Up in Flames (Carlisle Fire)

Chapter 15

CHASE HAD hoped that this would be easier, but Jerrod seemed to have no idea what he was getting at. It warmed his heart that Jerrod’s first thought was for him, but Chase’s worries were much closer to home—for Jerrod. “It’s always difficult because you wonder if you could have saved them if you had been just a few seconds faster. But that isn’t the point, at least not in this case.” He swallowed and drew closer to Jerrod. “One of the bodies we found had Gizelle’s identification in what was left of the belongings. The body was pretty badly burned, and the coroner will need to work on a positive identification, but I think we need to go on the assumption that Peter’s mother is dead.” He had no idea how Jerrod would take the news.

“God,” he whispered softly and then sighed. “I don’t know what I should feel. Part of me is relieved that if it’s her, then all the issues with her appeals regarding Peter are over, but part of me is sad for him that he will never really know his mother. I had always hoped that she might get herself together and that if nothing else, Peter might be able to get to know her, at least on some level. But now….” He lowered his head and sighed deeply once more. “I know that was a pie-in-the-sky hope. It was never likely that Gizelle would be able to change. And I know she could never have been trusted to care for Peter, but maybe someday they could have had a relationship of some kind….”

Chase squeezed Jerrod’s hand. “Is that what you really feel or what you’re saying because you think you should?”

Jerrod sat back for a second, his gaze locking on Chase’s. “What I am is relieved beyond all hell. She isn’t going to be showing up at the door at all hours, trying to insinuate herself into our lives. And Peter will never have to deal with her chaos. That was always the price with Gizelle. She had her good moments, but they were always wrapped in this chaotic energy that seemed to never end. Peter doesn’t need that, and thankfully we won’t have to deal with that any longer.” He looked up. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“No. It makes you honest. Gizelle was a threat to your family, and now that’s gone. I think I’d be relieved too if I were in your shoes. But I also think that it’s a shame Peter will never know his mother.” It was a double-edged issue. Chase wished he had an answer for Jerrod. “Whatever you feel, it isn’t my place to judge you or to tell you what you should do from here. You and your brother were the ones who had to deal with her and had to look out for Peter.” Chase checked the time. “Speaking of him, don’t you need to pick him up?”

“Yeah.” Jerrod got to his feet, his shoulders seeming weighed down.

“I can wait here if you like. Otherwise I can head home, and you can decide what you want to say to Peter, if anything, on your own. It’s up to you.” Chase wasn’t sure what Jerrod would want.

Jerrod seemed lost for a moment. “Thanks. Umm, stay, please.”

Chase nodded, and Jerrod grabbed his keys and hurried out. Chase sat back, pulled out his phone, and found an app to help pass the time.

CANDY CRUSH was a great time waster, and soon enough, a key shook in the lock. Peter rushed in with papers clutched in his hand, fluttering in the breeze he created. “I made something for you.” He pushed the papers at Chase, who took each drawing.

“These are wonderful.”

“That’s a horse.” He pointed to one drawing. “And this one is you and Daddy on a horse, and this one is me on a pony. I also drew Papa on a horse, but I had to imagine what he looked like, since he is in heaven.”

Chase smiled at the man with wings on a brown horse shape. It was imaginative and clever. “I like the wings.” Chase loved the smile Peter flashed at him. He was clearly pretty proud of them.

Peter nodded. “Daddy says Papa is an angel now and that he’s watching over me to keep me safe.” He hurried away just as quickly as he came up, running up the stairs.

“I couldn’t tell him. Apparently, they talked about families in day care, so Peter got to thinking about Johnny and started drawing pictures. I don’t know where the horses came from, but it’s something that he seems fascinated with at the moment.”

Chase checked out the drawings again. “There’s no time frame. You could wait to tell him until we hear from the coroner that it’s definitely her. There’s no need to put him through anything until it’s official.”

“How long will that take?”

“I understand that dental records have already been ordered, and since she was local, it shouldn’t take too much time before they are able to check them. These sorts of things take a day or two. I know it sucks, and maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I wanted you to know what was going on.” There had been so much uncertainty in their lives already, and Chase hated to add to it.

“That’s what we’ll do. Let’s be sure, and then we can tell him.”

Chase smiled at the fact that Jerrod used we . He liked being part of a we , even if it was for something as unpleasant as this.

“That is probably best. He doesn’t seem to remember her much.” He had seen her and had no real connection, though Gizelle was acting a little crazy at the time.

“No. Johnny was always the parent in the family. I’m sure Peter has specific memories of her from when he was smaller, but Gizelle hasn’t been part of his life since he was two and a half. He does remember Johnny.”

“I see that.”

“Yeah. I was going to tell him about Gizelle, and instead he asked about his papa, so I told him a few stories. He said that he had been thinking about Papa a lot because he was in heaven and that he was almost there too until he was saved by Mr. Chase.” Jerrod shook his head slowly. “Sometimes he scares me at just how much he knows and how he puts things together. Someday that kid is either going to solve climate change or try to take over the world. Who knows?”

“Yeah, I get it.” Chase took Jerrod in his arms and hugged him closely. “All we can do is take things one step at a time.” He closed his eyes, letting Jerrod’s earthy scent surround him. “You told me that you had some news too.” Maybe it was a good time to change the subject, though he had no intention of letting Jerrod go.

“Yeah. I found out who might be behind the fires. A construction company out of Philly is trying to muscle in. It’s pretty complicated, but it seems someone at Connor Warfield is trying to push AR out. They apparently submitted a bid, but it was rejected. Word is that they use inferior materials and cut corners. But with some muscle….”

“AR decides they can’t stand the heat and backs out. Connor Warfield steps in, brings in their own subcontractors, and the job goes on, only with shoddy work that everyone pays for for years.”

“Exactly. Rosemary put a bug in a reporter friend’s ear, so it’s likely all this is going to come out in a few days. The best thing you can do is alert the department so they can have details of their investigation ready. There are going to be lots of questions, and people are going to want answers.”

“Yeah, they are.” Chase needed to call Hayden to give him a heads-up. They were aware that the fires were linked, but not about the connections. Still, he didn’t want to move away. It was great just being here with Jerrod. He closed his eyes, letting contentment wash over him.

“Daddy, I want hugs too,” Peter said, racing over. Jerrod lifted him and then hugged Chase as well, the three of them standing quietly until Peter squirmed and declared that he was hungry.

JERROD CAME back down the stairs after putting Peter to bed. “Is he asleep?”

“I hope so. He asked me to tell him stories of Papa, and once I finished one, he wanted another.” Jerrod sat down. “I suppose I should have expected it.”

Chase leaned back. “That’s why he left Peter with you. Your brother knew you would be the one to tell Peter all about him. So it’s good that you’re sharing things.”

“Yeah. I told Peter about the time we visited the farm of a friend of our mother’s. I ran up to one of the fences, and there was a cow on the other side, staring back at me. Apparently, she was an ornery cow tried to charge the fence. Johnny pulled me back and began yelling at the cow, and she ambled off. Johnny then took me to see the goats. I liked the goats and got to pet them and stuff. Then we saw the chickens, which were no fun at all. Peter asked me if he could get a goat.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That the borough doesn’t allow goats in town. I figured that was a good answer. Then Peter said that since he couldn’t have a goat, did the borough allow dogs? What was I supposed to tell him then?”

Chase shrugged. “You could get him a dog. It would be good for him.”

Jerrod rolled his eyes. “But I don’t like dogs. My mother had a little poodle growing up, and that thing hated me. My parents got the dog because they thought it would be a great pet for Johnny and me. Instead he loved Mom and had little to do with the rest of us.” He groaned.

“Then get a different kind of dog. Maybe take Peter to the dog rescue outside of town and let him pick one out himself.”

“But I work and Peter will go to school. It isn’t fair to leave a dog home alone all the time.”

“Then get Peter a cat. He’ll love it, and they are much more self-sufficient. But if he’s asking for a pet, he probably isn’t going to stop.” Chase sat next to Jerrod. “You don’t need to get him one today or tomorrow. Maybe make it a reward for him.” He squeezed Jerrod’s hand. “What do you think your brother would do?”

“He’d get Peter the damned dog,” Jerrod said softly. “He always wanted a pet of his own, but Mom would never let us get another. So yeah, he’d get Peter the dog.” He sat down and groaned. “Okay, I can do that. Anything for Peter and Johnny.”

“Jerrod, it’s only a dog, and getting one will make Peter happy. I love dogs, and when the time comes, I can help you pick out a good one that will fit for you and for Peter. Now, do you want to talk about something else?”

Jerrod swallowed hard and nodded slowly. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. We could talk about the weather in Amsterdam in July or about the latest in wedding fashion, but….”

Jerrod rolled his eyes and slipped his hand around the back of Chase’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss that turned almost brutal in seconds, not that Chase was complaining.

“Is that what you want?” Chase whispered. “You want it hard?”

Jerrod groaned and kissed him harder, sending a wave of molten heat through Chase. “Yeah.”

“Then lead the way.”

Chase followed that amazing ass up the stairs and down to the bedroom. Chase closed the door before grabbing Jerrod in his arms and tossing him on the bed. “You asked for rough.” He expected Jerrod to back off, but he pulled Chase down by the scruff of his shirt and kissed him with an intensity of passion that Chase had never known. Well, if Jerrod wanted intense and hard, that was what he was going to get. He pulled Jerrod’s shirt off before getting his own over his head. “You have about ten seconds to get those clothes off or I’m going to rip those jeans to shreds.”

Jerrod was naked in five, and Chase followed, prowling onto the bed, watching Jerrod’s huge eyes. He didn’t want to overdo it, but it seemed this was what Jerrod needed, and Chase was more than willing to give it to him.

“Chase,” Jerrod whispered, his voice rough and deep.

Chase growled softly before taking charge of his lips, determined to transport Jerrod away from the worry and tension that seemed to have him wound tighter than a drum. “I know what you need,” Chase whispered and held Jerrod close. “I know this has been hard, and it’s been one thing after another.”

Jerrod shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about fires, insurance, or crazy sisters-in-law. What I want is for you to fuck me into next week. I don’t want to be able to think straight after that.”

“Oh, baby, I fully intend to.” Chase scooted between Jerrod’s legs, pushing his knees upward before leaning over him. “You will forget your name by the time I’m through with you, and that’s a fucking promise.” He pulled Jerrod toward him and kissed hard as he met Jerrod’s swirling gaze. “And I always keep my promises. The only thing is that you cannot wake Peter. So you have to be quiet no matter what.” He kept his voice low, speaking softly into Jerrod’s ear. “No matter how much you want to cry out or tell me to fuck you harder, you have to make as little sound as possible, because if Peter wakes up, I’m going to have to stop.”

“Fuck,” Jerrod breathed.

“Exactly. I will have to stop the fucking, and that is going to be a real shame.” Jerrod’s eyes goggled and his breathing became more rapid… and he hadn’t really done anything yet.

DAMN, JERROD was hot, covered in sweat, his eyes wide, mouth open, chest heaving, staring up at the ceiling. “Wow.”

“That good?” Chase asked, more than a little pleased with himself. Jerrod had nearly lost control, and Chase had had to back away more than once for fear that Jerrod would wake Peter and bring their fun to a close.

“Where in the hell did you learn to do that?” Jerrod whispered. “Never mind, you don’t have to tell me. In fact, I don’t think I want to know.”

Chase scoffed. “Please. It isn’t like I worked in a brothel in Bangkok. I’m just naturally gifted.” He chuckled when Jerrod did and lay on the now sweat-dampened sheets.

“Can I ask something?”

“Sure,” Chase answered, tensing.

“Where is this going?” Jerrod rolled onto his side. “I mean, we seem to get along, and you always seem to be there for us.” He sniffed slightly. “I’m not used to having someone there like that, and I think I could really get used to it. But if this is a more casual thing for you, then I need to know. I can’t have people waltzing in and out of Peter’s life, and to tell you the truth, that isn’t what I want either.”

Chase gently stroked Jerrod’s cheek. “I’m not a casual kind of guy, not anymore. Not with you. At least I don’t think so. As for where things are going, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to take my cues from you as much as I can. There has been so much happening that I don’t want to put pressure on you. Besides, we don’t need to make life-changing decisions today or tomorrow.”

“O-kay.”

“Jerrod, don’t read too much into this. I’m just saying that I don’t intend to go anywhere. I like having you and Peter in my life. Being a part of a family is something I’ve wanted for a long time.”

“So I should be patient?”

Chase didn’t understand the edge in Jerrod’s voice. “Just take things at a pace that’s comfortable.” He gathered Jerrod to him, and he rested his head on Chase’s shoulder. “Like you said, this is more than just about you and me, and there is no prescribed timetable. This isn’t a book or a movie. This is our romance, and we get to conduct it the way we want.”

“Is that what this is? A romance?”

Chase chuckled. “Sure.” He drew Jerrod into a kiss. “And if you wait a little while, I can do my best to romance you again, but you gotta give a guy a chance to catch his breath.” They shared a smile, and then Chase closed his eyes.

“What is it about these moments? When we’re quiet together and it’s just the two of us?” Jerrod asked. “They seem.… I don’t know.”

“Intimate,” Chase supplied. “Like it’s just you and me and the rest of the world doesn’t seem to matter.”

“Yeah,” Jerrod said softly, tilting his head so they could see each other’s eyes. “Maybe it’s kind of stupid.”

“Caring about someone isn’t stupid, and just taking a little time to be together without having to get it on is what a relationship is all about.” He smiled. “My parents had this weird way of being together. They were both always so busy. My dad worked his main job, and then he also took a second one part-time to earn extra money. Mom was working too, and they sometimes never saw each other except at night. I had the bedroom next to theirs, and while I could never hear what they were saying, I always knew they were talking. I also know that Mom and Dad had an active sex life.”

“And how is that?” Jerrod asked with a snicker.

“Oh God, no, I did not spy on them. But after I was born, Mom got pregnant a number of times but kept losing the baby. Eventually they had my younger sister, Violet, and Mom tried a few more times to have another baby before giving up. Still, they talked every night. It was when they were quiet….” Chase sighed. “Anyway, they always talked and spent the time together in bed.”

“Yeah. I read a book a few years ago, and one of the characters said that he always wanted ‘someone to do nothing with in bed.’ Like it was important and meant more than the fucking.”

Chase rolled his eyes. “Sex is important, but so is just being together. Strangers have sex all the time. You just have go into the bathroom of a gay club to see that, usually purposely on display. But how many one-night stands involve talking or cuddling once the sex is over? Usually it’s how quickly can I sneak out of here without looking like a weirdo. Hell, half the time, the prince you thought you brought home turns into a frog… fast.” They chuckled together, and Jerrod stiffened. “What is it?”

Jerrod got out of bed and opened the closet door, then pulled on a robe. “Just a minute.” He opened the door and closed it behind him again. Chase sighed and pulled up the covers, lying quietly for a while until Jerrod returned. “Peter was awake, and I found him crying in bed.” He took off the robe and slipped under the covers. “He had a bad dream.”

“About the fire?” Chase asked, and Jerrod nodded. “You know, if it will help, I can check to see if the department has someone who works with children to give Peter someone to talk to, help him work through what happened.”

“Thanks. He’s had a few since you rescued him, and I was hoping they would fade away on their own. But maybe he needs more.”

“I’ll check and let you know.” Chase rolled over, putting his arms around Jerrod.

“Thanks,” Jerrod said wearily, and Chase closed his eyes. He wished that Jerrod’s headaches were over, but he suspected something else was just around the corner. Chase just wished he could see what it was.