True Me (Fallen Brethren MC #6)

Chapter One

Rebel

T ODAY IS HORRIBLE. I woke up to my grandma being in so much pain she had tears streaming down her face and it broke something deep inside of me. I’m barely sleeping these days because I know the time with my grandma is getting to be so damn short and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t take away her illness or make her free from the pain filling her body. The medicine she’s on for the pain doesn’t do anything to even take the edge off. I’ve never once believed my grandma would suffer like this from the day she told me she was sick six months ago. No one knows what I’ve been going through with the exception of Eagle and Cash. They were there that day and have stopped over several times just to sit with my grandma and talk to her. She loves their visits and always looks forward to seeing the two men she believes are in love with me. I don’t believe her, but there’s no changing her mind.

The second I saw my grandma writhing in pain, I gave her the pain medicine she takes daily. Sitting in the chair, I held her thin hand and took in all the changes to her. My grandma was once full of life, always moving around and doing something. From the second her eyes opened up until she went to bed, the woman was constantly moving around and working on something. Now, her body is so thin and frail she can hardly stand on her own two feet. She has to use a wheelchair when she chooses to get out of bed and that’s too much for her most days. Her skin is so pale I can see every vein in her body even as it takes on a gray pallor. The long, thick hair she was once so proud of is now thin and falling out more and more on a daily basis. Every single change I take in lets me know this is taking a toll on her and it won’t be long until she takes her last breath. I talk to her about what I plan on doing today and things at the clubhouse. Her doctor tells me it’s important to talk to her and keep things as normal as possible. So, that’s what I do.

Once my grandma falls into a fitful sleep, I finally let the tears I’ve been holding in fall. I don’t hold back as my entire body trembles and I try to remain sitting in the chair I’ve moved by her bedside in the living room. At the same time, I wrap my free arm around my body as if I can comfort myself as my grandma did for so many years. It doesn’t work as my shoulders hunch and I close myself off from the world around me. I don’t want to leave her side tonight, but I have to go to the clubhouse to work the bar. Reaper has been amazing at giving me time off, but I feel as if I’ve taken advantage of his kindness. Without letting go of my grandma’s hand, I carefully lay my head down on the hospital bed next to her and close my eyes, soaking in being this close to her and the faint smell of lilacs that seems to penetrate the sterile smell that’s taken over the home I’ve shared with her since I was five. It’s not often I get to smell her perfume that she insists on wearing daily, but today it’s something I’m desperate to smell.

“Grandma, I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you, but I’m ready to let you go so you don’t suffer any longer. Whatever is the best for you,” I whisper, my voice breaking with the words I don’t want to say because it means I’m letting go of the one person who has always been there for me.

Walking in the clubhouse, I immediately take my spot behind the bar and begin to clean everything up from the day and the Prospects who have stepped in my space to get the guys drinks while I wasn’t here. There’s a new Prospect, Kal, who is learning and he hovers behind me as I wipe down the bar and start figuring out what I need to have restocked for the night ahead of me.

“Is there anythin’ you need me to do, Rebel?” Kal asks me, his voice strong and sure behind me as he rests a hand on my shoulder.

I’m pretty sure Kal has a crush on me. He’s always finding little ways to touch me and help out when I’m here to work. I don’t encourage him, but I’m not pushing him away either. Kal is a good guy even if he’s young. He’s sweet and everyone seems to like him. I think he’s related to one of the ol’ ladies, but I can’t remember which one at this point. Not much other than my grandma penetrates the thick fog that seems to surround me.

“I’m good, Kal. Thank you for asking. You can see if Reaper or the other guys need your help for anything,” I answer him, a fake smile plastered on my face as the door of the clubhouse opens and I look up to find Eagle walking inside, his eyes already glued to me.

Eagle is sexy as fuck. He’s well over six foot tall with brown hair. His body is full of muscles from working out and helping his club brothers on a daily basis. He doesn’t have many tattoos covering his body, but the ones I’ve seen are in black and gray with no color. I want to ask him why he’s chosen not to have any color decorating his body, but that seems like a personal question and I’m not brave enough to get more personal than we’ve already gotten. Today he’s wearing a tight black tee-shirt that shows every single ridge of his chest and stomach. His cut is on over his shirt with ink peeking out below the sleeves that look as if they’ll split with one wrong move. The jeans he’s wearing fit his body and show off his thick legs as he stomps his way over to the bar. A soft smile is on his face making his chocolate brown eyes soften even more than usual. They remind me of a melted chocolate bar you still want to eat knowing it’s going to make a huge mess.

“Rebel,” he says, his smooth, deep voice washing over my body and sending a rush through me.

“Eagle,” I return, averting my eyes as I go to set the glass I was drying on the counter behind me.

The glass drops out of my hand before I get to the counter and smashes against the worn, wooden floor at my feet. I immediately drop down to my knees and begin to clean up the mess. Eagle’s eyes are on me, the feeling of him watching me making the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.

“You okay, Sweet Girl?” he questions me, his steps letting me know he’s coming behind the bar.

“I’m fine,” I respond, squeaking out when I’m suddenly lifted in the air and set on top of the bar with Eagle looking me in the eyes.

“You’re not fine, Sweet Girl. Even I know when a woman says she’s fine, it’s not the truth. You know Cash and I are here for you no matter what’s goin’ on. We’ve got you and always will,” he tells me, his voice barely above a whisper so no one else in the common room hears him as it starts to fill with members getting back from a long day at work.

I don’t bother responding to Eagle because he seems to see everything. Even those things you don’t want another person to learn about you. It’s what makes him such a great Vice President. Along with the fact that he’s typically such a level-headed guy with the patience of a saint. It’s rare for Eagle to get pissed and let that side of himself show. I’ve only seen it a handful of times and it’s not something I want to witness again if I can help it.

Tears fill my eyes as I watch Eagle clean up the broken glass and dump it into the garbage can before turning to face me again. He pushes my thighs apart and steps between them, wiping away the lone tear that manages to escape and roll down my cheek.

“What’s wrong with our girl?” I hear Cash ask as he steps up behind me and places a hand on my back.

The heat of his hand covers me like a shield as I look over my shoulder to find him as close as he can possibly get to me with the bar separating us. He’s the opposite of Eagle in most ways and I’m surprised the two men are as close as they are.

Cash has dark golden blond hair with the brightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. They always seem as if they’re shining or something with how bright they are. His skin is tan, making the ink covering his body stand out even more. Unlike Eagle, Cash does have colors in his tattoos. Bright and bold colors that catch a person’s eye no matter how they feel about tattoos. While he has muscles like Eagle, his body is leaner. He’s got more of a swimmer’s build that often makes people underestimate his strength. It’s something he’s learned to use to his advantage when he gets into a fight. The tee-shirt he’s wearing today is molded to his body under his cut though I can’t make out the ridges in his abdomen like I can with Eagle. His jeans show off his thick but lean legs as he steps back to move the stool out of his way. These two men have me all sorts of twisted up inside and I’m not sure what to do about it.

“I dropped a glass and it shattered. I was gonna clean it up, but Eagle stopped me,” I answer him as I’m surrounded by the two men who share a look over my shoulder.

“Woulda done the same thing,” Cash murmurs, nuzzling his face into my neck. He’s always more affectionate and touches me more than Eagle. Especially lately for some reason.

“I gotta get back to work,” I murmur, overwhelmed with the feelings these two are filling me with.

Images of them with me in bed fill my mind and I can feel my skin heating with a blush. An image of our bodies tangled together in the middle of a bed takes center stage. Our skin glistening under dim lighting from the sweat covering us while they both run their hands up and down my naked flesh, covering me in goosebumps from their light touches. Shaking my head, I look up into Eagle’s eyes to find him smirking at me as if he knows exactly where my mind is and what I’m picturing. One more reason these men are dangerous to my health.

Eagle backs up the slightest bit before placing his hands on my hips and lifting me from the bar to put me on the floor right in front of him, our bodies touching at multiple points. This is the first time Eagle has been this close to me at the clubhouse and I want him to wrap his arms around me and hold me close. To make me forget about my grandma and everything going on outside of these walls. My heart starts beating faster as my breath comes out in pants with his close proximity. Cash’s eyes haven’t left us as the feeling of him staring fills me like a soft caress. These men are going to be the death of me if something doesn’t happen soon.

After a few minutes, he finally backs up and gives me the space I’m desperately craving. I watch him walk back around the bar and take a seat directly in front of me and right next to Cash. They’re the only two men sitting at the bar right now as the tables around the common room start to fill up. I clear my throat and shake my head of the sexy images filling my mind so I can get back to work.

I ’ve been working for several hours now and I can’t stop looking at my phone that I’ve left on the counter next to the taps. My mind is definitely not here since I’ve messed up so many damn orders for the guys. It’s like I’ve never worked behind a bar before. I even managed to give Reaper vodka, which he hates, instead of his usual Jack. He looked at me with worry as I took the glass back from him and got him the correct drink. I’ve managed to break five more glasses and overfilled Hawk’s beer when he came in to sit down for a few minutes. Everyone is looking at me with concern in their lingering gazes. Eagle and Cash haven’t left the bar for any reason and are watching every single move I make. It’s kind of unnerving if I stop to let myself think about it.

When I go to hand Savage a beer, I drop the bottle and it goes all over the place. Including all over the man with an outstretched hand waiting for it. My face pales as I drop to the floor in complete exhaustion while tears slide down my face faster and faster and my breathing comes out in short pants I need to get control of before I start to hyperventilate.

“Eagle. Cash,” I hear Reaper’s voice call out as if I’m under water. It’s muffled and feels as if he’s a million miles away.

“On it,” is returned as I sink into the despair and exhaustion consuming me.

I’m lifted into a pair of strong arms and know Eagle has me. He always smells of leather, oil, and the mint gum he chews on a daily basis. There’s just a hint of musk that’s all him and it fills me with a sense of peace and calm I don’t normally feel. Then Cash’s scent mixes in with Eagle’s. While he also smells of leather and oil, there’s the slightest hint of the cologne he wears daily. I’m not sure what it is, but I want to bathe in it. The two men surrounding me always smell so damn good.

Faintly, I hear a door open before closing a minute later. Eagle is whispering words of comfort I can hardly hear as I feel a soft mattress beneath me for a second before Eagle shifts our bodies around so my head is laying on his hard chest with one of my arms thrown over his stomach. Cash’s body moves in close behind me, tangling one of my legs between the two of his as he rests his hand on my hip. Neither man says a word as they hold me while I sob, covering Eagle’s chest with my tears as he strokes my hair and gently runs his fingers through the long strands.

“Talk to us, Doll,” Cash says, his voice almost pleading with me to open up for them.

“She’s getting worse,” I whisper, feeling as if putting the words out in the universe is going to alter what’s happening at home. “She was in so much pain this morning I found her sobbing and there’s nothing I can do to help her. I want to take her illness and pain away so she doesn’t have to suffer another second.”

“Sweet Girl,” Eagle says, knowing he can’t say anything more to change the situation or help me feel better about my grandma and what’s happening to her.

“What do you need us to do?” Cash asks, pressing a kiss to my shoulder as he moves in impossibly closer to me.

“There’s nothing anyone can do. I think I need to talk to Reaper about being home more though. I want to be with her and I really can’t afford the nurse that’s been helping take care of her when I’m here,” I answer, my voice trembling with the pain filling me.

“We can help,” Eagle offers as he’s done a million times in the past.

“I can’t ask you to do that. I’m really trying to respect my grandma’s wishes and not touch my trust fund to handle this, but I’m gonna have to break that promise and it’s not something I’ve ever done before,” I say, pain filling me because my grandma wants me to use that money for myself and any children I have in the future instead of wasting it on her and keeping her alive or comfortable until she takes her last breath.

“You’re not askin’, Doll. Eagle and I have the money and we want to help you. Can’t say we haven’t made our intentions with you obvious at this point, Rebel. Even your grandma knows where we want this to go. Gave us her blessin’ and everythin’. I thought Eagle was gonna piss himself when she threatened to cut our cocks off with a dull, rusty blade if we ever hurt you. Not sayin’ I wasn’t gonna piss my pants right next to him. Grandma is scary when she goes all mama bear mode,” Cash says, trying to make me laugh at the vision he’s just given me.

Yes, Eagle and Cash both call her Grandma as she’s asked them to.

I know all about the conversation he’s referencing because I was shamelessly listening in from the kitchen a few weeks ago when the three of them were talking. It was when she truly started to show how sick she was and started being in constant pain. She was sleeping more often than she was awake. That day, she managed to wake up and have a full conversation with the two men surrounding me. Her voice was strong and steady instead of breaking from wheezing that I’ve only been hearing. When she was done talking to them, she passed out as if she used up all of her strength for that one talk. It broke my heart and made me truly realize how bad things were getting for her.

“I told her to let go today. That if she’s in too much pain to let go and leave it all behind,” I inform them, my heart breaking all over again as I remember the whispered words I said shortly before the nurse got there to take care of her overnight.

“You’re done here for now, Sweet Girl. You need to be home with your grandma. Cash and I will move in with you so the two of you aren’t alone. We’ll help out with the cost of nursin’ for her and do what she needs from us,” Eagle states, his voice slightly harder than I usually hear it and I know he’s in VP mode right now. “Don’t worry about Reaper. I’ll let him know what’s goin’ on. You know he loves Grandma as much as everyone else here. He’ll gladly give you the time off to spend with her.”

“You can’t do that,” I try to argue with him, already knowing I’m gonna lose this battle.

“We can and are, Rebel. I’m gonna go pack a bag,” Cash says, untangling his body from mine and leaving me wrapped up in Eagle’s arms.

We don’t move until Cash comes back in the room I know is Eagle’s based on the smell surrounding us. He gets up and packs a bag of his own before Cash lifts me in his arms and we head out. Cash doesn’t stop until we’re at the line of bikes. He sets me on his before placing a helmet on my head and doing the strap up. Once he has his bag secure in the saddle bag, he gets on in front of me and wraps my arms around his torso. This is the first time I’ve been on one of their bikes. Eagle and Cash are both men who believe the only female who will ever sit on their bike is the woman they plan on making their ol’ lady. This makes something shift deep inside and I can’t even begin to process what this means for us moving forward. I really don’t have time as Eagle exits the clubhouse and gets on his bike. In a minute, the engines are roaring in the still night before we take off and head back to my house, leaving my car in the parking lot where I know it will be safe.