Chapter 27
I open my eyes and stare up blankly at the ceiling. I don’t need to look at the empty space beside me to know Maksim is long gone. We’ve been in Russia for seven days now, and the last time we talked, really talked, was the night we arrived.
He took me to his hometown and laid his soul bare. Since then, though, it almost feels like I’m fading into one of the ghosts from his past. His days are filled with meetings and missions. And where has that left me?
Playing the role of a bored housewife.
Look, I know what he’s doing is important, but that doesn’t make me any less lonely. There’s no one to talk to, nothing to do, and nowhere to go. It”s just a monotonous cycle of waking, eating, and sleeping.
I roll out of bed with a heavy sigh and shuffle to the bathroom, where I perform my ablutions listlessly. After getting dressed, I make my way into the living area. A full breakfast is already waiting for me.
The men bow as I approach, and I greet them with a nod. I’ve attempted conversations with them before, but they’re about as chatty as a rock. So, yet again, I eat my meal in silence. It doesn’t matter how rich the food is, it’s all starting to taste like rubber.
Part of me hopes this is just a transition phase. After so much time on the run, being confined to a pretty little lifestyle is quite the culture shock. But if this what the rest of my life is like, I’m not sure I want to get used to it.
After breakfast, I call the lobby to see if there’s a bookstore or a library nearby. I would kill to lose myself in a good book about now.
“No, ma’am, the closest bookstore is about thirty minutes away.”
Shit.
With nothing else to do, I turn on the TV and start flipping through the channels, hoping to find something interesting. But nothing captures my attention. Eventually, I settle for some random Russian soap opera and watch it with little interest.
I end up dozing off, only waking up when my stomach is rumbling with hunger. I groggily open my eyes to see the fading light through the windows signaling the end of another day.
Lovely, just what I needed, another thrilling day of solitude and boredom...
Dragging myself off the couch, I wash myself up in the bathroom, then head back to find another platter of food already waiting for me.
God, I’m going to come back from Russia with 15 pounds on me, at least.
“Can we go down to the lobby? I’d like a change of scenery,” I tell Dmitiri, the head of my security, as my plate is being cleared. After talking with someone in his earpiece, he agrees.
We—Dmitri, me, and five armed men—head down to the lobby, and I politely ask them to give me space as I walk around, watching the people come and go. But even that quickly loses its charm.
And then, like a sudden spark, an old instinct kick in: a desire to slip away from these watchful eyes. That thought is immediately met by another. Don’t. It’s dangerous. He could get you.
My chest tightens.
No. He is dead.
It should feel like a victory, but instead, it feels like I’m the one who’s become a ghost.
Maybe I should give in to the instinct anyway… So I can feel alive again…
“Just a little adventure,” I promise myself. Keeping my head on a swivel, I discreetly glance around. When no one’s paying attention, I seize the moment to click open a half-hidden side door and slip out.
The crisp air hits me like a refreshing wave, and I feel like I can finally breathe again. Ahead, my eyes fall upon a row of vibrant flowers, and I’m instantly drawn toward them. I want to take in their scent, to feel their soft petals against my skin.
Before I can reach them, though, a small crowd near a giant fountain catches my attention. Tourists are taking pictures and throwing coins into the water. Like a distracted puppy, I change course and join them.
A smile pulls at my lips as I’m surrounded by ordinary people. Their excitement is contagious. I float through the laughter and dip my feet in the fountain, imagining I’m just a regular girl again. It’s almost a freeing thought… until I think of Maksim.
Imagining a life without him, a life where we never met, doesn’t seem like much of a life at all. Not anymore. I just wish he had more time for me.
“Hey, does anyone have a coin I can borrow?” I hear myself ask the crowd. No one answers. Maybe they don’t speak English. I’m on my feet, ready to pantomime, when the sound of screeching wheels lifts the hair on my nape.
I glance over my shoulder toward the extravagant hotel entrance. A familiar car has pulled up outside. My heart skips a beat when Maksim gets out of the back seat.
Ducking behind a wide-set man and his family, I peer through arms and shoulders, feeling a bit naughty. But that feeling quickly turns to confusion when I get a good look at the man I followed across the world.
He looks… wrong. Different.
There’s a dark energy about him. It’s not even that he’s scowling or anything. It’s his eyes. Even from here, they”re practically black and so, so cold. The danger I always sensed in him has never been so evident, or so terrifying.
Three beefy men get out of the car and flank him. The tourists go silent and shift away from him as he approaches, and there’s a collective sigh of relief when he walks into the hotel.
I should probably follow him. This is the first time in days he’s been back from his meetings this early.
Later, a little voice says from the back of my head. Enjoy this little slice of normal. Let Maksim have his danger. Find a coin. Make your wish.
“Just what the hell are you doing so far from home with a man who can make a rowdy crowd go that silent anyway, Cece?” I mutter to myself.
Then, my stomach sinks a little.
What home?
Turning, I stare at the rippling water of the fountain as coins are thrown. Then, just like that, the bustling crowd around me goes disturbingly quiet again.
Shaking my head, I follow their line of sight all the way to a big glass window near the hotel’s entrance. Muffled shouts emanate from inside them, hinting at a commotion. I step closer, wondering what’s happening, and the scene inside quickly becomes clearer.
Someone is being choked.
My jaw drops when I see who.
There’s Maksim, gripping Dmitri by the neck. The man’s legs dangle helplessly in the air as Maksim’s hold tightens. But he’s not fighting Maksim; I know immediately why. Shit.
When I say I run, I mean fast.
No way in hell am I letting this happen again.
Maksim’s eyes flick up when I stumble inside. He drops Dmitri to the floor and rushes over to embrace me tightly. I blink in surprise at the desperate intensity of his hug, but I slowly raise my arms and hug him back just as fiercely.
Immediately, warmth floods through me, , melting away my loneliness and melancholy as I breathe in his scent. This, with him, feels like home. How can someone dangerous and scary like him make me feel safe and comfortable?
He pulls back from the hug and gives me a slight shake. “Where were you?”
“Just outside, getting some fresh air. I didn’t move past the fountains, I swear.” I turn to point and realize we have the attention of everyone in the lobby. Maksim comes to the same realization and bundles me toward the elevators.
“I thought you were gone.”
I have nowhere to gois on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it and say, “No, I just felt a little lonely and wanted a change of scenery.”
“I understand. I’m sorry.” He pulls me back into his arms as the elevator doors slide shut. “I think I’m getting close. It’ll be over soon, and we’ll go back home.”
There’s that word again. Home.
But I don’t have a home. Not now. Not ever. So what will happen to me when we return to New York?
I push the depressing thought from my head and snuggle into Maksim’s chest. Then, another far more comforting thought pops into my head.
Maybe home doesn’t have to be a place. Maybe it can just be wherever I’m with him. This sure feels like home, huddled up together, even if we’re countless miles away from where I grew up.
My heart fills just as my stomach sinks.
But what happens if my home is busy? What if he’s out there fighting the bad guys, and I’m left behind to take care of the nest? Can I still have a home then? Can I still be happy?
Will we ever settle down?
A conflicted storm rages inside of me as I look at the man who has saved my life, protected me from my demons, and made me feel like the most important girl in the world.
With him here, my loneliness doesn’t feel so bad, just something I have to suffer in order to be with the man of my dreams.
Fuck. Man of my dreams?
My heart pounds as a realization dawns on me.
Am I in love?