27. Derrick
27
DERRICK
A knock on the front door startles me awake. Wonton, who’s been snoozing on my chest, jolts, then uses my stomach as a springboard to launch himself over the back of the couch to bark at the door.
“Fuck,” I groan, rubbing at my chest. The dog might be small, but those little paws are like needles when he uses that much force.
There’s another knock, and then, “Grandpa!”
Rolling to my side, I snatch my phone off the coffee table and check the time and the date.
Was I supposed to watch Lilibet today?
With a groan, I heave myself off the couch. I worked on site today while Izzy met with the owners of the restaurant to talk design ideas, and she hasn’t come back yet.
“Dad?” Another knock .
I stagger to the door, and when I yank it open, I throw a hand up to block the sun. “Sorry,” I rasp. “I fell asleep on the couch.”
“Hey,” Layla says, her smile almost shy. We haven’t spoken much since I told her and Reid about Izzy. I’ve been trying to give her space, figuring she’ll come to me when she’s ready. “Can you watch Lili for a while? Greta asked if I could pick up a shift. I don’t want to say no to extra money.”
For years, Layla spent her summers working at Greta’s Fish House, one of the restaurants on the pier. Except for the occasional shift when Greta needed help, she didn’t last summer, since she was busy working for Izzy.
“Yeah, of course.” I step back and pull the door open wider. “You know I’ll always look after Lili.”
“Yay!” My granddaughter plows past me into the house with a bag slung over her shoulder and a handheld gaming system dangling from her fingers.
“I tried to get Reid,” Layla says, head lowered a fraction. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
My stomach drops at that. What the fuck?
“Layla,” I say, grasping her arm. “You’re not bothering me. I’m always happy to help.”
She nods, though she doesn’t meet my eye. “Thank you. I’ll probably be late. She needs me until closing.”
“It’s not a problem. If Lili needs to stay the night, that’s okay, too.”
Lips twisting, she lets out a breath through her nose. “I don’t know.”
Not wanting to be pushy, I shrug, play it cool. “The offer’s on the table. Just let me know.”
“Okay.” She inhales, her chest expanding, then finally looks up. “Thank you again, Dad. ”
“You’re welcome. See you later,” I say as she heads for her car. I stand there until she drives away, my chest aching a little. The thing I’ve learned about having kids? The minute they’re born, it’s like a piece of a parent’s heart lives outside their body. And even when those children grow up and have children of their own, that feeling never goes away.
After I’ve locked the door, I go in search of Lili, finding her on the swing on the back porch, playing her game.
“Hey, kiddo.” I ruffle her hair, then take a seat in one of the Adirondack chairs.
She looks at me over the top of her game. “Are you still feeding the squirrels?”
I clasp my hands and rest my forearms on my knees, leaning toward her. “Did you think I’d stop? They’d never let me.”
As if I’ve summoned them, Peep and Tank hop out of the large tree on the right side of the yard and creep up to the back deck.
“You want to give them some snacks?”
“Yes!” Lili shuts off her game and leaps off the swing.
Once she’s got a few hazelnuts and walnuts in hand—from the stash I keep on the porch, though sometimes I spoil them with chopped up pieces of apple or celery—she crouches and slowly approaches the squirrels. They’re just as used to her as they are me. She sets the nuts in the grass and holds perfectly still. It only takes a moment before the squirrels scamper forward and snatch them. Then they take off for their tree.
Laughing, Lili turns to look at me. “My mom told me you have a girlfriend.” She stands fully then, her hands on her hips in an accusatory way. She looks so much like Layla when she was a little girl, sass and all. Layla has never revealed who Lili’s dad is, but I have to guess there are pieces of him there, too. I just can’t see them.
“She did, huh?”
“Yep.” She nods vigorously. “Does that mean you won’t have time for me anymore?”
Her question is like a swift kick to the gut.
“Lili”—I kneel on the ground so I’m at her eye-level—“I will always have time for you. Having a girlfriend doesn’t change that.”
The word girlfriend feels strange on my tongue. I haven’t had a “girlfriend” since I was dating my wife. And this is the first time I’ve referred to Izzy as such. Truthfully the word doesn’t even come close to quantifying the depths of my feelings.
“Mom says Izzy is your girlfriend. Is she right?” She frowns at me, but the look is one of confusion more than dismay. At least I hope it is.
“Yes.” I leave it at that for a moment, giving her a moment to say more if she wants to. When she doesn’t, I ask, “Does that bother you?”
I’d rather my granddaughter talk about her feelings than keep them bottled up inside.
“No.” Her nose crinkles. “It’s just confusing.”
“Confusing how?”
“You’re my grandpa, so you’re like… old.” She whispers the word like it’s dirty.
I suppress a laugh. Leave it to Lili to keep me humble.
“But she’s not old, and if you get married, does that mean she’s my grandma? I don’t think I can call her Grandma.”
Head dropped forward, I pinch my mouth shut, barely holding back my laughter this time. “You don’t have to call her Grandma. ”
“Oh.” She brightens, her shoulders straightening. “Good. That was stressing me out.”
“Was that all that was bothering you?”
“Just about,” she chirps. “I’m gonna play my game now.” With that, she scurries up the stairs and back to the swing, where she launches herself with so much force it hits the railing behind it.
Shaking my head, I stand, trying to ignore the way my knees groan.
Fuck, the kid is right. I am old.
Izzy walks in the door just as I’m setting Lili’s dinner plate in front of her.
“Hey, we have a visitor,” I call out in a cheerful tone. There’s no telling what might come out of Izzy’s mouth, and there’s a fifty-fifty chance it wouldn’t be appropriate for my granddaughter.
“Oh, hey, Lili.” She sets her bag on the floor and scoops up Wonton from where he jumps at her feet, eager for her affection. “I missed you, too, boy.” She showers the little white dog with kisses.
After she’s thoroughly smothered Wonton with love, she sets him on the tile again. “Burgers?” she asks, surveying the counter. “Thank God. I’m starving.”
She practically skips to me, and when she’s standing inches away, she pops up on her tiptoes, going in for a kiss. But before she can make contact, she drops back down onto flat feet and backs up, eyeing Lili.
Lili blinks, unfazed. “You can kiss him if you want. I know you’re his girlfriend. But I’m not calling you Grandma. ”
Izzy bursts into laughter. The sound is so light, so happy, that I find myself grinning.
“Noted,” she says, wiping tears from her eyes. “I appreciate it.” She bumps my hip so she can get by to make up a plate of food. I kept it simple, grilling burgers and corn on the cob.
“How’d it go with the Harrisons?” I ask as I sidle up beside her.
Her smile is nearly blinding. “Great. They understand that I don’t have a background in interior design, but I showed them my ideas, and they loved it. I told them that if they’re willing to let me film the progress, I’ll do it for free.”
“And what did they say?”
While she swipes a glob of mayonnaise across her bun, I pull a can of Coke from the fridge. Then I join Lili at the table where my plate sits waiting for me.
“They agreed right away. Frankly, I would’ve done it for free regardless. I don’t feel right charging for a service I have no experience with yet. But I’m thrilled that they’ll let me film it. I miss filming content,” she admits with a slump of her shoulders. “I’m itching to pick up a camera again.”
I don’t like the reminder of LA, of the life possibly still waiting for her there. She’s been vocal about her dislike of the city and she’s been clear that she doesn’t want to go back, but we haven’t talked about her plans beyond that. Does she want to live with me? Is it too soon for that? Would she get her own place? Would she settle in Parkerville or in one of the surrounding cities?
“I’ve watched some of your videos,” Lili pipes in.
“Really?” Izzy asks, her brows lifting with the same level of surprise I feel at my granddaughter’s admission. “What did you think? ”
“The makeup ones are kind of boring, but I like the ones where you travel. Are you going anywhere soon?”
Izzy shakes her head as she joins us at the table. “No, I don’t have any plans right now. I’m exploring other things.”
“Like what?”
“I want to help people decorate their houses, or in the case your grandpa and I were just talking about, a restaurant, and I’ll film the content for my channel.”
Lili scrunches her face, further smearing a drop of ketchup at the corner of her mouth. “That’s boring. Stick with traveling.”
Izzy laughs. “I’d love to travel some, too, but right now, there are other things I want to pursue.” She zeroes in on me, making it clear that I am those “other things.”
“Maybe when I grow up, I’ll travel and film it like you.”
Izzy chews a bite of burger, and once she swallows, she nods and gives Lili a bright smile. “You totally could. You can do anything you want.”
Lili’s eyes widen, excitement curving her mouth. “Anything?”
“Yep, that’s the beauty of the world. If you want something bad enough and you’re willing to work for it, the options are endless.”
Lili turns to me with a determined jut of her chin. “Grandpa, I want to join the circus.”
Involuntarily, I inhale sharply. The move causes me to choke on the hunk of burger I’m chomping on.
“I think I’d like to work with tigers,” she says as I cough. “And walk the tightrope.”
Exactly what I need, my granddaughter dreaming of working with wild animals and walking across a tightrope.
But she’s a kid, and dreams are what keep us going. Right ?
With a nod, I ruffle her hair. “Sounds like a great idea.”
She claps her hands, bouncing in her seat. “I can’t wait to tell Mom I’m going to work with tigers.”
Head dropped back, I let out a sigh. Layla will never let me watch my granddaughter again.
Light streaks across the family room walls, signaling Layla’s arrival.
Lili is fast asleep, with her head on my leg and her little body curled into a ball with Wonton tucked up against her. Moving slowly, I stand and take her into my arms. She stirs a little but falls right back to sleep.
The kid has always slept like a log.
Except when she was a baby.
She screamed nonstop most nights for that first year. My heart broke for Layla as she navigated life as a young single mom. Reid and I have helped her as much as we can, and we’ll continue to do so. I never want my kids to feel like they don’t have my support.
“I’ll get the door,” Izzy whispers, setting her book aside. She tiptoes over and eases it open. In the driveway, Layla is pushing her door open, but when she sees me bringing Lili out, she eases back into her seat.
“Princess, I have to put you in the car.”
Lili murmurs gibberish against my chest, a phrase I’m pretty sure was along the lines of I don’t want to.
Izzy opens the back door for me, and I buckle Lili up.
As Layla rolls down the window, she flashes me a grateful smile. “Thanks, Dad. ”
“No problem,” I say, straightening and tapping the hood of the car lightly.
Behind me, Izzy clears her throat. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you.”
I turn to find that she’s not looking at me, but Layla.
My daughter purses her lips, uncertain, but nods.
For a moment, I stand between them, hesitating.
Izzy, swallowing audibly, locks eyes with me. “I’ll see you in a minute.”
I’ve been dismissed .
Spying is beneath me, but it doesn’t stop me from peeking through the blinds anyway.
Izzy is bent over the driver’s door, speaking with my daughter.
It occurs to me then that, as worried as I’ve been about Layla pulling back from me, I haven’t asked Izzy how this is affecting her relationship with my daughter. They’re friends and her being with me could ruin that.
If I were a better man, I wouldn’t have let it get this far. I never would have laid a hand on her, but I don’t regret it. Izzy makes my heart race for the first time in a long time. It’s like I was living in pastels—my life, my surroundings, were fine, but muted—and then she came along and painted my world in technicolor.
They talk for a good five minutes before Izzy starts back to the house and Layla reverses out of the driveway.
Quickly, I back away from the window, nearly tripping over my own feet as I go, rushing to make it to the couch before she catches me.
Izzy gives me a confused frown as she comes in.
Locking the door, she asks, “You were spying, weren’t you? ”
“No,” I lie, my heart still racing.
“Liar.” Her soft laughter carries on the air as she plops onto the couch beside me.
“How’d it go?”
She gives me a small smile. “I think it went okay. It’s going to be awkward for a while, but I’m hopeful we can move past it.”
My chest constricts. I hope for that, too.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She stifles a yawn. “We’ll get there. She just needs time.”
I give her a gentle tug, pulling her onto my lap and guiding her to straddle me.
“If you wanted to get me on top of you, all you had to do was ask.”
A chuckle escapes me. “I like this way more.”
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she presses her forehead to mine. “I have a confession to make.”
My first instinct is to panic. A confession? That could be a concern.
When she doesn’t go on, I swallow back my nerves and ask, “What is it?”
“I’m falling hard for you.” She pulls back, catching her lip between her teeth. “I hope that’s okay.”
I smooth my hands down her sides and settle them on her hips. “Only if it’s okay that I’m right there with you?”
Rather than answer with words, she leans in and presses her lips to mine. And when I carry her up to my room, we say even more with our bodies.