29. Emma
29
Emma
“ H ow’d it go?” Margot asks under her breath when we run into each other on Thursday afternoon.
“Bad,” I say. “Frank lost his mind when Garrett fired him. He told Garrett that he ‘has his head so far up Mother Nature’s ass he can’t even see the forest for the trees’.”
“What does that even mean?”
“No idea. He had a few choice words for the HR rep as well. Then he said he’s suing the company for discrimination and stormed out.”
“Discrimination against what?” Margot asks, rolling her eyes. “Forty-something straight white males who like to hang dead animals on the wall? I don’t think that’s a protected class of people.”
“Yeah, I doubt he’ll get very far.”
This week has been awful. Ever since Garrett found out Frank revamped the flagship store without permission, Garrett has been on the warpath. Everyone has felt his wrath. After blaming his brother for the whole debacle, I’m pretty sure the North brothers aren’t on speaking terms at the moment.
Even though Garrett hasn’t directed any of his frustration at me, I can feel the old version of Garrett creeping back in.
Every morning, I wake up in Garrett’s arms. Sometimes at my place, sometimes at his. Those first few moments are magic – full of easy smiles and soft touches. But by the time we arrive at the office (in separate cars, of course), Garrett is an entirely different person. Locked away in his office, I see him scowling. I hear him yelling on the phone. I watch him slipping back into old habits. It feels like there’s nothing I can do but watch miserably as the man I care about suffers through another day.
“I noticed there’s another meeting on the shared calendar this afternoon. Do you know what that’s about?” Margot asks, dragging me away from my thoughts.
I shake my head. I don’t remember seeing anything on Garrett’s calendar this afternoon.
“It’s with Taylor,” Margot clarifies.
My stomach drops. “What time?”
“In a few minutes, I think.”
With everything else that’s been going on, I haven’t filled Margot in on the situation with Taylor, and there’s no time to fix that now.
“I should probably go check on that,” I say.
“Are you okay?” Margot asks, furrowing her brow as her eyes flick over my face.
“Yeah, of course. I’ll fill you in later.”
She nods and we part ways. I rush down the hall in long, steady strides and turn the corner. Relief washes over me when I see Garrett alone in his office. Before I burst in and ask what the hell is going on, I decide to double-check the calendar. Plopping down in my chair, I pull up today’s meetings. Taylor’s name appears in a big blue block of time this afternoon, alongside mine and the same HR reps that were present for Frank’s meeting earlier today. That meeting definitely wasn’t on the calendar this morning.
Anger floods my veins. My neck and ears grow hot, and my hands shake.
I can’t believe he’s doing this. I told him I could help, but he hasn’t even given me a chance. Every time I’ve brought it up since that initial discussion, he’s brushed it off.
The meeting is in – I swallow dryly – three minutes.
There’s still time.
If I march into his office right now, maybe he’ll listen to reason. Maybe he’ll call this off.
I stand up right as Taylor rounds the corner.
“Hey Emma, how was your trip?” she asks.
“Good,” I say hollowly.
She smiles in a tight, forced way that tells me she’s nervous about this meeting. She knows what’s coming.
I follow a few steps behind her into Garrett’s office. She greets him with the tiniest, saddest voice I’ve ever heard. He just nods and tells her to take a seat.
“Garrett, could I speak to you for a moment?” I blurt out.
When he looks over at me, my heart breaks a little. The piece of plexiglass is firmly back in place. His gaze stops short of meeting mine. It stops short of truly seeing how distressed I am at the moment.
“We have a meeting scheduled,” he answers coldly.
I open my mouth to object right as the two HR reps step into the room and close the door.
Game over.
Garrett tells us all to take a seat. The women from HR take the same seats they sat in earlier today. Not knowing what else to do, I follow suit. Taylor shifts uncomfortably in her seat across from Garrett.
During meetings like this, I’m supposed to take notes, but I didn’t bring a notepad or a pen. All I can do is sit here helplessly and watch.
Garrett begins a spiel I’ve heard several times over the past year. I always feel bad for the person on the receiving end, even if they deserve to be fired. This one truly stings though.
Emotionless boilerplate language flows from Garrett’s mouth. The women to my left check boxes off their paperwork as he speaks. When he gets to the part about not being a good steward of True North’s brand due to inconsistencies and shortcomings with the sizing of women’s apparel, I sit forward in my seat.
The words just shoot out of my mouth. I’m helpless to stop them. “Isn’t that something she could fix though with a little guidance?”
Garrett cuts me an annoyed glare.
Taylor nods desperately. “Yes, I could fix it,” her voice breaks. “I’ll fix it. I just didn’t know…”
“I’m sorry, you’re not the right fit for this position,” Garrett says, seemingly unaffected by her outburst. “We’re letting you go.”
A sob fills the room. Taylor blots her eyes with the palms of her hands, and lets out the tiniest, “Okay.”
A few seconds later, HR is escorting her out of Garrett’s office to collect her things. I wait until they close the door to explode.
“What the hell was that?” I demand, shooting out of my seat.
“It’s just business, Emma. She was falling short of the requirements of her job and the company was suffering because of it. You said so yourself.”
“Yes, but I also said that I would help her fix it. I have a degree in fashion, Garrett. You know I would have been more than happy to work with her.”
“It’s not your job to fix it,” he says harshly.
I traipse across the room, closing the gap between us. “It’s not my job, or you don’t think I’m capable of fixing it?”
“I know you’re capable, Emma. But at the end of the day, it’s my company and my decision.” He sighs heavily. His hand starts to reach for me then pulls away. “Look, we can talk about this more tonight if you want.”
“I need some space tonight,” I tell him.
Garrett’s eyes search mine but stop short of seeing all the anger and hurt that I’m feeling at the moment.
“Alright,” he nods after a minute, stepping aside as I walk out of his office.
With every step, I feel pieces of my heart breaking loose in my chest. This is exactly what I was afraid of. There was no trace of the reasonable, relaxed Garrett that I came to know on our trip. He’s slipping back into his ways already, and I feel powerless to stop it. If only he could see how miserable this job is making him. If only he could see how much it’s truly costing him.
I’m texting Margot after work to see if she wants to grab a drink when an unfamiliar number lights up on my phone. Something tells me to answer it, so I press the phone to my ear as I make my way into my apartment.
“Emma Carlton?” a friendly female voice asks.
“Speaking.”
“Hi Emma, this is Bianca from Avrée Fashion House.”
“Oh, hi,” I say, unable to hide the surprise in my voice. I interviewed with Avrée before our trip but never heard anything back. It was on my list of dream jobs, so naturally, I was disappointed but not exactly surprised.
“I know it’s been a while since your phone interview, but we were wondering if you’re still interested in the position?” she asks.
My heart picks up a beat in my chest. “Yes, of course. I’m very interested.”
“Well, full disclosure: we did choose another applicant initially, but they ended up not being a great fit for the job. You were next on our list, so if you’re still interested, we’d love to have you!”
“Wow, that’s great,” I say.
Emotions swirl through me in dizzying succession. Is this what I want? Am I ready to leave True North? To not see Garrett at work every day? To give up on him and start a new chapter in my life? After what happened today, I’m inclined to blurt out a resounding yes to her offer, but I can’t let my emotions drive this decision. I need to think it through calmly and rationally.
“So, is that a yes?” Bianca asks.
“Actually, could I have tonight to sleep on it and let you know in the morning?”
A long pause follows. The woman’s voice sharpens when she replies. “Sure, but please let us know tomorrow morning. If at all possible, we’d like you to start next week.”
Next week?! It’s Thursday evening already.
“No problem,” I say.
Huge problem , I think.
“We’ll touch base in the morning then,” she says then the line goes dead.
Excitement collides with guilt and doubt in my brain. Emotions trip all over each other as I try to sift through them and come up with the most logical answer.
An hour later, I’m standing in my kitchen with a half-eaten pint of rocky road and a pro/con list a mile long.
There’s only one person who can help me decide, and my fingers are already dialing his number.
“Are you busy?” I ask when he picks up the phone.
“No. Is something wrong?”
“Can you come over?”
“I thought you wanted me to leave you alone tonight?”
“I did, but there’s something I need to talk to you about,” I say.
There’s a long pause. “Okay, I’ll be there in twenty.”
When Garrett arrives, it’s clear that he thinks I’m about to break up with him. Maybe I am…
I let him scoop me up in his arms and hold me tight because I’m worried it might be the last time. I spend at least ten minutes kissing him because I don’t know what’s going to happen to us after tonight.
But I’m still angry with him, and I can’t shake the feeling that I might never get the funny, carefree version of Garrett back.
“I got a job offer,” I finally say.
His eyebrows go up. “That’s great!” He says it like he means it, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes. “Tell me about it.”
Over the next twenty minutes, we sit on the sofa and I tell him everything. I tell him about the initial application and the interview and the other candidate who didn’t work out. I tell him it’s my absolute dream job for a designer I love.
“Then you should take it,” he says, petting Purrnando, who has already taken a liking to him.
“They want me to start next week.”
After taking a second to let this sink in, he nods stiffly. “That’s okay. There’s nothing in our company policy that requires you to give a full two weeks’ notice when you leave. Even if there was, you know I’m not going to let HR hold it against you.”
I swallow dryly and fiddle with the ring on my finger. My eyes look anywhere but directly at Garrett. This part is going to sting, for both of us.
“Garrett, the job’s in LA.”
When I finally force myself to look up at Garrett, it breaks me. All the anger from earlier today fades away. The truth hits me hard right in the gut: I left the man I fell for back in Yellowstone, and the version of Garrett that’s sitting in front of me right now isn’t going to fight for me. Part of me wants him to. Part of me wants him to be selfish and beg me to stay.
The sad, insecure little girl who still lives somewhere deep down inside me pokes at all my sorest spots, telling me that I’m not worth fighting for. I’m not enough.
“Emma, it’s okay. If this is what you want, then you should go,” Garrett says quietly.
I’m torn between two things I want so badly, but I have to choose. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s to never choose someone who doesn’t choose me. Garrett may think he’s doing this for my benefit or letting me go chase my dreams, but he’s wrong. He’s made his choice over and over again ever since we got back to the office. It’s a choice I’ve seen day after day in a million little ways. Garrett’s choice will always be his job, even at the cost of his own happiness.
And mine.
He’s not choosing me, and I can’t choose him.
Fighting back the tears, I push my shoulders back and lift my chin. “Okay, I’m going to take the job.”
Garrett nods, looking exhausted and defeated.
Part of me wants to ask him to spend the night one last time, but it would be too hard on us both. Garrett cups my jaw, giving me a lingering final kiss, then he leaves.
I cry my body weight in tears after he’s gone. And the next morning, I finally do the thing I’ve wanted to do for a year: I walk into Garrett’s office and lay my letter of resignation on his desk. It doesn’t feel nearly as good as I once hoped. In fact, it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Garrett’s eyes connect with mine over his desk. My breath hitches in my chest as tears threaten the corners of my eyes. Finally, he just nods, and I turn to leave his office for the last time.