Chapter 29
Kai
Sen felt like a goddamn dream.
This was why I was more into sex when there were feelings involved. I’d done it without, but it wasn’t nearly the same. This was something else entirely and it was worth waiting however long he needed me to.
I wiped the lube off my hand with a conveniently placed towel and dropped to my elbows so that I could keep kissing him when I moved my hips forward. A little sound came from his throat and his ass flexed around me, but he held me to him. When he relaxed again, I kept going.
“You’re doing… so good,” I said between kisses. His cheeks pinked like they always did when I praised him. The first time it happened, I decided he needed more of it.
After I was fully seated inside of him, I gave him only a moment before I pulled all the way back. I bit down on the side of his neck as I slowly thrust forward. He tilted his head to give me more access. Angling my hips, I focused on hitting him just right, drawing a moan from him that vibrated against my lips.
Every time I pulled out, I just wanted to be buried in his warmth again.
“Kai,” Sen whimpered.
“I’ve got you, baby.”
Plunging my tongue into his mouth, I fucked him harder. He gripped my shoulder blades and pulled his legs up further. I wrapped an arm around one of his thighs, bringing it over my hip. When I thrust into him, his body rocked back and he made the most beautiful sound. I was dying to hear exactly how much I could get out of him.
“Do you want me to be gentle?” I asked. “Or fuck you like I mean it?”
His teeth clamped down on my lower lip, making my hips stutter for a moment.
“Everything. Give me everything.”
Sitting up, I grasped his pelvis and reached as far as I could inside of him. He dropped his head back to look at the ceiling. With each thrust, his lips parted further and he got louder. I wanted to make him reach levels that would let everybody know exactly how I meant to claim this man.
“Let me see you touch yourself,” I demanded. “And don’t stop looking at me.”
He did as I asked, maintaining eye contact while he stroked his dick. I dropped my gaze to it, reducing my movements, focusing on building his pleasure.
“Kai,” he gasped.
“Say it louder.”
“Kai!” he shouted when I thrust into him fully.
God, that almost made me lose it. I struggled to keep myself from finishing and went back to small movements that had him making unintelligible noises. Leaning over him, I latched onto his neck, maintaining suction on his skin while my torso rubbed against his dick. When he cried out, his ass quivered around me and I made a couple of long strokes before I came undone with him. Biting down hard on his shoulder, I rode it out, legs shaking and arms trembling.
I collapsed on top of him, barely managing to keep myself from crushing him. He didn’t seem to mind having my weight on him. Sen wasn’t breakable and I loved that.
“Question,” I said, rolling off of him. “How’s sex now?”
Covering his face with his hands, he laughed. “Better.”
“Better… Hell no. Try again.”
He threw a leg over me to straddle me. I sat up and gripped his hips.
“It was incredible. I loved it.”
I smiled, then bit my lip. “Yeah. It really was.”
“So, are you fuckable or are you one of those strict role types?”
Raising a brow, I slid my hands around to his back. “I’m flexible. But…” My fingers spider crawled up to his shoulder blades and he shivered. “I do have a preference. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes. With you, at least. I feel safe, I guess, and you obviously know what you’re doing.”
“It’s not hard. You get squeakier when you really like something.”
“Squeakier?” he gawked.
“Yeah, it’s cute.”
“I’m not a mouse.”
I chomped on his neck playfully. “Just for me, you are.”
His phone buzzed on the nightstand and my eyes widened. He grabbed it and shook his head.
“Don’t worry. It’s just an alarm.”
“For what? Don’t tell me it’s study time.”
“Meds.”
He stood and started gathering his clothes.
“The depression ones?” I clarified.
He looked embarrassed when he nodded. I perched my chin on my hand as I watched him carefully get dressed.
“How long have you taken them?”
“Uh, since just before I came here. I had some… dark moments.”
“Do you think you still need them?”
“What do you mean? I don’t think it just goes away.”
“I’m not at all shitting on the validity of depression, but it’s not always a chronic issue. Sometimes, it’s born entirely out of your circumstances.”
“You think I don’t need them?”
“Only you can decide that. I don’t know… If you’re having relationship problems or a parent is sick, you can experience strong bouts of depression. If you’re living your life for others and not yourself, not doing the things you enjoy, it can affect you in a lot of negative ways. You have a hell of a lot going on and you’ve been dealing with this internalized hatred for yourself for a long time. Therapy can be helpful.”
He nodded slowly, considering what I’d said. “That kind of gives me hope. When I started taking them, I had this fear that I’d be stuck on them my entire life. Maybe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel after all.”
“I hate tunnels.” Scooting to the edge of the bed, I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. “Let’s take the scenic route.”
“With you, I’ll go anywhere.”
And just like that, my heart no longer beat for my sake. It beat for Sen.
*****
“Of course he can come,” Mom said.
There was a big smile on her face that had been there since I called to tell her more about Sen. He said it was okay if I wanted to talk to my parents about him, which felt like a big step. It might’ve helped that I asked him after we had a quickie in the locker room, but it counted. Everyone was more agreeable after really good sex.
“I don’t know if he’ll come,” I noted. “I haven’t asked him, but the thought of him staying here for Christmas makes me feel sick.”
“I love how big your heart is, Kai. Especially when you’re in love.”
Biting my lip on a smile, I typed on my laptop. My phone was propped on the bed so that we could talk while I multitasked.
“I never said I was in love.”
She chuckled as she leaned closer to the camera. “I’m your mother and I can see right through you. What sort of things does he like?”
“You’re gonna get him a gift, aren’t you?”
“Shh. It’s a surprise.”
“Mhm.”
Clicking on the website, I scrolled through the first page. There were smiling faces, all fabricated and meant to draw you in. Success rates, which were definitely fake. Locations. Sen had mentioned Texas, so I navigated to that page.
“He likes to read horror,” I said. “His favorite show is Dragon Ball Z. Surprisingly, he’s really into astrology. He’s a Leo and a cat person.”
“I can work with that. West is coming, right?”
“Yeah. He’s been really worried about Willow.”
“Tomorrow, I’ll drag her over here for dinner. I’ll kidnap her if I have to.”
“Thanks,” I laughed.
I paused my scrolling when I saw a picture from 2019. It was a group of boys in front of a cabin, some smiling and others looking miserable. Sen’s expression was somewhere in the middle. He looked pretty much the same, just a little smaller and with shorter hair. Seeing him there at all made my face feel hot.
Continuing, I found the one from 2017, which was his first year there. He was noticeably younger and more lanky. He looked terrified. I wanted to find a way to time travel so that I could go back and drag him out of that place before they started trying to indoctrinate him and fix something that was never broken.
I zoomed in on the guy beside him. He was taller and fitter, probably a jock. His arms were crossed over his chest; the scowl on his face made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Camp Dumont. I read the names underneath the photo, which were in order of where each person stood.
Travis McKinney. He was the one who killed himself. Aside from all of the other trauma Sen endured there, his death affected him deeply. There was nothing in the description that expressed any grief for his death. It didn’t mention the incident at all.
McKinney. That sounded familiar. I typed it into Google, then leaned back against the headboard.
“Mom, I gotta go.”
“Let me know if Sen decides to come for Christmas.”
“I will.”
After I ended the call, I rubbed my jaw.
Well, this was weird as hell.