Chapter 7
SEVEN
Grand.
I pulled up at Raiden’s school and smiled, watching his little head moving from car to car. His smile expanded big as hell when he noticed mine. I chuckled when he began bouncing in place, pointing. My mother called ahead to add my name to the list that granted me access and gave me a school sticker, which was already on the passenger side of my windshield.
I couldn’t promise to be here every day to get him, but I would do my best to be here as much as possible. Today was the first of many. When I made it to the spot where Raiden was standing, he sprinted toward my car, only to be blocked by the teacher standing guard. He frowned when the guy grabbed his arm and I was throwing my car in park and pushing the door open before I had time to think.
“That’s my daddy…” Raiden whined. When I stepped onto the curb, all eyes were on me as the man gently shoved my son behind him.
“Sir, I’m gonna need you to get back in your vehicle.”
“Then move the fuck out the way so my son can do the same.”
“Sorry, I can’t do that. If you return to your vehicle we can check your…”
“Grand Sinclair. Check your list,” I growled, feeling all eyes on me. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a security guard approaching but I didn’t give a damn.
The guy fumbled with the iPad in his hand and swiped nervously before pecking the screen. When he lifted his eyes and tilted his head up, I knew what he found. My gotdamn name.
“Raiden, get in the car…” I demanded and kept my eyes on him at the same time I removed my wallet and my license.
I knew the deal. He wasn’t going to take my word for it. When Raiden jolted around him, hurrying to the passenger side of my car, I extended my license, which he only glanced at then tucked the iPad to his chest.
“My apologies, Mr. Sinclair. We’ve never seen anyone but his grandmother. You won’t have any more issues picking Raiden up. But just in case you weren’t aware of the rules, parents remain in their vehicles at all times. It’s a safety precaution, not just for your son but the other children as well.”
I took a step forward and dipped my chin to level my eyes with his since he was a few inches shorter. “And is you putting your hands on my son a precaution too?” He jutted his chin and rolled his shoulders back.
“When a parent breaks the rules, yes. Our priority is the safety of our students. Again, I apologize.”
I lowered my eyes with a warning glare. “Don’t put your fucking hands on my son, ever. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
I stepped away and got back into my car, noticing the crazed looks from other parents in the pickup line. I didn’t say a word because I didn’t fucking care about their opinions. Instead I got in and turned to the back seat where Raiden was sitting. He offered a goofy smile when he buckled his seatbelt.
“Nana didn’t tell me you were coming to get me.”
“It was supposed to be a surprise.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Are they gonna let you come back?”
I pulled away from the curb and glanced at him in the rear view. His eyes were there, hopeful and waiting.
“Yeah they are, don’t worry about that.”
“Good…” He beamed. “I want you to come get me all the time.”
I chuckled. “Maybe not all the time but as much as I can.”
“Because you have to work?” His little brows pinched. “Nana said I can’t live at your house until you get a job. I want to live at your house, but I want to stay with Nana sometimes too. She’ll be alone if I live at your house all the time.”
How the hell was he processing all this? I had a lot to learn about my son. He was smart and kind but that was due to my mother. She was raising him right.
“Your nana is right. I have to have a job so I can take care of both of us, then you can come stay with me.”
“But you have a house now. Why can’t I stay now?”
“I only have one bed, Raidy.”
“I can sleep in your bed with you. It’s okay if I don’t have my own bed right now.”
Fuck .
“We’ll see, but I want you to have your own. You deserve that.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “But I can come sometimes to your house, right?”
“Yeah you can.”
“Good.” And then seconds after he switched gears, telling me about his day. He had music instead of art. They didn’t get to go outside because it was raining which meant they got to play in the gym and lunch was bad. The fries were cold and the pizza was rubbery, not good like the one his nana makes.
Once again, I found myself hanging on his every word. I could spend the rest of my life listening to him talk about the simple shit and would never get tired. Then I remembered the person who would never get to experience this and my mood was shot to hell, but I pushed through because he deserved to be happy and I wouldn’t take that from him.
After I hit the locks to my car, I reached for Raiden’s hand. He skipped next to me until we were inside the shop where Tali worked, then he took off in a sprint toward the back.
“Raidy, hold up, man.”
“Daddy, Tali’s room is back here. I know where it is.”
I glanced at the woman at the desk and she smiled, nodding her approval. “Back there to the left. End of the hall.”
“Thanks.”
I followed the path my son took but he wasn’t in the hall so I followed her instructions and stepped inside the last space on the left where he was giving a high five to Tali.
“He’s been here before?”
“I brought him a few times. Not when I was working though. Just to pick up things or check in.”
He stared at me, waiting, and I offered a nod. This shit was hard. Everyone I loved had a connection with my son and I was struggling to build one.
“You ready?” Tali asked but Raiden cut him off, running to me.
“Daddy, are you getting a tattoo?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Can I get one too? You already have a lot. I need some.” He frowned, looking at his arms as if he could see the bare skin beneath his coat. I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Not today, kid. Your nana would kill me.”
“Please. I won't tell her.”
“Where do you want it?” Raiden beamed and I cut my eyes at Tali who was speaking to my son.
“Daddy, where are you getting yours?’
“My neck.”
“Then that’s what I want.”
“Hell no.” I shook my head and he frowned.
“What about on your arm? Your dad’s getting one there too.”
“Okay.”
“Go take your jacket off and put it over there,” Tali told him and when he ran to the other side of the room, Tali spoke quietly.
“It’s henna pens. Fades in a few days. Some of my clients bring their kids and they always want one. I’ll hook him up.”
“Bet.”
It took Tali about twenty minutes to go through the process of pretending to tattoo Raiden. Since I was getting his name on my neck, he wanted to have mine on his arm. I had no plans of getting the one on my shoulder but since Tali made the offer I had to and added his name there too. An hour later we were done. While Raiden watched videos on Tali’s iPad, he and I discussed the fight happening in a few days.
“You go to the doctor?”
“How the fuck am I supposed to go to the doctor with no insurance?”
“They have emergency care centers on damn near every corner, fam.”
I glared in warning to leave it alone. I wasn’t going to the damn doctor. He grunted in annoyance.
“Didn’t think you would. You still sore?”
“Yeah but it’s not that bad. It’s been a couple weeks so most of it’s healed.”
“Maybe you should…”
“I’m fighting. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Broken ribs and internal bleeding is a big deal, Grand.”
“I’m new. If I‘m not consistent, they don’t let me fight, and I need this money.”
“If you end up in the hospital, you can’t fight.”
“Chill, I’m good.” I glanced at Raiden who was in his own world.
“If you say so,” Tali mumbled. “You call her yet?”
“Who?”
“The photographer.”
I’d thought about her more than a few times but I wouldn’t tell him. It was none of his fucking business and I wasn’t going to do anything about it.
“No, and I’m not going to.”
“Why the fuck not? She’s pretty as hell. You been in any pussy since you got out?”
I punched him in the chest and he grinned when I glanced at Raiden.
“He isn’t paying us any mind. When he’s on that thing, don’t shit exist but what he’s watching.” Tali rubbed the spot where I’d hit him, grinning. I hated how he knew my son better than me.
“Watch what you say unless you want to explain to my mother how he knows what pussy is?”
Tali smirked and nodded. “Fine, but have you?”
I tensed and shook my head which had Tali cutting his eyes toward Raiden before he lowered his voice. “Fam, you know she loved you, right?”
My eyes darkened. “Yeah, I know she did. What does that have to do with any of this? You think Aleah loving me means she’d want me fucking other women?”
“She would want you to be happy. No matter how things turned out, that’s who she was. She was good like that. You can’t not exist in the world.”
“Leave it alone,” I ground out.
“I will, but trust me when I say, at some point you have to figure that shit out. If not for you then for him. You can’t keep living in the past, cuz. The shit is not healthy.”
I was well aware living in the past wasn’t healthy, but this was where I was for now.
“We’re about to head out,” was all I said and lifted to stand. “Raidy, tell Tali goodbye. We have to go so I can feed you and get you home.”
“But it’s early.”
“It’s six. You have school tomorrow,” I warned and he pouted but slipped off the stool he occupied and walked over to Tali.
“Bye.”
“Fam, you can’t rock my ink and pout like a little kid. You have to pick a lane. You a man or what?”
He stuck his chest out and nodded. His eyes discreetly lifted to me to make sure I wasn’t disappointed and I chuckled when he jutted his chin and asserted his position. “I’m a man.”
“Alright then. Let me get it.” Tali extended a closed fist to him. When Raiden met it with his, Tali yanked him into a hug. “I love you, you know that right?”
“Yeah I know.”
“Alright, I’ll see you soon.”
“Daddy, can we have burgers?” Raiden held my hand like it was the most natural thing in the world and began telling me about how he didn’t like cheese on his burger but he loved macaroni and cheese. I laughed at how much he was like his mother with certain things. I was grateful because I would experience a small part of her through him. It wasn’t the same, would never be enough, but it was something.
“Ay, Grand…” We were halfway down the hall when I heard Tali’s voice. I glanced over my shoulder to find him leaning against the wall outside his tattoo room.
“That’s a good look for you. A real good look.”
I glanced at Raiden and offered a nod. Raiden was the only thing I did right in my life and I would make sure I kept doing right by him.
“Daddy, can we eat here? My nana won’t mind because then we won’t make a mess in the kitchen.”
Raiden scrunched his face as he skipped beside me. Once again his hand was in mine like he needed the connection. I needed it too so I damn sure didn’t mind. I often wondered if he resented the fact that I hadn’t been in his life but it seemed whatever void he felt, my son made peace with and was accepting that I was here now. He never brought it up, so neither did I.
When we reached the door to Sweet Auburn, I pulled it open and let him go first. He tugged me forward, not letting go of my hand until he was inside. The last time I had been at Sweet Auburn Bar & Grill was to pick up wings for Aleah. My chest tightened a little but I pushed the memory to the back of my mind.
“Pick a table.” I motioned to the open space. It was almost seven, so the crowd was pretty thick, but there were several open tables.
“I want to sit over there.” Raiden pointed to the bar and I quickly shook my head. I didn’t want him in the mix of people drinking. Half the bar was already littered with patrons who had beers and liquor in front of them.
“How about we pick a table instead?”
“But Daddy…” Fuck! This kid was going to challenge my restraint and end up getting whatever he wanted from me.
“If you want to sit at the bar, I’m gonna need to see some ID. That’s where the grown men have their dinner.” I frowned when a guy wearing black on black kneeled in front of Raiden. He had Wolf Warriors MC spread across the back of his t-shirt. Wolf Warriors owned Sweet Auburn. I was familiar with the organization but didn’t know any of the members personally. Tali and I had been to the lounge a handful of times. I’d seen Padre, their president, once or twice, so I recognized him.
“I don’t have one, but my daddy does and I have a tattoo like my daddy.”
I laughed, shaking my head, and Padre grinned. “Well let me see your ink and you might get a pass.”
Raiden pulled his lip between his teeth and yanked at the sleeve of his jacket, exposing the design Tali drew on his forearm. An array of lines that combined my name and his.
“That’s some pretty nice ink you got there. Best I’ve seen in a while.”
My little man’s face split into a grin. “My cousin Tali did it. He did my daddy’s too.” He jerked his head back and smiled up at me. “Daddy, show him yours.”
Padre extended to his full height, waiting, but I knew it was just to entertain Raiden. He didn’t give a shit about my ink. I tilted my head to the side and he nodded before lowering his eyes to Raiden and lifting him by the waist, planting him on the stool closest to him. “I guess that qualifies you to sit at the bar, kid.”
“Daddy, come on.” He waved me over.
“Cute kid. Y’all enjoy.”
“Thank you.” I tossed my chin, feeling a sense of pride before I filled the spot next to Raiden.
“Burger and fries?”
“Yep and no cheese but you can have cheese if you want. Nana does.”
I chuckled as his little brows pinched like he was deep in thought. “She likes ketchup on her fries too and I don’t. Do you like ketchup?”
“Nah, I don’t. Not on my fries.” Another smile spilled onto his face.
“Then I’m like you.”
“Or maybe I’m like you.” I brushed a hand over his head and his smile expanded.
“You’re older than me so it means I’m like you. I’m gonna be like you with everything.”
My chest tightened because I didn’t want that shit. I wanted so much more for my son than I would ever be but he wouldn’t understand because in his eyes, I hung the gotdamn moon and stars.
“I want you to be better than me, Raidy.”
He shook his head, exposing a partially toothless grin. “Nope, I’m going to be just like you because you’re the best dad ever.” He shrugged as if his words solidified the truth and just made sense. I fucking loved this kid so much I didn’t know how to handle the emotions that consumed me. I only prayed he didn’t hate me when he was old enough to understand what I cost him. Because the minute that love shifted, it was gonna fucking destroy me.