Unfettered Vessel (Found & Freed: The Unfettered #6)

4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

Pink

I have reread this page of my book a hundred times, I swear. The words are just not registering. I can’t focus.

All because the image of Monty’s abs are seared onto my eyelids. Every time I blink, it is all that I see. My mind has been frozen since the moment Monty lifted up his top.

Oh lord, help me. Monty seems so tall and lanky. The epitome of a geek. But under his clothes, oh my. Such exquisite definition. He is not ripped like a bodybuilder, more like a dancer. Gentle contours that you’d definitely feel if you ran your fingers over them. And I already know damn well that he is hung like a horse.

Oh gosh. A body to die for. A highly intelligent mind, because to be an alchemist you have to be incredibly bright. And a soul that is so very kind. What a package.

It is making my heart flutter. In another life, I think I’d be utterly smitten.

I draw in a shaky breath. Well, I guess this attraction confirms that I am gay. My sexuality was always irrelevant before, so I never paid it much mind. I am a vessel. I was always going to be given to a mage, and they are nearly always men.

My friend was madly in love with a girl and he was still married to a man. Nobody thought anything of it.

As for the harem, the men who used us certainly did not care about our opinions.

This is the first time in my life where there might actually be a point of thinking about what I like. And it seems I like Monty.

A knock on the door makes me jump out of my skin. Could it be him? No, I’m being ridiculous. Monty would never come into the house. Besides, I’d sense him approaching. His magic blazes.

“Come in!” I call out.

Jade all but bounces into my bedroom. His vivid green eyes are sparkling.

“I got the job!” he beams.

“Congratulations! Which one?”

“Just the call center one.”

“The car insurance place?”

Jade nods enthusiastically. I throw back my covers and jump up to give him a hug. “You’ll be fantastic at it!”

“Thanks!”

I pull away from the hug and we both sit down on the edge of my bed.

“I’ll be happy if I’m just average at it. Or good enough that they don’t fire me. I just want to have a job and be a normal person.”

I place my hand over his. I understand, I really do. After the harem, a boring normal life seems heavenly. To live such an existence would truly be a blessing.

Suddenly Jade’s eyes widen. “Oh…did you need the mage?”

Heat floods my cheeks. I didn’t know Jade would be able to sense it, but it is not entirely unexpected. His strong fey heritage seems to make him very perceptive to all manner of magical nuances.

“Yes,” I say, because it is the only thing to say. I’m not going to deny that Monty emptied me. It is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Concern flows over Jade’s face, and he places his other hand on top of mine. “How was it?”

I swallow. “Fine.” It was far more than fine, but I am nowhere near ready to share that.

Jade stares at me intensely for a few heartbeats. “You are so brave.”

“No, I’m not,” I squirm.

“Yes you are,” he insists. “I’m not sure I could.”

I watch in dismay as the familiar shame clouds Jade’s eyes.

“You will be ready one day,” I tell him. “Or you won’t. It doesn’t matter.”

Jade’s shoulders slump, and he looks down at our joined hands. “Even if I was ready. Who would want me?”

“Jade!” I gasp. “You are lovely!”

He says nothing. He just keeps his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. I can all but taste his shame and devastation.

“The right person won’t blame you for being assaulted,” I say softly, but firmly.

He glances up at me briefly and gives me a weak smile. Poor Jade. I hate what the harem has done to him. I pray that one day he is free of it.

I hope what I said to him is true. That there are nice people out there. Somewhere.

I wonder what Monty thinks of my past? Clearly, he can overlook it for the sake of gaining magic, but would he be able to brush it aside for a boyfriend?

Oh gosh! Why am I thinking such thoughts?

Monty is never going to be interested in a relationship with me. Our arrangement is one of convenience. Nothing more. There is absolutely no point in allowing my thoughts to wander down a dead-end path.

Romance has never been part of my destiny. I was born a vessel. I was assigned a role of subservience from my very first breath. My fate was to be given away in an arranged marriage.

Ritchie may have exploded into my life and changed that. But really only a little. Instead of serving a mage, I served him. And his friends. I did as I was told and performed what was expected of me. My body was used.

All in all, it was only the finer details of my destiny that were changed, not the fundamentals. Those seem set in stone. Unescapable. Unavoidable.

I am a vessel. I will always need a mage. Even if by some miracle I met someone, I’d still need to see Monty, or a different mage, regularly. The chances of finding someone who would be fine with that, as well as my past in the harem, are slim to none.

No, romance and love are for other people. Not for me. I will never experience it. The fates decided that, the very moment I was born.

Oh by the gods, now I’ve gone and thoroughly depressed myself. As well as Jade. He bounced in here all exuberant and bright eyed, and now look at him. Some friend I am.

“We need to celebrate!” I declare loudly.

Jade’s head snaps up, and he blinks at me. “We do?”

“Of course! Getting a job is something to celebrate!” I say with a confidence I am not feeling.

I’m pretty sure I’m right. Normal people obtain jobs and then celebrate the fact. I’m sure I’ve seen it in movies and television shows. I grew up amongst the nobility, where people either lived off the income from their estates and investments, or if they were employed, it was positions their family had arranged for them. So, I don’t have any real life experience. But I am fairly confident.

Anyway, this is our home, our found family. If we want to make celebrating getting a job a custom, then we bloody well should do exactly that.

“How?” asks Jade.

I grin. “By rounding up the others and eating all the ice cream in the freezer.”

Jade’s eyes widen, and then he laughs. There is an awful lot of ice cream in the freezer. Brodie made the mistake of showing Lello how to order groceries online, and then he left the kelpie to it.

Eating it all is going to be a challenge. But a very fun one. I’m going to laugh and enjoy myself with my friends, and I’m not going to think of Monty at all.

It is a marvelous plan.