Unafraid (Amber Ridge #1)

Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

A spen watched Jesse move around the kitchen from her position on the living room couch. She’d tried to eat the Thai food he’d ordered, but she couldn’t seem to stomach anything at the moment.

Memories of Dylan’s fingers around her throat had her belly in knots.

He was here…in Amber Ridge…and today, he’d attacked her. It didn’t seem real.

He’d been angry before, but today was different. Today he’d almost looked like he could kill her.

A shudder rocked her spine.

Jesse crossed the space between them and handed her a mug. “Hot cocoa.”

“Thank you.”

While she gave him a small smile, his frown had been firmly in place all afternoon.

He lowered to the couch, and she leaned forward and touched his hand. “Jesse. I’m okay. And Luke’s only got a concussion.”

Granted, it was a bad concussion, and he’d need some time off work, but he’d be okay.

“I should have been here,” he said for what had to be the tenth time that afternoon. “I asked Luke to come because I’m a greedy bastard, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to leave you. But if I’d come, Dylan would never have gotten the jump on me. He’d be in a fucking cell right now.”

She tilted her head. “Dylan’s a terrible person, but he’s not an idiot. He knows your background in special operations. He never would have tried on you what he did to Luke. He saw Luke as an opportunity.” She softened her voice. “This is Dylan’s fault…but you know that. Why are you trying to blame yourself?”

“Because I need to blame someone .”

“Blame him.”

“He’s not here.” That familiar anger edged his voice.

She lowered her gaze to the steam coming off the cocoa. “Blame me, then. I’m the one who dated the psychopath.”

“I would never blame you.”

“You should.”

“Aspen, it isn’t your fault that your ex is a psychotic asshole.” He said it slowly, like that would somehow convince her.

It didn’t. A part of her would always blame herself for not seeing his true colors earlier…and then for not leaving earlier.

It was time to tell Jesse. Past time.

She took a deep breath before looking up. “It was six months into our relationship when I started to notice something was off. He got really possessive. Started wanting to know where I was going every day and how long I’d be gone. I should have gotten out then, the red flags were there. But I didn’t.”

Jesse didn’t say anything, just watched her, waiting for the rest.

“Two months after that, he hit me.”

The veins in Jesse’s neck popped, rage blazing in his eyes, darkening them to almost black. But still he remained silent, like he knew she needed his silence to continue.

“I remember that first time so well. I wanted to go to the bar with friends, but he wanted me to stay home with him. We fought, and he hit me. You’d think that would be where our story ended…but it’s not.”

Tears burned her eyes at the admission. Tears of regret. Embarrassment. And shame…so much shame.

She looked down, not wanting him to see. “I was too ashamed to go to Callie, so I called my mother, but she was in one of her moods. I never even had a chance to tell her what happened before she started yelling at me. I hung up. Dylan found me in this spot where I used to write, in the park.” She shook her head. “One apology, some flowers, and a promise that it would never happen again…and pathetic, desperate-for-love me took him back. What does that say about me?”

“It says you were confused about what love was because you hadn’t been loved properly by others.”

Her eyes flashed up to see the anger still there. But also something else. Empathy mixed with sadness, maybe.

Then the rage returned. “But don’t ask me what that says about him .”

She blinked back the tears.

“What happened next?” he asked.

Her gaze returned to the steam. “Three weeks later, he shoved me against a bookshelf. I can’t even remember what we were arguing about that time. A month after that, we had this huge fight about me not wanting to move in with him. He grabbed my arm so tightly I thought he was going to break something.”

A muscle in Jesse’s jaw clenched.

“He looked like he was going to hit me, but I talked him down, told him I’d move in and he left for work. The second he drove away, I packed my things. But he came back.” Her pulse picked up, and it was only Jesse’s gentle touch on her thigh that gave her the strength to keep going. “He saw what I was doing and hit me. I fell onto the glass coffee table and it shattered. He lunged for me, but I kicked him and ran.”

The muscles in Jesse’s arms were bunching, small veins popping out.

She shook her head. “It took three times— three assaults —for me to finally get out. And I never told law enforcement. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“Aspen, listen to me.”

She didn’t want to. The shame was bearing down on her like a weight, pressing on her chest, urging her focus to rest anywhere but on him.

He leaned forward and tilted her chin up. Then his eyes beamed into hers. “Everything that asshole did…every time he touched you in a way he shouldn’t have, scared you, or said something that made you feel less than…that was on him. All of it.”

A tear trickled down her cheek. “But I could have left earlier.”

“It’s not that simple.”

It was true. In the moment, it had felt confusing and hard and messy. “I’ve been so embarrassed. That night in Misty Peak, when he dragged me out of the bar and you guys came out and saved me…you asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said no because I was so scared people would find out what he’d done to me. I was scared people would realize that I’d stayed with him after he’d hit me and figure out that I’m not brave or strong.”

He slipped the mug from her fingers and set it on the coffee table. Then he took her hands. “Aspen, remember what I told you? You are strong. You had to be to leave him. And you had to be brave to leave the town you grew up in to get away from him. Don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise.”

She wanted to believe him.

“And you are worthy of a love so much better than whatever the hell that asshole gave you. You are worthy of safe love. A love that protects you. Do you understand?”

Worthy…it was something she hadn’t associated with herself for a while. “I haven’t believed that for a long time.”

“Then it’s my job to make you believe it.”

He nudged her close, and she dug her head into his chest.

“Thank you,” she breathed.

She wasn’t sure what she was thanking him for. His words. His presence. His protection. Maybe everything. Since the day they’d met, he’d been there for her without asking for anything in return.

His arms wrapped around her, cocooning her in his strength and warmth. “I’d do anything for you, Aspen. You know that, right?”

“I’m starting to.” She closed her eyes, letting all that was Jesse soothe her. She’d made really shitty decisions with Dylan. But the decision to get to know Jesse almost felt like her redemption.

Minutes ticked by, but Jesse couldn’t move. He wanted to remain exactly where he was, Aspen in his arms, for as long as he could.

It didn’t take long for her breathing to even out. For her chest to rise and fall in a steady rhythm. She was falling asleep. Good. He’d been worried that she wouldn’t be able to sleep after everything today had brought.

That familiar fury crawled around his chest, threatening to punch right out of him. But he kept it inside…barely.

Gently, he scooped his arms behind her knees and back and lifted her as he stood.

She drew in a long breath before looking up at him, eyes half hooded. “Not my room,” she whispered. “I don’t want to be in there.”

His chest tightened. Of course she didn’t want to be in the room where that scumbag had attacked her. He wouldn’t be surprised if she stopped feeling safe anywhere in his house.

He forced the rage off his face and changed direction. He stepped into his room and placed her on the bed. She snuggled into the pillow as he pulled up the sheets.

“Don’t be gone long,” she said quietly.

He grazed a lock of hair from her face, for the millionth time getting lost in just how beautiful she was. “Never.”

The second her eyes closed, his gaze lowered to her neck. To the red bruising in the form of fingerprints.

And this time, he didn’t hide anything. He let the anger carve itself into his face, thickening the muscles in his neck and fisting his hands. Every part of him wished Dylan was in the room with him right now so he could show him exactly what happened when he messed with the wrong person.

He turned and headed out of the bedroom to check all the locks on the doors and windows. He’d hear if someone breached his house, and he could go from dead asleep to awake and alert in a matter of seconds. But a lock would slow the intruder down.

He’d just checked the last room when his phone buzzed with a text from his brother.

Becket: Thanks for the photo. I’ll keep an eye out for the fucker.

He’d sent a photo of Dylan to his brother because he needed all the backup he could get.

Jesse: Thanks. I appreciate it.

Next, he called Holden, and his best friend answered on the first ring.

“Hey, Jesse. It’s late. Everything okay?”

“I need you here sooner.” His friend had said he’d be moving in a month or two, but Jesse needed the backup of his former Ghost Ops team member now .

“What’s wrong?”

“You know how I told you Aspen’s living with me because of an ex from her hometown?”

“Yeah?” There was a dangerous edge to his voice.

“Well, that ex is here, in Amber Ridge. And tonight, he attacked one of my deputies, then Aspen.”

Holden cursed. “Are they both okay?”

“Luke has a concussion and Aspen has bruising on her neck…and he got away.”

“I’ll tie up some loose ends here and be there within the week.”

Jesse closed his eyes, relief punching him in the gut. “Thank you.”

“Watch your back until I get there.”

“Always.”

He hung up and went into the bathroom. He needed to wash this damn day away. But even when he got under the shower spray, his mind didn’t stop, repeating what had happened today over and over again like a damn movie reel. Only this was real fucking life.

He hadn’t known Aspen for long, but his heart didn’t seem to care. He needed her. He needed her safe and close and protected. He couldn’t lose her when they’d barely begun.

Ten minutes later, he turned off the shower and returned to the bedroom. The second he stepped inside, his gaze went to her. Tracing the features of her face. Taking in every rise and fall of her chest.

He pulled on some briefs and slid beneath the sheets. Even though he’d done it as silently as he could, she immediately rolled over and rested her cheek on his chest…like she felt his presence as heavily as he felt hers.

He wrapped an arm around her and tugged her closer, and she breathed out a sigh.

Even with Aspen in his arms, he still struggled to push the rage aside…and he couldn’t. It bore down on him. Crushing him. Suffocating. Not just because of what had happened today, but because of everything Aspen revealed that asshole had done to her.

Jesse had known the son of a bitch had hurt her. But hearing it out loud…it fueled his need to find the scumbag and tear him to fucking pieces.