Until Then (The Blue Collar Boys #1)

17. Greer

17

Greer

I roll over in bed, tossing the covers aside, trying to cool my body. It’s been a few days since Luke kissed me—or, more accurately, since I kissed him—and I still haven't returned to earth. Every time I close my eyes, I'm right back in the moment —his lips claiming mine, his hands exploring my body, leaving me breathless.

The memory of us together flits in and out of my mind on a near-constant basis. Even now, as my hands lazily caress my body, the urge to touch myself to thoughts of him, to us together is almost unbearable. Just thinking about his hands and his mouth on my body makes me jittery. Duke nudges my elbow, a clear indication he doesn’t care what my body needs.

“Okay, old man, let’s go.”

When Luke asked to kiss me, I froze, my mind spinning through every possible scenario. But when my lips met his, it was like breathing for the first time after being underwater. There was no hesitation, no guilt—just want. Just need.

Then, my stupid brain had to go and ruin it.

Or so I thought.

Looking back, I know that memory surfaced exactly when it was meant to—not to allow shame or guilt a chance to get its claws into me, but to bring awareness to everything stirring in my mind. I’ve been so focused on forging ahead, and things with Luke have felt so wonderful. Maybe I didn’t want grief to poke holes in that happiness. But now, I know I need to allow my head and heart catch up to each other.

I step onto my patio, and Duke takes off in the yard, ears flapping and tail wagging as he complete a few laps. I’m too tired to wait for him, so I head back inside to get coffee brewing. I look around, reliving it all again: our kiss, his hands, that dirty mouth of his.

“G’morning,” a rough voice pulls me from my reverie. Luke steps into my kitchen, a boyish smile playing across his face when I don’t startle at all. I’ve gotten used to him showing up out of nowhere or just walking right in and making himself at home. He eats up the space between us, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pulls me into him. I relax into his embrace, happy to be in his arms again.

“Hey, you.” I bury my face in the crook of his shoulder.

He’s freshly showered after coming off shift—his skin smelling like his body wash. The way I’ve missed and longed for this man over the last several days is incredible. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to his shift work.

“I missed you.” His breaths whisper through my hair.

“Me too. So much.” I pull away, my eyes immediately going to his mouth, and I consider kissing him but place a gentle peck on his cheek instead.

“None of that.”

“Of what?”

“No playing shy now. The other night was fucking amazing.”

“Yeah?” I sigh in relief, pulling him closer so I can wrap my arms around his neck.

“Absolutely. Do you regret it?”

“No,”—I bring his eyes to mine—“I don’t regret a single moment. It was everything I could have hoped it'd be.”

It breaks my heart a little that he worries I might regret what happened between us. I’ve never been an impulsive person and tend to overthink every single situation, but that night, with him, I’d do it exactly the same way every time.

“Luke, you’ve been incredibly patient with me, and I’m not sure how you’re processing all of this, but just so you know, I haven’t stopped thinking about the other night. And you’re right, it was fucking amazing.”

Unable to resist, I lean up and capture his lips with my own. His breath is minty, and I try to pull away to save him from my morning breath. Luke isn’t having any of that, though, and pulls me flush against his hard body.

“Thank you,” he says, placing kisses down my neck. “I didn’t know I needed to hear that until just now. I just want to make sure you’re not doing anything because of me.” His lips are soft against mine. Patient. Needy. “Is that coffee I smell?”

Nodding my head, I pull away and make us each a cup. Duke has come back inside and is currently following me around the kitchen.

“Have you decided your plans for the Fourth?” Luke asks.

“Actually, I talked to my parents, and they were pretty excited that I want to go to the lake. They said they’re available this weekend though. Are you on shift?”

“Nope.”

“Would you like to come with me?” I hesitate before bringing my gaze to him. Who knows, maybe it’s too fast. I’ve gone back and forth, but now I know introducing Luke to my parents is the next step forward I want to take.

He’s busy filling Duke’s bowl with food, but finally says, “You’d want that?”

“I do.” I hand him the steaming mug. “Is that weird? I don't know, maybe it's too soon?”

“Sweetheart, nothing is weird if it’s what we want. Let me remind you again—we are on no timeline.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Hell yes, it is. You know, I’ve already met your parents a few times when they've been leaving your place.”

“Not officially.”

“Officially?” he questions with a grin and a raise of his dark eyebrows.

“Yeah, as my . . .” My stomach jumps into my throat. I suppose it is a little presumptuous of me to assume we’re something more . Maybe he doesn't feel the same?

“Greer Ashbury, are you asking if we’re official?” He sets his coffee cup down before gripping my hips.

“Oh, geez.” I bury my face in his chest. “This is so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. Nothing with you will ever be stupid.”

“I’m trying to let my head and heart catch up to each other, but, Luke, this feels natural. It's starting to feel like maybe I was meant to find you.”

“I know, Greer.” He tilts my chin, forcing me to look at him. “It does for me too.”

“Yeah?” Hope blossoms in my chest.

“Yes. I’m not sure how I got so damn lucky to have you move in next door, but, Greer, you are all I see. All I want. I don’t want or need anyone but you.”

I lean up on my tiptoes and kiss him. With each minute I spend with him, I’m realizing just how important Luke is to me. I never anticipated finding someone I’d want to pursue a relationship with, and maybe I should worry more about the timing of things, but all I can think about or see is Luke.

“I’ve officially been replaced,” I say as I look out the front window blinds.

Over the last several days and even more on the drive over, I tried envisioning what my parents’ reaction to Luke and me being official would be. Would they grill him like he was interviewing for a job with the FBI? Would they make it awkward by comparing everything Luke did to Brian? Would they cry and change their minds and tell me it was too soon and they couldn’t imagine me with anyone else except Brian?

None of that happened. In fact, they welcomed him with open arms and hammed it up like they had known him their whole lives. Mom fawned over his being a fireman (“Oh, I just love a man in uniform”) and swooned when she realized he was Sutton’s big brother (“Well, ain’t that something”). Dad, on the other hand, practically leaped for joy when Luke asked about the Ford he saw parked in the garage. They’ve been out there ever since, tinkering away and yammering on. I can’t help but peek at them through the slats in the blinds.

“Greer, sweetie, your daddy would never replace you.”

“Mama, look at these two.” I point out the window. They’re now on sliders under the damn truck. “Daddy never lets me or Gemma go under the truck with him.”

She looks out the window, and presses her hand to the center of her chest. “My goodness, Luke sure has made quite an impression with your daddy.”

I grumble to myself before plopping onto their soft leather couch. Tucking my knees under me, I grab the closest novel. A book about a serial killer should help me get over whatever this feeling is, right? I should be happy my parents adore Luke.

“You okay over there, Grumpy Gus?” Mom's haphazardly folding a large pile laundry.

“I’m not grumpy.”

“Want to tell me why you’ve got that look on your face?”

“You and Daddy have nothing to say? Nothing at all?”

She stacks some towels. Luke’s and Dad’s voices trickle in through the open windows and my heart cracks just a little.

“Is there something in particular you want us to say?”

“Well, no.” I toss the book on the table. “I don’t know.”

“Greer,” she says, sitting beside me and placing her hand on my knee. “Your daddy and I always knew you would one day meet someone new.”

“You did?”

She smiles, nodding her head yes. “Of course we knew. You have the biggest heart. We know losing Brian was horrific for you, but we’ve always known you’d eventually allow your heart to mend and let someone into your life again.”

“But what is up with Daddy? He and Brian were never chummy like this?” I cringe at the petulance in my voice.

“Don’t,” she says firmly. “That is not fair to Brian or Luke or anyone else. You cannot compare what is now to what was then. Your daddy and Brian always respected one another. We adored him tremendously. Don't go turning this into a game of comparisons.”

Comparison? Is that what I’m doing? Shame slithers down my spine, and I sink into the couch knowing she’s spot on. So, this is what jealousy feels like.

“God, what is wrong with me?” I bury my face in the arm of the couch.

“Nothing at all. You’re just learning to navigate this new life is all. Give yourself some grace.”

I flop my head back before confessing. “I kissed him.”

“And how did that go?” she asks, eyes as bright as megawatt lightbulbs.

I peek at her from hooded lids, trying to contain my smile. “It went. . . better than expected,” I say, letting the words hang in the air, teasing her curiosity.

“Oh, don’t you hold out on me, Greer Ashbury!”

“It was magic.”

She releases a sigh that makes my heart pitter-patter as I recall everything we did.

“Did you make love?”

“No, we didn’t. Luke is so patient and gentle with my heart and my body.” It might be strange to some people, but my mom and I have always been close and have always talked about sex openly. Not that we relay the nitty-gritty details to one another on a constant basis.

“What’s that look for?” I ask. Mom’s cheeks are tomato-red.

“No look.” She curls her mouth to the side, giggling a tad.

“Uh-huh, sure, Mama. You’ve always been a shit liar.”

“Just happy and excited for you is all. Finding love is hard, and not everyone gets to experience it. You found it with Brian, and it was a great love. Now, you have the opportunity to discover it again with Luke.”

“No one’s talking about love, Mama.” Shaking my head, I stand to gather my things. Only she could jump about ten guns ahead of the gate.

“Just remember what I told you; stop the comparisons. What happens between you and Luke needs to be for and about the two of you. Okay?”

“I know. I know. I’ve got enough room in my head and heart, even if I don’t always say the right things.” I give her a quick kiss on the cheek, then I gather our things and head out front to retrieve Luke.

I pause a moment before heading outside, trying to steady the rush of thoughts swirling in my mind. There's something different about how Luke makes me feel—like I'm no longer just holding onto memories, but starting to build something new. Sure, the uncertainty is still there, but it feels lighter now, like the weight grief lifting just enough for me to glimpse a new future. It's as if the light is slowly finding its way into the darkness I've been living in since the accident.

As we pull out of my parents’ neighborhood, the streets buzzing with cars and people rushing this way and that for the holiday. Luke's hand rests on my bare thigh, grounding me in the moment. I never imagined myself moving on, but the way he's looking at me now, with that soft smile? I know stepping into this new chapter with him is exactly what I want.