Chapter 1
Have you read Before We Fall?
Miranda
I’m going to be sick.
Holding my balled-up hand against my stomach, I read the text that just popped up on Bowie’s computer again and try to convince myself that I’m misunderstanding what I’m looking at.
It doesn’t work. No matter how many times I reread the message, it still says the same thing.
What time do you think you’ll be here? Tucker is working late, so we don’t need to worry about him.
The simple question seems innocent enough, but the photo attached to the message of a beautiful woman with dark hair who’s wearing a red lace nightie proves I haven’t made the wrong assumption.
“Mommy!” Kingston shouts, making me jump, and I slam the laptop closed and watch my beautiful boy with his dark hair and brown eyes—both traits from his father—hop-skip from the living room and into the kitchen. “Can we go outside now?”
“Yeah.” I slid off the stool I pulled out so I could look up a recipe for dinner tonight, not having a clue that doing so would change everything. “Let Mommy get on her shoes.”
“Okay,” he sings, following behind me to the front door.
“How about we walk down to the park?” I suggest, putting on his coat first. It takes me a few tries to get it zipped, because my hands are shaking so badly.
“Yes.” His tiny arms shoot into the air, and I can’t help the smile that curves my lips.
“All right, let’s go.” I open the door after I’ve got my shoes on, and he bounces out ahead of me, then waits for me to lock up before he reaches for my hand.
Holding onto him tightly, I move on autopilot down the sidewalk, past house after house, all of them similar to the one Bowie moved us into just weeks after we found out we were pregnant with Kingston.
Our boy was a surprise gift from our honeymoon in Jamaica and a complete shock to me, because I had been on birth control at the time and was not planning on being a mom.
Or not at that moment in my life anyway.
At that time, I was working at a hair salon as a stylist with a goal of opening my own shop within the next couple of years, but getting pregnant changed that.
For the first five months, I was so sick that I could hardly get out of bed, and for the last four, I was put on bed rest, because my doctors were concerned I would miscarry.
Bowie was great about everything and had no problem stepping up and taking care of us when I could no longer work.
And after we had Kingston, we just decided I would stay home until he started preschool.
And with Bowie’s job as a police officer, he was able to take an extra shift here or there, so we never struggled.
Now, I wonder if it was too much, if the responsibility and stress of him being the sole provider for our family changed the way he felt about me, about us.
With my throat tight, I shove that thought away.
I might not work outside the house, but being a stay-at-home mom is a twenty-four-hour, seven-day-a-week gig.
I do not get time off. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I went to the bathroom on my own, let alone left the house by myself.
And when Bowie does have a day off, I always make sure he never has to worry about Kingston or anything around the house.
Just last weekend, he went out of town with friends to go fishing.
Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he spent the weekend banging another woman while I was home with our son.
Did I miss the signs? How long has it been going on?
Things between us have been… well, if I’m honest, not great.
But that happens, right? The ups and downs in relationships, the times where you feel completely disconnected from your spouse.
I know I’ve been feeling like that for a long time—longer than I’d even like to admit.
I just convinced myself that things would get better when Kingston got a little older and he didn’t need me so much.
“Mommy, can I go on the slide?” Kingston asks, dragging me from my thoughts, and I look around, realizing we’ve already made it the five blocks to the park.
“Yeah, just be careful on the way down.”
“I know,” he groans like he’s had sixteen years of me annoying him with my overprotectiveness and not just three.
I watch him run across the mulch that covers the ground to the jungle gym with a slide attached, then I take a seat on the bench. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I tap the screen and see a message from Bowie letting me know he’s going to be late tonight and not to wait up for him.
Numb, I message him back a quick Okay, when all I really want to do is rage, to tell him I know he’s a liar, to ask how he could do this to us.
He knows that cheating is not something I would ever forgive, not after growing up the way I did.
My childhood was filled with turmoil, heartache, and confusion, watching my mom being cheated on by my dad and her constantly taking him back, knowing he’d just do it again.
That is not the life I want for our son. I do not want him to think that kind of relationship is normal, because it’s not. And I deserve better than a man who would do that to me.
“Mommy, come push me!” Kingston shouts, and I tuck away the pain I’m feeling and head across the mulch, forcing a smile for my baby.
I have a lot of thinking to do. I’m not the only one in this situation, the only one who will be affected. And with me so dependent on Bowie, it’s going to take me some time to leave.
Chapter 2
Miranda
Sitting on my back deck with the baby monitor on the table so I’ll know if Kingston wakes up, I chew the inside of my cheek as my best friend Emma digests what I just showed her on Bowie’s computer.
Which is way more than I saw earlier today.
In fact, there are weeks and weeks of texts back and forth between Bowie and Naomie, the woman he’s been seeing.
For at least the last two months, when Bowie told me he had to work late, he’s been with her.
And last weekend, when he was supposed to be fishing with friends, he was actually at a cabin he must have rented for the two of them to get away.
“That motherfucker,” Emma whispers after a long moment, lifting her pretty green eyes off the computer screen to look at me.
“How fucking stupid is he?” Like any good best friend, her outrage on my behalf doesn’t surprise me.
Just like it didn’t surprise me that she knew something was off when I called her this evening while making dinner, and she told me without hesitation that she was coming over with wine as soon as I got Kingston to sleep.
“I’m guessing he doesn’t realize how stupid he is. He probably doesn’t know that his texts can be read from his computer. Or if he does know, he didn’t think about me using it, because I have my own and wouldn’t normally use his.” I take a sip of the wine.
“Who is Tucker?”
“I have no idea. Her husband or boyfriend, I guess,” My throat gets tight, wondering if he knows or if he’s going to be as blindsided as I was.
“She knows Bowie’s married.”
“I know.” She referred to me more than once, asking if he thought I suspected anything.
She also asked about Kingston like she knew him and cared about his well-being.
What a fricking joke. “As easy as it would be, I refuse to put the blame on her. I’m married to Bowie, not her.
He should have been the one to walk away. ”
“You’re a better person than me.” Her eyes go to the glass sliding door, where you can see into my living room and the family photo of Bowie, Kingston, and me that is hanging on the wall above the fireplace.
A picture we took a month ago, looking at it now and the smile on Bowie’s face makes me sick to my stomach. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Leave him.”
“Good.”
“Is it?” I shake my head. “Should it be so easy to get to that answer? Shouldn’t I at least be thinking about working things out or trying to for Kingston’s sake?”
“Fuck no, M. You should not be thinking about working things out. We both know how that story ends. You confront him, he promises to never do it again, then a year or five or even just a month from now, you find out he’s screwing someone else. Fuck that!”
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back on my shoulders and scrub my fingers through my hair. “I need to get a job. I need to get an apartment or a house for Kingston and me. I need to… I have so much I need to do.”
“You know Polly always has a chair at the salon for you, and I have a client who works in real estate who I’m sure can help you get a place. You’ll be okay.” She reaches for my hand. “When are you going to tell him you know?”
“I need to get things sorted out before I confront him. You know he can be—”
“A dick?” she inserts.
“—difficult when he’s backed into a corner.
” I lightly kick her, and she presses her lips together.
She never liked Bowie. None of my friends or family did, but they all love me and knew I was in love with him, so they put their own feelings aside.
But Bowie never liked any of them either, so there was no love lost. I just had to learn quickly to carefully juggle each relationship.
“He’s going to fight you.”
“I know.” And he will every step of the way, and I’m sure he’s going to put me through the wringer when it comes to visitation and everything else to do with Kingston.
He will probably make it difficult for me to leave as well.
“That’s why I need to make sure all my ducks are in a row before I confront him.
Otherwise, I’ll be fighting an uphill battle. ”
“I would offer for you to stay with Eli and me, but our place is—”
“I know,” I cut her off. The studio she and her boyfriend live in is small, and there is no way two extra people could stay there.
“But I can give you a loan if you want, you know, to help you get into a place of your own.”
Tears fill my eyes for the first time today, and I drag in a shaky breath. “Thank you.”
“You know I’m here for whatever you need.”