Chapter Thirty-Five
‘Come to LA,’ Theo says later when we are wrapped around each other in bed. My green dress is pooled on the floor, his tuxedo is scattered around the room at various interesting stopping places.
My heart stutters. ‘I can’t.’ I wiggle away from him. ‘I can’t just follow you around. I have to sort my life out. I need to get serious about job applications, contact anyone who might be able to help. Maybe take on some sessional teaching.’
‘You don’t have to come on Sunday,’ Theo says, pulling me back close. ‘Come in a week or two. For a visit.’
‘You’ll be recording then,’ I say against his chest.
‘I want you there.’
‘How can this possibly work?’ I whisper it, hardly wanting to say the words aloud. ‘When we live over five thousand miles apart?’
It’s one of the questions I’ve been too scared to ask, but we’ve run down the clock. There’s no time left. Theo leaves on a private flight in less than forty-eight hours. I feel like even asking the question is removing the pin from an emotional hand grenade, but he doesn’t flinch.
‘It will work because we’ll make it work,’ he says calmly. ‘We’ll see each other as much as we can and once you figure out what you want to do and where you’ll be based then I’ll be based there too.’
I prop myself up on my elbow. ‘What?’ I ask, startled.
‘Sorry, is it too soon to talk about getting a place together?’ Theo rolls on his back, smacks his palm against his forehead. ‘God, I have absolutely no cool around you, but we can slow everything down. We don’t have to talk about that yet, or at all, if you’re not ready.’ He’s rambling slightly now, nervous.
‘It’s not that.’ I shake my head, consider. ‘Okay, it’s not just that because, yes, it is fast, but we’ve been living together for weeks and I’m sort of dreading that part being over…’
He sits up, his expression hopeful. ‘Really? So we can talk about it?’
‘Yes, we can talk about it.’ I frown. ‘But what did you mean about being based where I am? Wouldn’t you want me to come to LA?’
‘I mean, sure, if you wanted to,’ Theo shrugs, ‘but if you do decide you want to teach or whatever, you won’t have a huge amount of say, will you? As long as I can get to an airport I can be based wherever.’
‘But… won’t that be…’ I hesitate, unsure. ‘I mean, won’t it be really inconvenient? You’ve got a life in LA. You can’t just leave that behind.’
It’s Theo’s turn to frown. ‘You’re doing what my family do,’ he says finally, and he sounds annoyed. ‘Holding me to such a low standard. Firstly, any inconvenience is relative because – and I don’t wish to sound like a massive dickhead here – I am quite well-off and I can afford to spend the time and money on travelling. But secondly, and more importantly, why do you think I wouldn’t inconvenience myself for you? Why wouldn’t I compromise? Why wouldn’t I do the harder thing? You’re worth taking trouble over, Clemmie.’
‘Oh,’ I manage.
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘And you’re lucky I didn’t throw my pillow at you for that one.’
I laugh, collapse into his chest, relief pouring through my veins. ‘You do sound like a massive dickhead,’ I snort. ‘Quite well-off, indeed.’
Theo responds by tickling me until I beg for mercy.
‘So where does that leave us for now?’ I ask once I’ve recovered.
‘Maybe you can fly out to LA to visit in a couple of weeks, and then once the record is done, I’ll head to London and we can make a plan from there?’ Theo suggests, like trotting around the globe really isn’t a big deal.
I sigh. ‘Tragically, we can’t just live in a house by the sea like two little mice. We were always going to have to re-enter the real world some time.’
He glances at me, rueful. ‘I loved living in that house with you.’
‘Well, I understand you’re a man of means. I’m sure Petty will give you the friends and family discount any time you want to take a trip down memory lane.’
‘Six weeks every summer, tell her to put it in the calendar.’
‘For someone who doesn’t usually make plans, you’re getting pretty good at it.’
‘I like the way the future looks right now,’ he says.
‘Me too.’
‘And I suppose when we’re apart we’ll just have to have plenty of phone sex,’ Theo muses. ‘I haven’t done that since the dawn of video chats.’
‘Well, it’s nice for couples to try new things together,’ I say.
‘Speaking of which,’ Theo’s eyes darken, ‘all those mirrors in the dressing room have given me a couple of ideas…’
‘I’m listening.’
The next morning I prise my eyes open just after ten and force my aching body up and into the shower while Theo sleeps. All these late nights of mind-blowing sex are taking their toll, not that you’ll hear me complain… well, except about the fact that I need to wear another high-necked dress today thanks to Theo’s continuing interest in my collarbones.
It’s a beautiful day for a wedding, all blue skies and marshmallow clouds, and I pad through to the dressing room, blushing at the sight of the handprints on the mirrors. I’ll have to clean those off before housekeeping arrive or I’ll never be able to look Cassandra in the eye again.
I brush out my damp hair at the dressing table and then creep back through to wake Theo.
‘It’s almost eleven,’ I say, pulling away when he tries to tug me back into bed. ‘There’s only an hour and a half until the wedding. We slept in late.’
‘How long can it possibly take to get ready?’ Theo murmurs sleepily, not relinquishing his hold on the belt of my dressing gown. ‘Five, ten minutes? That leaves us a good eighty minutes to fill. I can get an awful lot done in that time.’
‘I know that,’ I laugh. ‘But while you might be able to get ready in ten minutes, I’m afraid us lesser humans take longer.’
‘You look insanely beautiful just as you are,’ he insists.
‘Right, well, as I’m not turning up to your sister’s black-tie wedding in a dressing gown with wet hair, let’s just agree to disagree on this one.’ I move back round to my side of the bed and unplug my phone from the charger.
‘Oh, shit,’ I say, my eyes widening. ‘I’ve got eleven missed calls from Serena.’
Theo makes a sound of concern but I’m already dialling.
‘Clemmie?’ Serena sounds pissed.
‘Yes, hi, are you okay?’
She lets out a long breath. ‘Of course I’m okay. Are you okay?’
‘Er, yeah, I’m fine,’ I say and I look over at Theo, bemused. He shrugs. ‘I’m with Theo. It’s the wedding today.’
‘Oh my God,’ she says, dazed. ‘You don’t know? How do you not know?’
‘Know what?’ My heartbeat picks up. ‘What’s happened? Is everyone okay?’
There are a few clunking noises, the murmured sound of voices as Serena moves away from wherever she is. When her voice comes down the line it’s soft and gentle. That’s how I know something is really wrong.
‘Okay, Clemmie, don’t freak out,’ she says soothingly.
‘Don’t ever start a conversation that way!’ I exclaim. ‘Now I’m definitely freaking out.’
Serena makes a noise of exasperation and it makes me feel a bit better. ‘Look,’ she says, ‘it’s nothing to panic about, but there are some… pictures doing the rounds.’
‘Pictures?’ I’m totally lost now. ‘Pictures of what?’
‘Pictures of you and Theo. They got picked up online early this morning and it’s turning into a bit of a story. The PR people here were supposed to have been in touch with Theo about it already.’
‘Theo just woke up,’ I say, and I put the phone on speaker so that he can hear.
‘Okay, don’t need the details on that.’ Serena takes another deep breath; I think it’s some sort of calming breathing exercise, but it’s making me want to scream. ‘It’s good that I got hold of you. We think there might be some paps waiting outside the hotel and we’re a little worried some of them may try and sneak in with the guests.’
‘Paps?’ I repeat, bemused. ‘You mean paparazzi? Here? At the wedding?’
I glance over at Theo and his hands have fisted the bedsheets.
‘Yes,’ Serena says, ‘because of you and Theo. The pictures.’
‘Right,’ I say slowly, trying to sound calm for Theo’s sake. ‘I mean I suppose they were going to find out about us some time but I didn’t think they’d come here…’ I trail off.
‘There must be some other reason for them to be here,’ Theo says, his voice rough. ‘They wouldn’t bother if it was something innocuous. This isn’t a celebrity wedding. What aren’t you saying, Serena?’
‘It’s not just you two being together.’ Serena’s voice has gone soft again, and I know I’m going to hate whatever comes next. ‘It’s the pictures, they’re pretty… errr… salacious.’
‘Salacious?’ I snort in disbelief. ‘I don’t think you’ve ever used that word in your life. What are you talking about?’
‘They’re extremely fucking horny, Clemmie!’ My sister snaps, the thread of patience she’s been clinging on to clearly frayed right through.
Theo almost falls off the bed.
‘What do you mean?’ I croak.
‘Just… make sure you talk to hotel security right away. I’m stuck in meetings here, but I’ll call back as soon as I can. And tell Theo he needs to answer the fucking phone. It’s all going to be fine, okay? I promise.’ She hangs up then, but the anxiety in her voice leaves an icy feeling spreading through my chest.
As soon as the call disconnects, I type Theo’s name into the browser on my phone and the articles pop up immediately.
THEO ELIOTT AND RIPP’S DAUGHTER CAUGHT IN STEAMY CLINCH,the first headline screams. I click through and there are the pictures.
‘Oh my God,’ I whisper, feeling all the blood drain from my face.
‘What is it?’ Theo asks, his voice tight. He leans over to look at my phone.
‘It’s pictures of us from last night,’ I say, the words flat and empty. ‘From when we were in the garden.’
The pictures are slightly blurry, but you can see enough. I’m straddling Theo on the bench, his hands are all over me. In one of the pictures my head is thrown back, my face a mask of pleasure, his lips on my neck; in another we’re kissing and his hand is pushing up my skirt, my bare leg wrapped around him. There are more, each one a clear shot of an intimate moment. In some of them they’ve strategically placed an emoji to censor part of the image – which actually has the effect of making them look even more explicit.
The one that really punches me in the chest isn’t even one of the salacious ones: it’s Theo cradling my face, looking at me with stars in his eyes because I’ve just told him I love him. That moment was ours, and I feel like someone has stolen it.
No wonder the press are here. My heart is beating fast, and my mind is swimming with memories of my previous encounters with these people. The flashing cameras, the cruel, jibing words, the intense vulnerability, having to see lies splashed about with absolutely no control over any of it. The fear, the panic, it’s all still there, waiting inside of me, like a long-dormant volcano ready to erupt.
But it’s not just that. It’s Lisa’s wedding day. And it’s about to be ruined. Because of me. I look over at Theo and I think the stricken expression on his face must mirror my own.
‘Fuck.’ Theo hisses a breath between his teeth, hauling himself out of bed and grabbing his phone. He stalks through to the dressing room and slams the door behind him. It muffles the sound but I can already hear him talking to David. ‘… Just make sure we get a load of extra security here, right now. I am not having paparazzi crashing my sister’s wedding, David. How did this happen?’
I stay where I am, sitting on the edge of the bed, and keep clicking. Whoever took the photos is quoted too. ‘He brought her to his sister’s wedding and it’s definitely serious. They’ve been all over each other the whole time.’
There is one major difference from the last time I found myself in the public eye: now the news cycle is twenty-four hours, and everyone in the world can join in.
WHO IS THIS UGLY BITCH?is the top comment underneath from someone called TheosGirl42.
Please, he’ll be bored of her in a week, says another. She’s not even pretty.
We all know Theo and Cyn belong together! #Thynhas over 2,000 likes and counting.
The comments from total strangers pile up and up and up, and I feel them like a physical weight, crushing me. I shouldn’t keep reading but I do, scrolling through page after page of abuse.
My phone starts going wild with notifications. They’ve found my social media now, and even though all my accounts are private someone has obviously given the press access and I start seeing pictures from my Instagram popping up too. It’s another tiny betrayal, another moment of wondering who it is I can’t trust. I have approximately seven thousand friend requests and it looks like everyone I’ve ever encountered is reaching out to check in with me, which would be nice if the interest wasn’t so rabid.
Already, it’s clear the photos are everywhere, and most of the accompanying articles refer to me as ‘Ripp’s daughter, Clementine Harris’. It looks like the old stories never truly died because I see myself being described over and over again as a ‘troubled party girl’ who had ‘disappeared from the public eye to seek help’. There’s even speculation Theo and I met in rehab. My stomach starts churning faster.
I spot a new photo, one where I’m wrapped up in a black coat, looking dishevelled and alarmed, my hand lifted up to shield me from the flash of a camera. It’s the photo of me leaving Theo’s hotel the day after the funeral, when the paparazzi had been camped outside. The breathless headline above reads, THEO ELIOTT AND CLEMENTINE HARRIS, A TIMELINE: EVERYTHING WE KNOW ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO FAR.
There’s a knock on the door and I get up to open it. Lisa stands on the other side, her hair is swept up in a chignon and she’s wearing a white satin dressing gown with the word brIDE emblazoned on the pocket. Her face is pale.
‘Oh my God, Clemmie.’ Her eyes fill, threatening to ruin her make-up. ‘I’m so sorry!’
‘You don’t have anything to be sorry about,’ I exclaim quickly, pulling her through the door. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s all my fault.’
‘I just can’t believe that someone at our wedding, someone I know, would do something like this, selling photographs of you…’
‘It could have been anyone, Lisa,’ I say numbly, wanting to reassure her. ‘Someone who works at the hotel, someone who works for one of the suppliers, anyone could have taken those pictures. Theo and I weren’t exactly in a locked room.’
‘Do you think so?’ Lisa looks miserable. ‘It’s making me feel sick, not knowing who to trust. I can’t believe this is happening, today of all days.’
Theo emerges from the dressing room, and he’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt. He strides towards his sister, pulls her into his arms. ‘Everything’s going to be taken care of,’ he says tightly. ‘I’ve got David coordinating with the hotel security now, and we’re bringing some extra guys in, just as a precaution.’
‘Extra security?’ Lisa looks stunned. ‘Why?’
Theo’s eyes slide to mine over the top of Lisa’s head. ‘Just to be on the safe side,’ he says, keeping his tone light. ‘We don’t want any photographers bothering your guests, not on the biggest day of your life. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be getting ready? Or are you planning on being fashionably late?’
‘I just wanted to come and check on you,’ Lisa says, taking a step back so she can scrutinize Theo’s face. ‘Make sure you were both okay.’
‘We’re fine,’ Theo says. ‘But I’m just going to nip downstairs and have a quick word with Cassandra before I get changed.’
‘He’s lucky he only has to put on a suit and that’s the job done,’ I say mechanically. Theo and I exchange another look and I can tell he’s relieved that, like him, my priority for now is making sure Lisa is okay.
Lisa gives a watery chuckle. ‘That’s true,’ she says. ‘I’ve been getting ready for three hours already.’
‘Right.’ Theo hooks his arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the door. ‘So let’s get you back in the make-up chair so that Rob doesn’t think you’ve gone all Runaway Bride on him.’
He’s still chattering away to her as the two of them leave the room. He casts a worried look at me over his shoulder, and I try to stretch my mouth into the shape of something that feels vaguely like a smile. If the frown on his face is any indication, I do not succeed.
When the door closes I stand, frozen for a moment, one question circling round and round in my head: What are we going to do now?