Chapter 33 Mazzie
Mazzie
I sat at the patio table at the Armstrongs with my laptop open, nerves gnawing at me.
Lucas had called to switch our meeting place.
He’d filled me in about the meeting with Josh and Shane to pay off his father’s debt.
Apparently, there had been some tension over the amount Kurtis owed, and in case they decided to return for more cash, Lucas didn’t want me in the middle.
I was shocked at what he’d told me about Shane and Josh.
Drugs? Josh was a lot of things, but I didn’t see him part of a drug ring.
I remembered that night at the casino when he tried to convince me how wrong Lucas was for me.
Looking back, Josh’s behavior had been strange.
It had been two years since we dated, and he was suddenly acting super jealous and possessive.
Everything felt calculated, from him colliding with me while I was holding a tray to him casually mentioning tutoring and then boldly claiming I was his girlfriend the moment Lucas appeared.
I heard Mrs. Armstrong’s housekeeper say, “She’s right out here.”
I turned in my seat. Lucas strode toward me with a quiet steadiness I hadn’t seen before. It was as if he’d slayed his demons and come to terms with my pregnancy.
He slid his backpack off his shoulder, his smile awaking the butterflies in my stomach. “Hey, Midnight.”
I adored my nickname, and every time he said it, I felt warm and gooey inside. “Hi.”
As he pulled out his notebook, pen, and laptop, I studied this new version of him—jaw relaxed, shoulders loose, radiating a confidence I’d never seen before.
I was the opposite. I’d been nervous about the prospect of seeing him.
It had been five days since I told him I was pregnant.
Five days since our world had turned upside down.
During that time, I’d been worried about which way Lucas was leaning about my pregnancy.
I’d never been more thankful for having a job.
Working had been an outlet, an excuse to do anything but think.
Plus, I’d been cramming like mad for my biochem exam, which had been the day before.
He turned his chair toward me then sat down. “I’ve missed you.”
I angled my chair and sat so that I was facing him. “Me too.”
So many times during the past few days, I’d almost knocked on his door. So many times, I’d nearly called his number. But we’d both needed time apart to think.
“It’s quiet here.” He scanned the manicured backyard and pool.
“Kaylee is in school, Bailey has a class, Bailey’s dad is working, and her mom is at lunch with her friends. So no interruptions.”
He fixated on something in the yard. Maybe he was thinking back to his birthday party when we’d fallen into the pool.
“Is your dad doing okay?” I asked.
“He’s out of the hospital and staying with my mom. She’s taking him to a rehab facility tomorrow.”
My eyes widened slightly. “You sound like you’re okay with your dad now.”
He scooted closer so our knees were a thread apart. “Not entirely. I’m optimistically cautious, though. Time will tell if he shapes up. But I have my own life to live, and I can’t take on his problems anymore. Paying off his debt was the last of it.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Is he the reason you look different? Chill.”
I was anything but that. I was itching to chew every one of my nails down to the nubs.
I needed to get the elephant out of the room, so to speak.
But I didn’t want to start the conversation.
I felt he needed to share his thoughts first. Not that his decision about the pregnancy would affect mine.
Rather, I didn’t want my feelings to affect his.
I needed to see his raw emotions and hear his reasoning on whatever he’d decided.
He half smiled. “I’ve come to several conclusions about where we go from here. Where I go from here.” He reached out to touch my legs but then retreated. “You okay if I touch you?”
I leaned toward him, confusion twisting my features. “Of course. I love you. You don’t need permission.”
He placed his warm hands on my knees and sighed. “You didn’t want me near you—”
I twined my fingers in his. “I needed space before I told you I was pregnant.”
I thought he would flinch at the word pregnant.
He grinned instead. “I want this baby, Midnight.”
I angled my head. “You do?” I’d honestly thought he was about to say he would accept whatever decision I made, leaving the burden solely on me. “Why?” My pulse was racing. Part nerves. Part excitement.
He traced circles on the back of my hand.
“First, I love you. Two, life—no matter if it’s in you or out here—is precious.
Three, we can’t terminate your pregnancy because we’re not ready.
We might never be prepared for a kid. Four, we can’t let fear about our futures drive our decisions.
If I get a football contract, great. If not, I’ll find a job.
I’m not leaving you, regardless of a child or not.
” He paused, and his Adam’s apple moved up and down.
“Unless you want to go separate ways or terminate the pregnancy. I don’t want to assume anything here. ”
As he’d talked, my racing pulse had slowed. He was making me feel calm even though we were talking about a life together. I wanted a family but years from now after I finally had medical school behind me.
The breeze stirred the leaves on the oak trees, and a lawn mower droned in the distance as I inhaled deeply.
“I keep blaming myself.” My hands trembled slightly in his.
“I’ve been doing the same. But we can’t change that night.” His voice was still smooth without an ounce of trepidation. Even his body language hadn’t changed since he’d come in.
“I know,” I whispered. “I’ve been listing pros and cons, writing down the good and the bad and what we would give up.
I don’t want to give up a damn thing. Not you.
Not medical school. Not our baby. Every time I imagine a little boy with your smile or a little girl with my hair”—I took a sharp breath, fighting back tears—“my heart beats with excitement.”
A slow grin blossomed into a smile that was equal parts love and happiness as his copper eyes sparkled.
I shuddered. “But I am scared.”
He kissed the back of my hand. “I am too.”
I giggled nervously. “You don’t look like you are.”
He let go of my hands and slid his up my thighs.
“That’s because for the first time in my life, I finally found my footing.
I’ve allowed my father’s mistakes to drive my emotions.
I closed off myself to relationships. I worried about my mother, about an NFL contract.
I partied endlessly, throwing myself into liquor and women to deal with my problems. I lost my way a bit when Ryker’s family died in the plane crash. I was super close to all of them.”
I remember how emotional he’d been in Leigh’s room that day of his birthday party.
I dragged a hand along his stubbly jaw. “So what made you find your footing?”
“Coach, Ryker, my father’s mistakes, and most of all, this beautiful, black-haired woman with the strength of a warrior queen.”
I brushed him off, flirty and playful. “Not me.”
His laugh was deep and free as he sat back in his chair.
“Seriously. I fell in love with you for your beauty, inside and out. You’ve got a big heart.
You know what you want. You don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You're independent. No matter what you’re struggling with, you’ve managed to raise your sister, work two jobs, and ace your premed classes.
All that motivates me to be a better person for you and our child. And I will be. That’s a promise.”
I abandoned my chair, leaned over, and planted my lips on his, happy tears flowing. “I have no doubt you will.”
He got to his feet and put his hands in my hair, searching my face with unspoken love in his eyes. “So, we’re doing this?”
“We’re doing this,” I repeated.
He swung me around, laughing.
We had so many things to work on in preparation for the baby, but for the moment, I was basking in his laughter, love, and life.
“You’re the first and only guy to steal my heart,” I said as he set me on two feet. “You are the calm in my storm, Lucas.”
He brushed his nose over mine. “The perfect storm, Midnight.”
“Don’t ever stop calling me that.”
“Your wish is my command.” He crashed his mouth to mine.
We got lost in the kiss, in each other, in the life growing between us, and in the promise of everything we were building together.
As our tongues tangled, fear dissolved, replaced by something fierce and undeniable.
With Lucas at my side, I wasn’t only ready for the future.
I was hungry for every terrifying and beautiful second of the struggle and challenge.