21. Harlowe
CHAPTER 21
HARLOWE
I t was incredibly difficult not to run over and eavesdrop as Brooks talked to his sister. Maybe it wasn’t my business. That didn’t mean I wasn’t desperate to know what he was saying. Especially since I knew part of it had to do with me. He wanted me at the game, but I was on the path to make things right with Camden, so I wasn’t going to go if she didn’t invite me.
That was me not shoving her aside for her brother.
When Camden slid back across from me into the seat she’d vacated just moment ago, I pretended to be surprised, as if I hadn’t seen her coming, so that she wouldn’t know I’d been watching them intently.
What did surprise me was her scowl. “Is this how it’s going to be now?” she asked, but I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Is what how it’s going to be?”
“My brother shows up, so I have to disappear.”
I blew out a breath and grimaced. That was a big reason why she didn’t want any friends dating any of her brothers. She’d been pushed aside a lot as a kid because she couldn’t play baseball. I mean, she’d played when she’d been younger, but she couldn’t play . It couldn’t be her career. And once they’d moved her to softball—because girls weren’t allowed on the high school baseball team—she’d quit altogether. But I knew this was a big insecurity for her. Losing her friend to her brother.
“Not for me,” I told her. “If it were up to me, you could’ve stayed right where you were. Your brother sent you away and you let him. That’s not on me.”
Just because I was trying to make things right with her didn’t mean I’d let her blame me for things that were clearly not my fault. I hadn’t chased her away.
Camden gave a slow nod as she realized what I’d said was true. “You’re right,” she finally said. “I won’t let him do that again.”
“You shouldn’t.” I took another bite of my now-slightly-cold burger. My appetite had come back hard after Brooks had left. “I mean, there may be things Brooks and I need to talk about that you don’t want to be around for or really shouldn’t be, but just because your brother wants you to go away doesn’t mean I do.”
“Noted. That was my bad, then.” She glanced to the door, as if to make sure he wasn’t suddenly there lurking beside us, then asked, “So you’re really not together?”
I let out a sigh so she’d know how tiring it was to answer this question so many times. “No. I told you no . He knows about the baby and wants to be around for it. It’s his kid, too. Would you expect any less?”
“From Brooks? Not really. Actually, not from any of my brothers. Despite their long list of qualities that I might dislike, they wouldn’t turn their backs on a kid.”
“Exactly. And your friendship is important to me, Camden. I’m not going to jeopardize that.”
“You slept with my brother,” she reminded me, which could have jeopardized everything and I didn’t want to think about the fact that I was still technically sleeping with him.
I shrugged. “Other than that one thing.”
Camden snickered. “Yeah. Fine. I probably need to get over this whole idea that none of my friends will find my brothers attractive.”
“Oh, yeah, you do. All of your brothers are ridiculously attractive. You’re beautiful. The genes in your family run strong and it’s actually kind of irritating.”
Camden laughed and pushed her hair over her shoulder, as if she were saying she knew she was beautiful. She did but had never acted like it. “Right. Now I can just be excited that I’m going to be an aunt. You know I love babies.”
“Oh, I know. I was worried for a while in high school that you were going to steal one.”
She snorted. “Never. I don’t think I’d do well in prison.”
“Please,” I scoffed. “You’d end up running it.”
Because Camden was a take-charge kind of person. Whereas I was a little more reserved and always more worried, she was ready to step in and get shit done, even if it meant someone might not like her. She didn’t worry about what others thought about her. Even when guys tried to woo her, she’d kind of roll her eyes.
Her boyfriends had never really lasted long because of it. I’d always thought that Camden needed someone who was going to challenge her, not fall all over themselves to keep her. Treat her the way she deserved, of course, but also not take any of her shit.
If that guy was out there, he’d be perfect for her.
Me, on the other hand… I needed someone who wouldn’t be put off by my need for independence while at the same time be willing to take care of me. It was a weird combination that I didn’t think existed.
“All right,” I told her, pushing my plate away. I couldn’t eat another bite. “What are you doing today?”
“I don’t know.” Then she rolled her eyes. “Except for the game tonight, which I’m under strict orders to invite you to.”
My shoulders fell because that wasn’t how I wanted it to be. I wanted her to want me to be there. “I’m not going to the game,” I told her because she was only asking under orders from Brooks.
“No.” She reached out and placed her hand on mine. “That was a shitty way to put it and I was just trying to be funny. Brooks did ask me to get you to come, but any time that I’m going—which apparently I am tonight—I want you there, Harlowe. I always want you there. I think even Everly will be there because it’s Friday evening.”
“That’s five people. Your dad’s seats are only four.”
“Pretty sure Monroe is coming with her dads.”
Right. A little pang of jealousy shot through me at the relationship Monroe had with her dads. Now, I didn’t know a ton about it—I was on the outside of the Briggs family—but she went to the games with them often and I didn’t think I’d been to anything with my parents once. That had to say something.
“All right,” I told her. “I’ll be there, but I’m coming because you asked me to.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know, Harlowe, but I also know you’re coming a little because he asked you to and I’m going to get less sensitive about it. Brooks is going to ask you to come to things because you’re carrying his kid, which means you’re part of the family.”
“Well, you and I have been family forever.”
“Exactly. So…” She set her hands against the table and pushed up, a signal that she was going to leave. “I’m going to get less sensitive about it. You’re going to be around him. You’re going to be at family things. You’re going to do things that he asks you to because you’re going to be parenting a kid with him.”
I stood too and pulled her into my arms. We weren’t big on hugging in our relationship, but this called for it. Once I’d released her, I said, “You should know that he wants me to stay at his house. Says he wants to be there for me if I’m getting sick.”
She swallowed hard then nodded. “Yeah. That makes sense. At least you won’t have Jenner around all the time like poor Amity does.”
I snickered. Jenner was her brother Silas’s best friend and he’d been around a ton when we’d been kids, then even more when we’d been teenagers. There was no love lost between Camden and Jenner, though. They’d gotten along only enough to be in the same room and even then, they’d barked at each other until one day she’d stopped acknowledging him unless she’d had to.
Camden had a complicated relationship with baseball players and I really wished she’d told me why.
“I’m going to go,” she said. “I’ll pick you up for the game because I assume Brooks will want to take you home if you’re staying with him.”
“I didn’t agree to that tonight and you can pick me up because I hate parking for games, but I’ll need a ride home after.”
She rolled her eyes. “You will agree to it. My brothers get what they want, usually.”
“I’d still want to go home and take my own car.”
“All right. I’ll see you in a bit.”
At the very least, I didn’t have to worry about her freaking out if she found me at his house. This was progress and probably easier for her to digest, given that we weren’t together and never would be.
No matter how I felt about him, it just wasn’t something that was going to happen.
After Camden had left, I cleared the table we’d been at then took some orders and over all did whatever needed to be done until it was time to leave for the doctor’s office. The restaurant was in good hands, though I should have cared a little less since now, it was never going to be mine.
Shit. I’d have to start looking for a new job and who hired a pregnant woman? If I did it soon, I wouldn’t really be showing and maybe that would work to my advantage.
I’d worn yoga pants today for two reasons. They were comfortable and honestly, my jeans were starting to get a little tight, and second, the doctor was going to want to poke around my stomach. That was something I’d learned. Being pregnant meant every single time you saw a doctor, they’d want to feel your stomach.
There was a little wait in the office once I got there, but at least this time, it wasn’t hard to see the pregnant women, even those with a partner. In the off-season, Brooks would be here with me. It finally felt like I wasn’t going to be going through this alone.
Finally, the nurse called me back and weighed me. I hadn’t gained anything. Which was weird. I clearly knew I’d been sick, but the tightness of my pants had me thinking I would’ve gained something.
When I voiced that opinion as she took my blood pressure, the nurse said, “That’s the baby.”
“How can it be the baby? I haven’t gained any weight.”
“The baby’s going to take what it needs. It’s gaining, but you’re not, which means you’re losing. Hopefully, this morning sickness will leave you alone soon.”
So I’d start to gain weight. That didn’t bother me at all. It was all part of it. I’d be gaining weight, but I’d never had a particular issue with my weight. No, I wasn’t as thin as a lot of people—Camden included, though she had an athletic build—but that had never bothered me.
My blood pressure was good and there wasn’t a long wait for the doctor.
Dr. Fitzgerald came in and I swear she barely looked older than me, but I knew she was in her early thirties.
“How are things, Harlowe? Getting any better?” She clacked away on the computer they now used instead of paper charts.
“I think they’re getting better. I haven’t been getting as sick as much.”
“That’s good to hear. Eating?”
I nodded. “More than I could before and I’m making sure I get all of my water in to stay hydrated.”
“Perfect. Well, let’s take a look.”
As expected, she had me move the waistband of my leggings so she could push around on my stomach. “Perfect,” she said again. “Baby feels exactly how baby should feel at this point. I want to get a heartbeat since we haven’t yet, right?”
“No.” I swallowed hard. “We haven’t.” This would be the first time I heard the baby’s heartbeat and suddenly, I really wished Brooks were here to experience it with me.
The doctor used this wand thing that kind of looked like a microphone to press against my belly after she’d squirted the ultrasound gel on it. I bit my lips together and waited. The wand glided over my skin until this sound emerged. It wasn’t thumping like they showed on TV, but it was rhythmic and strong.
“There it is,” she said with a smile. “Just had to find it.”
Tears burned my eyes at the sound of the human growing inside me. If anyone would’ve told me I’d be this happy over hearing a heartbeat, I would’ve laughed in their faces. This was so different for me that I couldn’t describe it.
“A strong, healthy, one hundred and forty beats per minute.” She lessened the pressure, but I stopped her.
“Wait. Could I record this with my phone for the baby’s dad? He wanted to be here but couldn’t. Work.”
“Sure.” She pushed back down more firmly as I got my phone ready.
The squawking started again and I hit record, focusing my camera on my stomach and the wand. Dr. Fitzgerald made sure to put the receiver part in the video so he could see the glowing one-forty on there.
“All right.” She pulled it away and I stopped the recording. “I’m going to do a quick ultrasound. Get your camera ready.”
I snickered but did just that. She pulled the bedside ultrasound over and got to work. Quickly, she started pointing out the head and feet. It was hard to make out, but the doctor said everything looked good and while they didn’t do printed pictures anymore, there would be some in the online portal if I wanted them.
“All right.” She quickly wiped the gel off. “Everything looks great, so I think it’s safe to see you in a month.”
“How will the appointments work?” I asked because the idea of changing jobs meant changing insurance and I had a lot of planning to do.
“I’ll see you monthly until you’re twenty-eight weeks and then I’ll see you every two weeks until you’re about thirty-six weeks along. Then it becomes weekly until delivery.”
Nodding, I said, “Thanks.” But inside, I was freaking out a little. That was a lot of appointments and I’d need to get a job whose insurance started right away. The timing was going to be everything.
When I got home, I packed a bag because there was no use pretending that Brooks wasn’t going to get his way about me staying at his house. Especially now that I had things to show him. After the bag was packed, I went into my portal and saved the pictures of the ultrasound. I’d definitely get them printed for a baby book and maybe Brooks would want them too.
Camden picked me up an hour before the game, like she usually did. It was all I could do not to show her everything, but it wouldn’t have been right. Brooks should see them first. I did let her know that the appointment had gone well.
“What about when you give birth?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Do I get to be there?”
I cringed. “We’re close, Camden, but I’m not sure we’re that close.”
“I’ve seen you naked before.”
Yes. Because we’d changed in the same room, but this was different. “I think giving birth is a lot more naked than you’ve seen me. And it’s not just me naked… There are things… I’ve read a lot about it recently. But there are things you can’t unsee that happen in that room.”
She scrunched up her face like she’d just smelled something really bad. “Yeah. Maybe I’ll pass. Can’t wait to see how my brother handles it.”
That sent me on a whole new spiral. Brooks would want to be in there if his schedule allowed. It’d be early April, so the season would’ve started up again. He’d see those things I was just telling Camden about and that sent a ripple of anxiety through me.
Chances were, though, I’d be pushing this baby into the world by myself.
Camden had been right. Monroe was sitting with her dads a few rows behind us, which left Camden, me, Everly, and Amity in Mr. Briggs’s seats. Talking with the girlfriends had me thinking that Brooks was going to have to tell his family. With four games left—tomorrow and Sunday then Tuesday and Wednesday—before the post-season, I assumed it’d be happening soon.
They all knew I was pregnant. Just not how this would affect the Briggs family.
As the game started, Brooks climbed out of the dugout and glanced over to where we were sitting. He gave an almost-imperceptible nod then pulled his mask down over his face as he walked to home plate.
He wanted me here and that made me giddier than it ever should have.