Under the Texas Sky

PROLOGUE

TRENT

Sitting on the porch, I nurse the beer in front of me, staring at the bubbles rising to the top and fizzing away when they reach the air, as Mitch and Kian talk about Kian’s new job at the marketing firm in town.

I’m so proud of my boyfriend. But how can I be so proud and resentful at the same time?

Since the grocery store got bought out by some rich people from Dallas, I’ve been on a downhill slide. The new boss doesn’t like me. He hasn’t ever since he first stepped foot between the sliding doors of the store and saw me laughing with one of the customers. I got the ass-chewing of a lifetime about professionalism that day.

The more time that passes, the more irritated I get. Every day I clock in on time, work my ass off, and come home. The same shit, different day. Doesn’t that one quote say something like doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results is madness? Whatever it is, I’m feeling it.

When one of my coworkers said they enjoy a beer or two to unwind after work, I asked Mitch about it. With the history of my mom being in active addiction all of my life, the last thing I wanted was to start something I couldn’t stop. Mitch agreed to keep me accountable, making sure I only had one drink after I got home. Helping me mellow out without the worry of taking it too far.

What he doesn’t know about is the twenty-four-pack I keep in my car–my secret stash. My dirty little secret. The alcohol does help me feel more calm. At first I didn’t think it would help, but the more I drink, the more I feel the thoughts slip out of my head and I don’t need to grasp them. They can slip through my fingers like water and I don’t care. I don’t feel anything.

Kian laughs loudly at something Mitch says, throwing his head back. His curly blond hair catches on a breeze that ruffles the strands. Kian’s laugh is beautiful, like angels shining down and casting light over every dark thing. It brightens my spirits for a minute, the corner of my lips tipping up in a semblance of a smile. His eyes catch mine, the bright green conveying happiness and joyfulness. And my loathing is right back.

He deserves it, to be happy and live a good life. We’ve been bouncing around from apartment to apartment, the cost of rent seeming to go up out of our price range any time we get remotely settled. It’s taken its toll on him, and on me. But I’ve been shouldering the burden so he doesn’t have to worry. I want him to enjoy life. I never want him to worry about anything, but it seems lately all I’ve been causing him is worry.

I take a swig of the lukewarm beer, the bitter taste flooding my mouth before I can swallow. It’s not as bad as it was when I first started drinking. I thought for sure after my first sip I would never pick up another one. But when I felt the buzz start in the tips of my fingers, I craved more of that feeling. More of the light, tingling sensation that made me feel like a pixel in a video game instead of here living the life that I am. The stress, hurt, and constant state or worry all faded away the more I consumed the awful tasting drink.

And then it got to the point where one beer wasn’t enough to give me that lightness.

“Trent!” Kian says, catching my attention. I look up to find him smiling widely at me. My heart gives a pathetic thud in my chest as I try to match his enthusiasm. “Come sit with me. Mitch is being mean.”

He fake pouts, and I cut my eyes to Mitch, who rolls his eyes, swatting Kian on the leg. Squealing, Kian tucks his legs under his body and away from Mitch’s hands.

I grab my beer and walk over to Kian. He stands up, leaning close to press a kiss to my chin, and then waits for me to sit before he plops down in my lap. His body heat seeps into me, and I take another sip of my beer, letting the feelings of not being enough fade away with every drink. Mitch and Kian keep talking and laughing as I drift off into nothingness.