Twisted in Chaos (Destructive Devastation #2)

Chapter 48

Would anyone miss them if I slaughtered them tonight? Because I’m contemplating murder. Blood. Guts. Screaming for me to stop until they’re voiceless and strapped to tables naked. Not even the fun kind of naked, either. Just me in charge of punishing them for everything they’ve done.

Morbid? Yes. Absolutely. But it’s the only thought I can think of as I stand beside Shepp in the kitchen, watching as he nonchalantly makes us sandwiches as a snack. So relaxed. No worries on his mind. He’s thinking about turkey sandwiches. I’m thinking about hanging their guts up for decoration with Christmas lights.

We are not in the same headspace right now.

I’ll start with Arrow, the grinning weirdo who forced me to pee on a pregnancy test in front of him. Never in my damn life did I think someone would want to do that. Even my monster gave me more privacy than that.

Well, sometimes, considering there weren’t proper restrooms in the basement he left me in. But this? I thought the days of being humiliated by a man were behind me.

Internally, I roll my eyes. I should have expected it, though. Maybe the distance fucked up my memories or something. He’s Arrow Amour, after all. Resident psycho who loves to make people bleed and feed them to his lions. Among other things. Like taking my IUD out without my permission or fucking knowledge. No. I had to find out at the initiation ball we attended.

Fucker.

I need to chop his balls to bits and not look back.

He never paid for that crime. So now, it’s time to pay for them all. Arrow’s demise is mine and mine alone.

I grit my teeth with annoyance. Is this my life now? Being paranoid about him following me into the bathroom? Nope. I won’t allow that. I can’t be paranoid every step I take that he’s going to be behind me with some sort of fun surprise. And I use the word fun loosely. I’ll put a bell around his neck before I let that happen again. Fuck. Maybe a collar.

I eye the bedroom door with narrowed eyes. My nerves explode more, turning my stomach into tight knots. They’re in there still. Beyond the bed and in the bathroom, watching the test. Without me.

I swallow the bile in my throat. Reality crashes down on me again. The pregnancy test. One simple stick will tell us if I’m bringing an innocent soul into this world.

Fuck.

Nerves prickle beneath my flesh. What if? What happens if it’s positive? Or negative? I’ve never thought about having kids. Convinced I’d be a terrible mother like my own. One who never showed me an ounce of love past the age of four.

But I practically raised Sunshine. The moment she was born, my mom waved her off. It was me getting up in the middle of the night to make sure she was fed. Me. Not her. I changed her diaper and kept her safe from harm. From my mom.

Right?

My breath stalls when a slight movement catches my eyes in the bedroom. I perk my ears, listening hard for any sort of conversation, but they’re mumbling to each other. Not loud enough for me to catch their words.

The results of the pregnancy test he forced me to take rattles my mind on a constant loop of what-ifs. What if I am pregnant? Is it okay? After everything Shepp and I went through at the hands of Shadow. Will it survive? We were starved, dehydrated, and forced to stay in the dark. Surely a tiny little human can’t survive that. Can they? Because I barely did.

My fingers rub the thick scar between my breasts as a comfort through the fabric of my oversized shirt. It’s been a way to take my mind off the past, present, and future. It soothes me. For the moment, at least.

The loud shink of Shepp’s knife cutting through Romaine lettuce brings my focus back to the present. He looks up at me expectantly with those ocean eyes cutting straight through my soul. It’s funny. He seems to have this way with words without ever opening his mouth. I understand him in this instance, and he seems to get me.

Shepp gently sets down the large knife and grabs my wrist, stopping my movements. His head tilts with curiosity before gently kissing the back of my hand. Butterflies swarm in my belly, swooping left and right when his eyes meet my gaze again. All the words he needs to say sit there in his gaze.

“I’ll be okay,” I whisper, melting at his touch.

Oh, if past me could see me now. She thought she was in shit with her monster constantly on her ass. Now? Well, the current me melts at the sight of the three mafia men who forcefully kidnapped her. And despite wanting to murder them, current me wins the game.

‘You sure?’ he mouths easily, inspecting my face.

For what? I’m not sure. Maybe he’s looking for the telltale signs of my lies, which he won’t find. They’re firmly placed behind the wall I’ve erected to hide my emotions.

Will it hold? Probably not. Especially if I’m carrying a baby.

Oh, how I long to hear the rasp of his voice reserved only for me, like that time in his painting studio. He was carefree. One day, I know he’ll open up completely. To Jer and Arrow. To the world. They’ll know Sheppard Mondelli isn’t silent any longer. But only when he’s ready.

“Positive.” Not really.

By the look in Shepp’s sparkling eyes, he knows I’m lying because he’s probably lying to himself, too.

We’ve both been through trauma in our childhoods. Fuck. Adulthoods, too. Spending time on Shadow’s fucked up island is the cherry on top of our existence. I guess what we do with this trauma and how we proceed amid war will define us. Make us who we were meant to become. Hopefully for the greater good. We’ll take down all the big bads and fucking win Briar Cove back from Gabriel and the family.

I sigh. That’s the dream, at least.

Feet shuffle behind me. Not yet in the living room, lingering in the bedroom, whispering words I can’t quite understand. I turn and look in that direction, catching the mischievous glint in Arrow’s eyes.

Fucker.

I frown, turning back to Shepp, giving him all my attention.

“But I can’t say the same for Arrow. You think he’d miss his nuts after I chop them off?” I say a little louder than necessary to get my point across.

Shepp winces at the thought. Right. Men and their precious balls. They’re so protective of them.

Leaning in to kiss my cheek, Shepp lingers for longer than necessary. The scent of his body wash wraps me in a hug, cocooning me in the safety of his aura. I sigh, melting more. Shepp lovingly cups my cheeks and shakes his head before gently kissing my lips. Pulling back slightly, he examines my face again with that intense gaze that might bring me to my knees.

‘I’ll protect you.’ he mouths, moving his eyes down my body before stopping at my stomach. ‘And that, if it happens.’

“I’m still mad at the three of you for knocking me out and stealing my IUD,” I murmur, with no heat behind it.

I should be livid, I know. Make them kneel and beg for forgiveness for the next nine months. They did this to me. On purpose. Without my say so.

‘We deserve it,’ Shepp mouths, rubbing his neck and staring at the ground. Well, until two sets of footsteps finally make it into the kitchen.

“You’d really chop my balls off, Kitten?” Arrow asks with a pout, gaining my attention.

Yes. The answer is, fuck yes, I would. But I don’t dignify it with words. Instead, I set my evil gaze on them, tracking their every movement as they get closer. I focus on their faces, trying to sus out their expressions. Do they give anything away? No. They’re stoic. Emotionless. Not giving me any hints as to what the test says.

Now, the nerves set in. They wouldn’t have left the bathroom without an answer.

“Yes,” I hiss, crossing my arms. “I would chop your balls off.” I give him my best stink eye, but it never works. He grins and bypasses me altogether. First, he makes me pee in front of him, and now he’s ignoring me. Talk about whiplash. Before I can utter the words—what did it say—Arrow continues like I’m not on pins and needles.

“Whatcha making for a snack, Sheppy Boy? Anything good?” Arrow asks with a sneaky grin, shoving his hands into his pockets. Giddiness radiates off him in waves, making my stomach turn.

I’m fucking doomed. These are the emotions I was waiting for. He’s either happy to have me pregnant or happy to fuck me some more so he can get me pregnant.

“What did it say?” I demand through a huff. “Am I pregnant?” My back stiffens when Arrow shrugs off my words, and Jericho averts his eyes, moving away from us and to the small, round dining table. “Arrow,” I hiss, gaining his attention. “Jericho?” I ask, looking his way.

“Kitten,” he teases, taking a step back. “Please don’t blend my Big A into mush.” He bats his eyelashes at me, covering his nuts through his pants.

That’s it. They’re going in the blender ASAP. But wait…

I freeze. My stomach swoops. I swear I’m going to puke all over the kitchen floor.

“You…” Concrete encases my tongue, weighing it down. More words rest on the tip of it but refuse to come out. “I’m…” Pregnant.

I can’t say it out loud. I refuse to. Then it would be real. And it would be all their fault. If I hadn’t been so dickmatized by their alluring ways, maybe I wouldn’t have ended up like this. IUD-less. Bun in the oven. Holy fucking shitballs. I’m pregnant. Really? This can’t be happening. Is the big man in the sky looking down and laughing at me? Is this the karma I deserve after all these years of spying?

I swallow hard. My ears ring from the news. Even more when Arrow giddily thrusts the test under my gaze, I see for myself. The proof is in the pudding. Or, in this case, in my hand. On the test.

It’s positive. A plus sign. Pregnant. Knocked up.

A confirmation I can’t erase or shake away. The line— this ain’t no Etch A Sketch —filters through my mind. Me and Juno have something in common. Except I didn’t sleep with just one guy on a chair. I let these three fuck me everywhere. On the bed. In the woods. With gags and butt plugs. Hell, the night we tied Jericho up and made him watch, Shepp and Arrow fucked me at least five times each.

I’m going to kill them.

Oh, fuck me. Is it hot in here? I fan my face, feeling flush. Why am I sweating? I pull at the shirt on my body, moving it so air passes over my flesh.

“I think I’m going to pass out,” I mumble, slurring my words until someone puts their hands on my shoulders, steadying me.

“See, Kitten? You’re our baby mama now,” he says proudly, puffing out his chest as he holds me steady. So not helping my mental freakout. “You’re going to be the most gorgeous pregnant lady. I can’t wait until your tits swell with milk.” I blink several times at his words when he licks his lips.

“The fuck?” I grumble, pushing him away with protest, coming back to my damn senses. “That’s…” He wants to drink my breast milk? I nearly recoil from the thought, but then again. No wait! This is no place to get all hot and bothered about his psycho ass and what he wants to do to me.

I’m fucking furious at him.

Arrow shrugs again. “Then, once we have this baby, I’ll knock you up again and again. You’ll never get me off you. I’ll just keep shoving that baby batter inside you until we have a whole gaggle of kids following us around.” He sighs, lost in a damn daydream about knocking me up again. “Oh, and they’ll help. I wasn’t the only one on the—knock Journey up, so she’s tied to us forever— plan. So, be mad at them, too.” His grin widens when my mouth drops open.

Murder is on the menu, and I was right to start with Arrow first. No nookie for him. Ever again. For any of them! This vagina is closed for business until this child leaves the womb. And then? I’m tying my tubes so these bastards can never have another baby.

“If your dick comes anywhere near me in the next five minutes, I swear to God, Arrow,” I grit out, stepping back from him. “I’m going to yank it off your body and make you gag on it.”

Arrow shivers, holding tight to his dick while he still can. “Ouch, Kitten. First, the blender. Then, gagging me with it? I think you have a fetish for chopping off dicks.” He pouts now, sticking out his bottom lip. “Big A loves you so much.” My heart halts inside me. There’s that word again. Love. Arrow’s using it so freely, throwing it around like confetti at a parade.

Jericho snorts, shaking his head like he’s innocent. “I’d hide that.” Jericho points to Shepp, who holds a large knife over the cutting board again.

I could grab it. Stab Arrow through the heart. Then, I wouldn’t have to worry about him and his raging hard-on to impregnate me every chance he got.

Shepp eyes the knife, gently putting it on the cutting board and pushing it out of reach. He offers me a soft smile, obviously trying to placate my erratic emotions. I want to cry, scream, and make them bleed, but I also need a nap and a bath. Ugh. My shoulders sag with exhaustion. I discreetly stash the test in my pocket, my heart pounding in my chest as I try to soothe my emotions.

I’ll be okay. I always am.

“Kitten,” Arrow says, holding up his hands. His voice dips low like he’s talking to a wounded animal. “As much as I loved you stabbing me the last time. Maybe we should keep those stabbing motions for the villain in the basement.” He nods like that’ll convince me not to stab him in his sleep.

Arrow can wait, though. They did me more than dirty and deserve an ass-kicking. But he’s right. Shadow is in the basement, awaiting what he deserves. And he gets much more than a stab to the damn heart. He’ll get everything coming to him for all he’s done to me, my sister, and Shepp.

“I wanted to discuss with you the phone call I had while outside,” Jericho says, his demanding voice filling the kitchen. He deliberately steers the conversation away from me stabbing them and onto whatever he wants to say.

“Spill the beans, Daddy Jer,” Arrow says with a grin, stepping back when Jericho stands abruptly, knocking his chair back with a loud squeak.

“Arrow, I swear to fuck,” he grits out, leaning against the table like he’s keeping himself back.

“You act like you hate it,” Arrow quips with a snort.

“I do in fact hate it,” Jericho seethes, plopping back into the chair with a grunt and righting himself.

“Could have fooled me,” Arrow whispers in my direction, earning another glare. “You guys are no fun!” he huffs, planting himself in a chair opposite Jericho. “Go on, Jericho,” he says, enunciating every syllable of his name.

Will that stop him from saying that ridiculous nickname? Absolutely not. I see it in his eyes when he looks in Jericho’s direction. They sparkle with mischief.

Jericho looks around the room. His dark eyes assess us all as we turn to listen to him. His fingers steeple on the table. The official mafia heir is coming to the surface.

“I’ve contacted your sister.”

I stiffen as his words echo in my mind. Well, then. That trumps baby in the belly, any day.

“What?” I rasp, moving forward a step. “Is she okay? Where is she? Is she…” He holds up a hand, stopping me mid-sentence.

Yeah. He’s number two on the murder list tonight, right behind Arrow. I’m chopping his fingers to bits for cutting me off. And Shepp? Well, he’s innocent-ish for now. He was my rock on the island. So he can survive. Maybe we’ll walk hand in hand into the sunset after we bury the two bodies in the woods.

“She’s just been through surgery. They were able to get her in earlier. Mikhail reached out, hoping we’d found each other by now. He wants me to assure you that she’s getting stronger. His personal doctor has been watching over her since they arrived. He also assured me that the pact you made with him still stands.”

“Still stands,” I repeat, falling into a dining chair. Every emotion rocks through me. First, the baby. Now, my sister. What’s next? Another fucking storm of bullshit knocking me down. Shadow breaking out and going on a murder spree? It wouldn’t fucking surprise me.

“Mikhail has agreed to come here to meet with Elias and us. We’re going to cook up a plan to take back Briar Cove and take down my father.” He gives us all a pointed look, meaning this is not up for discussion. Everyone is coming here whether we like it or not.

“You’re willing to depend on some kid to help?” Arrow asks, slowly moving to sit beside me. He acts like a wounded puppy, staring after me for affection while batting his eyelashes again.

Sorry, pal. That won’t work on me right now.

“He wants to help,” I murmur, shaking my head. “That’s what he told me on the island. We talked.” Cotton balls fill my brain with fog as I try to concentrate on the conversation happening now. It’s pivotal. So important, but I can barely focus on anything but the pounding of my heart in my head.

I’m pregnant.

My fingers move over my abdomen, placing them on my flat stomach. There’s something in there—living, breathing, with a heartbeat. We created it at the most inopportune time—there’s a war on the horizon, and we’re going to be smack dab in the middle of it.

We’re going to have a baby.

“He said as much,” Jericho says, sighing. “Little Chaos.” His voice brokers no room for argument, forcing me to gaze deep into his dark eyes. “She’ll be okay. Your sister got the heart she needed. It seems Mikhail and the rest of the Antonov have the best intentions.” He raises his brow.

Mafia men and the best intentions? Yeah, right. However, Mikhail confessed why he wanted my sister so badly after having an online relationship with her for so long. It was hard to believe. A fourteen-year-old loving someone so much that he opted to marry her without knowing her further. Not only that, but he also promised me she’d go to the hospital and get the new heart she’s needed for years. It was long past time for surgery. She was in dire need. The hospitalization my monster provided her with only extended her life, only by a little bit. She was hanging on the edge of demise with every beat of her broken heart.

I slump in my seat when Shepp sets a plate in front of me. My stomach curdles, making odd noises at the sight of it. A turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes, and mayo. My mouth waters. Hunger pains eat me from the inside out, despite just having lunch a little while ago. I guess those days without food and water are catching up to me.

“Eat up, Kitten. You’ll need your strength for later,” Arrow quips, leaning his face on his palm, watching me as I take my first bite.

“Oh, yeah? Why do I need strength? To stab you again?” His grin only grows. Of course, that’s what turns the psycho on.

“Fuck. I love it when you threaten me with violence. It does funny things to Big A. He likes it. Wants it.” He bites his fist, groaning behind it.

“Arrow,” Jericho grunts. “Knock it off, would you?”

Arrow pouts, crossing his arms. “But I’ve missed her, Daddy Jer! It was way too long without her. I’ve got blue balls,” he stage-whispers, pointing down to his damn junk with down-turned lips.

“Arrow,” Jericho sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “There’s no such thing as blue balls.” He shakes his head.

But I’m too in my head about everything and push my empty plate away. “I’m going to take a hot bath.”

“I could join you! Rub your titties and back.” Arrow grins at me, attempting to stand. “I do love a set of soapy titties to brighten up my day. And yours, of course.” He winks with a heated stare.

Well, he can get bent. He’s not touching my soapy titties with a ten-foot pole.

“Alone,” I say with a frown, marching around the table to wallow in my self-pity.

Much to my relief, they let me go without a fight. Despite just taking a bath and getting cleaned up from the gunk of Shadow’s dungeons, I need something to take my mind off everything. I haven’t had a moment to myself in a while, but it’s time to pull myself together. As I leave the room, the three of them mumble to one another, getting lost in a discussion.