outside. “My dad suggested it. Thought it would be good for me to go into science and chemistry was my best one at Emerald Grove.”
I raise an eyebrow at her when she glances over at me. “I mean sure a B- is better than a C,” I say.
She rolls her eyes at me. “My mom overheard, and they started to fight about him trying to influence my choices and I didn’t want them to fight so I just told my mom I thought it was a good idea.” She shrugs and my mouth falls open when I realize what she did. What she always does.
“Amiria Nicole Adams, you did not choose a college major to try to stop your parents from fighting.” She shrugs again, looking out around the room.
“I don’t not like chemistry,” she says.
“Once more, with feeling, Mir,” I drawl. She has always felt like it is her job to keep the peace between her parents, to her own detriment.
“I don’t want my mom to get upset and if I switch, she’ll know I was unhappy and blame my dad again. Ramsey and I aren’t there to keep the peace anymore, Bent. I don’t want to be the reason they’re fighting.” Her eyes plead with me to understand, but I’ll never agree with a plan that hurts her in the long run.
“That’s convoluted. April will be happy that you are happy and if you think she can’t tell that you’re not right now, you don’t give her enough credit.” I drink from my coffee again. “And Ramsey never worried about keeping the peace with your parents. That was the burden you took on, Mir. And their relationship is not on your shoulders.” I watch her mull over my words, chewing her bottom lip. “You should switch, Mir,” I insist. “Not just because you don’t like chem, but you’re an amazing artist. You deserve the chance to dive into that more.”
She nods, directing a fake smile at me and I sigh, knowing she’s not going to listen to my advice. “What was it you wanted to tell me about?” she asks.
I swallow, picturing Axel and Janette and the ball of knots that seemingly untied itself last night. Mira will definitely have an opinion about things, and I know she’d never judge me, but it’ll take some lengthy explanation for her to understand everything. I sip my drink, going over it in my mind and realizing she’ll be worried for me if I tell her right now.
I shake my head at her as I lower my cup back to the table. I'm not putting anything else on her shoulders right now. Not until this thing with Janette, Axel, and me is solid and there’s something to tell her. “Doesn’t seem so serious now. I just hooked up with this girl last night and she was awful so now I'm worried about seeing her in class later,” I lie, feeling the burn of my hypocrisy in the pit of my stomach.
Mira watches me skeptically, searching my face. I know she can tell when I'm lying so I physically restrain myself from scratching my face. I try to drive her away from asking questions. “Seriously, I can go into detail if you want.” She scrunches her nose in disgust as I waggle my eyebrows at her.
“No thanks.” She holds up her hands and I laugh. I quickly sip my drink while she stares at the table and then start joking about lines I could use to deflect this fictional girl’s attention, thinking about Cassie as I do so. I let her down at the end of our date, saying I had a good time, but I felt like we were better set as friends. She hasn’t spoken to me since, even glaring at me in class a few times when we made eye contact. I couldn’t feel bad for kissing Janette on our date, but I felt bad for doing it to Cassie when she had been so forward with her interest. The line about her being on a date with the Bentley Marshall plays in my ears and a shudder goes down my back.
Mira and I chat and laugh for a little while longer as I try to take her mind off all the shit in her life and forget about some of the shit in mine. She mentions going to the library with Autumn and we get up, tossing our empty cups on the way out of the shop.
I grab her hand when we get outside, making her pause before she heads off. “Don’t hold it all in anymore, Mir,” I say, looking down at her and feeling my shoulders prickle, knowing I'm doing just that to protect her. “Talk to me whenever you need to.” She nods, smiling up at me and squeezing my hand.
“I will. Promise.” She lets go of my hand and walks off toward the library. I watch her for a moment, hoping I'm wrong and Harley doesn’t hurt my best friend.