Chapter 28
28
T he Uber turns down Mom’s street and I feel a weird mix of apprehension and excitement. Everything looks the same, the grand houses we pass, the same trees lining the street, the same roundabout at the end. But it feels different too, familiar, but still not mine. Even more so now. My anxiety over seeing Mom again explodes throughout my body, starting in my stomach and expanding out, making my limbs feel heavy and awkward.
We drive slowly toward the white wall and the driver stops just outside the closed gate. I thank him, getting out and going to wait by the trunk. He hands me my bags, nodding when I thank him again before I turn toward the house. Walking over to the little silver box, I type in my access code, the metal gate starting to swing open slowly. I duck through, putting my code in again on the other side and stopping it from opening all the way as it automatically starts to close again.
Turning and looking up at the huge house, I take a deep breath.
Five days. I can make it five days.
I start to walk up the drive, remembering the voicemail Axel left me right after I told the guys I loved them and then left. I smile. I know it’s probably him yelling at me for leaving, but I saved it to listen to after dinner when I already know I'll want to hear his voice. Bentley won’t touch down in Switzerland for a few more hours so I’ll text him then to let him know I got home safe and check in with how his flight went.
I stop abruptly in the drive, registering the car parked at the top right in front of the garage. Christopher’s car. My heart plummets.
I look to the front door, not taking another step toward the house. Mom had to invite him, but I don’t know what she thinks him being here will accomplish. Closing my eyes, I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth a few times, reminding myself that it’s only a few days. Then I will be back at the Coast with Bentley, Axel, and Layla. I can do this.
Shuffling my bags on my shoulders and regripping the straps, I open my eyes and walk toward the door, letting my anger take over with each step. Walking into the house, I drop my bags and take off my shoes, leaving them haphazardly on the rug and hearing Mom in the kitchen.
“Hello?” I call out, starting to walk down the hall toward the low voices.
“Janette? We’re in the kitchen, honey.”
I pause. Mom hasn’t called me honey in five years. The sound of it brings back memories of her helping me with homework at the kitchen table, checking in on me and Layla while we played, kissing me goodnight. The images make my throat clog.
Shaking off the nostalgia, I keep walking, seeing Mom first, standing at the stove, stirring a pot. But Christopher sits at the kitchen island, eyes immediately on me when I walk in.
“Hi, honey. How was your flight?” Mom looks over at me quick, voice sickly sweet, but her eyes are hard, mouth pinched on the sides.
“Fine,” I say, crossing my arms, my anger mounting with her bastardization of my old nickname. “Why is he here?”
“Janette don’t be rude,” Mom admonishes in the same gratingly sweet voice. I look over at Christopher who smirks smarmily at me. “He’s here to have dinner with us. Go set the table.”
“What table?” I ask, looking back at my mother. We’ve never sat down and had a meal together in this house. Ever. I usually eat at the island or in my room and I don’t know when Mom eats. Probably randomly throughout the day whenever she has time.
She looks up at me, rolling her eyes. “The dining room table, obviously. Please go set the table.”
“I do not want to have dinner with him.” I watch Mom, not even looking over at Christopher. I notice his fist clench on the tabletop in front of him in my periphery, though.
“Janette!” Her voice goes back into its usual annoyed tone, slipping from the sweetness she tried to imbue it with previously. She takes a breath, falling back into her practiced persona. “Christopher is staying for dinner. The two of you have things to work out.”
“No, we don’t.” I stand taller, looking her directly in the eye. “We have said all we need to say to each other.”
Mom takes the wooden spoon in her hand out of the sauce and places it on the plate next to her. “Can I speak to you for a minute?”
I nod, turning around and stalking to the foyer. Once I’m around the corner in front of the large staircase, I whirl around, facing my mother who stands two feet in front of me.
“What has gotten into you?” she hisses, speaking low so Christopher won’t overhear. “First you break up with Chris out of nowhere. Then you bring Axel to a campaign event? What were you even thinking? What if the press had been there? And now I set up a chance for you to make up with Chris and you walk into my house acting like an ungrateful brat! I don’t know who you think you are now, but this behavior is unacceptable.”
I step back, arms falling down to my sides as I stare at my mom. Her fiery eyes, the same color as my own, glare at me as she places her hands on her hips, waiting for my response.
I take a breath, looking away for a second before I turn back. “First of all, Mom, I did not break up with Christopher out of nowhere. I never liked Christopher. Not in the way you wanted me to. And I was tired of dating him just to make you happy or to keep up the image of me you want to project to the public. And I took Axel to the alumni event because he wanted to come with me since I was nervous about seeing you and the reaction you had when I ended things with Christopher. He came because he wanted to be there for me, like the Clifford's always have.” Mom flinches, but I keep going. “And my behavior, that you think is so ungrateful, is just me finally making decisions for myself. I’m sorry if you don’t like them or if they don’t mesh with the preplanned future you mapped out for me, but this is my life. You don’t get a say in who I date.”
Mom closes her eyes, rocking on her heels and pinching the bridge of her nose. “You need to grow up, Janette. You are acting like a child.” She opens her eyes, staring at me incredulously. “Christopher comes from a good family. He is set up to take over his father’s company and inherit millions. You’re not thinking about this clearly. Let’s just go have dinner, you two can talk and?—”
“I’m seeing someone,” I blurt. Mom freezes, staring at me in disbelief. “And I'm in love with them. Which should be the most important thing to you, not how much money they are set to inherit.”
She crosses her arms in front of her. “Who is it? Someone from the Coast? Please tell me it’s not Axel Clifford.”
My heart stutters in my chest. “You don’t care, do you?” I step back again, feeling the need to get away from her. “You don’t care that I’m in love. What happened to you? All you care about now is what other people can do for you…including me.” I shake my head, feeling my eyes start to sting. “Why didn’t you just leave me in Maine with the Clifford’s and all your memories of Dad?”
Mom blanches, mouth opening and arms falling to her sides. I step around her, grabbing my bags and slipping my shoes back on. I open the door, pausing to look back at her still standing in the foyer, staring at me. “Have a great dinner with Christopher. Maybe you can convince him to date you since you’re so concerned with getting his family’s millions.”
I slam the door behind me, tears blurring my vision as I rush down the driveway. Escaping through the front gate, I start walking down the sidewalk. I don’t know where I'm going to go, just needing to get away from the house right now.
My phone buzzes in my pocket after walking for five minutes. I dig it out, stopping at the corner and glancing down at the screen. Axel’s name appears on the message notification, and I open the text.
Axel
You get home okay? The silence is making me nervous.
I go to text him back, thumbs hovering over the keyboard as my mind blanks on what to say. I shake my head and drop the phone to my side. Swiping at my cheeks with my other hand, I glance around, mind racing with what to do now. I can’t fly back to the Coast, everyone has to be out of their dorms for break since there won’t be any RAs on campus. I'm not going back to Mom’s house. Not after the things she just said to me without caring about what I said.
I shake my head. I want to call Bentley or Axel or Lay, but they’re all having their own breaks. I shouldn’t bother them with my family drama while they’re with their own.
I pull up my phone, remembering the voicemail Axel left me and que it up to play.
“ I can’t believe you just did that, Janette, ” Axel’s voice plays in my ear. I laugh, tears still on my face as I remember the looks on their faces after I said I love them. They both had gone slack jawed, staring down at me, frozen in place and I knew they’d be mad at me for leaving, but I couldn’t handle the tension I created, so I just slipped out, figuring I’d call them both sometime over the break.
Axel’s message continues. “ I am so pissed off and turned on, and just—ugh—why did you leave like that? You didn’t even wait for us to say anything. ”
I kick the pavement with the toe of my shoe, wondering what would have happened if I had stayed. They probably wouldn’t have let me leave anytime soon. Maybe I would have missed my flight and had to go with Axel to Maine. Maybe I’d be on my way to Switzerland right now. My chest squeezes at the idea of being with at least one of them right now.
“ I’m not going to say it back right now, because I want to do it in person, but ditto, okay? ”
My heart stops, whole body freezing up at his words.
“ And when we all get back in a few days I’m never going to stop saying it. ”
Tears well up in my eyes all over again, completely different from the ones I previously shed. I listen to him pause, holding my breath to hear what he has to say next.
“ Call us if you need us. I mean it, Blue. Don’t hold it in because you don’t want to ruin our vacations. ”
I laugh through my tears at how well he knows me.
“ We want to be there for you when you need us. Let us do that. ”
I sigh, adjusting the tote bag on my left side.
“ Alright, I'll see you in a few days. Layla’s going to try to make Mom’s cobbler. I’ll bring some back with me. Oh, and start planning how you’re going to make this up to me. Later, Blue. ”
I laugh again at the end, knowing he probably wants me to start planning some elaborate strip tease or something.
When the voicemail ends, I replay it, just wanting to hear him say it all again. After the second play through, my resolve crumbles, and I know I have to call him. The phone rings twice before he picks up.
“Hey, Blue. Did you make it home okay?” His excited voice makes my stomach gnaw on itself.
“Yeah, I got home okay.” I glance around the street when a car goes by, hearing Axel shuffle on the other side of the line.
“What’s wrong?” He sounds clearer and I know he must have just taken me off speaker and sat up or something.
“Um,” I sigh, dropping the tote bag off my shoulder and leaning it against my leg. “My mom invited Christopher over for dinner. He was there when I got home. And when I told her I didn’t want to have dinner with him, she pulled me into another room and told me I was acting childish for not wanting to be with him for his money.” I start crying again, picturing Mom glaring at me and calling me ungrateful.
“Oh, Blue.”
“I left the house,” I blurt. “I told her I was seeing someone and that I loved them, and she just looked at me like I was stupid and asked me who it was.” I leave out the part where she basically insulted Axel.
“Come to Maine, Blue.” I hear him moving around on the other end again, probably pacing and running his hands through his hair. “I’ll send you some money if you need it for the ticket. Come stay with us for the break. I don’t want you alone right now, I want you here with me. Lay will be here for you too. And I already told you Dad and Gwen still think of you as family. Come spend the holiday with us and then we’ll drive back to the Coast together.”
I laugh through the third wave of tears, picturing their house the last time I saw it. Staring at it as we drove away in the middle of the night. My heart squeezes. “Okay,” I whisper.
“Okay? You’re coming?” He whoops loudly in my ear, and I laugh again. “I was serious about the money. Do you need any to cover the ticket?”
“No, I’ve got the cost of the ticket, Axel. I don’t know when the next flight will be, but I’ll text you when I get to my gate to let you know when I'll be there.”
“Okay, awesome. I can’t wait to see you. And, Blue?”
I pick up my tote, planning to order an Uber once I'm off the phone. “Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry your mom said that to you. We’ll talk more when you get here, but you don’t deserve that. Don’t spend the next few hours thinking you do.”
I nod again, knowing he can’t see. “I love you, Axel.”
He laughs, sounding breathless. “Ditto is the best I can do right now, babe. But just wait until you’re standing in front of me.”
I laugh, smiling for the first time since I touched down in Georgia. “See you in a few hours, Axe.”
“See you soon, Blue.”