Chapter 12
I don’t know what came over me. I truly have no clue. But seeing the life leave someone right in front of me, I was overcome by a sense of curiosity like never before.
The sensation of flesh and blood sliding over my fingers, of holding what was once a living, breathing person in my hands, feels… empowering.
We did this. Me and Jacob.
We made this masterpiece together.
And now we’re purifying this lost soul together.
Jacob and I dismember the body in the barn, where he informs me that’s where he usually carries out these acts; the stench in the air confirms it.
I can’t help it, but… I already crave doing this again. I want to purify another soul. Another sinner like myself, who I once was.
And maybe that only speaks to how far I’ve come on this journey.
Yet what changes everything are two pink lines. Jacob bought me a test when I missed my period, and now it’s confirmed.
I’m pregnant. And he’s the father.
And for once… I don’t hate the idea of kids. Because I know I’m raising them the right way, through the will of the Lord.
Jacob says he gets visions in his sleep, and I believe him. He sees us and our children running the new world.
I’m so happy to have this family, especially after my own basically threw me to the wolves after I chose the career I did, save for Amelia. Speaking of my sister…
“I want to tell her the good news,” I tell Jacob over dinner. “I think we should visit her.”
His pause is only brief, chewing over a bite of marsala, before swallowing and nodding, dabbing his lips with a napkin. “I think that’s a wonderful idea, Amy. It would be good to see her again.”
“I just hope she doesn’t think I abandoned her, since I left so suddenly,” I murmur, a frown curling my lips.
What would she think of me vanishing and then showing up with a tall, dark, and dreamy-looking guy covered in tattoos and who loves the Lord more than anything else?
She’d probably think I was fucking nuts.
Maybe I am. Hell, I’m starting to believe it.
But I feel like I belong here. Especially after the feelings I felt when slicing up that body with Jacob. I think I’m just as messed up as he is, and all it took was an opportunity to show me.
I don’t know why I’m drawn to death, to cleansing the sinners around us. But I am. Morbid fascination, perhaps? I did grow up collecting dead things like moths, bugs, and jars of small animals. Something about the process of death always fascinated me.
The question remains: will Amelia still love me? Will she still want me in her life?
I’ll never tell her what I’ve done; or Jacob, since we’ve both taken part in the dismemberment of a person. But my mind is struggling to come up with another explanation for my absence.
As if reading my mind, Jacob says, “I’ve already explained to her that you were moving in with me. But I’ve been financing her medical treatments in your absence.”
My heart swells with something I can’t quite name. It’s something near what I felt when he ‘revealed’ my specimen collection to met last week, proud that he had brought something from my previous home here to make me feel more at ease. He also finally got around to bringing my clothes. I’m sure Amelia also noticed my room empty of such important things and connected the dots: I’d left.
But would she resent me? Sure, Jacob was still paying her expenses and her medical bills, but that didn’t make up for me not talking to her for weeks.
“I’m worried she’ll be mad I haven’t spoken to her,” I admit to Jacob, absentmindedly rubbing my stomach and thinking of how my sister with be an aunt now.
He just shakes his head. “I’ll defend you if she is. There’s nothing to worry about.”
But then his expression darkens. An uneasy feeling settles in my gut.
“Don’t even think about running, Amy. I will find you no matter how far I must go.” His eyes narrow on me, dangerous and deadly.
I still had an uneasy feeling, but I went along with it. The following day, we drive out to our little apartment in the city, where I knew Amelia would be since she didn’t really do anything but stay at home because of her condition.
“I’ll do the explaining,” Jacob assures me, after parking the car one street down. It’s always hard to find a good spot in Philly; sometimes you have to park far away because all the spots are taken.
The building is three stories, with a brick exterior and white-trimmed windows. It’s elevated from the street, with an iron black railing lining the steps to the front door. Cold, crisp air fans around me and Jacob as we walk, tangling in my long hair and sending it billowing around me. Traffic passes beside us, with streetwalkers doing their rounds closer to the district I worked in several blocks down.
A part of me does think of running, but then I remember what Jacob says. I know in my heart he’ll find me no matter how far I run, and maybe there’s a dark, hollow part of my heart that craves such devotion. He doesn’t want to lose me, is all.
Me and my sister live on the third floor, and I can’t say by any means that climbing all those steps is easy.
When we reach her apartment door, I raise my hand to knock, but then I pause. I don’t know if I can do this. It sounds stupid, but I really think she’ll hate me just like our parents do.
Jacob rubs comforting circles on my back, speaking low. “I’ve got you, little one.”
I shudder beneath his touch, and a newfound resolve fills me. I can do this. I must do this. Okay. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and knock on the door three times.
It opens moments later to reveal Amelia. She’s so similar to me in appearance it’s scary, if only because of how emaciated she looks. Brown hair now wispy and frail, skin pale and lifeless. Yet she is alive, just a walking shell of herself because of the chemo. Her hair hasn’t completely fallen out yet, and she refuses to shave her head.
She’s bundled in a sweater and coat, with black leggings to match, along with fluffy socks.
“Amy!” she gasps when she sees me on the other side of the door, yanking me into a bone-crushing hug. I embrace her back, having missed her dearly.
“Hey,” I say lamely, still unsure.
She pulls back briefly, holding my shoulders, and begins to assess me, her eyes roving up and down my form. “You look good!” she quips.
“Thanks,” I chuckle, and she beckons us inside.
It’s just as I remember it. My sister has put her personal touch on everything, with a softness and coziness present that I don’t really find at Jacob’s. Plush couches in the living room with stuffed animals as pillows. A bean bag chair. A gaming setup that I’ve sorely missed with a PS5 and Nintendo Switch with every game you could think of.
The kitchen has little knick-knacks and plants galore. She loves cottagecore, so décor is dispersed throughout the home. Ceramic mushrooms, leafy pillows, green and fauna-inspired rugs.
Not to mention witchy things; she’s always loved the supernatural and metaphysical. Jars of herbs and those of intention are posted around the kitchen. There’s a miniature cauldron for the stove. Candles for spells lay in a variety of colors posted near the stove and sink.
Amelia has always enjoyed witchcraft, and I can only imagine what Jacob thinks when he sees these things.
My own little touches are here, too; gothic posters and wall ornaments here and there. Witchy blankets stacked in a basket. More of my… collection sprinkled here and there. It’s a mashup of her style and mine, but it works. Dark cottagecore, if anything.
“I made some homemade blueberry tarts if you want any,” my sister offers, gesturing to the homey little kitchen with old appliances.
I greedily walk over and grab one; I love her cooking. It tastes like powdered sugar and lush fruit on my tongue. I revel in the taste, handing another to Jacob.
“Are they enchanted?” Jacob jokes, but I see the distaste in his eyes. For the darkness I’m sure he imagines witchcraft holding.
Probably believes there’s demons involved.
“No,” Amelia laughs. “But I get why you might think so.” She winks.
Hesitantly, Jacob takes one of the pastries.
“So,” my sister muses, looking at us both, “this is your new boyfriend?”
I nearly choke on my food, but Jacob is quick to answer, “That’s right. I’m sorry I kind of whisked her away like that,” he laughs lightly, a whole new man standing before. I’ve never seen him so bubbly. “But we fell in love and, well, things happened I guess.”
“Hmph,” Amelia says, clearly trying to be polite. I can see right through her friendly mask. “Well, next time please at least give me a heads up before you take off like that, Amy.” She frowns.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called,” I murmur, and a part of me feels resentment towards Jacob for never providing me with a phone. But I guess I can see it from his point of view; what if I tried to escape?
It warms my heart that he doesn’t want to lose me, but still. It’s a little fucked up, isn’t it?
Then again… he’s the head of the house.
I must obey, listen, and praise.
“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Amelia complains. “You and I used to be thick as thieves. Now, we don’t talk at all.”
Jacob cuts in, “It’s my fault. She broke her phone while at my home, and we haven’t gotten around to getting a new one. I’ll take care of it today.”
A lame excuse, but Amelia seems to buy it. Or at the very least be willing to change the subject.
Still, the hope of getting a phone today?
“I’m really happy you came over, Amy, really,” Amelia insists. “What prompted the visit?”
“I’m… pregnant,” I say.
She freezes, her mouth falling open. “Wait… I thought you didn’t want kids. You always said that.”
I force a smile in light of her less than enthusiastic response. “Yeah, I know. It was a surprise for both of us.”
It wasn’t really something that caught me off guard, though. Jacob was extremely persistent.
Something that still puts a bad taste in my mouth.
Memories of him raping me, forcing himself on me, make bile begin to rise in my throat.
He’s different now , my thoughts whisper. He’s changed.
Another part of me says that’s a lie.
That he’ll always be a cruel, vile killer and abuser. That he’ll do worse to me.
I shove those thoughts away, inhaling sharply.
Amelia fixes her composure. “Well, that’s still great news. Congratulations!” she beams. “I’m just… surprised, is all.”
Jacob smiles. “A happy surprise,” he offers. “Do you have anything to drink?”
Amelia nods towards the retro-looking white fridge. “In there. Is juice or tea okay?”
“Perfect.” He nods, making to pour us all glasses. Then he hands them to us, holding his own firmly. He raises the glass of tea with a grin. “To new beginnings.”
I know the deeper meaning of what he says. He means my new life… with him.
There’s no getting out of this. I have a feeling if I even tried to tell my sister what he’s done, what I’ve done, Jacob will kill her. The thought of losing anymore family sickens me.
“To new beginnings,” Amelia chimes, and we all sip our drinks in awkward silence.
My breath starts to come in short as my mind continues to race. I’m really never going to escape this new life. I’ve dug myself into a deep, dark hole, and there’s no way out.
“Are you okay?” Amelia asks, and Jacob’s expression darkens beside her.
“I’m fine. I’m—” I struggle to get the words out. I clear my throat, trying to control my breathing. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine,” she urges. “Come on, sit down on the couch.”
Me and Jacob take a seat next to one another, and he holds me tightly around my shoulders. It’s a warning; I know it is.
I can’t tell her the truth, and it’s starting to eat at me. Sure, I have this new life following the Lord, but a part of me whispers that it’s all wrong. That I need to escape.
And I can’t. I’m trapped in Jacob’s web.