Chapter 30 Lucas
Lucas
I wandered into the kitchen the next morning and tossed my keys and phone on the counter by the fridge.
After I’d left Mazzie’s house, I drove around all night and ended up at the lake.
I’d needed time alone to think about how to raise a child—job, living arrangements—and how to break the news to my mom, Ryker, and Coach.
Coach Chapman had done so much for me over the years. He would have some sound advice. This was one of those times I really wished I had a father who’d been more involved in my life. I missed Ryker’s dad, Mr. James. I would give anything to talk to him right now.
I stood at the sliding glass door and looked out at the branches of the oak trees. They seemed to be swaying, or maybe I was dizzy from not sleeping.
Ryker’s voice filtered into my ears. “Yes, Coach. I’ll tell him.” His footsteps grew louder. “Lucas, there you are. Where have you been? Coach has been trying to reach you. He talked to his buddies who work security at the casino about Shane. Did you set up the meeting with Shane yet?”
I’d seen the message from Coach, but I was done caring about Shane, the money, my father, or anything related to Kurtis’s drama. I could see Ryker coming closer by his reflection in the glass.
“Lucas,” he said again. That time, he sounded concerned.
Inhaling, I turned around. “I heard you.”
Ryker’s eyebrows shot toward his hairline. “What happened? You look like hell. Have you been crying?”
I pushed out a bitter laugh. I was afraid to tell him. Afraid if I did, everything would become real, and I wanted to keep thinking I was dreaming. That when I woke up, Mazzie wouldn’t be pregnant.
My best friend knew me inside and out as though we were brothers by blood. He scrutinized me like he was studying a key football play for the game next weekend.
“I fucked up,” I muttered. “Royally.”
He clutched the back of his neck. “Bro, please tell me you did not go to the casino and confront Shane Blackwood. Though I don’t see any fresh cuts or bruises.”
On shaky legs, I pulled out a chair and sat at the table. “Worse.”
Ryker leaned against the island and waited impatiently for me to say something. “Seriously, man, what’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”
I shoved both hands through my hair. “Mazzie… She’s pregnant.”
He closed his eyes briefly. “Fuck.”
“I should’ve worn a condom. I keep going back to the night after the pep rally and every night since, kicking myself in the ass. She said she was on birth control.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Was she on birth control?”
I bobbed my head. “Implant. It expired. She didn’t realize it. But I’m at fault. I always use a condom.”
He folded his big body in a chair adjacent to me. “You can’t keep beating yourself up. You need to move forward.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“Does Mazzie want to keep it?”
I shrugged. “Not sure.”
“Do you?” he asked.
“At this moment, maybe. Part of me is saying we need to accept it. Just because we’re not ready doesn’t mean we should terminate her pregnancy. But the decision weighs heavily on her. It’s her body.”
“I’m not the person to give you any advice,” he said. “As much as I want a family, Haven and I aren’t ready. At this moment, all you can do is be there for Mazzie. Support her no matter the decision she makes. You love her, right?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t abandon her. Never.” I sighed. “But I don’t know the first thing about being a father.”
He chuckled. “At our age, none of us do. But I will say this. You’ll be a great dad.
You’ve always taken care of others, me included when I was spiraling after my family died.
You kept me sane. You even made sure I ate.
And don’t get me started on your mom. You nursed her out of a depression, and you were only a teenager. ”
I leaned my elbows on my knees. “What about the NFL?”
“What about it? You can’t possibly be thinking about giving up on football.”
“We don’t know if I’ll get drafted. I have to plan ahead now and find a job, and I can’t leave Mazzie to take care of our child while I’m off playing football.”
He straightened. “I hear you. But don’t give up on football. The game could be your saving grace to help you provide for a kid and family.” Softness crept into his features. “Remember what we said as kids since we could throw a football?”
I laughed bitterly. “We said a lot of shit.”
“We said we would go pro together. Play for the same team. Tear up the league on opposite ends of the field. Me and you, man, winning games and Super Bowls.”
We’d always pictured playing on Sundays on the same field, wearing the same team jersey. But with Mazzie and the baby on the way, I wasn’t sure I could play in the league and keep all of us together. And the thought of choosing terrified me.
“Those were the days when we didn’t have responsibilities and worries,” I said.
He rubbed his chin. “True. But we made a pact that we would show up every single day and do our best on the field. We wouldn’t let anything stop us. Don’t let fear be the reason you erase your dreams.”
My phone rang, and I glanced at the counter where I’d left it but didn’t move. I wasn’t ready to deal with the outside world.
After the ringing stopped, he pushed to his feet, rounding his gray eyes on me. “I’ll say one last thing. Whatever happens, please don’t give up on football. You have a network to help you, including me.”
“Thanks for always being there for me.” I gave him a hug.
“We’re family. Brothers in every sense of the word.” He grabbed his keys that had been sitting on the island. “I need to meet my aunt Kari. Are you going to be okay? I can postpone.”
I waved him off. “I need a shower, and I need to address my messages.”
“If you need me, I’ll be out at the ranch house. You’re welcome to head over there later.”
“I’ll think about it.”
As he left, I grabbed my phone, and my gut twisted at the sight of Mazzie’s name on my screen. Or rather, her contact name of Midnight. I went up to my room then opened her text message, ignoring the recent voicemail from what looked to be Shane’s number.
Mazzie
I’m on my way to see my mom. Thinking about you.
My fingers hovered over the letters, but I didn’t know what to write.
I wanted to have a clear head before I said something that I would regret or yelled at her again like I had after she’d told me about the pregnancy.
But I also didn’t want her to get the sense that I had abandoned her.
She was just as frightened as me, even more so.
I sat on the bed, wallowing in my own panic when hers must be far greater than mine. She’d been raising Kaylee, working two jobs, dealing with her mother’s problems, and acing her premed classes. Now, a baby was on the way.
Good luck with your mom. When do you want to talk?
While I waited for her to respond, I listened to Shane’s message. “I’ll be at your place on Monday at two rather than one, as you wanted. Make sure you have all the money your old man owes me. Oh, and text me your address.” The asshole sounded like he smoked two packs of cigarettes a day.
As I sent him the address, I prayed this was the last of my father’s crap that Mom and I had to deal with.
A text came in from Mazzie as I was about to set my phone on the bed.
Mazzie
I’m really busy this coming week with exams. I know we agreed to have a tutoring session the week your outline for history class is due. Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone. Maybe meet at the Armstrongs instead of the tutoring center or library on Wednesday.
We needed complete privacy if we were going to talk. The Armstrongs had a big enough place that we could carve out a private place, but we still ran the risk of someone eavesdropping.
Why don’t we meet at my place on Wednesday? I’m free between eleven and two.
The issue with Shane would be behind me.
Football practice was gearing up after a tense bye week.
So I wanted to work out my demons on the field.
Maybe by Wednesday, my head would be crystal clear.
I also needed to put the outline together.
I had all the pieces to do so. I just needed to organize everything into a cohesive format she would understand.
Mazzie
See you at eleven on Wednesday.
While a large part of me was completely and utterly panicked, a small part was beginning to warm to the idea of a little rug rat running around. A tiny human I could teach to throw a football, even if the baby turned out to be a girl.