20. Nicki
Vitorio is screaming at me to get away, but I am standing blindly frozen in place. I want to help him. I can't just leave him. Panic surges through me. What do I do? Do I grab Luca's gun and shoot him? I start searching around my feet, trying to see where it landed. All that matters is helping Vitorio right now.
Suddenly I feel hands grabbing me and yanking me off my feet.
"Run Nicki," Danny yells at me. "We have to go, now." I stare blankly at him.
He shakes me. "Nicki." He screams into my face.
"Danny."
"Run."
He grabs my arm and pulls me to follow him. I have no choice.
Then I am running, and I hear the shouts and curses of Luca and Vitorio as their fight continues behind us.
Danny drags me through a maze of warehouses and crates until we reach his car. He screams at me to get inside, and I pull the door open, leaping into the passenger seat as the engine revs to life and the wheels start spinning and kicking loose gravel up from behind us.
I feel completely numb with shock. Now that I am away from that crazy situation, my brain wants to start processing it, but my body is not allowing it to happen.
The car shakes along the dirt road, over the bumpy terrain.
My fingers grip the inside door handle so tightly that my knuckles are turning white. My body is so tense I can't even bring myself to release my breath.
Only when we are away from the warehouses, and on a main highway do I pry my fingers loose from the door handle. They are still hurting from the time I spent in the freezer. My entire body is aching. All of a sudden though, all I can feel is rage.
"Why did we leave him?" I shout at Danny.
"We had to." He replies calmly. "He wanted you safe, and I wanted you safe."
"But we left him alone," I complain weakly.
"He is perfectly capable of looking out for himself against his own brother." Danny is still speaking so calmly that his tone is forcing me to take a deep breath.
I close my eyes for a second, trying to push the panic away so that I can think clearly.
"What were you doing there?" I shake my head. "Why didn't you help us sooner?"
"Vitorio wouldn't let me go with him. But after he left, I couldn't handle it. I hacked his phone from the precinct, got the location from the message you sent him and then I came to help. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I should never have let him go without me in the first place."
Danny's face is tight with guilt. His jaw muscle is feathering as he bites down and releases over and over again. I can see he feels terrible about how things went down.
Suddenly I am not worried about myself. I just want to make sure Danny is ok. He did save my life after all.
I reach out and touch his arm.
"Thank you, Danny," I say gently, realizing that he is as tense as I am.
He is not the one I should be angry with. Luca is.
Luca is a fucking monster, and tonight he let us see exactly what he is capable of.
For all I know, he would have left me to freeze to death in that fridge. I felt like I was only minutes from dying when Vitorio arrived. I couldn't even move my body properly.
"Thank you for saving me," I say again because Danny needs to know how grateful I am.
"Of course, Nicki. I would save you again, every time. Like I said though, I am just sorry I didn't get there sooner."
Danny drives without stopping until the sky is dark black and full of stars. We haven't spoken in ages, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I don't even know what to say anyway. Images of what happened today are flashing through my mind and I keep going through different emotions. Anger, fear, disgust.
I am worried, sick to my stomach, about leaving Vitorio behind. I don't know what happened to him. There is no way for me to find out if he is alive or not.
Tears sting the back of my eyes as I realize that the chances of him surviving are really slim. If it was a fight between Luca and Vitorio and no one else, I wouldn't feel that way, but his brother still had more guys inside, and Vitorio was outnumbered.
Also, while Luca was more than willing to kill Vitorio, I doubt Vitorio would have been able to take his brother out as easily.
He actually cares about his brother. Luca, on the other hand, doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself.
Danny pulls down a street unfamiliar to me, and parks in the garage of a house in a neighborhood I don't recognize.
"Where are we?" I ask with tiredness in my voice.
"A safe house. Come on. I'll make us something to eat. A cup of coffee. I don't know. Let's just get inside."
I climb out of the car and follow Danny into the safe house. It smells empty, as though no one has been in here for a while. The coldness of the place says it is void of human existence.
"When was the last time someone stayed here?" I ask, running my fingers over the polished kitchen counter.
"I can't say for sure. But they keep it ready for emergencies like this one."
"Does anyone know we are here?"
"I used my badge number to book the house, but you don't have to say who is staying there, for their own safety."
Danny walks around flicking lights on and checking each room.
I stand in the center of the living room, feeling lost, and out of place. I feel as though I have been on the run forever - like I have been in too many 'safe' places lately, hiding for my life. It's never felt this bad before though.
Maybe it's because of what I went through today, but honestly, I think the problem is that I am here without Vitorio. He is my safe place. He is the one who holds my heart and makes me feel like no one could get to me.
"Hey, are you ok?" Danny runs his hand gently down my back. I snap back to reality.
"Um. Yes. I'm fine." I say quickly.
"I put the kettle on. Do you want to hop in the shower and freshen up? There will be clothes in the closet you can change into." He wrinkles his nose, glancing over me.
I look down at my clothing, still stained from the decay in the trunk of the car they threw me into. My clothes reek, I know, but I have been a little too preoccupied to worry about it.
"A shower will be good and a fire to toss these clothes into afterward."
Danny chuckles. "I think my passenger seat in my car is going to need to be burned as well."
I smile faintly, hardly in the mood to laugh at his attempt at humor.
I remember that Vitorio tries to use humor to ease tense situations, and then suddenly I am smiling. I glance at Danny, who grins back at me. I don't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't actually smiling at his joke.
"I won't be long," I say, heading through the house towards the bathroom.
"Take your time sweetheart. I'll get started on some food."
I frown slightly at the idea of Danny calling me sweetheart. Luca called me sweetheart today. I guess that is why it bothers me. Just a reflection of the creepy feeling Luca gave me. I might never be able to hear the word sweetheart again without cringing.
In the bathroom I peel off the grimy layers of clothing I am wearing and toss them into the empty bathtub. The smell seems to get worse as I shake them off, moving them around too much. If I leave them in the tub the entire bathroom is going to smell just as bad.
I look around, wondering how to sort it out. I grab the bin and pull the empty lining out of it - so that I can use it to shove my clothes into. Then I tie the bag closed tightly, and nod, satisfied that I can dispose of them more easily now. I push the bathroom window as wide open as the window bars will allow and a cool breeze rushes in.
I stand naked in the cold tiled room and turn the shower on, waiting for the hot water to get warm enough, while I jump from foot to foot trying to get warm. Then I chuckle. A dark, sad sort of laugh. Just a few hours ago I was in a literal freezer. How can I even think that this is cold?
I step under the shower which isn't even close to warm yet, and a shiver runs down my spine.
I don't care. I let the coldness splash over me, as I whisper into the water. "Thank you." Because I am still alive. Somehow, even though I came so close to death today, I am still alive.
When the water does heat up the feeling is so incredible that I stand under the shower for ages. I soap my body over and over again, scrubbing furiously to try and dispel the gross scent of decay which I think has crept into my nostrils. I wash my hair three times, and finally, when my skin is glowing red from the exfoliation and the heat, I switch off the shower and climb out to dry myself off.
My thoughts are back on Vitorio. Where is he right now? What is he thinking?
I wish I could speak to him. He basically sacrificed himself so that I could get away. He risked his life for me.
While I am drying off, I take a moment to think about the rather life-changing thing that I realized today. At that moment when Luca was asking me to choose - I looked at Vitorio and I just knew - I knew, without a doubt, that I was undeniably in love with him.
Even now, my heart starts racing at the thought.
But what if I realized this too late… what if I missed my chance to tell him how I really feel?
I sigh and wrap the towel tightly around my body. I reach out and wipe the mist off the glass, looking at my reflection in the mirror.
"He's ok. He has to be ok." I whisper.
Stepping out of the bathroom wrapped in the oversized towel I call down the hallway to Danny. "Where can I find some clothes?"
I hear some kitchen noises and then he is walking towards me with a smile on his face while he wipes his hands on a dishtowel which is slung over his shoulder.
"Come on, I'll show you."
His hand brushes over my back as he walks past me, turning my body in the direction he wants me to walk in.
He leads me into a bedroom with tall cabinets covering one wall.
"I'm guessing you want something comfy. Sweatpants?"
"Yes please."
"You look - mm - maybe a small?" his eyes glance up and down my body. I feel my cheeks flush slightly at the blatant way he is looking at me. He is just trying to guess my size though, that is all.
"Small, or medium will be fine. I don't mind if it's a little baggy. It'll be more comfortable like that."
After browsing the cabinets for a short while he pulls out a pair of white sweatpants and a white tank top.
"Um. Perhaps a different top?" I say eyeing the thin material, knowing that I just threw my bra away with the rest of the smelly clothing I had on.
He pulls out a grey cropped tee shirt, offering it to me with a shrug.
"Yup, that's good. Thanks."
"There are also a few warm tracksuit tops in here, I'll let you choose that as there are too many styles for me to know what you want. And for tomorrow you can find some jeans or something. Help yourself to whatever you need."
Danny turns to look at me. I stand awkwardly for a moment, gripping the clothing against my body, and smiling tightly.
"Oh, right. Privacy." He chuckles, and rushes out, yelling down the hall. "Dinner in five minutes."
I don't know if it is just my imagination or if he is acting weird. I guess we all had a strange day, and he is just trying to help. I also know I'm feeling really overwhelmed and stressed, so he must be feeling the same. I mean we almost died today, more than once.
When I am dressed, adding a pink hoodie to the mix, I feel cozy beneath the layers of warm fabric.
I walk through to the kitchen and find it empty, so I make my way to the dining room, where Danny has set up the table for our dinner.
I pause in the doorway.
I bite my lower lip, pulling my mouth to the side. I don't want to read into this.
"I wanted to make a soothing environment." He smiles awkwardly, as my eyes roam around the room which is flickering with the warm light of about six candles. "We've had a pretty crazy day, and candles always make me feel more relaxed. I just assumed they would make you feel more relaxed too."
I nod, smiling politely. "They are pretty."
Taking a seat, Danny hands me a giant spoon so that I can dish up some spaghetti sauce and pasta onto my plate.
"This looks great, Danny. Thanks for making us some food."
We eat quietly, with Danny glancing over towards me quite often. I feel bad for not talking to him, but I am so lost in my head about things today and I am too tired to try and hold a proper conversation.
After dinner, I pick up my plate to help clear the dishes away. Danny rushes over to my side of the table. "Don't do that. I'll sort it out." He steps so close to me that I can feel the warmth from his body.
Danny's face is inches from mine when I look up. He doesn't move away. He takes the plate out of my hand and places it back on the table. "You just need rest sweetheart." He says, as his hand brushes across my chin.
My body feels awkward and frozen.
"Danny…" I say, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but sensing what he wants to do. Before I can finish saying anything, his lips press into mine. I don't respond, so he wraps his fingers around my jaw and holds me in place, kissing me deeper than before. I put my hands against his chest and push hard, trying to lean away from his grip.
He is the second man to kiss me today without me wanting it.
It takes a moment for him to register and step away from me. I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Nicki, I am so sorry, oh my gosh, I have no idea what came over me. I am so sorry."
He looks devastated and as though he might literally die from embarrassment.
My heart breaks for him.
"Danny, it's ok; it's just that - you know what - it's been a long day, and I don't think we should worry about it at all. I am going to head to bed now. Honestly, don't even think about it. I'll see you in the morning."
He nods, and I notice a dark quietness about his eyes that I have never seen before, a reserved sense of anger or disappointment perhaps. He must be embarrassed.
I turn away from him and very quickly dash out of the room towards one of the bedrooms.
I shut the door and with my hand resting on the handle for a moment, sensing a brief hesitation, I decide to lock it. I feel terrible that I made him feel that way. I don't know if maybe I led him on without realizing it or I just don't see him like that. I always thought he was like my older brother.
Even locking the door now, it feels over the top. But today has been too much, and I won't be able to sleep properly unless I know I am safe in here.
Flopping down onto the bed, I groan in frustration. That was so awkward. I had no idea he even felt that way about me. He's never given me any indication of that. And I thought he was fully aware that I was with Vitorio. I thought it was obvious.
I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling.
I need to get my mind off it. So, I reach out and drag my handbag towards me. Thankfully Danny had it in his car after the secret meeting we arranged with Sasha, and he brought it here for me.
I pull out the folder of documents I found a while ago in the Vitali warehouse, more specifically, the piece of paper detailing the bounty that was placed on my father's head.
I stare at the signature at the bottom. Vitali.
Was it Luca?
Was it their father, Diego? It was in his office, so at the least, he must have known about it. But did he find out before or after it was signed by whoever signed it?
I lay the bounty on my chest, with my hand resting over it, and close my eyes, trying to piece together every bit of information we have discovered along the way.
I fall asleep without realizing it, and dream of Vitorio. I keep calling his name, trying to find him, but he is a shadowy figure just beyond my reach and no matter which way I turn, I never seem to be able to get to him.
In the morning, I wake up with the bounty document lying on the floor next to the bed and my legs tangled around the blankets as though I have been tossing and turning all night.
I feel like crap. I feel like I have both overslept and underslept and the result is that I am groggy, and my face feels puffy.
Unlocking the bedroom door, I wander barefoot to the kitchen in search of coffee.
Danny is up and making breakfast. He smiles awkwardly when he sees me.
"Nicki - you're up. Did you sleep well? Listen, I am so sorry about last night. I had a glass of wine while you were in the shower, and I never really have wine and I am just really sorry about it."
I hold up my hand. I am not even awake yet and I can't think straight.
"Dan, seriously, don't even think about it. It's totally fine. Is that coffee freshly brewed? It smells like exactly what I need in my life right now." He chuckles.
"It is. I just had a cup." He moves quickly around the kitchen, using the process of making a cup of coffee to hide his awkwardness.
"I was looking at the bounty document last night," I mumble, sipping my coffee and hoping that it is going to be the magical elixir that pulls me into the day.
"Yes, the one you sent me a copy of. What about it?"
"Do you think Diego is the one who signed it?"
He turns to face me, tapping the spatula thoughtfully against his hand. "We looked into him at the time of your father's disappearance. Several messages between your father and Diego caught our eye. They weren't outright suspicious, but enough to warrant a deeper look. He was one of our suspects."
"But you never found anything solid?"
"It doesn't mean there isn't something solid out there to find still."
He turns his attention back to the pan to flip the eggs.
I look down at my coffee. Thinking about what I know about Diego Vitali.
Very little.
Vitorio speaks very highly of his father, but then again, he also defended his brother. Maybe his father was not the man he thinks he is. Maybe Diego was hiding a huge part of his life from his son. Vitorio didn't even know his dad was dating again after his mother's death. He didn't know he was seeing Sasha. There could be a lot more he was hiding.
Danny scoops the fried eggs onto two pieces of toast he has already set up on white plates on the counter. "Do you want any kind of sauce?" He asks.
"Sure, some tobacco if there is any."
We carry our plates through to the dining room. Danny has packed away all the candles from last night and the place looks clean and less intimidating. I slide into my seat and continue to ask Danny about Diego and what they found out about him.
Unfortunately, apart from any suspicions, they really didn't have anything to shed light on whether or not he was the one who signed the bounty documents.