Unexpecting (Unexpecting #1)

17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

“When a woman announces to friends and family that she is expecting, she should expect some varied reactions.”

A Young Woman’s Guide to the Joy of Impending Motherhood

Dr. Francine Pascal Reid (1941)

“ D o you want some wine?” David asked after we were shown to our table. He’d picked a little Italian restaurant on College Street. I’d been there a few times before, and while the pizza isn’t all that great, the pasta is superb. I nodded my agreement. “You work in a wine store, so you pick. But I still don’t like red.”

David was having the mushroom risotto, and I’d decided on the pasta with pesto and cream sauce. “How about the chardonnay?”

David shook his head. “Too…” He made a face like he was about to kiss a fish, and I laughed.

″Dry?”

″Something in the middle.”

″King of compromise.” I smiled and scanned the wine list. “The pinot grigio. You’ll like that.” I took a deep breath.

The evening began with the comments about our appetizers (salad for me, calamari for him) and with me comparing the food to what I’d had at Cooper’s restaurant.

″And it’s just the two of you living together?” David asked skeptically, referring to Coop and me. “As just friends? ”

“Actually, Coop’s girlfriend just moved in this weekend. I missed out on the boxes while I was with you, so thanks. And Coop’s friend J.B. lives there… with us. They’ve been friends forever, so he’s good to… live with.”

″You haven’t mentioned him before.”

″I haven’t? Thought I did. Not that there’s a lot to mention… well, there is, but we’re just friends… he just lives there, him upstairs and me on the main floor. Where he never goes unless he’s doing laundry. I do his laundry sometimes, actually, but… we’re just friends.”

″So you’re not involved with either of them?”

″No! Oh, no. No. We’re just friends. Even if I did want to get involved, I wouldn’t. I’m not involved with anyone, but definitely not either Coop or J.B.”

″Why not? I’m sure they’re good guys.”

Why would he say that? He should have said, “That’s really good because I’ve been dreaming about you finding your way back to me for years,” or something along those lines. I looked at him strangely and began to doubt the need for my action underwear.

″Well, because—I want to have a baby,” I blurted out.

″Now?” David choked a bit. “Are you pregnant? I noticed you gained a little weight, but I just thought…”

″No, not yet, but I hope to be soon.” I guessed twelve years of eating well was noticeable, but I didn’t think I’d gained that much weight!

″Oh. You’re not pregnant, but you want to be?” David reiterated slowly. “Do you have someone in mind to help you with this?”

″That’s the funny part. Ha-ha. See, a couple of weeks ago, I was at a wedding and I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, and I got to thinking about things. I’ve had lousy luck with men for—for a while. Since you actually. Since I broke up with you all those years ago, which is probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. When I think—”

″Casey…”

″No, let me finish. I was dumb to let you go, and it was a stupid reason and I’ve always regretted it. And because of you, none of my other relationships have worked out. I’ve always wanted to have a baby, so why wait?”

″Who would the father be?” David had a confused furrow on his forehead, but to his credit, didn’t say one word about how nuts I am.

″I’m not sure,” I told him honestly. I was so tempted to chime in, “What about you?” but I just couldn’t .

″I’ve been thinking about having children, as well,” David said without looking me in the eye.

″Really?”

″Really.”

″Don’t you, maybe, don’t you want to wait until the right woman comes along?” I asked, still using the high-pitched voice I couldn’t seem to shake.

″I’m not sure if there will ever be a right woman for me.”

The waiter, with absolutely horrible timing, took this opportunity to bring our food. And then he went on and on about getting me cheese and fresh ground pepper, and David asked for a glass of water, and did he want bottled or tap, until I was ready to scream before the waiter finally took off.

″Why not?” I asked, as soon as the tight-buttocked waiter sashayed off. I tried to sound casual even though my heart was thumping so loud David could probably hear it. Action undies worked their magic again! Despite the heady buildup of anticipation that was beginning all over my body, I pretended to stay cool and even forked up a piece of fusilli from my bowl and popped it in my mouth.

″I’m gay, Casey.”

Unfortunately, my utter shock caused my gaping mouth to expel the piece of fusilli with such force it hit David’s wineglass across the table, leaving a pesto-and-cream-sauce smear as it plopped onto the table.

″You’re what?” I asked, sounding like a strangled parrot and scooping up the flyaway pasta as quickly as I could.

″I’m gay.”

Instead of replying (because, really, what could I say to that?) I concentrated on wiping the sauce from the glass. David grabbed my hand, and I jerked back, almost spilling the wine. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Sorry about…”

″Casey, look at me.” I did so with great difficulty. It was not that he was gay—I have no problem with homosexuality—but how could I not know? And was he gay with me? Did I turn him against women? And then there’s the whole no-way-I’m-having-sex-with-him-tonight. Or apparently any other night, for that matter.

And then the worst thought hit me—J.B. was right!

I drained my glass of wine in one loud gulp. “So, uh, when did all this happen?” I asked with fake brightness .

″When I was in Italy, I met a man. Marco. He’s the one—remember when you asked about 9/11, and I said I was stuck in Milan but eventually went back to Rome? That was Marco.”

″So it’s not something I did?”

″Of course not!” David actually laughed at that. “I’ve always suspected I might be different, but I’ve never wanted to admit it. I was happy with you, Casey, and I’ve had other girlfriends since then, but Marco showed me how attracted I truly am to other men. I haven’t been with a woman since.”

″Are you still… with… this Marco?” Who I instantly hated for calling David over to his side. David was a good boyfriend! He liked to shop and watch Meg Ryan movies! How could I have not known he was gay?

″I keep in touch with him, but he’s in Italy and I’m here now.” David looked forlorn, and I forgot about my misery for a minute. “Neither one of us is ready to move, so there’s really no future.”

″That’s horrible. Do you—date—other men?” The area the wine store is located in is the predominantly gay area of the city. Most of the clientele I help on a day-to-day basis are enjoying an alternative lifestyle, but I’ve never really had personal conversations about their love lives with them, so this is all a bit strange for me. Plus, this is David whose love life I’m attempting to discuss, so strange isn’t really the right word. Shocking, astounding, surreal, bizarre. I gave a bark of laughter. “Sorry, but this is all very weird for me.”

″I’m sure it is. I’ve been in a couple of relationships. Neither of which lasted, because I can’t seem to get over Marco.”

“I know all about that,” I muttered. How did this go horribly wrong so quickly? How could I be sitting there, talking to David about him being in love with another man when I had all these plans for us? We were going to be together—it was fate! We were going to have babies; he was going to make my life worth something! He was going to save me from a lifetime of dating assholes! I needed him. And—

″Dammit. He was right,” I muttered under my breath.

″Excuse me?”

″J.B, J.B., my roommate. He assumed the only reason you came into the wine store—that wine store—is because you’re gay. I told him lots of straight people come in. and… I hate it when he’s right.”

David had a bemused little smile on his face. “I’m sure they do. Sorry, but unfortunately, I’m not one of them. ”

″No.” My little pout about J.B. took my mind off what David had told me for about ten seconds. And then it was back to—pow. David is gay. David—my ex-boyfriend who just wandered back into my life—is a homosexual. Can I not catch a break on this baby thing?

″Did you love me?” I blurted out.

″Of course I did.” David pushed my bowl of pasta—which I’d lost all appetite for—aside and took my hand. “I loved you so much, and when you left, it broke my heart. Back then I was so in love with you, I wouldn’t even consider I might be attracted to men. But when you broke up with me, it freed me. I was able to live with my true self. I guess I should thank you for that. But you didn’t ‘make’ me gay, Casey.”

″Oh.” How was I supposed to react to this? Believe him when he said I had nothing to do with it? Keep blaming this Marco guy? Just start crying at the loss of my dream of getting married and having a child with David?

″It’s really interesting you mentioned you want to have a baby,” David continued, squeezing my hands tightly. “And that we bumped into each other at this point in our lives—both of us without a fulfilling relationship. So it seems that fate has stepped in. Casey, I have to ask, how would you feel about having a baby with me?”