CHAPTER 68
KIAN
One Month Later
Trent is sitting in the driver’s seat of his pick up, staring at me while I keep my eyes focused on the white washed brick building in front of me. It looks so unassuming from the outside, but I will not be easily fooled. Trent already warned me about the uncomfortable chairs, and even offered me a padded donut to use. I don’t even want to think about how embarrassing it would be to walk into a therapist's office with padding for my butt because her chairs are uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready,” Trent offers, resting his hand on the back of my neck and massaging me there. It feels nice and helps relieve some of the tension building there. Maybe I should have made him bring me an iced coffee, so at least if I end up hating it, I could beg off with a stomach ache.
“What if I’m never ready?” I whisper. Hating to say the words out loud, but after talking to Trent and opening up about everything that went on in between the four walls of my childhood homes, I knew more than ever before I needed to talk to someone.
How I grew up shouldn’t be considered normal, and it shouldn’t be something that I just put up with because men don’t feel like this. I want to be healthy, I want to be able to close that door that leads to the years of trauma and move on with Trent.
It’s been a full month of Trent and I spending every moment together we can. Me visiting him at work, him coming to my hotel room when he gets off, picnics in the park when the sun is shining bright. It’s been too many nights of staying up late and being pissy in the morning before Trent buys us coffee. Canceled photoshoots and unanswered messages from my subscribers. My savings are dwindling, but that’s okay. As long as I have Trent, I can overcome any obstacle. I just might be doing it from a cheaper hotel.
“Then you’re never ready, but that’s the worst case scenario. You’re so much stronger than you realize, and if you’re not feeling like doing this today, we can reschedule. Karuna will understand.”
I huff a laugh. “I’m not even seeing Karuna, remember? Conflict of interest. I’m seeing the other therapist on her staff. Dana.”
“That's right. Karuna talks about her a lot in our sessions. They’re friends outside of work, I think, so I’m sure she’s just as great as Karuna.” He rubs his hands down my back, tracing random patterns over my shirt. It’s become his new hobby to spell out words and have me guess them.
I know Dana will understand if I call to cancel. She said as much when I called and talked to her about scheduling an appointment. I probably asked too many questions, but she never got frustrated with me.“No. I can do this. I don’t want to let him have any part of me anymore. He doesn’t deserve my thoughts. He doesn’t deserve anything from me.”
Sometimes I wish I had never been born, or that I’d never been his kid. I can’t begin to count how many nights I prayed to a god that I don’t believe in to take me away, in whatever way necessary, so I could escape the grip he had on me.
“You can do this, Ki. I believe in you, and if you need anything, I’ll be waiting right out here. After you get done, we can go home and cook dinner. I even rented a scary movie for us to watch.”
“Scream?” I guess, and he rewards me with a press of his lips against my temple.
“And there’s eye candy in it. I know how you feel about hot psychopaths.”
I whip my head around, nearly headbutting him in the process. “Why would you say that?” I ask, scandalized.
“Adam told me that Hunter told him that you were talking about a book with a serial killer and his therapist, and it was set in a prison. I think Hunter is creating a monster out of you.”
I glare at him and he smiles, showing off that gap between his teeth that I love so much. He talked about getting Invisalign treatments, but I quickly shut that idea down. I don’t want to live in a universe where Trent doesn’t have his gap. It might be small, but it’s a crucial part of him.
The mention of my new friend has me softening my glare. Hunter and I have been getting along well. A lot better than I originally expected with him being my boyfriend’s ex, but there’s no hard feelings from either of us.
In fact, I’ve been spending a lot more time at his store, and even helping with stocking. I’ve been making posts about his store, so it’s getting a little more traction now. I also found out that a lot of women follow me as well as men. Which is… interesting. Not that I’m complaining. Whatever makes them happy. I have signed a lot of books as well, because apparently gay stories are a big hit and women picture me as the main character. Who would have thunk it?
What is very curious to me is that Hunter talked to Adam about it. “Are they hanging out now?”
Trent makes a contemplative noise and shrugs his shoulders, staring at me with faux-innocent eyes.
“Oh my gosh! You know something. What is it? Spill. I need all the details now.”
Hunter asked me about Adam one day last week after Trent showed up at the bookstore to surprise me. He came in with Adam. Trent handed me an iced coffee, and Adam handed Hunter one as well. Hunter blushed worse than a nun at a strip club. I was worried about him overheating for a minute.
As soon as they walked out, Hunter avoided me. And any time I try to bring Adam’s name into the conversation, he promptly changes it.
“Do you think it’s weird that your best friend and your ex might be dating?” I ask.
“Why would I think it’s weird? They’re both adults. Hunter is still our friend.”
God, even him including me in that makes me happy. Of course he doesn’t see a problem with it, because my boyfriend is willing to sacrifice his own happiness to make everyone around him happy. I love him so much for it, but he doesn’t need to sacrifice anymore. I’m here to remind him everyday how much he is loved.
“That’s true…” I trail off, waiting for him to give me any scrap of information.
“Adam asked if I cared if he asked Hunter on a date next week,” Trent finally caves, and I squeal in excitement.
“Oh, we are totally going to spy on them. Willow’s coming in, too. We can wear disguises and sit at a table close enough to eavesdrop. It’ll be great.” I’m already thinking about all the questions I’m going to ask Hunter when I see him next.
“Aren’t you about to be late for your appointment?” Trent asks, and I look down at the digital clock on the dash.
“Oh, crap.” I quickly lean over and peck him on the lips. “Wait out here for me, and don’t leave unless it’s to get me a scoop of ice cream. Banana–”
He cuts me off, teasingly rolling his eyes. “Banana pudding, triple scoop, waffle cone. I know, Freckles.”
“Thanks Sunshine!” I blow a kiss at him through the window after I shut the door.
Well, it’s now or never.