Chapter 20
TWENTY
Saniya.
“That’s cute, Meen. I can’t even tell where the C was.”
“I know. It’s pretty, right?”
My sister held up her hand, admiring the new ink. I watched her through the screen of my phone, smiling like an idiot while she admired the tattoo. Tali had somehow transformed the C into a snake that circled her finger. The snake was weaved through rose petals that softened the image, making it appear delicate and feminine.
“It really is. I like it.”
“He said it’s a reflection of my venom and sweetness.” I barked a laugh and rolled my eyes. “Don’t sleep with him, Meen. That man wouldn’t know commitment if it slapped him in the face.”
She grinned. “I’m not. I meant what I said. Fuck boys are on pause indefinitely. But he’s cool people though. He took me to dinner after we finished and I made an appointment to get the one I’ve been wanting on my foot done next week.”
I groaned. “Meen…”
“Stop all that. It’s not like that for real. That man is a certified dick slinger. I’m not taking it there. We’re just cool and since you’re dating his cousin, by default we’ll have to see each other, so it makes sense for us to at the very least be cordial.”
“Nah, don’t be shit with that muthafucker. I don’t want to be in the middle of that shit because I’ll feel obligated to right his wrongs.” Grand leaned over the back of the sofa, speaking to my sister before he kissed my shoulder and headed to his bedroom.
“Y’all are too cozy, Ny.”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
“I’m here for it. I just hope he acts right or we’ll be pulling up on him like we did Clue yesterday.”
“The only time she’ll have to pull up on me is when she misses me and barely then because I won’t give her enough space to not feel my presence.” Grand was back but this time he filled the spot next to me and dropped a pair of Nikes on the floor.
“Okay, sir. Affirmations and solidarity.”
He grinned and leaned back once he had his shoes on. “I’m a man of action.”
“Time will tell but let me go so I can start figuring out my life. If I don’t find a job like yesterday, I’m going to be homeless.”
“You will never be homeless, Meen.”
“Aww booski, thank you. I pray it doesn’t come to that because your place is small as shit.”
I reared my head back. “Girl, I most definitely was not talking about you moving in with me. If you can’t pay your bills, you can move back home. Mom and Dad would welcome you with open arms.”
“Oh hell nah.” She frowned hard and I laughed.
“Why not?”
“Their house, their rules.”
“My house, my rules,” I countered.
“True but your rules don’t mean shit and theirs are archaic. What twenty-six year old has a ten o’clock curfew?”
“One that can’t pay their bills and lives with their parents.”
“Yeah, no.” She rolled her eyes. “Let me go find some gainful employment ASAP.”
“Yeah you do that but I’ll call you later. We’re about to head out.”
“Wait, what time are you coming tonight?”
“Coming to what?” I frowned at the same time Grand looked up from his phone.
“Dad’s birthday dinner. It’s tonight.”
“Shit. I forgot. Seven, right?”
“Yep and bring your man.” She smiled smugly. “I already promised Dad he was coming with you.”
“How the hell you making promises on our behalf?”
“Because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t bring him. Love you, see you tonight, and put my name on whatever you got him. You know I’m between blessings right now.” She blew me a kiss and ended the call.
“I’m keeping Raiden this weekend?—”
“I know. You don’t have to?—”
“You wanna let me finish?” His expression was neutral but his posture was still relaxed.
“Yes.”
“I was gonna say I can’t bail on him. But if you want me there and Tali isn’t busy tonight, he can chill here with Raidy while we pull up. It’s just dinner, right?”
I smiled so damn big. “Yes, just dinner. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure about you which by default means everything attached to you. If you’re cool with me meeting your parents, then I’m down. It’s going to happen regardless so I might as well take that shit on the chin now and get it out the way.”
I rolled my eyes, dropped my phone, and climbed into his lap. Once my arms were resting on his shoulders, I leaned closer and brushed my lips over his. “You’re assuming it will be bad.”
“I’m assuming your parents have standards for you which I might not meet. Not that I fucking care, because I told you, I’m in this regardless. But it works a lot better with their blessing. I never want your love to be divided.”
“My love?”
The warmth of his palm met the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. The glorious feel of his mouth was addictive but the dominance of his tongue branding me, claiming me, was a warning of how much trouble I was in with this man.
“I’m going to make you love me, Saniya. I want you to fall so fucking hard that the fear of landing terrifies you. But you won’t get hurt because I’ll be there to catch you. So yeah, your love. You’re gonna give me that and I’m going to give you mine.”
“Promises, promises,” I teased.
“I’ll never break them with my son and I’ll never break them with you.”
“Now get dressed so we can head out. I’ll call Tali to see if he can keep Raiden later.”
I went to climb off his lap but his arm eased behind my back and his hand gripped my neck once more, bringing me into a kiss, then he let me go. “Aight, you can go now.”
I rolled my eyes, feeling a warmth pushing throughout my entire body. It wouldn’t take much to make me fall, I was already on a slow descent.
“Daddy, you want me to show you?” I sputtered a laugh at the look Grand shot his son. The innocence in his question didn’t soften the blow. We were on our eighth hole of mini-golf and Grand was in last place. Raiden was kicking both of our asses but at least I wasn’t far behind him.
“I’m good, man.”
Raiden bounced on his toes beside his father with a huge smile on his face. I stood behind them, shaking my head, already knowing how this would end. The course was for kids which meant Grand’s six-one height and wide frame didn’t fit. The clubs were too short and small for his hands and height so he was struggling to make it work, which was why he was doing so terribly. Well that and the fact that he was swinging the miniature club like he was on a full green with eighteen holes and not kid-sized turf.
He lost more balls than I could keep count of and I feared for the other families on the courses.
“Raiden, why don’t you come back here to give your dad some space.”
The deadly glare from Grand that shifted my way had me fighting to hold in another laugh but Raiden came right to me and I gently pulled him back, resting my hands on his shoulders. We both watched in amusement while Grand lined his club up with the ball then swung with more force than necessary. The ball shot into the air and we were all temporarily hopeful because it was perfectly aligned with the windmill it was approaching but then took a last-minute shift and curved left. It landed in the blue-tinted water.
“What the fuck…” he mumbled and Raiden pushed away from me and hurried to his father. He slipped his hand into Grand’s and smiled proudly.
“You tried your best. It’s okay if you’re not good at golf.”
Oh my heart.
This kid was the sweetest.
Grand kneeled so he was eye level with his son. “’Preciate that man.”
Raiden hugged him. “You’re still the best dad, even if you can’t play golf.”
I snickered and Grand cut a glare my way but smiled. “Alright, what’s next?” Grand looked at his watch. “We can do one more thing before we have to head out. Tali is going to meet us at the house and bring pizza for you guys for dinner.”
The smile that split Raiden’s face was contagious. I almost felt bad about taking time away from Raiden but Tali promising to bring his henna pens to give him tattoos trumped any plans we could have pulled together for the night.
“Can you call him to make sure he brings his tattoo stuff?”
“I got you.”
While Grand collected our clubs so we could return them before heading inside, Raiden slipped his hand into mine as soon as we were moving. The gesture warmed my heart each time he did this. The offering was simple but a grand gesture that solidified his acceptance of me in his life. Multiple times throughout the day, I could see Grand watching me with Raiden and it made me uncomfortable, like he was trying to decide if me being around him was something he could accept. I understood. This was his son, his world. I wouldn’t dare take it personally.
“I can get whatever tattoos I want?”
As Raiden skipped along beside me, chatting away like we were the best of friends, I felt eyes on me. When I peeked at Grand, he briefly dropped his eyes to where Raiden’s hand connected to mine and winked before continuing the conversation.
“But just your arms, aight. I don’t want to come home to find out your entire body is inked.”
“You have them all over.” Raiden’s brows pinched and Grand chuckled.
“When you’re my age, you can get as many as you want but for now, just your arms, deal?”
“Deal,” he sang enthusiastically as if Grand had just promised him the world.
After we returned our clubs, we headed inside where Raiden did indoor racing. He managed that one alone because the kid-sized vehicles weren’t large enough to accommodate Grand and me. We watched from the sidelines, completely entertained by Raiden’s ambitions on the small indoor track.
Grand stood behind me, caging my body with his while his hands rested on the railing. The moment was serene but still weighted because the silence was loud. His thoughts were so heavy I could literally feel them. I was starting to think he changed his mind about later but didn’t want to tell me until he released a statement so quiet I almost missed it.
“I never wanted kids.”
I lifted my chin and tilted my head back to find him watching Raiden. I sensed the conflict by the look on his face, which had me turning my back to the railing and fisting his shirt to bring him closer. He lowered his eyes and exhaled a sigh.
“I know that sounds fucked up but it’s true. I never saw my life with suburban shit but the minute Aleah told me she was pregnant, every-fucking-thing in my world shifted.”
He glanced at Raiden then lowered his eyes to meet mine again. “I wanted him so damn bad I couldn’t process or understand that need. I wanted our kid. Hers and mine.”
I remained quiet because I wasn’t sure how to react but I felt his need to get this off his chest so I didn’t interrupt.
“Then I lost her. I went to prison because of it and didn’t have either one of them. For five fucking years, I wanted Aleah and our son, knowing that it wouldn’t happen. When I came home, she wasn’t going to be there waiting, but he was, and once again my entire fucking world shifted.”
His expression darkened.
“The only thing I could think about was loving him enough to make up for what he lost. No matter how many times people told me that shit wasn’t possible; I was determined to prove them wrong. I didn’t care about anything other than making shit right with Raiden… until I met you.”
Intense eyes met mine and the muscles in my chest tightened. “I didn’t want this either. I felt like I had my one chance and fucked it up. It didn’t feel fair to be happy but shit is funny like that. No matter what you think you want, need, or deserve, the universe will throw that shit on pause and put you right in the middle of something you never expected or believed possible.
“I don’t know what I deserve but I know what I want. I want to give him brothers and sisters. I want him to be loved the way he would have if I hadn’t fucked that up. I know this may seem random as hell but it’s not. I’ve been thinking about all this since I realized my world shifted again because of you . Whatever we are, whatever we’re gonna be, I want it, Saniya. Even if there are days when I don’t feel like I deserve this, I still fucking want it.”
He lowered his forehead to mine for a brief moment, then kissed me softly. “I want it, Saniya. All of it.”
“Daddy…” Raiden ran full speed and collided with Grand. “Did you see me? I beat all of them.”
“Yeah man, I saw you.”
“Was I fast?”
“You were the fastest one out there. Do you want to see? I have a video.”
“Yes, let me see.” He pushed away from Grand when I held up my phone. He bounced in place until I pulled up the clips and his smile was beautiful. “Can I show this to my nana?”
“I’ll send it to your dad so he can share it.”
“I can watch it on my iPad too.”
He handed my phone back, and for the millionth time today, he slid his palm into mine. When my eyes lifted to his father’s, I communicated the same message he confirmed with me. “I want this too.”