Unexpectingly Happily Ever After

5. Chapter Five

Chapter Fiv e

Subsequent children should be planned at regular intervals.

A Young Woman’s Guide to Raising Obedient Children

Dr. Francine Pascal Reid, (1943)

L ater, after dinner and a movie and bath and bedtime, after I’ve fallen asleep twice trying to get through an episode of Scandal , J.B. curls up around me in bed.

″You’re a good momma, you know.” His hand slips under my old university T-shirt.

″You’re just saying that because you’re looking to get some action.”

″I’m saying it because it’s true,” he argues. “I’m grabbing your beautiful boob because I’d like some action.

″Oh, I suppose.” I give a mock sigh and roll over onto my back.

We’ve been married just over six years and I love that he still wants me. Of course, his schedule and the obstacles of having three little people capable of wandering into our room makes sexy time a bit of a challenge, but J.B. has shown his creativity more than once.

He leans over to kiss me, and I run my hand through his dark hair. The waves are mostly gone now, cut into a brutally short “grown-up” hairstyle. I miss his long hair.

I don’t miss the man-bun, even though I have to admit he kind of rocked it.

J.B. continues his exploration, and I’m thinking it’s time to get rid of my sleep shirt when he suddenly stops kissing me.

″You ever think about having another one?”

″Another breast?”

″Another baby .”

I slide out from under him quicker than I did the time Lucy wandered into our bedroom while she was sleepwalking.

″What? Why? Why?” I demand from the far side of the bed. “And don’t even say the word–the last time I just wished for a baby and look what happened!”

″The kids are older now…They’re always talking about having a younger brother or sister.” J.B. reaches for me but I keep moving until I’m standing beside the bed, as far away from him without leaving the room.

″They don’t talk to me about that! And they should because it’s my decision.” I fold my arms across my chest, effectively telling J.B. sexytime is over without saying a word.

″It was your decision before,” he says mildly, sitting up. “I think I should have a say in it this time.”

″There’s no this time ! Or that time. There was one time,” I hold up a finger. “One time getting pregnant. That’s it.”

″You’re forgetting the surrogacy,” J.B. points out.

″One time with you!”

″So you haven’t thought about it?”

I push away the feeling of holding Carson in my arms. ” No ! Why the holy heck would I? Do I have a death wish?”

″Do you want to maybe think about it?”

My no is about to snap off the tip of my tongue when I catch sight of the hopeful expression on his face. “What’s going on? Where’s this coming from?”

″That’s not a no,” he says with a smile, ignoring my question. He reaches a tentative hand out to me.

″That’s a you should stay away from my boobs tonight .” I tighten my arms across my chest.

″Oh. Really?” His hand hangs limply in the air until he pulls it back.

″Boobs or baby, big guy.”

J.B. gives a nervous laugh. “Kind of can’t have one without the other.”

″Oh, funny .”

″C’mon, Casey.”

It takes a few more minutes of wistful cajoling before I finally allow myself to be pulled back into bed. “I guess it was bad timing for this conversation,” J.B. says ruefully.

″You think? ″

″Kind of like that morning way back when, after we had the sex, and then you started spouting off to Cooper and Emma about how you wanted to have a baby?”

I laugh. For years, I’d been consumed with the desire to have a baby to the dismay of my friends. They had no issues about me becoming a mother, but their concerns were how I had planned to go about it. No waiting for happily ever after for me. No, I had been impatient enough to have gone through ill-thought-out plans to conceive which involved a random dude I met on the subway, the best ex-boyfriend ever, and a turkey baster as a last resort.

It had been ironic that I’d never given that night with J.B. a second thought until the three positive pregnancy tests had stared me in the face.

Ironic, or a good example of how obsessed I’d been about becoming a mother.

″You were so freaked out,” I reminisce. “I bet you still think I poked a hole in that condom.”

″You can’t prove that you didn’t.”

I laugh again, forgetting my ire and snuggling against him. “Using an expired condom was the best thing I ever did.”

″I agree.” He kisses me and I let him, even relaxing enough to allow his hand to begin to wander again.

″So have you thought about it?” he whispers into my neck.

″You need to stop talking.”

″Momma?”

″I said you need to stop talking,” I hiss.

J.B.’s hand stops. “That wasn’t me.”

Both of us look to the end of the bed where a small figure in Wonder Woman pajamas is rubbing her eyes. “What’s wrong, Lucy?”

″I can’t sleep.”

″Seemed to be doing okay when I checked on you earlier,” J.B. says under his breath as he eases away from me.

I sigh. “C’mon up.”

J.B. pulls the blankets away and Lucy hops onto the bed with a grin on her face. At least once a week, one of the kids will end up in bed with us.

It makes sexy time even more difficult .

″We should get a lock on the door,” J.B. mutters as Lucy cuddles between us.

″They picked the bathroom lock once when I was in there,” I remind him. “There’s no keeping them out.”

″I lost Lucy,” a new voice whispers from the doorway.

″She’s here, Benny. C’mon in.” Ben runs to J.B.‘s side of the bed with a big smile as his father picks him up and swings him across. Soon Ben and Lucy are snuggled together in the middle of the bed, providing an insurmountable obstacle for J.B.’s wandering hands.

″Love you,” I say softly, smiling across the curly heads at J.B.

″Love you too, Momma,” Ben replies.

J.B. rolls his eyes and sits up, swinging his legs out of the bed.

″Where are you going?”

″Water. And to make sure Sophie’s tied down. There’s not room enough for three of them in here.”

I watch as he pads to the door, hear his footsteps descend the stairs.

Was he really serious about another baby?

I can tell from Lucy’s breathing she’s already asleep and Ben is close behind. I should carry them back to their beds, but it feels nice to have them here with me.

For the few weeks after they were born when I was trying to nurse them, J.B. would often bring them to bed with us, and we would play pass the baby. Their feeding schedules had been horrible–none of them ever wanted to eat together, so it was as if I always had a baby on my breast. That was until a tearful thirty-two hours with no sleep, after which I sent J.B. on a mission to find a twenty-four-hour WalMart and not come home without baby formula.

I like the smell of the kids in bed with me. Clean and fresh, smelling faintly of the apple honey baby soap I still use on them.

Do I want another baby? Does J.B.?

I lay in bed, listening to Ben’s even breathing and Lucy’s soft snores until I pull myself out of the warmth of the blankets to find J.B.

″Were you serious?” I demand, following the sound of the tap to the kitchen.

J.B. jumps at the sound of my voice. “That I needed I drink? Yeah.”

″About a baby.”

″You told me to stop talking about that.”

″I just want to know why? Why now?”

J.B. leans against the counter as he drinks from the glass of water. “I don’t know,” he says finally, staring at the half-empty glass like it has the answers for him. “I’ve been thinking how cute they were, how much fun–”

″Fun?” I interrupt incredulously.

″It was fun, wasn’t it? Some of the times. When we had enough sleep. Trying to figure things out, just you and me…”

″We can try to figure out other things,” I suggest. “Like an IKEA bookcase.”

″So you don’t want another one?”

I heave a sigh. “Honestly? I haven’t given it a thought. I wanted a baby for so long and then we had three and I love them so much and I never thought about more.”

″But you thought about getting pregnant again? For Cooper and Emma.”

″But I didn’t have to keep those babies.”

I admit, I do–did–enjoy being pregnant despite the side effects, but it had been tough dealing with my own kids while carrying two of Emma and Cooper’s. At this moment, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to be pregnant while running around after the three of them.

″I guess I just thought I was done,” I finish .

″You don’t have to be. You’re still young. We both are.”

“I don’t feel it. I’m almost forty-two.” I rub my ear, feeling the hoop earring that I forgot to take out. I forget a lot of things–my phone, my lunch, and sometimes even going to the bathroom will get pushed out of my mind if I’m distracted by the kids.

Those three mean the world to me. Why wouldn’t I want another?

″Could we afford it?” I wonder, sounding practical for the first time in my life. “Not that I’m saying anything, but four would be expensive. And, oh my god, what if I had more than one!”

I almost miss the look of horror that flits across J.B.’s face.

″The restaurant is doing great,” J.B. reminds me, smoothing out his expression. “We’re thinking about opening another one. Look, Case, we don’t have to talk about this right now. It’s the middle of the night.”

″It’s actually only eleven thirty,” I tell him. “And it’s really the last thing I want to talk about.”

″I can take a hint,” he says stiffly.

″We could talk about other things,” I suggest, moving close enough to hook my fingers in the waistband of his boxers. “It’s still early for you.”

He glances at me with narrowed eyes. “It’s not for you.”

″I’m still awake. Or maybe we could not talk at all.” In case he didn’t know where I was going with this, I slide my hand down the front of his boxers. “Are you awake enough? Seems like you’re a little sleepy, but I could wake you up all the way.”

″Are you kidding me? A couple of minutes ago you jumped out of the bed for mentioning babies.” J.B. says incredulously. But he doesn’t push me away. “Now you’re trying to tell me the topic turns you on?”

″Those two kids pushed you out of the bed, not me. And I’m tired of talking. Wouldn’t it be more fun to practice, without really practicing? Especially without an audience?”

My husband is a smart man and knows a good thing when he gets it. Without another word, J.B. grabs my other hand and pulls me against him.