CHAPTER 39
KIAN
The airport is packed. There are too many people and too many kids, and all I want to do is drink my iced latte in peace while I wait for my flight. Why do they suggest you get here two hours early, just to end up delaying your flight? Do they not realize how annoying that is?
A headache throbs behind my eyes as I take another sip of the sweet caffeine. The lights are way too bright in here, and the incessant chatter makes my eye twitch in agitation.
I have over two hours left until boarding starts, and if I sit in this booth any longer, I’m going to lose it. Finishing off the last of the latte, I stand up and throw it in the trash on my way out of the cafe.
The shops lining the terminal aren’t ones I’m usually interested in, but I’m bored enough to stroll through them today. In the women’s boutique, I pick up a few new pretty dresses for Willow. They’re pink, flowy, and not too in your face, but as soon as she puts them on she’ll be the center of attention.
That’s the thing about Willow. She has this silent charisma. She doesn’t need to talk to draw people toward her, they migrate their on their own. And maybe that’s why I’ve clung so hard to her the past few years. She reminds me of Trent in that way, so I’m sure they would get along. She’d probably ask Trent to regale her with stories about me when I was younger. There are so many embarrassing stories he could tell her and that she could tell him. They would definitely gang up on me, but I don’t hate that thought.
Me and Willow have been rocky lately, solely because of me. I’ve been in a self-destructive mood. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
The answer to all my problems is waiting at the end of a two and a half hour flight and a three hour drive.
The next store is a convenience store set up with snacks, things to keep people entertained on flights, souvenirs, the whole shebang. I’ve already been eating junk on this trip, and my butt will be paying for it when I finally get back into the gym, but one more day won’t hurt. Right?
I grab a bag of chocolate covered potato chips, granola bites, three different kinds of sour candy, and a vitamin water. It has to balance out somewhere.
A display shelf in the center catches my eye. I walk over to it like I’m scared it’s going to jump out and attack me. Placing my bag with Willow’s gift and all my snacks on the floor, I carefully pull the book off the display.
It’s a leather bound notebook with gold embroidered words on the front.
When you can’t find your muse, find another one.
I trace my fingers across it, feeling the indentations in the leather from the engraving. Trent said he lost his muse, his reason for writing what he loves so much. I don’t know a lot about being creative, but I know that it was something that Trent loved to do. There were endless amounts of scratch pieces of paper around our apartment with random words written on them until he would pull them together to create something beautiful.
Even if he doesn’t want to see me when I get back to Texas, I’ll still make sure he gets this.
Is anything the same about him anymore? It's been two years. I’m not the same man he fell in love with, but I can try to be that again. We can be together again.
Wait.
There’s a hiccup in this plan of mine. Trent has a boyfriend. A boyfriend. That he was on vacation at an overpriced resort with. Are they that serious? Am I really selfish enough to ruin a good thing for Trent when he’s finally happy?
My truthful answer is yes. Yes, I would absolutely come in and stomp on every one of their memories until they’re nothing but rubble under my feet.
Trent is mine and he always has been. He always will be.
Tears burn the backs of my eyes and the words in front of me become blurry. But he’s happy, so much happier than he was with me. The bright smile on his face as he stared at his boyfriend when the elevator doors opened had almost blinded me. He used to look at me like that back when we were in love.
Is that it? Did we fall out of love with each other and this is just how life is supposed to go? Was I always meant to be a placeholder in Trent’s life until he found his true soulmate?
I set the notebook back in its place, grabbing my bags and snacks. Without a look back, I pay for my items and walk out of the store, leaving a small piece of my heart with the notebook.
???
No matter how many times I fly, when I get off the plane and my feet hit solid earth I feel queasy. Popping a few nausea tablets in my mouth, I navigate my way around the airport until I find the baggage carousels.
I’ve never been to this airport, but I still feel a sense of home. Like my body knows we’re back in Texas. It’s a comforting feeling, because even with all the heartbreak and hurt that came from this state, I know that I’ve had more love than I deserved as well. Thanks to Mitch and Trent. Definitely no thanks to my parents, but if it hadn’t been for them moving us to Madison, I wouldn’t have met Trent.
And even with all the heartbreak we’ve gone through, I wouldn’t change a moment of it. Because any moment I’ve spent with him is worth more than anything money can buy.