UNTAMED

13. Rosie

Another week passes without a call from my mom. I’m desperate to hear her voice. I miss her so much that my chest aches. She’s texted me back periodically, but nothing substantial enough to ease my anxiety. Her coping mechanisms have never been healthy, but as an adult, I’ve grown to realize just how toxic they truly are. Drinking heavily every day and taking off with no warning or communication isn’t the way most mothers act.

Ever since having lunch with my dad, followed by my confrontation with Holden, I’ve been more than a little on edge. I finally sat down with my dusty laptop and started looking into nursing school again. School has been on the back burner for a while now, but after coming dangerously close to losing my job and the inescapable tension that remains, I’ve realized that my days at Redford Ranch are clearly numbered. I sent out a request for my transcripts and a few emails to school financial aid offices, trying to get it sorted out and begin the process.

“What’s on your mind? You’ve been acting weird for days.” Dolly sets four plastic boxes of organic strawberries inside the grocery cart.

She’s been making homemade strawberry ice cream for Holden every few days since he’s been home. She makes a huge batch of it so that he has enough stocked away in the freezer for his nightly bowl, banishing the other guys from touching it.

“You ever think you and Holden are a little too close?” I change the subject, not wanting to dive into anything that’s on my mind.

Dolly shrugs. “He killed a man and went to prison to protect me. Homemade ice cream is the least I can do to repay him.”

They were always close, but the incident with Cain amplified their bond tenfold.

A bite of guilt gnaws at my side. I’ve been letting my personal issues with Holden interfere with my friendship with Dolly when I should be happy that she finally has her older brother back.

“I just wish he didn’t have it out for me. It’s making for a toxic work environment.”

Dolly sorts through a pile of bright green limes, meticulously inspecting each one before selecting the ones she wants. We’ve made our weekly shopping hauls into a ritual, always stopping for a croissant at the bakery and white chocolate lattes with almond milk at the in-store coffee shop. I sip on mine slowly, savoring each taste after the long week I’ve had.

“He’s being protective. I told you, he just needs time to get used to you being around. He’s naturally suspicious, and who knows if he’s still mentally operating on a prisoner’s social hierarchy? I’ve been reading this book about helping loved ones adjust back to civilian life. The trauma that ex-cons survived in prison is something they might never talk about. We can’t know what he’s seen or endured. Have you noticed how enormous his shoulders have gotten? He probably had to fight to protect himself.” She shudders.

Yeah, I haven’t stopped noticing how big and muscular his shoulders are … as well as how vascular his hands are and how defined and toned his abs, back muscles?—

“You know what I think would help?” She interrupts my corrupt thoughts, causing my cheeks to flush, as if she could hear what was going through my head. She directs a meaningful look at me. “I think you and Duke should really just try going out again. If you started dating him again, Holden would have no choice but to?—”

I hold a hand up. “We aren’t like that anymore. I really don’t see Duke that way. Plus, I thought you were done with any friends who hang around just to sleep with your brothers?”

There’s an endless list of friends Dolly’s lost after they ended up in one or another of her brother’s beds. She always feels used, and usually, she’s right. The friendships were a farce from the start.

She waves me off, setting the huge bag of limes inside the cart and moving over to the lemons. “I lost friends because they only wanted to talk to me to get close to one of the guys. You’re different. You’ve already dated one. And we’ve been friends since first grade. You didn’t even know I had four older brothers back then. I’ve decided I want you to be my sister. I’ve caught Duke looking at you longingly a few times lately. I don’t think he’s over it at all. What y’all had before was high school; it was immature. You’ve both grown up a lot.”

I push the cart forward as we make our way through the produce. She’s romanticized the idea of us in her head so much now that I don’t know how she’ll ever let it go. She’s never liked any other guy I’ve ever dated, which is hardly anyone. My dating track record is almost as sad as hers.

After changing the subject and chatting about what our recipe plans are for the week, Dolly stops right in her tracks in the middle of the cracker aisle. I nearly run into her with the basket.

“Was it the sex? Is that it?” she says.

I freeze. “Huh?”

She spins around. “I know we’ve never talked about it because he’s my brother and it would be weird as hell, but was he, like, bad in bed? Is that why?”

“Shh,” I shush her, looking around. “You are talking so loud right now.”

“Well, was that it?” she insists. “You told me you only made out with Trevor, and you let Cody suck on your boobs, right? So, the only guy you’ve had sex with is Duke.”

I open my mouth, shutting it and pursing my lips before finally speaking. “Duke and I never did … it.”

She stares at me, jaw slightly ajar. “All this time, I thought I was the only virgin between us. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I bite my lip. After Holden’s arrest, Duke and I stayed together for a while, but I was too shaken up about the entire thing. We finally broke up, and Dolly and I quit speaking. Once she and I finally worked our issues out and became friends again, I only told her about the guys and experiences I’d had since. None of them were memorable.

“I’m sorry.” I shrug. “It wasn’t exactly a secret or anything. We did fool around, and he took my top off and sucked on my nipples. That’s where it stopped.”

She nods, turning to select a box of crackers from the shelf. “Well, I’m pretty sure he hooked up with Shayley Brown a few times after the breakup. She said they did anyway. I haven’t asked him.”

She turns and studies me, gauging my reaction. I laugh, tightening my thick, low ponytail.

“I am not bothered by it, okay? I’m sorry, but there’s just nothing there anymore. And if he is bad in bed, I’d have no earthly idea or anything to even compare it to. I’m not exactly saving myself, but you know better than anyone how shallow and smelly the dating pool is around here.”

She groans. “Ugh, tell me about it. I haven’t even had a crush on anyone in ages. We should see if we can start getting a say in the next ranch hands they hire and only let the hot ones through.”

I laugh. “Yes, excellent idea. They’re always picking the ones that are missing teeth or have horrible breath.”

“Who’s missing teeth and has horrible breath?”

We both turn to face the voice, which happens to be Madi, flanked by Ginny and Shayley. They were one grade above me and Dolly.

Ginny and I were acquaintances in high school, but we’ve only stayed in contact since then by occasionally replying to each other’s stories on social media. Shayley and Madi have always been close, bonded by their mutual obsession with dating and sleeping with the Redford brothers. I guess, now, they’ve both accomplished it.

I wonder how long they’ve been standing there, listening to us talk.

Did they hear the details about my lack of sexual experience?

I’m not embarrassed about being a twenty-one-year-old virgin, but I’m also not keen on everyone in our town knowing my business.

“Uh, the guys they always hire to work on the ranch,” I offer.

I doubt Dolly will entertain a conversation with Madi after finding out she was faking her entire relationship with Holden. It was a fucked-up thing to do, and as her best friend, I’m definitely on Dolly’s side. I’ve never liked Madi.

“I heard you were planning a welcome-home party for Holden,” Ginny says.

An awkward silence follows her words. I grind my teeth for a moment before shaking my head.

“Not really. He doesn’t want a bunch of strangers in the house,” I offer.

It’s the truth. Holden probably wouldn’t even show up if we tried to throw him one. He hasn’t hung around the house much the past few days, and I have no idea if he’s off meeting women in bars, working the ranch, or simply enjoying his freedom in various nefarious ways. My father’s words about the criminal relationships he built in prison floats through my thoughts.

“Well, if you change your mind and decide to, we’d love to help host,” Ginny says. “I feel like a lot of people really missed him.”

“They used to have awesome parties out there.” Shayley speaks for the first time.

I stare at her, wondering if that was one of the times she hooked up with Duke. He and Sterling were usually the ones having friends over to drink. Dolly and I were never allowed to join in because we were underage.

The conversation is growing more awkward as Dolly stares down Madi, neither of them speaking. I start to slowly push the cart in the direction of the dairy aisle.

“We got some frozen food that’s starting to melt, so … we’ll see y’all later.”

Ginny and Shayley both nod, but Madi huffs and spins around on her heel without a word.

Back on the ranch,I’m working at the kitchen island to chop an onion. My eyes water more with each slice of the knife. It’s Friday, but I won’t take my bra off until after dinner, when the guys have scattered and Dolly and I have the living room to ourselves, even though the underwire is digging into me. I need to get rid of this bra. It doesn’t fit anymore.

“What’s cookin’, good-lookin’?” Duke struts into the kitchen, followed by Cash, Sterling, and Holden.

My eyes dart up to meet the dark eyes of all of them, one after the other, skipping over Holden. My breath is temporarily shallow in my lungs as I’m struck by the sheer overall hotness they exude when they’re in a pack like this, fresh from working the ranch. It’s almost too much for my hormones to cope with.

I must be ovulating.

They’re filthy from working bulls and cows all day, slightly smelly but still incredibly attractive. There’s something about dirty, hardworking blue-collar men that makes my eggs slide down my tubes like they’re riding on a pat of butter.

Duke slides right up behind me, reaching his arms around my waist. It’s overly familiar and unlike him, and my body tenses.

“How do I smell?” he asks.

“Ugh, disgusting. Get off me.” I try to shrug him off.

He chuckles, leaning closer to whisper in my ear, “Wanna help me wash off?”

I turn to gape at him, wondering if he hit his head when he got bucked off the last time. He winks, and I realize he’s playing some kind of game with me. My eyes flick to Holden’s for a split second, seeing that they’re focused on the place where Duke’s arm is around my waist. His jaw is tense, but the rest of him looks relaxed and uninterested in us.

“Um, I have to watch the venison steaks or they’ll burn.”

He moves closer, his breath on my ear, “Dolls thinks this will get Holden off your ass. Trust me.”

He reaches a hand down, gently patting my ass before pecking my cheek with a kiss. If I wasn’t leaning up against the cabinets, I’d have fallen over when he moved away from me.

“Damn, do I need a cold beer. You boys want one?” he hollers back as he walks into the hallway, where there’s an extra fridge to store cold beverages.

“I’ll take one,” Cash says.

“I’m gonna shower first,” Sterling replies, walking out the back door toward the bunkhouse, where he and Cash sleep. Duke, Dolly, and Holden stay in the main house with Pops.

Holden is the only one who doesn’t answer the question. I resist the urge to glance back at him.

“Y’all smell awful! Everyone has to shower before dinner!” Dolly announces when she returns to the kitchen.

I nod in agreement. “Please.”

Duke returns with two beers, handing one to Cash before popping his open and leaning up against the counter next to me. He’s smirking, bright blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

“So, after your little display at Old Harry’s, I’ve been getting texts and DMs, asking if we’re together or if you’re up for grabs. I wasn’t really sure what I should say.”

My hand stills over the cast-iron skillet. I chew on the side of my lip, debating my response in light of our present company. Small-town rumors are rampant, and it seems since my employment here, people aren’t sure what to make of my relationship with Duke. I never date anyone.

Would it make Holden more accepting of me if it looked like I was dating Duke again?

“Hmm, what did you want to say?” I say, leaning closer toward him.

Duke tries to hold in a laugh, tipping his beer back over his lips. I lick my thumb before reaching up to wipe off a smudge of dirt from his cheek. A shuffling sound from behind us draws my gaze. Holden disappears into the pantry, returning a moment later with a bottle of Gentleman Jack, pouring himself a generous amount into a glass. He lifts it to his lips, his gaze focused out the window over the kitchen sink.

“You two need to chill with that PDA. I’ll have to wash my eyes out with soap,” Cash grumbles.

Dolly laughs from the other side of the kitchen, where she’s slicing the tops off strawberries. “Are you ditching me on braless Friday, Rosie? For my brother no less?”

I look over at her with wide eyes.

Are they really that committed to this ruse?

I shrug, turning back to the stove. Maybe this will work. Maybe Holden will get over his hell-bent desire to fire me. Maybe he’ll drop his accusations that I’m spying on him for my father.

“Nah, she’s not ditching you. Not until she’s ready for bed, that is,” Duke says. He brushes my long copper-red hair out of my face, plants a kiss on my cheek, and stalks out of the kitchen and into the living room.