41. Rosie
He still hasn’t said that he loves me.
Holden is carrying me to his king-size bed, muscled shoulders stealing my focus as I try to remain grounded and not melt into his blubbering little sex doll.
He has to say it before I let him fuck me again.
He tenderly lays me on top of the covers, the dim light of the lamp illuminating the space with a romantic orange glow. He uses the towel around me to dry my long, wet hair.
“I’ll sleep in here, but we are not having sex,” I announce.
His dark eyes flicker up to mine as a smile ghosts across his lips. “Okay, angel. Whatever you want.” He leans forward and stamps a kiss on the tip of my nose.
He stands and walks over to his chest of drawers, fishing through one for a few seconds while I admire his rounded ass cheeks.
Be strong! Don’t give in. You got this!
Do I?
I swallow over a lump in my throat as dampness seeps between my thighs. He turns around, and my eyes shift up to his face. If I see his dick, I’ll give in. He pulls on my arm, lifting me up from the pillows to put one of his T-shirts over my head. He dons a pair of formfitting boxers before climbing into bed next to me. His arm wraps around my torso, pulling me up against his chest. The hard length of this erection presses into my ass cheeks. More of my arousal immediately begins to ooze out of me.
I grit my teeth. “I mean it. We’re just sleeping.”
He chuckles into my neck. “Holding you is more than enough for me, but I can’t control my physical reaction to you. I just can’t.”
My chest sputters with his words. I wiggle closer to him, drawing a painful groan from him.
We lie in silence for several minutes before I break it. “Have you even missed me?”
He exhales warm air over the back of my nape as his fingers start to trace over the back of my hands. “I have not stopped thinking about you since the morning they arrested me in Portland.”
I attempt to regulate my inhales so that it doesn’t sound like I just ran a marathon. He waits for me, ever so patiently, to speak.
“Then, why didn’t you text me?” My voice is a whisper as I attempt not to sound completely pathetic.
His fingers grasp my hip bone and squeeze hard as he sighs. “Rosie … I’ve typed out a thousand messages to you. I’ve driven by your father’s house over and over. One night, I nearly broke in, just to speak to you. I had no idea where your head was at. You called him—you called them—to arrest me for your kidnapping. I didn’t know if they’d convinced you I’d done it, that I was the bad guy, or if …” His voice grows weak as he struggles to continue.
Holy shit. He really does care …
“You had every right to doubt me, to question who was telling the truth. Of all people, I promise I get what it means to believe that blood is thicker than water, that family comes first. I should’ve brought you back straightaway. Taking you with me was selfish. I just … couldn’t bear the thought of them hurting you again. I couldn’t let you out of my sight. That was my fault, my wrong. I swear to God, I’ll spend as much time as you’ll let me proving that I’ll never put any sense of?—”
“No,” I interrupt him, grasping his hands to my chest. “You were right. I wasn’t safe with him. You were trying to prove it to me, to get the phone records. I’m sorry I … I didn’t know what to believe then. I trust you. I always have. I believe you. I feel …” I nearly choke on my emotions as the next words leave my lips. “I feel safe with you,” I whisper. “I feel safer here than I do anywhere else. I should’ve tried to explain to you what was going on, why I didn’t come back to you. I was … trying to come to grips with the fact that he really did this, that he was capable of it. All along, you were right. You tried to warn me. You told me that it was his doing and just … I couldn’t face it.”
His grip around me tightens as he peppers kisses around my hairline, his strong legs wrapping around mine.
But he keeps his word and doesn’t touch me sexually, and we both fall into a deep sleep.
I wakeup alone the next morning. I stretch out on the bed, feeling better than I have in as long as I can remember. I inhale a deep lungful of Holden’s scent from his pillow before hopping out of bed.
After showering and putting on makeup, I dress in jeans with a long-sleeved red bodysuit. Dolly and I chatter while drinking coffee, and I can tell she’s internally begging me to tell her what happened last night when I didn’t come to sleep in her room.
“Okay, you might as well spill it. I’m dying over here. Are you and he … together?”
I shrug with a deep sigh. “We both kind of spilled our guts last night. Nothing happened. We just slept. I still feel like after everything, I need some kind of … declaration from him. He’s never said his exact feelings or that he wants to be exclusive or anything. I want to … go on a date. Am I overthinking it?”
She shakes her head vigorously. “You’re not overthinking it at all. He owes you that.”
I purse my lips. “I don’t know if I should stop sleeping in his room until he does or …”
She debates my question. “I think you should. He shouldn’t get the goods without making the commitment.”
I nod, grinning at her. “Now, do you get why I was so insistent that Duke and I were never going to happen?”
Her mouth drops open. “How long have you been crushing on Holden?”
I’m embarrassed to admit it, so I simply look away and mumble, “A while.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “Damn. No wonder Duke and Holden beat the shit out of each other.”
My eyes widen.
She nods, raising her brows. “Yeah, I think they worked it out in their brotherly type of way. Okay, so today, I think we should decorate for Christmas!”
I clap my hands excitedly. “Yes! I need some festivities in my life.”
The holiday is merely two weeks away. I have no idea what I’m going to get everyone or when I’ll even have time to go shopping.
After a few hours of decorating with Christmas music playing over the speakers, someone bursts through the back door.
“Rosie! Rosie, come quick!” Duke’s eyes are wide with excitement.
My heart drops into my stomach as I jump to my feet. “What happened?”
Dolly and I race outside behind him.
“Holden’s being a fucking idiot. You need to talk some sense into him,” he calls over his shoulder as we race toward the barn.
Cold wind bites into my cheeks. Dolly grabs my hand, squeezing it hard as we both run. My blood is rushing loudly in my ears. Tears sting the back of my eyes as we slow to a walk and enter the barn.
“Do it,” I hear Holden say.
Do what?
We finally reach the rest of the guys, right near the stacks of hay bales packed in for the winter months. Cash is holding a glowing hot branding iron. Holden is shirtless, abs and chest glistening with sweat. He’s sitting on the hay bales, his teeth clenching down on a leather strap. I let out a scream when Cash moves closer to him with the branding iron.
Holden’s dark eyes shift to mine before throwing an accusatory glance at Duke.
“Snitch,” he grumbles. “Do it, Cash.”
Cash pushes the glowing red end of the iron right onto Holden’s chest. He groans, clenching down hard on the leather while the sound and smell of sizzling flesh fills the air.
Dolly shrieks, grabbing my arm and hiding behind it. My fingernails dig into my palms as I clench my fists as tight as I can.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” I scream at him, taking a step toward Cash.
Holden’s muscled arms are taut, veins popping out.
After five seconds, Cash finally pulls the iron back. Holden collapses back against the hay, eyes closed and sweat dripping down the center of his chest despite the cold. He spits out the leather strap.
I look at the brand, and my breathing grows shallow. Right over his heart is the letter R, permanently burned into his flesh.
They have a Redford Ranch brand for the cattle with two Rs mirroring each other, and all the brothers have it on their shoulders or chest. This one is just one R.
“Do it again,” Holden pants.
Cash turns and walks away with the iron. “If you insist, brother.”
I slowly approach him. His black cowboy hat is tilted to the side as he lifts his head with a wry smile.
“Hey, angel. How’s your day been?”
I drop to my knees beside him, grabbing his hand as a tear slides down my cheek. He smiles wider at me, lifting my hand up to plant a wet kiss on my knuckles.
“Duke ruined the surprise,” he says, looking down at his chest.
My eyes follow his, seeing blood trickle down from the front point of the R.
“Why is he doing this to you?” I choke out.
He grips my hand tighter as Cash returns with the glowing iron again.
“Because I love you. And since I can’t just tie a rope around your waist and take you everywhere with me, I want everyone to know you’re mine. Forever.”
I suck in a breath, clapping a hand over my gaping mouth. “So, the R is for …”
“Rosie,” he says, leaning back on the hay as his arm and shoulder muscles tighten.
He doesn’t let go of my hand. My pulse is irregular as my mind scrambles for some kind of response to this bizarre situation and his shocking confession. I squeeze him back as Cash steps closer to him.
“Wait! Why is he doing the R again?” I panic, starting to hyperventilate.
“For Redford,” Holden says, replacing the leather between his gritted teeth. “Do it.”
I don’t have time to process his words before Cash stamps the R on his chest, right next to the first one, burning flesh once again filling my nostrils.
RR. He is unhinged … and so fucking hot.
I wince, watching his melted flesh spread away from the iron. Cash finally releases it. Holden collapses back again, spitting out the leather and letting out a loud sigh that’s almost a roar.
“Fuck, that hurt.” He chuckles, gripping my fingers tighter and once again kissing them. His lips are wet, sweat dripping down over him and making his glorious body glisten in the light.
“So, you just … branded yourself with her initials? With your last name?” Dolly asks incredulously, stepping closer to inspect the double R on his chest.
Holden licks his lips, black-brown eyes meeting mine. “Yep.”
“You’re unhinged,” I whisper.
“I am that, but I’m also just very much in love with you.”
“Stop saying that!”
He tilts his head, smirking. “Why?”
“It’s freaking me out.” I shake my hands out, trying to bring feeling back into my fingertips.
I have no idea how to even process what he’s done, branding himself with my initials, the ones he apparently wants me to have.
He laughs, rising up to stand. Shirtless Holden with fitted Wranglers, a black cowboy hat, and a gorgeous smile on his face I’ve rarely ever even seen is nearly enough to knock me over.
He places his hand on the wall of the barn behind me, leaning in close to me, intense gaze on my face. “Listen here, Rosie Dixon. I’m the type of man who doesn’t make big decisions lightly. You burned yourself into my heart long before I did this. I just had it done to the outside now too. You’re it for me.”
I exhale, shaking my head as a smile finally starts to spread over my lips and butterflies flutter in my stomach. “I just … I don’t even know how to process this. You’re a maniac. A big, fucking sexy maniac.”
I reach my fingers up to his chest, careful not to touch the burned flesh, which has already stopped bleeding. I trace around the pink letters, the permanent mark of me on his body.
My chest pounds, swelling with the realization that I’m hopelessly in love with him too and that I have been for longer than I care to admit to myself.
His hand wraps around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him as he dips his head to mine. Our lips meet in a chaste, slow kiss.
“I’m your maniac. No force on this earth will ever change that. They’d have to drag me out in cuffs to keep me away from you.”
“Does this mean you want me to move in? Be your girlfriend?” I bite my lip, looking up at him.
He winks. “Yeah, we can start with girlfriend. Then I’m taking you out to dinner.”
I laugh, shaking my head as happy tears roll down my cheeks. “Okay, cowboy. I guess I’ll be your girlfriend.”
I want to say those three little words back to him since they’ve been on the tip of my tongue all day, but I’m still terrified by the magnitude of what I feel. I look around the barn to see that we’re alone. Everyone must have left while we were in our little love bubble. They even shut the barn doors.
He starts nuzzling my neck, pulling down the sleeve of my bodysuit. I shut my eyes, feeling the sparks of seduction shooting through the surface of my skin everywhere he touches me.
He suddenly dips his head down, arms sliding under the back of my legs and my back in a cupping motion before he sweeps me off of my feet. I yelp in surprise, going airborne. He carries me back over to the spot in the hay where they branded him, the same spot where I walked in on him getting head from another girl almost four years ago.
He sets me down on top of his discarded shirt. His fingers casually start unbuttoning my jeans, and I lift my hips to let him pull them down. He tugs off my booties, kissing the top of my feet. He drags his fingers over my exposed skin, tracing back up to my hips. The air is cold, but he heats me up with every flick of his gaze over me.
My bodysuit is buttoned up between my thighs.
“I like this.” He kisses the mound of my sensitive clit through the fabric.
I groan at the slight pressure, wetness pooling there.
“I like you,” I pant.
“Mmm.” His lips vibrate on me, the sensitivity growing.
He scrapes over the top of me with his teeth before reaching the snap buttons. He unbuttons them with his teeth and fingers, shoving the fabric up. I don’t wear underwear with bodysuits, and he seems to approve of that choice.
Before dipping down to taste me, he reaches his hands up to flip my breasts out of the V-neck, my nipples puckering in the cold. He molds my body how he wants, putting it all on display so he can enjoy me.
He moves back down to my pussy, inhaling deeply before he touches my sensitive skin with a soft kiss on my mound. I press into him, silently begging for more. He swipes one lick over me, drawing a soft gasp from my lips.
“You taste so damn good, angel,” he purrs.
His hands cup my ass, lifting my hips up to his mouth as he starts to feast. His lips wrap around the ball of my clit, sucking it into his mouth and short-circuiting my brain.
“Fuck.” I knock his hat off so my fingers can grip his hair.
He sucks harder, causing stars to float over my head in circles. My eyes roll back in my head, every nerve glowing hot. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t let up until he pushes me into a shattering orgasm. My legs shake before all my muscles tense up with the waves of pleasure washing over my skin.
He gently licks the surface of my wet pussy lips once more before his head rises, a devious smile on his glistening lips. “You did good, angel.”
Fuck, I am so lucky.
“Put it in me,” I demand.
He laughs, wiping the wetness from his mouth with the back of his hand before slowly buttoning me back up.
“I don’t have a condom, so let’s go in the house first.”
I groan, debating just telling him to forget about it and put a baby in me now.
Okay, that was irrational.
“Holden,” Duke’s voice calls from outside the door of the barn.
His head snaps around. “Don’t come in here.”
“Clay Dixon is here,” Duke says.
Blood rushes to my brain, making me feel lightheaded. Holden helps me stand, tucking my breasts back into my shirt before handing me my jeans. He reaches for his shirt, expression cool and grim.
He cups my face. “I’ll handle this.”