UNTAMED

19. Rosie

Idebated which pajamas to wear tonight for over an hour. I angrily sorted through my drawers in search of something that I could be comfortable and modest in.

At the end of the day, I went with a standard tank top and shorts, covered with black sweats and a hoodie. I planned to remove the hoodie and sweats after Holden fell asleep.

Once I got here, I decided he could go fuck himself. If I’m going to be sleeping here indefinitely for four nights a week, I deserve to be comfortable. Ever since I grew into 32F bras at the age of nineteen, I have been incapable of wearing them to sleep. I physically can’t force myself to do it.

I lie awake in the dark of Holden’s room, listening to his breathing. It seemed to change and grow steady almost immediately after he turned the TV off and we both settled under his covers. I arranged a line of pillows between us in an attempt to keep the no-touching rule in effect.

We can do this without getting caught. This is totally possible. I will make it into nursing school. I will not sleep with him. Even if he begs me, I will not do it.

High school Rosie is somewhere in the universe, doing somersaults right now.

We’re sleeping in Holden’s bed?!

Holden Redford’s fine ass is nearly naked right next to us?!

In mental defense of my own sixteen-year-old self, I remember how every girl in my grade wanted to sleep with Holden. Hell, even just having him look in my direction would’ve felt like an accomplishment.

I cared about Duke for a time. He was truly my first love, my girlhood love. But even when we were together, Holden still had my attention. No matter how hard I tried, my eyes followed him whenever he entered the room.

It wasn’t a crush exactly, more like a rapt fascination. Like seeing a natural disaster on the news and being unable to peel my eyes away or stop running imaginary scenarios through my head.

If I had been there, would I have survived it?

If Holden noticed me, would I survive it?

I love Dolly like a sister and always have, but when I met all her brothers in second grade, Holden was an adult man. It wasn’t until around sixth grade that I started to really crush on him. I thought I had died and gone to heaven … no, hell. Of course, he never even glanced in my direction. The first time I ever remember him really looking at me was the night when I walked in on him getting a blow job, when he later killed my uncle Cain.

Now, here I am, sleeping next to him in his bed for five hundred dollars.

I roll over, stretching my arm across my pillow and curling it around it.

I hope Dolly doesn’t hate me for this if she finds out …

She knows Holden is somehow tortured from his time in prison. He’s been a complete dick to everyone on the ranch. Whatever is going on with him, it would benefit everyone if he could get over it. I don’t want to keep secrets from her, but this situation is bizarre.

No one would believe that we’re just sleeping in here. Is it actually realistic to think we could be doing this innocently?

I can’t risk her freaking out and demanding that I turn down his offer.

At the end of the day, she has her family. Her brothers will always take care of her, no matter what. I’m so grateful that she has that safety net, but the reality is that my situation is not the same.

I’m on my own in this world. And technically, I’m not doing anything wrong.

I wakeup to sunlight pouring in on my face. Once again, a heavy arm is draped over me, holding me in place. My eyes flutter open, taking in the room.

Holden.

I look down, seeing that his muscly, tanned arm is firmly caging me in. Not only that, but the covers have also been pulled down, along with my tank top, revealing a substantial amount of my cleavage. My nipples are barely being contained by the thin straps.

My pulse starts to race as I glance over at him. He’s still knocked out cold, sleeping like a very muscly corpse. I try wiggling free. He doesn’t budge. I try again, moving down the bed as much as I can, but instead of waking up, he pulls me in tighter, like his subconscious knows I’m trying to escape. His body turns to face me more fully, his lower half connecting with mine.

My mind goes black as his hard length comes into contact with my thigh.

Not again …

Not. Again.

Why me?

I close my eyes, willing myself to move and get out of his grasp, not caring whether he wakes or sleeps at this point. When I place my hands on his chest and physically push, his eyes slide open.

He immediately shifts to a point of aggression, pinning me down to the bed as he straddles me, hands around my throat this time.

“I’m starting to think this is just how you say good morning.” I sound winded.

His eyes blink into focus. The pressure around my throat loosens, but the bulge on my upper thigh grows. I whimper internally, resisting the urge to roll my eyes back in my head.

At least he lost the knife.

“I slept all night,” he says it almost like there should be a question mark at the end.

His hands release my neck, and he pulls back, dropping them at his sides with an exhale. His glorious chest and abs are making it hard for me to keep my attention on his face.

“Well, it’s morning time, so … yeah. Do I get a bonus for this part? We said no touching.” I try to control my breathing, but I still sound like I’ve been running.

He’s gonna know I’m into this.

His eyes drift down over me. He freezes, and I begin to feel his dick pulse. I follow his gaze, sucking a breath when I see that one of my nipples has escaped the tank top completely.

His pink tongue darts out to lick his lips. His eyes grow hungry, like he could devour me at any moment. Neither of us dares to move.

The way his pupils dilate as he stares at my chest makes my thighs quiver. I’d give anything to read his mind right now.

One night in, and we’re already here.

Fire, meet gasoline.

His groan is barely audible as he slides off of me and stands up. His dick is sticking straight out proudly inside his boxers, and he doesn’t try to hide it. When he turns to walk toward the bathroom, I see that his broad shoulders and back are marked with jagged scars in sporadic placements, like he received them all at different times.

“Trust me, Dixon, if I chose to touch you, that would be bonus enough.”

“Monroe Blue is playingat nine thirty. I’m so pumped! It’s been so damn long since we’ve gone anywhere!” Dolly drags me through the crowd of concertgoers, aiming for the front of the stage.

“We’re gonna lose Cash and Duke if you don’t slow down.”

She can’t hear me over the noise of the crowd. It’s Friday night, and the venue is packed with people. Dolly is wearing a shimmery bodycon white dress with silver cowboy boots. Her hair is curled and pinned into a messy updo. She’s a big fan of Monroe Blue, and she loves concerts. We spent the entire afternoon getting ready.

I opted for a dark red dress with a thigh slit and a halter top. My hair is in waves around my shoulders. The black cowboy boots are worn out, but with the dirt floor of the outdoor venue, no one will be able to tell. We somehow get all the way to the very front, resting our forearms on the gate separating the stage from the crowd.

“Your boobs look amazing! I bet you’ll get asked for your number at least ten times tonight.” Dolly smiles as she holds up her frozen peach margarita.

I clink our plastic cups together and sip on mine, the mango flavor bursting on my tongue.

“Mmm, that’s so good. You wanna try it?”

We trade cups to try each other’s drinks.

Dolly leans close to talk directly in my ear. “We should try to get rid of Cash and Duke. We’ll never get to flirt with anyone with them hanging around us.”

I glance over at her brothers. Duke is smiling and chatting with two blondes. Cash looks irritated that he even had to come, standing with his feet apart and his arms crossed, as far from other people as possible. He doesn’t like people.

I heard Holden say that Dolly and I needed two guys with us if we were going out. They debated who would come with us and who would go to The Riders event tonight, where some of their newer bulls were being ridden for the first time. I guess Cash got stuck with us.

I don’t know what he’s so worried about. He’s always been overprotective of Dolly, but since the night when Holden killed my uncle Cain, they don’t let her go out alone. She doesn’t fight it. This is the first time I’ve ever even heard her say she wants to get away from them.

“Well, Duke is plenty distracted. Cash is the only one you’re gonna have trouble losing.”

Someone is strumming a guitar up onstage as they prepare the equipment for Monroe Blue. Dolly and I have listened to her music for the last six years, but she’s gained popularity like crazy in the last two. She’s only one year older than us, and her music is a cross between folklore and country. She has a raspy voice, and people say she looks like a country Marilyn Monroe with her short blond hair and sensual, slim figure. She’s one of those women with off-the-charts sex appeal and natural beauty.

“Do you want me to go punch Duke in the face for flirting with those girls? Because I will. You should try to make him jealous.”

I laugh, shaking my head. Our pretend flirting must be convincing, or Dolly is just giving in to her delusions about me and him giving our relationship a second chance.

“Duke and I have an understanding.”

The three nights I’ve spent in Holden’s bed have infiltrated my ability to think logically. I slept there last Friday, then Monday and Wednesday this week. He didn’t say a word to me Wednesday night. When I woke up, the pillow barrier was in place, and he was gone. I had to get dressed and ready in his bathroom, sneak back out his window, and walk through the front door.

There’s a pinch of giddiness in my stomach for tonight. He hasn’t said anything yet, but I’m assuming he wants me to stay over.

Pathetic. That’s what you are.

The fact that I’m looking forward to sleeping in Holden’s bed is something I’ll take to my grave. But for crying out loud, I am only human. Any red-blooded female with eyes, ears, a nose, and any sex drive at all would be jumping to take my place. Hell, they’d probably throw me in front of a moving train to take it.

Even though I know he’s a dangerous criminal, I still don’t have any sense of self-preservation.

“Let’s tell Cash to save our place while we go to the bar and get refills before she starts. That one bartender with the tattoos was hot.”

“You need to get out of the house more.”

She nods emphatically. “Preferably without a male relative trailing after me all the time.”

We start making our way back toward the bar area. When we pass by Cash, Dolly whispers in his ear. His eyes narrow in on her. She gestures to the stage. He finally nods, eyeing me before returning to his bored expression.

“We’re good.” She smiles, grabbing for my hand. “He hates concerts. Hates the crowds. I asked him to save our spot.”

My phone buzzes in my hand. Butterflies sprinkle through my belly as I hope it’s from Holden.

Holden

My bed. Tonight. When will you be home?

I can’t hold back the smile that forms over my lips.

Doesn’t like you. Actively hates your guts. You feel the same!

Holy shit, why does that text look like a special invitation?

Rosie

Whenever I feel like it.

Holden

Have you always been this big of a brat?

I clap my hand over my mouth. Dolly is walking ahead, and we’re almost to the bar. I don’t want her to see that I’m texting and smiling like an idiot. She’ll catch on to me. She’s way too perceptive not to. She’ll ask who it is, and I won’t have an answer.

Rosie

Only when someone acts like I’m at their beck and call.

Holden

Four nights a week is hardly at my beck and call.

Your father is at the ride tonight.

Debating whether or not to ask him if he knows where you’ve been sleeping lately.

My smile fades. Dolly turns around at the perfect moment.

“You want the same mango one?” she asks.

I nod, clicking the button to darken the phone screen. If Holden tells my father that I’ve been sleeping in his bed, my family life will blow up in my face. I have no earthly idea what my father would do, but it wouldn’t be good. I’m not cut off, that I know of, but having sex with Holden Redford would definitely be the end of my inheritance. I don’t know if he would ever speak to me again. Our relationship is beyond complicated, but the idea of it ending forever makes my throat feel like it’s swelling up.

Dolly turns back around with the drinks, handing me mine.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asks, concern pinching her eyebrows together. She grabs my forearm.

I attempt a smile, but she sees straight through it.

Holden and I will never happen. The reality of it just hit me straight between the eyes when his text about telling my father about our arrangement came through. I’d almost thought he was flirting with me before then. I’d almost thought maybe tonight he’d actually look at me like a woman and not the daughter of the man who had pushed for his trial and conviction.

I’d almost thought maybe he’d get over the fact that I’d dated Duke, but it’s all too much. The family rivalry, the fact that he ended my uncle’s life … all of it is way too much for us to overcome.

Telling Dolly about my stupid crush is on the tip of my tongue. A single tear slips out of the corner of my eye. I open my mouth to speak, but a scream tears through the crowd.

We both turn to face the stage, where it came from. A man is on the stage, and he has Monroe Blue on the ground. The scream must’ve come from her. Dolly and I start to run toward the crowd, but we’ll never make it through. She’s fighting back, but it looks like he’s refusing to let her go.

I look around the edge for where her security should be.

Can no one get to her?

Suddenly, another man from the crowd, wearing a cowboy hat, hops over the fence and jumps onto the stage. He reaches the man, jerks his collar back, and punches him hard in the face. It makes the man lose his grip on Monroe. The cowboy tackles him fully to the ground, straddling the guy and landing blow after blow in his face.

Monroe crawls away, her shirt clearly torn.

“Holy shit, that’s Cash!” Dolly screams, running for the stage.