Until You Break (The Devout and the Damned #1)

34. His Sinner

Chapter thirty-four

His Sinner

The bathwater is warm, lapping gently against my skin, but I can’t stop the tears that slip down my cheeks. Dominic’s hands move carefully as he lathers shampoo into my hair, his touch gentle in a way that feels foreign after everything he’s just done to me.

His fingers slide through my hair, massaging my scalp, and I can feel his eyes on me, watching like he always does. I should feel humiliated, exposed like this especially with my rolls and stretchmarks showing, but I don’t. My body feels wrung out, every nerve alive and raw, the kind of exhaustion that makes you sink so deep into yourself you can barely think straight.

He hasn’t said much since he carried me in here, setting me into the tub like I’m something fragile. And maybe I am, though I’d never admit it.

I sniffle, wiping at my face with the back of my hand, but it doesn’t help. The tears keep coming, and I hate it. Hate that he’s seeing me like this, hate that he’s the one who’s here when I feel so fucking lost.

“Aria,” Dominic says, his voice calm, but there’s an edge to it, like he’s holding back. “Look at me.”

I don’t. I keep my gaze fixed on the water, the ripples distorting my reflection. I can’t meet his eyes, not after everything that just happened. Not after what I let him do to me—what I begged him to do.

His hand moves to my chin, tilting my face up so I have no choice. His green eyes lock onto mine. “Talk to me,” he says, “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

I scoff, trying to yank my chin out of his grasp.“What’s wrong? Are you seriously asking me that?” My voice is shaky, but I push through it, trying to keep the edge that’s barely there. “What isn’t wrong, Dominic? Take your pick.”

His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t let go of my chin, doesn’t let me look away. “Don’t do that. Don’t throw up walls just because you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared,” I snap, even though I know it’s a lie. “I’m just—”

“You’re just what?” he cuts me off, his voice hardening. “You’re tired? Confused? Pissed off at me? Fine. Say it. Be honest with me, Aria. Because I don’t have the patience for your bullshit right now.”

I glare at him, my chest heaving, and for a second, I want to push him away, to tell him to leave me alone. But then his voice softens, just slightly, and it catches me off guard.

“If I didn’t give a shit about you, I could’ve left you without aftercare,” he says, his eyes locked on mine. “Left you out there, strung out and anxious, sitting in your own fucking head, doubting everything like I know you do. But I didn’t. I brought you here because I care, whether you want to believe that or not.”

I blink, his words hitting me harder than they should, and I hate the way my throat tightens, the way the tears spill faster. “Why?” I whisper, my voice breaking. “Why do you care, Dominic? After everything?”

His fingers tighten slightly on my chin, grounding me. “Because you mean something to me,” he says simply, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “Because you’re not just some fucking fling or a girl I’m trying to control. You’re mine, Aria. And I don’t leave what’s mine to drown.”

I close my eyes, letting out a shaky breath, because I know he’s right. I wouldn’t have been okay if he’d left me like that. Hell, I’m barely okay now.

I let out a heavy sigh, my voice small. “Do you think what I… what we do is bad?” I finally ask, my voice trembling. “What you do to me. What I… like. Am I bad for liking it? Do I need help because I’m so fucked up that I want this?”

His expression shifts instantly, his entire body going rigid as his grip on my chin tightens. “Who told you that?” he asks, his voice dangerously low, barely more than a growl. “Who the fuck put that in your head?”

I shake my head, not wanting to go there, but he grabs my chin again, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t lie to me, Aria. Did Mason say that?”

The way he says Mason’s name, like it’s a curse, makes me flinch. I don’t answer, but the silence is enough. Dominic’s jaw clenches, his nostrils flaring, and for a second, I think he’s going to explode.

But then he takes a breath. “That pathetic little fucker,” he mutters, his hand sliding down to cup my cheek instead. His thumb brushes away the tear streaking down my face.

“No,” he snaps, his eyes blazing. “You’re not messed up, Aria. You’re human. You want things, need things, just like anyone else. The only difference is, you’re brave enough to feel them.”

I shake my head, my tears falling faster, my hands trembling in my lap. “It doesn’t feel brave. It feels… wrong. Like I shouldn’t—”

“Wrong?” he interrupts, his voice rising slightly. “Do I make you feel wrong? Do I make you feel unsafe? Like you can’t trust me?”

“No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “That’s not it.”

“Then what?” he demands, leaning closer, his eyes boring into mine. “What the fuck is it, Aria? Because the way I see it, the only thing wrong here is that piece of shit making you question yourself. You think he knows you? Think he can give you what you need?”

“Maybe he’s right,” I say, my voice shaking. “Maybe I am messed up, Dominic. Maybe I—”

“Let me tell you something, and you’re going to listen carefully. There is nothing —nothing— wrong with what you want or what you like. You’re not hurting anyone with your preferences, and you don’t need fixing because you’re not. fucking. broken. ”

I close my eyes, his words hitting me hard, unraveling the shame I’ve been drowning in. “He just doesn’t get it,” I whisper. “He doesn’t understand. He thinks… he thinks people who like being submissive are wrong and it’s degrading.”

“Then he’s a fucking idiot,” Dominic snaps, his voice full of venom. “You’re not broken, Aria. You’re just… real. You don’t hide from who you are, from what you need. And yeah, maybe it’s not ‘normal,’ but who the fuck wants normal anyway?”

I open my eyes, looking up at him, and for the first time, I see something raw and vulnerable beneath his anger. “You really believe that?”

“Of course I do,” he says, his voice softening. “You think I’d be here if I didn’t? What I do to you, what I feel for you, isn’t normal—and thank fuck for that. I don’t want normal. I want you. All of you. Every inch, every curve, every fucking part of you. And I’m not going to let some asshole make you feel bad for being who you are.”

The conviction in his voice, the way he says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, makes something inside me crack. The tears come harder, and before I know it, I’m sobbing, my shoulders shaking as I bury my face in my hands.

“Hey,” Dominic says, his hands moving to my shoulders, steadying me. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t cry over him. He’s not worth it.”

“It’s not him,” I manage between sobs. “It’s… everything. I feel so… so lost. Like I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

He lets out a soft sigh, his fingers brushing through my hair, soothing me in a way I didn’t know he was capable of. “You’re Aria,” he says simply. “You’re my Little Sinner. That’s all you need to know.”

I let out a shaky laugh, the sound almost a sob. “That’s not exactly comforting, Dominic.”

“Maybe not,” he says, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “But it’s the truth. And you’re going to learn to love it again.”

I tilt my head to the side looking confused for a second. “Why me, Dominic? You could literally stalk anyone else, any other woman, especially ones who aren’t big like I am. Why go for someone like…me?”

He glares at me and I nearly shrink away, but then I realize he’s not glaring at me … he’s just angry.

“You call it a flaw; I call it mine. That’s the difference between you and me, Little Sinner. Where you see something to hide, I see something to worship,” he says, taking my hand in his and kissing my wrist. “You’re so fucking perfect, you don’t even see it.”

I glance up at him, my tears still falling, but there’s something lighter now, something that feels like relief. “Dominic—”

“No, you listen to me right now. You’re soft, strong and irresistible. That’s what you’ve always been. Don’t ever apologize for the way you take up space in the world, Aria—because I’d burn it down just to make room for you.”

I swallow hard, my chest heaving as his words hit me like a tidal wave, crashing over every ounce of doubt and shame I’ve been carrying. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Yeah,” he says, his smirk widening into a grin. “Now let me take care of you, okay? Just this once, let me make you feel like you don’t have to fight.”

I nod again, closing my eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself sink into the moment, into him and letting the storm inside me quiet just a little.