Unfix Me

Chapter 6

Sen

As I waited in parking lot B, I tried to determine if the weird feeling in my stomach was from the food poisoning or nervousness. Given how much I’d thrown up since yesterday, I hoped the former had run its course. Unless the bacteria actually wanted me dead, I assumed it was over.

Back home, I hadn’t minded that I didn’t have a car. The college was a short bus ride from my house and if I wanted to go somewhere with friends, one of them would usually pick me up or my parents let me borrow one of their cars. Now, I was at the mercy of people who I didn’t know very well. If I wanted to leave at some point, I’d have to find my own way back. I felt like a child.

I checked the time on my phone. It was ten minutes before seven. Clearly, I’d been anxious to the point of showing up too early. If they knew, they’d probably laugh at me. My dad always told me that everyone got anxiety, but it was women who made it known. I should’ve just sucked it up and stayed in my dorm until seven.

He”d probably call me weak.

Thankfully, a dark sedan pulled into the lot. It was nice but not fancy. Since it was headed for me, I assumed it was my ride. That, or I was about to get kidnapped and sold for my body, which would just be my punishment for being an anxious little bitch.

When it stopped in front of me, I opened the front door and sat down. After I’d buckled, I turned to look at the driver. My mouth opened, but I was frozen.

In the overhead light, the green of Kai’s eyes was aggressive. My mom loved gardening and she had this sansevieria plant with dark leaves. That was what the color reminded me of.

Why was I making comparisons?

The light turned off after a moment and I realized I was just staring at him. He looked back with no particular expression on his face, like he was just waiting for me to say something.

“Hey,” I said lamely.

He smiled, then rolled his lips. “Hey, Seneca.”

The awkwardness disappeared. “Don’t call me by my full name.”

“Why? I think it’s a cool name.”

“It’s really not.”

As he put the car in gear, he tapped the fingers of his other hand on the wheel. “Why don’t you like it?”

“I just don’t. Maybe you should tell me your full name.”

“Didn’t you hear it in class?”

“I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Hm. It’s Malachi.”

“Fancy.”

He laughed. I watched him turn the wheel using the heel of his hand. When he was on the street, it went back the other way, gliding smoothly over his skin.

I averted my gaze, instead staring out of my window. “I thought West would be coming.”

“West doesn’t drive.”

“Why not?”

“Why don’t you?”

“I do, but I don’t have a car.”

“Me and West drove here from Maine. It was a long trip, but it was pretty fun. Saw a lot of things along the way.”

Silently, I nodded. The idea of taking a road trip like that sounded like something I would’ve loved to do. It was a much shorter trip for me, but even so, I wouldn’t want to do it alone. That was a lot of time to think and run through the same playlist repeatedly.

“Do you feel better?” When I gave him a quizzical look, he smiled. “You were sick.”

“Oh. Yeah, I think I’m fine now. It was probably food poisoning. Another guy in the building had it and we both ate the sushi.”

He made a sound of disgust. “School sushi? No thanks. I know a good place a few blocks down. We could go sometime if you want.”

“Maybe.”

“With everyone, obviously. Wouldn’t want you to feel as uncomfortable as you do now.”

“I’m not…” I trailed off, not really sure how to respond. Kai seemed like someone who would easily see through a lie.

“It’s okay. We don’t really know each other aside from a couple of run-ins with my dick.”

Peeking at him, I saw that he was smiling. He thought the whole thing was funny. I wanted to. I probably should. That was the normal response, but the feeling I got when I was around him was one that I wasn’t supposed to feel. It triggered reminders of endless lessons, sessions, and exercises. Sweat, blood, tears.

Fear. Bad things would happen if I didn’t regain control of myself. It was instilled in such a deep place that my palms started to sweat.

Nothing bad is going to happen, I told myself.

So what if Kai was attractive? I wasn’t actively looking or having thoughts that I shouldn’t. He was just a guy with a nice face. And personality. And body. His eyes…

I shook my head, smoothing my damp hands down my jeans. Kai wasn’t into men, so when it came down to it, this was all harmless. Trying to avoid him didn’t work. We could be friends if I just got over the shit going on in my head. It was a me problem, not a him problem.

“Thanks for the offer,” I said, cursing the weakness in my voice. “We should do that sometime.”

He glanced at me with a hint of surprise on his face. “Cool. I need a good sushi night.”

The drive was stop-and-go, which was probably standard for Seattle on a Saturday night. I wasn’t sure how far the place actually was. We ended up on the freeway and I watched the bright lights of the buildings go by. Through the gaps, I could see the water and a ferry that sat between the pier and an island in the distance.

I wondered how much I would explore the city while I was here. My hometown wasn’t really small, but it wasn’t huge either. It was two hours from Denver, yet we didn’t go there very often.

One thing that drew me to Seattle was its beauty. Another was opportunity. We didn’t take many vacations throughout my life and I hadn’t been to a lot of places. Here, there was so much to do and if I wanted to explore even more, I just had to travel a short distance. Hiking, boating, swimming, the ferries, Pike’s Place, exciting food, good coffee. It was all here.

The term ‘fly the nest’ came to mind. I loved my parents and we had a great relationship, but I couldn’t claim that they weren’t overbearing. For so long, I felt like I was disappointing them and even though we were better now, the internal pressure to make them happy was stifling.

Kai turned into a large parking lot in front of a building with blue lights. It was huge. I suddenly felt even more nervous about this. If I ate shit, so many people would see it happen.

God, I needed to man up.

As soon as the car was in park, I got to my feet. I looked around, trying not to notice how full the lot was.

“Come on,” he called.

I jogged to catch up to him, then settled at his side. He held the door open for me and I was met with loud music. Once we were inside, I tried to take in everything that was going on. There were two ice rinks here, one on the left and one on the right. They were close enough together that you could see what was going on in each.

We walked through a small arcade section, which was full of teenagers and men who acted like they were still children. I eyed a motorcycle game, wondering how I would do on it. The man on one of the bikes was laser focused and when he angled himself to turn, he was nearly sideways.

“Want to play?” Kai asked. He was so close to my ear that I jumped.

“Uh, no. Just looking.”

“Come on. We can bet on it.”

I licked my lips, glancing from him to the game. Finally, I shrugged, and he smiled brightly. He took my wrist and tugged me over to it. I pulled away, trying not to seem rude, and since his expression didn’t change, I assumed I’d succeeded.

He pulled out his wallet and produced a blue card with the name of the building on it. After he tapped the small screen at the bottom of each spot, he motioned for me to get on.

The motorcycle I got was green, lighter than Kai’s eyes. I shook that thought away and squeezed the handles. Once we’d picked our specs, the track appeared. With each second it counted down, I felt a buzz of excitement.

“If I win, you have to skate,” Kai said just before ‘Go’ appeared on the screen.

I jumped into action, determined to pass him. The idea of actually putting on a pair of ice skates was one I didn’t want to become a reality. If I’d remembered to tell Kasey that I’d changed my mind about going tonight, I might’ve been more willing so that we could do it together. I was an idiot, though, so here I was. Alone.

When I made a sharp turn, I squeezed my legs tighter against the bike. I was so far to the right that it felt like I was going to fall. Kai did the same, leaning in my direction, and I caught a whiff of his juniper scent. He flashed me a grin before he refocused on the game. And, hell, he was good at it.

He passed the finish line and threw his hands in the air with a triumphant whoop. I came in third, which I would have been proud of if the circumstances were different.

“Let’s get you some skates,” he said.

The entire time I followed him, I tried to think of a good excuse.

I have bad ankles.

I have an inner ear disorder that messes up my balance.

I’m going to make a fool of myself in front of you.

In front of everyone. Not just him.

After I gave the clerk my size, he handed me a pair of skates. We headed toward the left side of the building and came to a rope that blocked it off. Kai unclipped it and ushered me inside.

“Uh, are we allowed in here?” I asked.

“This one’s reserved for us tonight.”

“Oh. That must’ve cost a fortune.”

“Not really.”

“Sen!” West shouted. I was half afraid he’d come pick me up again, but he was on the ice. “You coming in? The water’s warm, buddy.”

Kai laughed. “He’s such an idiot.”

He dropped onto a bench and pulled a pair of sleek black skates from underneath. They didn’t look like the ones I’d rented. He laced them up expertly, then glanced at me. He must’ve seen that I was struggling because he knelt down in front of me and reached for my skate.

“It’s fine,” I said quickly.

“Stop being so skittish. I don’t bite.”

Reluctantly, I moved my hands. His long fingers somehow moved gracefully, like this was a dance instead of simply tying some laces.

“You’ve done this a few times,” I noted.

“We did this a lot back home.”

“Why?”

He quirked a brow at me. “Why? For fun. What do you do for fun?”

I thought about the question. Saying video games with friends or staying home with my parents didn’t seem like a good idea.

“I used to ride dirt bikes,” I offered.

“Not anymore?”

“It’s been a few years. My ex-girlfriend’s dad had them.”

“I’ve never tried it. Maybe I’ll teach you to skate and you can teach me to ride.”

He straightened and offered me his hand. Instead, I gripped the bench and pushed myself up. Immediately, I wobbled. The threat to my ankle was a bit too real for me, but I sucked it up and started awkwardly walking toward the rink.

“You look like Bambi,” Kai laughed.

“I’m gonna look like Bambi’s mom in a minute.”

His laugh got louder and I found myself smiling. When I was in front of the ice, I started to second guess every decision that had led me here. I couldn’t back down now, so I lifted one foot and held it over the ice.