Under the Texas Sky

CHAPTER 63

TRENT

“Why did you do it?”

Pain radiates through every atom in my body, reverberating and taking no hostages in its grip.

Why did I do it? I knew the question was going to come sooner or later, but I'm not prepared. I doubt I will ever be prepared enough for this.

There’s no good answer for him, but we promised each other we would only give the truth. I owe him that much.

“Can we sit up?” I ask, because I need to brace myself for his rejection after this, after hearing what really happened that night. He’ll never be able to look at me the same.

He raises up, and I follow suit. He still holds my hand in his, keeping it clasped tightly while I struggle to find the words.

“That night was…” I trail off, because I don’t know enough words to explain how terrible that night was for me. And by default, Kian.

“Sunshine, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

My eyes water, and the comfort I feel from him shouldn’t be mine to take. Sunshine. He seriously wants to call me sunshine when I feel like a thunderstorm about to come through and destroy everything in my path.

“I let him kiss me. I don’t know why I did, but with the alcohol and the loneliness, it was just too much. And that’s not an excuse, not at all. There’s nothing I can say to express how fucking sorry I am for what I did. I let him kiss me, and I wish I could change it.” I take a deep breath, because I know this isn’t the worst part of the story either. “I didn’t know it at the time, but he put something in my drink. I don’t remember anything after the bartender brought me a water.”

Kian’s eyes widen, but I don’t let him say anything. I need to get this out before I hear what he has to say. I have to say it while I have courage.

“I don’t remember the video or going home with him. I woke up in his bed, and I thought he was nice enough to let me crash at his place. That wasn’t the case.”

“Trent.” Kian’s voice trembles and tears leak out of the corners of his eyes.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Kian. I never should have gone to that bar. I should have gone straight to Mitch’s. I loved you so fucking much, and I will regret that night every day until the day I die, because I know it’s the reason I lost you.”

He shuts me up, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss is salty, both of our tears cascading down our faces in twin rivulets. Our pain is too strong to be held in.

His tongue tangles with mine and all of the feelings I’ve been feeling pour out of me and directly into him. My need. My want. My disappointment. My love for him and only him. The same boy I fell in love with in science class. The same boy that stuck by my side even when we had nothing. The same man who is sitting in front of me now, taking in my pain and holding me through it when I deserve nothing from him.

We kiss and kiss until my lips are swollen and I’m gasping for breath. He lies on top of me, pressing our fronts together, and holding me down against the bed as he keeps his lip against mine. The curls from his ponytail fall loose and curtain our faces, keeping the two of us in this sacred place where we can just be us.

“I want to beat the ever loving shit out of that guy,” he murmurs against my lips.

“Hey, hey. There’s no need for derogatory words. Or for violence. He’s out of my life. I’ve moved on thanks to lots of therapy.”

Trying to make light of the situation doesn’t work when Kian is staring down at me with wrath in his eyes. Not for me, but for the person who hurt me. Who hurt us.

“I’m serious, Trent. It would have been hard to forgive the kiss, but we wouldn’t have missed out on two and a half years together if it hadn’t been for that piece of crap.”

“You could have forgiven me for the kiss?” I ask, in shock. Because I thought that alone would have been enough to push Kian away. But to know that we could have worked through that sparks anger deep inside of me. I have to breathe to fight the sensation because no matter what I wish, I can’t change what happens. I can only control what happens to me from here on out.

“Of course, I would have forgiven you. It would have taken a lot of groveling and lots of chocolates, but we could have worked through it.”

He’s using past tense now. Does he still not want to work through it?

“And what about now?” I ask.

“Now, we’re still going to work through it. I don’t expect as much groveling, but I still expect some. And I guess the chocolates you brought tonight were a good sign of faith as well.” he teases, his green eyes the same color as emeralds. The most precious jewels staring right back at me and making me feel like a peasant under their attention.

“You still want to be with me? After everything?”

“I want to be with you because of everything. You’re my soulmate, Sunshine. And without you, I am a shell of a man. I need you with me. Pushing me to be my best self. Cooking me dinner when I don’t feel like doing it myself, and watching TV with me on the couch after a long day. And most of all, I just need you to love me and to always be honest with me. It won’t be easy, but heck, it’ll be worth it.”