37. Aurora
Aurora
J ade and I walked along the shore toward the cave that Mac had chosen for the spell. I didn’t want to go in there, to go back to a place that held such memories. I ran my hand across my chest, trying to soothe the pain as my heart tore apart, a single tear threatening to fall from the corner of my eye. There was no reason I should have to do this. It was one thing when he had been abducted and I didn’t know where he was, but at least I could tell myself he was alive. After I was done with this spell, I couldn’t even tell myself that. The finality of losing him, so close to losing Amara, dug into my soul. My feet dragged as though I was walking through quicksand. I pushed myself forward, the material of my long, belted dress swishing around my ankles.
A small, pained laugh escaped my lips as my hand fell to the athame in my belt.
“What are you thinking?” Jade whispered as her fingers brushed mine before she adjusted the bag that held our ritual supplies on her shoulder.
I shook my head. “Mac’s family doesn’t have a cemetery to bury him in because none of them are dead. He’ll be the first.” I grasped my arm, hugging my chest, my insides hollow. There was no way out of this. Never mind where his body would end up—what about his soul?
Jade gave a nervous chuckle. “That is a very weird thought.”
“I don’t want to dwell on it,” I said as we ducked into the cave.
The moon shone through the opening in the roof of the cave, dancing on the waters like diamonds. I looked at the opening, following the moonbeam to the water. It sparkled differently than the last time I had been in here, when the sun had been out. I remembered the way the water ran off Mac’s chest, the feel of his tongue, his cock. I ground my teeth and shook my head. None of that mattered now.
Jade and I unpacked the bag, placing candles in a semicircle and lighting them. I unfurled the map we had used to find Mac’s family and set it on the ground. I swallowed hard, my throat tightening as I glanced around. The soft glow of the candles would have made for the most romantic setting if Mac and I were ever going to have that sort of relationship again.
The name I knew crossed my mind, and I corrected myself. Cormac . Cormac O’Cillian, the vampire I loved, and I was about to kill to break a curse. I pushed the feelings out of my mind, grasping my pendant, trying to draw strength from those who had worn it before me, praying my mother’s voice would find me and guide me in a different direction, but she was silent.
I turned as Cormac and Conall’s feet rustled through the sand at the mouth of the cave. My eyes flickered to the sharpened wood that Conall held. My heart sank, and I fought the tremble of my lip and the shaking of my hand.
Cormac held a blanket in his arms, the same one he had brought when we made love. He avoided my eyes as he laid it next to the water and adjusted the map to be right beside to it.
He walked over to me and took my hands, holding them near his chest. Despite the chill between us, his hands were warm. I shivered as I grasped them, almost refusing to let go. I looked into his eyes, studying their color so as to never forget.
Cormac dipped his chin, his eyes never leaving mine, and whispered, “I hope you know I’m doing this for you, for us, because this is what we promised—to find the Cure together.”
My breath caught as I swallowed the sob that threatened to break free, fighting back tears. My throat strained to form words. “But we won’t be together. We’ll never be together again.”
Cormac made a move to bend farther toward my lips but stopped himself. He squeezed my hands one final time before dropping them. He turned to Conall. “Take care of her and make sure you finish what we’ve started.”
Conall nodded and grasped his brother in his arms. I could see the tears shimmering in his eyes, his lips smashed together. They held each other for what seemed to be an eternity. I could only imagine the unspoken words flowing through the embrace.
Finally, Cormac pulled back. His voice faltered as he spoke. “And please, when you find Mother, let her know how much I love her and Father.”
Conall shook his head, biting his lip. “I don’t even know where to look.”
Cormac glanced at me with a small smile. “Rory can tell you. When this is all over, find the rest of them. She knows where they are.”
It took me a moment before I realized what he meant. During Aunt Amara’s spell, I had seen where the blood traveled, so I knew where to find his family. My voice shook although I had tried to force it to stay even. “Certainly, Cormac, I’ll make sure I help him.” I sniffled, fighting back a sob.
His gaze caught mine. I could see again the gleam of tears. He took a step closer to me and cupped my cheek in his hand. I closed my eyes and leaned into it, the finality of the moment striking me, causing the ground to shift beneath me. How could the goddess hate us so much?
“I don’t want to do this,” I whispered, my eyes stinging and blurred, putting my hand over his.
His gaze softened, searching my soul, and he tightened his grip on my cheek. “You have to, Aurora. You are the High Priestess, the only one who can.”
He bent toward me, his lips consuming mine. My heart skipped a beat. Feeling him here was so right, but did I even know him? My arms rose without me thinking about it, wrapping around him as I returned his kiss. Our bodies pressed together. His hand slid back from my cheek, holding my head. When we finally parted, he held me in his embrace and kissed the top of my head. He backed away and, without a word, lay down on the blanket.
The air grew cold around me as I stood frozen, watching his resolute movements. “Please, no.” My voice cracked as I took a step toward him, my hand reaching out. Cormac didn’t look at me. He watched the water as he trailed his fingers over the surface.
Jade took my hand, her grip firm yet gentle. “It’s the only way.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. It felt like a knife burning, cutting me from the inside. I grasped the pendant that I hated so desperately at this moment, the one that placed this hell on my shoulders alone. How could I do this? How could I take the life of the man I loved? Why wouldn’t Conall lie down instead? Why wouldn’t Cormac let him? My eyes flicked over to Conall as I felt my blood boil. Why did Cormac insist on making this sacrifice?
Conall handed me the stake and moved to his brother’s feet. He kneeled down, holding his brother’s free hand.
All the love I had felt for Cormac tried to creep out of the hole I had shoved it into and reached my extremities, causing my fingers to twitch around the pendant. I gritted my teeth and ran my thumb over the sharp, cool wood. It weighed down my hand as though it were lead. I looked at the map lying next to Cormac’s shoulder and took another breath. His fingers still trailed in the water, but he stared at the ceiling like a doomed man, avoiding the gaze of his brother or me.
“Cormac, are you sure?” I whispered, my voice breaking, my lips barely forming the words.
He nodded, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, refusing to meet my eyes. “I’m ready.”
I moved to his side, kneeling beside Conall. Jade stood behind me, her hand resting on my shoulder. I raised the stake high, muttering the words in Gaelic that would lead us to the Cure—allow us to find him. My voice wavered, and every part of my heart screamed for me to stop, but I forced myself to go on, ignoring the pain shooting through my chest and down my arm. I glanced at Cormac’s hand in Conall’s and saw it tighten, Cormac’s knuckles turning white. The power swirling around us rose to a fever pitch. With a swift movement, I plunged the stake into my lover’s heart.
He gasped for breath, his back arching off the blanket, the stake buried in his chest. His black shirt shimmered in the moonlight as blood rose through the wound. I gasped and fell back on Jade, every muscle tensing, my hand flying to my mouth. Her hands pushed me back toward Cormac, reminding me I had to continue. I fought back the tears as my position as High Priestess required, my lips quivering as I clenched my jaw. If I stopped now, his death would be in vain. Pulling the stake from him, a sheen of maroon reflected the flickering candlelight. The blood slid to the point, forming a drop that threatened to fall. As Cormac’s body relaxed, his head fell to the side. Conall reached up and closed his brother’s eyes for the last time, and my breath caught in my throat. But I couldn’t pay attention, couldn’t feel the death of my love.
I turned to the map, continuing to utter the words I had memorized, barely able to squeeze them out through my tightening throat. My hands shook as I ignored the pain in my heart. I was no better than any of them, taking a life when it was required. The blood dripped from the stake onto the O’Cillian crest, once... twice... The sound drew me in as I watched it pool, glistening in the candlelight, the most gorgeous shade of red. In my mind, I saw his wrist being held over the same map, the same beautiful blood pouring from his arm. But this time it was his heart’s blood—the blood of the man I had just murdered, the man I had loved, each drop reminding me I would never be with him again.
With a life of its own, a rivulet of blood stretched out toward Scotland, finally coming to rest. I turned to Conall.
“This is where he is. This is where we find the Cure.” My voice sounded distant to my own ears, detached like I was in a far-off place.
Conall glanced at his brother before looking back at the map, his face an even paler shade of white than usual. He clenched his jaw before speaking. “I know that place. We’ll find him.”
I collapsed to the side, falling off my heels onto my ass, my entire body shaking. My chest was cold and hollow, devoid of any emotion. I looked at the stake in my hand, still coated in blood. I moved on autopilot, my voice robotic. “Do we have a vial?”
Jade looked around at what we had brought with us. “Uh, yeah, there’s one over here,” she said, her voice wavering. Her hands shook as she opened the bag, trying to locate the object of my request. “Why?”
The wood pressed into my palm as my grip tightened on the stake, lifting it a little higher, the blood still a fine red sheen over the wood. “Because I’m not doing this again,” I said, my voice strained.
Jade handed me the vial, my fingers fumbling as I took it. I had to keep going, keep it together for a few more minutes. I concentrated on the wood as much as possible, focusing my will on the blood, the blood my coven held dominion over. I could see Cormac’s body out of the corner of my eye as I focused on his sacrifice, pushing it out of the stake with my mind, watching it cascade into the vial, filling it. When the weapon was clean, I handed the vial to Jade.
“Protect this. I can’t kill again,” I said, my voice breaking as I finished the words, a tear sliding down my cheek. Pain and regret crept into my heart now that the ritual was over. What had I done?
Conall laid a hand on my shoulder, his voice strained from grief. “Rory, this is what Cormac wanted. He’s always protected our family—always took any burden on himself. He wouldn’t have let anyone but him do it, and he wouldn’t have wanted anyone but you to hold the stake.” His gaze shifted to his brother’s body.
My eyes fell on my love, and something told me Conall was right. A small smile seemed to play on Cormac’s lips. I wiped away a tear as the muscles around my eyes and jaw relaxed. Suddenly, his name and his family didn’t matter. He had shown me who he was, showing me his soul. My lips tingled as I remembered the feeling of our first kiss.
Conall’s hand rested on my arm. “Would you like a few minutes with him?”
My heart beat furiously as I tried to ignore the emotions inside me, tried not to think about who it was that I had just staked. I clenched my fists, relishing the pain of my nails digging into my palms. How was I ever going to forgive myself? My vision blurred with tears just before they fell. I had just killed the man I loved, the one I had sworn to protect just days ago as we fought side by side. Guilt and sorrow crashed over me like a tidal wave.
He was gone. Because of me. It was my hand that held the stake. A scream tore from my lips before I pressed my palms to my face, my shoulders shaking with uncontrollable sobs. This curse had taken everything from me—my mother, my aunt, my love. I was certain the pain was ripping me in two. I folded my legs to my chest, shaking as the sobs wracked my body.
Jade wrapped her arms around me, pulling my back close to her front as I stared at Cormac’s body. “What did I do? How did I do this? How could I have done this?” My words tumbled from my mouth, my lips trembling uncontrollably.
“We had no choice,” she said, holding me tightly. “And now we know how to find the Cure. Mac wanted for us to end this.”
I gritted my teeth. I lifted my chin, turning my face toward hers, forcing the words from my mouth. “His name is Cormac.”
Jade blinked as though I had struck her before she gave me a small, knowing nod. “Why don’t Conall and I wait outside for you?”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, not ready to apologize. “I won’t be long,” I mumbled, my eyes returning to Cormac’s face.
I shifted closer to him as Jade and Conall left and took his hand. It was even colder than usual, unmoving. My fingers trailed along his, a small part of me hoping to feel a movement, a twitch. That there was nothing tore a hole in my chest. I closed my eyes, another tear escaping down my cheek, remembering his touch—the feeling of his hands caressing and pleasing me the last time we were in this cave. Memories washed over me in waves: his arms around me, his lips, his hands as they wrapped my ankle, the taste of his blood when he healed me. My breath left my body as though I were drowning, regret filling me. I had never given him my blood.
I let out a bitter laugh, my hand tightening around his. How much had changed in such a small period of time? I reached down to my belt for my athame. There was one last thing I could do, although I knew it wouldn’t be anything like if he had still been alive. My fingers hesitated as they hovered over the handle, uncertainty washing over me, knowing there was no genuine power in what I did.
Hopelessness consumed me as I leaned down over him and kissed his lips, my tears falling on his face.
My breath hitched in my throat. “I’m so sorry, Cormac. But I will finish what we started.”
In a fluid motion, I seized the athame and ran it over my wrist, the blade slicing into my skin. I didn’t care whether I lived or died from the action as I watched the blood fall. I held it over Cormac’s mouth, slightly open after his last breath. My blood fell past his lips, tears engulfing me, my emotions drowning out my physical pain. I wasn’t sure which was flowing more, my blood or my tears.
Mac was gone—the love of my life, the one who had changed me, my life. There was nothing I could do, no way to bring him back. My chest tightened, a stabbing pain engulfing me. If only I had given him my blood before, so I could see the look on his face. If I could only have one more moment to share every part of myself with him.
I rested my hand on his cheek, my wrist over his mouth. I leaned down to his shoulder, curling into his lifeless body, wanting to join him wherever he was. It was my fault that he was gone, even if I was going to continue doing the work he wanted me to do. And I will find the Cure, I vowed to myself .
My breath caught as a new sensation hit me: lips pulling on my wrist. I gasped and pulled myself away from Cormac’s body, a trail of blood following me. A soft moan came from Cormac’s throat. My heart pounded in my chest, the impossible sound stealing my ability or desire to move.
How is this possible? My hand flew to my chest as though to hold my heart inside, ice radiating from my spine, fearful that I heard the sound and more fearful that I hadn’t. Aiden was the unkillable vampire. It didn’t matter now, what mattered was Cormac.
I looked at his chest. His shirt still had a hole, but his skin had closed beneath it. He moaned again and rolled on his side. A gasp fell from my lips, my heart lurching and more tears rose to my eyes.
“I need more.” It was the voice of a starving man begging for nourishment, begging for something that would save him.
I looked at my wrist, disoriented as it seemed to grow larger and smaller before my eyes, the blood seeping, a dark red trailing from my vein. My lips parted as he moaned again, a cool sensation flowing through my arms and legs, the guilt I had put him in this position hitting me while my heart warmed. There was only one thing he could be asking for.
I returned to his side and laid my arm across his mouth, my hand trembling from pain and relief. There was no movement, no feeling, as my heart squeezed, afraid hearing his voice had been in my head, a lover’s passionate plea to have reality change. “Please,” I forced through my throat as fresh tears blurred my vision. His lips sealed around my wound, and I felt him pull my blood into his mouth, his eyes fluttering beneath the lids.
He drank deeply, his eyes closed as he held my wrist to his mouth. Every pump of my heart was met with a pull from his lips, drawing more of my essence into him. The cave spun around me as I became lightheaded from the blood loss. I dropped my head next to his, finding it hard to continue to sit. But I refused to remove my wrist—refused to take away what was giving him life, bringing him back to me.
With a sudden yank, he pulled my arm from him and gasped, panting as though he had just surfaced from the bottom of a dark, endless sea. His fingers laced in my hair. “Rory.” His voice was weak and broken, full of disbelief.
My body shook with renewed sobs, this time of joy and uncertainty, as the warmth of relief flooded through my veins. How was he here? He moved his upper body away from me as he turned his head to look at me. My hair fell haphazardly in front of my eyes, soaked by my tears as our gazes met.
His words were raw. “You need to finish the spell.”
A sob escaped from me, my shoulders shaking. “But I did. We know where the Cure is.” My heart pounded in my chest as I ran my fingers along his jaw, blood falling onto his neck.
His eyes narrowed, his voice dazed, and his free hand felt the hole in his shirt. “You took my blood? My heart blood?”
I nodded again, struggling to stifle a laugh that was more like a sob. “Yes.” His gaze softened as his fingers turned to me, running across my cheek to my lips.
The salt of my tears seeped into my mouth as his brows knitted together. “I don’t understand...”
“Rory?” Jade called, running into the cave. “Are you alright?”
Conall followed her, not far behind. I turned my head toward her, rising to sit. Her eyes widened, and she stopped in her tracks when she saw Cormac. Conall froze beside her.
“Oh my God,” Conall breathed as Cormac struggled to sit up next to me. I put my hand on his back in a futile effort to help him. Conall’s mouth hung ajar, his head shaking as his hands trembled at his side.
Jade rushed forward, her hands outstretched. She fell to her knees beside me, grabbing my wrist. The blood ran down my arm toward my hand in rivulets, a steady tide of red draining me. “Rory, you’re bleeding.”
“Shit,” I muttered, suddenly aware of the wound. The cave spun around me again, endorphins and blood loss combining. My stomach heaved as I focused on it, the rest of the world fading away.
In an instant, Conall was behind me, his knees and hands holding me up as I sank against him. My body had a strange, cold feeling, so cold it was nearly disconnected. Jade pushed my hair behind my ear. It stuck to my neck like I was covered in sweat, but I didn’t understand how that could be when I was so cold. I gazed at Cormac in front of me, alive; a sense of completion and accomplishment filling every part of me. Why did he look so concerned? His eyes should be full of love, not fear.
My blood thundered in my ears, like a rush of air on a windy day, cutting off my ability to hear their words, though I sensed they were hurried and raised. It felt like I was watching a movie as Cormac brought his wrist to his mouth. When he pulled it away, he turned it toward me.
Blood welled from the two pinpoints created by his fangs. Why was he doing that? He brought it to my lips, holding it there. A thin line of unshed tears lined his eyes. His features contorted into a hideous mask of pain. As his lips moved, he appeared to be screaming. What were the words? “ Drink, Aurora, please ?”
I parted my lips, and his blood caressed my mouth. It was even more glorious than the first time he had allowed me to taste it. The salty sweetness rolled across my tastebuds and down my throat. I closed my eyes, savoring the thick molasses-like liquid as it coated my tongue. I reached the muscle forward, tentatively feeling the holes in Cormac’s wrist. Someone’s hands pushed my mouth to him, but it wasn’t necessary—the flavor was more exotic and addictive than the world’s finest champagne.
As the wound closed and the blood no longer flowed, my head fell back. A small drop of his blood caused my skin to tingle as it snaked down my chin. I drew in a warm breath, the air of the cave heavy with moisture, his gift chasing away the cold that had permeated my body. Jade’s sobs rang in my ears. Why was she crying?
I cherished the feelings and the sounds that flowed around me. The slight lapping of the harbor water pushing into the lake, Cormac’s fingers soft on my cheek, Jade’s tears turning to laughter. My hand fell to the soft blanket, tingling as I grazed every cloudlike fiber. I remembered the feeling of them on my bare skin as I lay under Cormac, his cock slowly drawing in and out of my body as he kissed me, my head between his hands, our bodies moving as one. Goose bumps rose on my skin and a smile came to my face.
The warmth spread through my body, reaching to my limbs as the ice in my heart melted—the pain of losing him, of seeing his sacrifice for me, for our shared desire. He may not have told me his name or who he was, but I knew who he was inside, and it was more than I ever could have imagined from a man, let alone a vampire. My eyelids fluttered open. His eyes glowed, locked on mine, the oceanic depths pulling me in. My heart swelled with the familiar sense of safety and love that I had lost forever.
I hung my head and set it against his chest, inhaling every bit of air I could, allowing his scent to wash over me, filling my senses while it filled my soul with comfort. I realized his scent wasn’t that of the harbor, but instead, it was of this cave. It had seeped into him, into his very being, into everything that he was and everything that I wanted to be with. I could hear the rhythm of his heartbeat—a sound I thought I would never hear again.
I looked up at Cormac. He brought his hand to my cheek, holding me as his lips brushed mine. My heart beat so fiercely I was sure it would explode as his kiss told me everything I needed to hear—that we were not yet done, that we would face our next challenge together. I felt his tongue slip past my lips, electricity sparking through me as it brushed mine, but only once before he pulled away.
“You may not die by my side,” he said with a smile, bringing his forehead to mine. The words confused me. I turned my head to look at Jade, the back of her hand covering her broad smile, tear stains on her cheeks.
“I promise.” I forced the words out of my tight throat as the reality of the past few minutes settled over me. I turned my head and rested it against his chest. “No dying next to you.”