24. Greer
24
Greer
A fter our trip, we go to Luke’s mom’s house for family dinner. Carissa is already waiting for us in the driveway and doesn’t even give me a chance to get out of the truck before pulling me into a tight embrace. She leads us inside, leaving Luke standing alone in the driveway. Sutton relaxes when I give her a reassuring smile. By the time Luke makes it into the house, we're two photo albums and a thousand stories deep into his childhood.
The four of us work in tandem finishing dinner. Knowing the beautiful weather is winding down, we end up on the patio.
“Greer, honey,” Carissa asks from across the table, “will you pass the sweet potatoes?”
“Mom,” Sutton says, “did I tell you that the police station got approval for renovations?”
Luke shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “They get a fancy new station while we’ve still got one station working out of a trailer.”
“I couldn’t care less what the city does with their money,” Sutton says. “I just hope they pick me to run the remodel.”
“Pick you?” Carissa asks. “Are you finally going to get into interior designing?”
“Uh . . .” Sutton hesitates. “I’m not sure, just something I’m thinking about.”
“That’s really cool, Sut,” I say. “When is your proposal due?”
“Sometime after Labor Day,” she says nonchalantly.
My heart jumps to my throat. Labor Day. It seems like only yesterday school was letting out for summer, and I was moving into my new house. How is it that an entire summer has gone by in a blink? How has it almost been one year since my life irrevocably changed?
Luke’s hand finds my thigh, a quiet comfort. His eyes meet mine, and a small nod says what words can't: he remembers, just like I do, what that date means to me.
“Shit,” Sutton says. “I’m sorry, Greer. I totally forgot.”
“Oh,” Carissa says, “is that the day you lost your Brian?”
“It is,” I say.
“November fifteenth,” Carissa says. “That’s the day I lost my Daniel.” She smiles. Sutton and Luke don’t move.
“Does it ever go away?” The room grows heavy with loss.
“No, dear. It doesn’t go away, but it does get easier.”
“Mom,” Sutton says, “why did you never date again?"
“Well,”—Carissa gives a shy smile. Color peppers her cheeks—“I tried a few times, but there was always something not quite right. So, I stopped looking. I figure your dad found me, so if I’m meant to find someone new, we will somehow find each other. For now, I just keep loving on these two beautiful children I have and living this new life. I know it’s what your dad would have wanted.”
“Mom,” Luke says, “I didn’t know you tried dating after Dad.” His voice carries surprise.
“Of course you wouldn’t have known, Son. It wasn’t as if I was out there advertising that this old gal was trying to get back in the saddle. I didn’t need Susan gossiping about my sex life at bunco night, you know?”
Luke chokes on his food, sending the whole table into a fit of laughter. Carissa grins unapologetically—filters are clearly not her thing.
After supper, Luke does the dishes, and Sutton disappears to work on her proposal, leaving Carissa and me alone on the back porch. Her luscious garden is alive with color under the dreamy glow of her garden lights.
“Can I ask you a question?” Carissa takes my hand in hers.
“Of course,” I say. As if anyone could deny her anything.
“Things between you and Luke, they’re serious?”
“Yes.” Easiest answer in the world.
“That’s good. Makes this mom’s heart happy to hear that. For both of you.”
“Can I ask you something now?”
“Anything.” She fixes the cashmere blanket over our legs.
“What did you do with all of Daniel’s things? With the things from your life together?”
She sighs deeply before reaching forward to wrap my hands in hers. “Let me show you something.”
Inside, we pass the kitchen, where Luke gives me a curious expression. I shrug as she leads me into her bedroom. From her closet, she tugs out a medium-sized trunk. Upon opening it, I’m met with all the mementos of a life well-loved. There are papers and photo albums, what looks to be her wedding dress and veil, and other various items all neatly folded inside.
“This is the house Daniel and I raised our children in. It’s the house he died in. Over the years, Sutton and I have redecorated the majority of it, and I’ve slowly said goodbye to the physical pieces of our life together. The rest, well, it’s all right here.”
“How did you know what to keep?”
“Your heart will tell you.”
“Do you think I’m asking too much of Luke, to help me with my storage unit?”
Inhale. Exhale.
Her smile is serene, calm. “No, my love, I think it’s quite wonderful. Luke would do anything for you.”
“I know he would, but I don’t want to hurt him.” Luke’s love language is acts of service, that much has become clear, but I don’t want him offering without thinking of his own heart first.
“That’s a risk you’re both going to have to take, but it’s a lot less scary than going at it alone. If you and Luke really want this to work between you, your story and your grief will always be a part of your lives. A sad part, yes, but I think by seeing your old memories and helping you say goodbye, I don’t know, maybe it can be something therapeutic for you both.”
Carissa pulls me in close. “It’s not easy, losing the one we love,” she whispers. “It’s not fair that you had to experience this type of loss so early in life.”
“Life really does suck sometimes,” I say against her shoulder as my tears soak through her blouse.
“That it does,” she says. “But it’s also really beautiful. After we lost Daniel, there were moments when I didn’t think my heart would ever heal. Not only did I have to mourn the loss of my husband but I also had to watch my children grieve the loss of their father. We took it day by day and, eventually, it stopped hurting as much.”
“I’m afraid Luke agreed to help me because that’s just who he is, always willing to sacrifice himself in service of others.”
“That is a personality trait my son has, but I can guarantee he doesn’t feel like he has to do anything. He wants to do this.”
We stay like this for several minutes longer, taking comfort in the arms of someone who knows the same pain you feel.
Town is less busy tonight when we finally leave Carissa’s and head back home. My mind wanders as I watch trees, signs, houses, and cars flash by my window. Streetlights illuminate and cast shadows throughout the interior of Luke’s truck. His hand finds mine, threading our fingers together.
“Greer?” Luke’s voice is low, gaze set forward. Shadows cover the side of his face, but his eyes flick from the road to me.
“Yeah?”
“I want to be there for you. Not just because it’s what I do. All I want to do is be a part of your life in any way you’ll let me. I care about you.”
“I care about you too,” I say with a sweet, lazy smile. “Even if you eavesdrop.”
I love the boyish smile he gives me. “Then, together?”
I kiss the top of his hand. “Together.”
“Greer?”
“Just hold on, okay? They’ll be here soon.”
Brian’s hands are clammy and sticky from sweat and blood. “You know I love you, right?” he says.
“Of course I know that. I love you too.”
“It’s time.”
“I know, but I’m afraid I’ll forget you.”
“You won’t.”
“I’ll always love you, Brian.”
“And you know I love you. But it’s time for you to live. Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now, just breathe . . .”
Inhale.
Exhale.
Darkness stretches across my vision, broken only by faint moonlight seeping through the slats in of my window blinds. The silence lingers, but it's no longer heavy like it once was. Duke nuzzles closer to me, his warm body pressing against mine as my fingers find the soft fur at his neck.
“I’m ready.” And for the first time, I know it.
Morning comes and I savor the soul-deep calm that seeps into every corner of my body. I dress quickly in a pair of shorts, a tank, and sneakers. After feeding Duke, I cozy up on my couch. It’s been a week since our fishing trip, and last night, I decided that today would be the day I face the mementos of my life before .
My phone sits heavy in my hand. I stare at it as nervous anticipation fills my tummy. It's been a few months since I last spoke to Brian's parents. Initially, we kept in touch with one another regularly, but, like relationships sometimes do, our phone calls became further and further apart. Brian and I didn’t have children, so with him gone, there haven’t been many reasons to try hard to stay connected.
It’s important for me to check in with them now. They deserve to know I’ll be emptying the storage unit. I want them to have an opportunity to take any of Brian’s items they’d like.
Steadying my hands, I dial Mrs. Ashbury. After a few rings, she picks up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mrs. Ashbury. It’s me, Greer.”
“Oh, Greer, honey. It’s so good to hear from you. How are you doing?” A muffling sound comes through the receiver, and she calls for her husband. “Greer, Bob is here too.”
“Hey, Bob. How are you both?”
“Oh, we’re doing just fine, dear. It’s been a busy summer. We’ll actually be headed to Europe again next week. How are you doing?” It’s easy to hear hints of Brian’s voice in his.
“I’m doing really great actually. Summer has actually been surprisingly fun and relaxing. I, uh, moved to a new house and met some new friends. They’re really great. You’d like them a lot. I . . . um, I wanted to tell you . . . Well, I met someone.” My heart locks. I’m sure this isn’t what they expected to hear.
“Oh, Greer,” Mrs. Ashbury says, then inhales sharply. “That’s wonderful. Tell us about him.”
We spend the next several minutes talking about Luke, my friends, my new school, and even my new house. It feels strange, talking to them about Luke, but they seem genuinely happy for me and interested in how I’m doing.
“I also wanted to let you know I’m going to be emptying our storage unit, you know, in case there’s anything you both thought you might want.”
“That’s so sweet of you to think of us, dear. We actually helped your mom and dad transfer your items to the unit, so we’ve already had the chance. We didn’t take much, just a few of Brian’s items from when he was little. Your mom said you wouldn't mind.”
I should be hurt that they took things without asking me, but I find I’m actually relieved. “No, that’s great. I’m glad you got those things. If I find anything else I think you might want, I’ll save it for you, okay?”
“We’d appreciate that, Greer,” Mr. Ashbury says.
The weight of loss lessens each minute that passes, but soon, the conversation peters out.
“It was really good to talk to you both.”
“You too, Greer,” says Mrs. Ashbury. “Losing Brian was hard on all of us. He’d never have wanted you to spend your life alone, and we know he’s proud of you. We're proud of you. We couldn’t be happier for you.”
We stall for a few minutes more before saying our goodbyes. I know it’s probably the last time I’ll ever speak with them.
When I finish up my phone call, Luke’s already waiting in his truck. It’s time.
Our drive through town passes by without conversation. Even as we walk into Ground Up, we’re oddly quiet. Navy eyes us both questioningly, but I reassure her with a smile.
“You two okay?” she asks when she brings us our coffee and food. We’d taken a table near the window to enjoy the sun’s warmth that’s already filtering through the glass. Luke’s eyes move to mine, uncertain of what he should say.
“We’re going to my storage unit today,” I say before taking a tentative sip, unsure of how she'll react.
“You are?” There’s hope in Navy’s voice.
I nod and reach across the table to grasp Luke’s hand in mine. His warmth steadies me, grounding me in the moment.
“ We are,” he says for me. Navy looks from him and back to me, searching for confirmation.
“And this is what you want?” Navy says. “You’re ready?”
My dream from last night flashes through my mind, but for once I’m not filled with fear or guilt.
“I know it’ll be hard,” I say, “but I’m ready.” I smile and catch her gaze before shifting to Luke’s.
“Sutton and I can help too if you want,” Navy offers.
“I know, but I only decided last night that now is the right time to do it. I can’t expect y’all to drop everything for me. Plus, it’ll be good for us”—I gesture between Luke and me—“to go alone first.”
“I understand,” Navy whispers as she pulls me in for a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Me too.” My gaze locks on Luke’s. His eyes are warm and so full of love.
Luke doesn’t let go of my hand as we finish our drive. He doesn’t let go as we exit the truck. He doesn’t let go as we wind down long rows of doors. He doesn’t let go as we locate the storage locker, number 1111.
From my pocket, I remove a silver key. The lock gives way easily and, together, we lift the door. Within moments, the automatic lights flicker on. The air is heavy and stale after being left undisturbed for so long. With a deep breath, I step into the unit and come face to face with a life I once lived.
At first, confusion fills my brain. I expected everything to be shoved every which way, no rhyme or no reason. Instead, I’m greeted with the most organized and well-thought-out storage room in the history of storage rooms. Furniture is stacked neatly on one side while boxes are stacked on the other.
“This is not what I expected,” Luke says.
“You and me both,” I laugh.
Together, we edge around tables and chairs to the middle of the room. From the corner of my eye, I see the label “Things you might keep.” Next to it, I spy a box labeled “Things you might donate .” A laugh bursts from deep within me when I notice all the boxes labeled “Why do you have so many books?” Tears prick my eyes as I see each and every box is labeled in this way.
“My mom—” My heart lodges itself in my throat. Tears threaten to overwhelm me when Luke pulls me to him.
“You don’t have to do this right now,” he says.
“No, it’s not that. It’s all of this.” I gesture to the boxes. I know my parents and Brian’s parents carefully packed and labeled them like this knowing someday I would be ready to face my old life.
“So, where should we start?” Luke asks.
For months, I have been too afraid to do this. Afraid I’d be overwhelmed by everything that was and will never be again. But this—what my, our, parents have done—banishes that fear. They’ve given me peace during a moment that could have shattered me completely.
Over the next few hours, Luke and I take each box, and I carefully go through their contents. From kitchen and living room boxes to office and guest room boxes, I allow whatever memories or thoughts or words pour into me. Finally, I face the boxes from our bedroom.
“Do you want me to step out?” Luke asks as we stare down at boxes labeled “Brian’s clothes.”
“If you want to, you can,” I say as the tape breaks easily.
He shakes his head no and stands behind me, his warmth and steadfast nature calms me.
Brian’s clothes are folded neatly inside. On top is his favorite plaid shirt. I pull it from the pile, bringing it to my face, my lungs expanding on a deep inhale, wondering if it still smells like him. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or saddened when it doesn’t. I return the shirt, close the box, and hand it to Luke. “I think he’d like it if I donated those.”
“I think so too.” Luke’s voice soothes my frazzled edges as he takes the box, stacking it with the others to be donated.
“Is it weird that I’m not taking much?” The cart we borrowed from the storage unit office has only a few boxes labeled “Things you might keep ” for me to take home.
“Only you can answer that, sweetheart.”
A manic laugh bubbles out of me. “For so many months, this goddamn storage unit has felt like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I was so scared to come here, and then I even let myself think I could forget about it. But now that I’m here? It’s like I don’t even remember half of this stuff. And that’s what it is, isn’t it? Stuff. I’ll always have the memories. But the rest? It’s just stuff.”
Grasping the final box labeled “Things you might keep,” I rip the flap open. My heart simultaneously breaks and soars as my wedding dress and veil are revealed, nestled into a neat pile—still as beautiful as I remembered, still as full of memories of that special day.
“I bet you were the most beautiful bride,” Luke says next to me, his voice low and sincere next to me in the silence.
Rough beading on the satin bodice scratches the soft skin on my palms. A small black ring box is hidden within the fabric. It creaks when I open it, revealing Brian’s black wedding band. My fingers rub over the one I’ve worn on my left hand for the last nine years, one of which I spent without the man who gave it to me. The diamond catches the light, sending prisms bouncing here and there. It slides off my finger just as easily as it went on. With a final kiss, I tuck it next to Brian’s and close the lid.
“Is it okay to keep this one?” My tears fall freely now.
Without a word, Luke takes the ring box and places it back in the storage box before adding it to my pile to bring home. When he returns, he stands like a sentinel next to me, holding my hand as I succumb to the emotions bubbling out of me.
“Hey guys, I think they’re down here.” Hunter’s voice breaks the heaviness.
“What in the world?” Luke whips around, grabs my hand, and leads me into the hallway. If I weren’t already crying, I would be now as I spot our friends walking down the hallway.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask.
Navy and Sutton try to reach me first but are beaten out by Hunter, who wraps me in a bear hug.
“You didn’t think we’d let you do this by yourself, did you?” he says as he places me back onto solid ground.
“Hey, babe.” Sutton smiles at me as she wipes away my tears that seem to never stop today.
“I told you earlier I didn’t expect you to just drop your plans for this. For me.” I pin Navy with a serious look. “How did you even get up here?”
“I have my ways.” She winks. “And, Greer, you’re going to have to realize that we’ll do anything for those we love. And we love you, so,”—she holds her arms out wide—“here we are.”
“Guys?” a voice that sounds distinctly like Vinnie’s hollers from the elevator. “Wanna come give us a hand?”
Luke rushes ahead and stops dead in his tracks as Vinnie, Grace, and Adam step from the elevator with empty boxes and another cart.
“We weren’t sure what we might need,” Grace says, “so we brought it all.” Grace pushes by Luke to hug me.
“Alright, G,” Adams says, “put us to work.” He drags the empty boxes down the hall.
They’re all chattering as they head toward the storage unit, leaving Luke and me dumbfounded in the middle of the hall.
“You guys!” I shout.
“Yeah?” They say, turning around.
“What are you guys doing? You don’t have to be here.”
“Of course we had to be here,” Vinnie says. “You’re family and family sticks together. We wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
My tears run freely down my face as laughter erupts from within me.
“Is this good laughter or bad laughter?” Hunter mumbles out of the corner of his mouth.
“You guys . . .” Luke begins, but emotion clogs his throat.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Vinnie says. “Group hug!” He corrals us all together.
Our arms overlap as everyone crowds in to surround Luke and me. For a brief moment, we’re silent, content to sit in this embrace of friendship, of family.
“I don’t know what to say,” I tell them.
“No need to say anything.” Hunter grips Luke’s shoulder with quiet strength, offering unspoken reassurance.
“Alright, put us to work,” Adam says, and we all break apart, moving into action.
Together, our friends help us unload the storage unit. I already decided to sell most of the furniture, a task Sutton volunteers to manage. With Hunter’s help, he and Sutton load a trailer and head to the consignment shop. Everything else I choose to donate. Adam and Grace take those boxes to the donation center. Vinnie takes my boxes of books to drop them at my house.
That leaves Navy, Luke, and me with everything I am going to keep. We carefully load them into the bed of Luke’s truck.
“Well,” Navy says, “I think that’s everything.”
“Yeah,” I say. A task I thought would take forever is now complete in a day. Air fills my lungs to capacity, and I audibly release it. “I don’t know how you managed it but thank you.”
Navy reaches forward, holding my face and places a kiss on my cheek. She takes a step back, looking at me. “You’re welcome. You guys will call if you need anything else, right?”
“Yeah, we will,” Luke tells her, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, pulling my back against his front. She smiles again before disappearing out the door.
“You good?” Luke’s breath coasts over my head as we look inside the empty storage room. A place that once stored everything from my life with Brian is now empty.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“You need a minute alone, or are you ready to go?”
“I’m ready.”
Just breathe .
I slide the door shut.
Music fills the cab of the truck as wind whips through my hair on the ride home. We’re exhausted physically and emotionally. I knew today would be hard, but our friends coming to help was not something I ever expected and based on his reaction, neither did Luke. My hand rests in his firm grasp as his thumb smooths back and forth over the spot my wedding ring used to be.
“Let’s pick up pizza and wings on our way home and watch a movie.”
My stomach grumbles in response. “Sounds perfect.”
When we get home, we make quick work unloading the back of Luke’s truck by placing all the boxes in my garage. We forgo plates or silverware, choosing instead to eat straight from the box on the coffee table.
“Ugh,” I moan an hour later, washing down my food with a swig of beer. “I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
“Are you sure? I think you might have missed a crumb or two.” He snickers, kicking his foot against mine.
“Says the guy who ate a whole pizza. By. Himself.” I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Hey now, I’m a growing boy.” He lifts his shirt to pat his non-existent belly. I shove my feet into his thigh, but he grabs them and lays them in his lap.
We settle onto the couch and put on one of our favorite movies. Another hour ticks by before I realize I’m not even watching it. Instead, I’ve been watching Luke. He’s lying out across the couch, his long limbs hanging off at strange angles. There are so many little things about him that I love—how he breathes, how he laughs, how he mouths the words to almost every movie we watch even if he won’t admit it, how his eyes crinkle in the corners when he laughs, but, most of all, how he loves me. This man has absolutely no idea what he’s done for me. After months and months of never-ending internal chaos, I finally feel at peace, and he helped me get here.
“I have something for you,” Luke says, his voice pulling me gently from my thoughts and back into the present.
“You do?” Anticipation tingles at the base of my spine. After everything he’s done for me today, I can’t possibly imagine what he has for me.
“Yeah.” Redness creeps its way up his neck and embeds itself into his cheeks. His fingers drum against my thigh as he has some kind of internal battle.
“Am I supposed to guess, or do I get to see it?”
“No, you don’t need to guess.” He sits up, tugs me up from the couch, and points down my hallway.
“Luke, you’re making me nervous.”
“Don’t be. It’s in there.” He nods toward my guest room. With his hand on the base of my spine, he pushes me inside. I click the light on.
“Luke.” My lungs constrict when I see what he’s done.
“I thought maybe you’d want some place special to keep your memories, something just for you.”
I drop his hand, then kneel down in front of the most beautiful chest. I easily life the lid, and the rich and familiar scent of mahogany fills my nose.
“Luke, I-I—thank you. It looks just like your mom’s.”
“She might have helped me. And your parents.”
At that, I collapse against the trunk, my laughs turning to sobs. He takes a seat on the ground next to me and nestles me into the safety of his embrace. I burrow deeper into him, one hand wrapped around his back while the other is pressed against his taut stomach.
“Today was a lot,” I say.
“It was.” He nods as he traces up and down the skin of my arm and side.
“But it was a good a lot .”
A laugh rumbles through him. “It was that too.”
“Thank you. For everything.” Beneath my ear, his heart beats a slow and steady rhythm. I smile, grateful for this man who came into my life and helped me find my way back to me.
“Anything for you, Greer.”