Velvet Shadows (The Crimson Court #2)

Chapter 18

SERA

“Where do you suppose they are?” Lizzie looks up at me from the book she has been half-reading for the past hour, setting it down across her chest.

I wince at the state of the spine as it cracks beneath her fingers. “I think it’s best we don’t know.”

Lizzie might have heard nothing of Rafe, but I know exactly where Nate has been. And I wish I didn’t.

It has been three days since we found papers and letters in Juliette’s chambers. Nate went to call on Caroline and since then, he has shut me out completely. I do not know where he has slept or fed, but have been forced to feel the weight of his emotions in my belly. They have lurched violently between fury and soul-splitting agony.

Last night, I saw Caroline smile, heard the low rumble of Nate’s voice. He has been continuing to call on her. And it is like a knife to my heart knowing they were together; that he had chosen to be with her over me.

“There are other ways for them to feed, aren’t there?” Lizzie stares at the ceiling, her feet hanging over the edge of the settee. “But if they don’t need us, why bother with the pledging at all? It feels like a rather ridiculous game to have put us through if they are just to abandon us.”

“They are behaving like the rest of the nobility, I suppose.” I shut the book that I have been attempting to read, too. I have made it no further than the first paragraph in the last hour.

Where Lizzie is distracted by a longing for Rafe that she will not admit to, my own is a physical pain that grows stronger the longer Nate and me are apart. It is worse than any night that has come before it — so much so that even passing the time with Lizzie or practicing my magic does not ease my turmoil.

I can focus on nothing, least of all finding a way to break the bond. The longer we are apart, the more it quivers and presses, making itself known until it is all I can think about. The further away Nate is, the more the bond clings on.

If I am ever to break it, Nate will need to be close.

“Benjamin stopped feeding after Gregor died,” Lizzie muses. “Do you recall? Agnes was worried for him. By all accounts, he had almost withered to dust when Rafe and Nate found him. You don’t suppose…” She breaks off, chewing her lip.

“I cannot see the Blackwood brothers surrendering to the depths of despair that Benjamin was driven to.”

“No, I suppose not.” Lizzie sits up to look at me. “And what of Charles? He hasn’t come out of his room in days. And heaven knows what Agnes is facing with Charlotte now that she has such power. Perhaps we should call on her.”

“Yes, perhaps.” I have no interest in going to the Royal Crescent and knocking on Valeria’s door. I care for Agnes, and I am worried for the creature she is becoming under Charlotte’s directive, but I do not relish the thought of spending even twenty minutes in her company after the change I have seen in her. “Why don’t you go to her and I will check in on Charles.”

“Have you spoken to each other since your first night in Bath?”

“I have not felt much like it after the accusations he threw at me,” I admit. “But I do not know what it will be like for him with Juliette gone. I should be the one to check he is okay.”

Lizzie swings her legs around so that her feet hit the floor. “Very well. I will ask Mrs Hawley to accompany me to call on Agnes. Perhaps you can persuade Charles to come out of his chambers, so we might take tea together this afternoon.”

“I will do my best.”

I sit in the drawing room for a few long minutes after Lizzie has gone, trying to stamp down the feeling that I need to crawl out of my skin just to escape the bond. I would shed my flesh like a snake and leave the bond twitching and floundering in the dirt without a host to anchor itself to, if I could.

I spark another flame in my fingers, then snuff it out. Whilst the bond toys with my emotions in such a way, I am a danger to myself and the entire household. It is no fit state to comfort Charles in, but I would never forgive myself if he had been suffering and I had done nothing to seek him out. No matter how cruel his tongue was that night, he is still my friend.

I climb the stairs to his chambers and when I reach the door, he takes so long to answer it I wonder if he has slipped away in the night — gone back to London now he is free of Juliette and her glamour.

I look up at him, his face cast in shadow by the light at his back. “You are here, then. You stayed.”

“Mrs Hawley was under orders to not let me leave the house whilst my fate is decided,” Charles mutters, pushing the door open for me to enter. “She has been watching me like a hawk whenever I set foot outside my chambers, so it became easier to just stay put.”

I cross the threshold, swallowing down the sense of impropriety that still lingers at the thought of being alone with Charles in his bedchamber. Of course, it doesn’t matter here. But there is a part of me that wishes Nate might be awake to see it; for him to feel torn apart with jealousy, just as I have been.

Perhaps it would be enough to get him to come home.

The room is bright. Charles has opened the shutters and curtains, lifted the sashes, and the sound of birdsong drifts through the open window. It doesn’t resemble the quarters of a gentleman in mourning. And for that, I am relieved.

“You didn’t consider climbing out of the window?” I go to it and peer down, looking at the drop and the thorns beneath. “I would have risked a run in with the rose bushes for a chance at freedom if I were in your position.”

“I have tried.” Charles slumps into the armchair. “Every time I so much as get one foot out of the window, Mrs Hawley is here, slamming the window shut with her powers. I’ve nearly lost my leg twice already.”

I smile at the thought of it; Charles tumbling back onto the floorboards with a yelp as he curses at Mrs Hawley. “You should have come to me. I could have kept her distracted whilst you made your getaway.”

“Honestly, Sera, it’s no use. Even if I went back to London, nothing has changed. I have not improved my family’s fortunes. I need to be seen mingling amongst the ton when they arrive in the next few weeks.”

There are two armchairs in Charles’s room, and I sink down into the one opposite him, leaning over my knees. “You might find a nice young lady to marry as the seasons change. That is Lizzie’s aim — that we find some rich lords and convince them to get us out of here. Although how we will do such a thing when we are kept in place by their glamour, I am not sure.”

Charles smiles for what feels like the first time in months. Looking at him now, less drawn, the softness back in his eyes, I see just how much the glamour changed him. He was not himself, yet I was blind to it. I blamed him for changing, for growing into someone I did not know. But it is easy to forget that the others are so affected by the vampires we serve when my mind is still my own.

“How are you finding it?” I ask. “Being free of Juliette? You look well for it.”

“I should damned well hope so. My blood is firmly in my veins for the first time in weeks.” He leans back, tugging at the wrist of one of his sleeves.

“And you feel well in yourself? I was not sure how her death would affect you. Their glamour is not something I can say I understand the mechanics of.”

“It was awful watching it, of course. But once it was over, I just felt…” he looks out of the window. “Free. Like there is colour in the world again.” He glances back at me. “I know I haven’t been a good friend to you since we’ve been here, Sera. I hope that can change once we’re rid of them for good. That we can get back to some of the companionship we had before. Of course, if you marry some wealthy duke, that might be a little more difficult…”

He fades off and I meet his eye, thinking about his rant at me when I saved Nate; his confession of his affections back at Nighthaven. How much of it has been twisted, muddled, exaggerated by being here?

“I said some terrible things to you when you arrived in Bath.” His voice grows softer. “I’m truly sorry for it. I can see more clearly now that you are under Nate’s glamour, just as I was controlled by Juliette. It is all smoke and mirrors, but it feels real, doesn’t it? The ties we have to them.”

A swell of guilt knots in my stomach.

“I can assure you that once the glamour is broken, the fog begins to clear. It is like breathing fresh air for the first time.” He reaches over to me, taking my hand between his palms. “You deserve freedom, Sera. I know this whole thing has been monstrous, but there is an end in sight. And you’ll be free of your brother when that time comes, won’t you? You never would have been if you’d stayed in London. We must take some comfort that there might be some good to come of this for us.”

I nod, watching as his hands swallow mine. “It feels cruel to think of a life beyond here when Camilla and Eddie are gone. I have been wondering how they will explain it to their families.”

Charles releases me and sits back. “I asked Juliette during the journey from Nighthaven. They sent word of Eddie’s death. They told his family that he had come down with a terrible sickness, and then when Camilla was killed…” He shakes his head. “They were told she had met the same fate.”

“How have his parents accepted that? To have no funeral…”

“Contagion. The bodies were burned lest their disease should spread. The whole business has just made me see that we need to live. We have to find a way to survive it.” Charles looks over at me. “This might be the last time we see each other for a while. I will be given to another one of the families at Court. I am to be collected tonight.”

My stomach drops. I have had a glimmer of the old Charles — in fact, an improved version of the one I knew before — and he will be taken from me; trapped under another vampire’s mind tricks.

“And you didn’t seek me out? If you were to go somewhere else without saying goodbye…”

“I would always have said goodbye, Sera. It is just…” He drops his gaze. “You know how difficult I find it to be around you.”

A familiar queasy feeling rolls through me as I remember our conversation at Nighthaven. All my life, Charles was the only person I knew who didn’t find it a chore to be in my company. None of my otherness bothered him. He always sought me out; wanted more time with me.

Charles clears his throat. “You know how fond I am of you; how much I wanted us to have a future. It was hard at Nighthaven, but I have found it more difficult still here — knowing that Nate can hold you in his arms and take you to his bed without any real affection for you.” He shakes his head. “I hate it. So as much as it will be painful to be away from you, I think it will hurt less in the end.”

I feel tears prickle at my eyes, threatening to run down my cheeks and crash off the end of my nose. I want to tell Charles about my magic and remind him of something he has always known. I want to talk about my mother and what I have learned of my heritage, and the bond I share with Nate. And he might not bat an eyelid at the idea of me being a witch, but the blood bond will cut deeper than all of it.

I cannot do that to him.

“Do you know when you’re going? Which House you will be sent to?”

“I am to go to House Azarov, which isn’t all that surprising considering their position at Court. But Lady Azarov…”

Charles is still speaking, but I do not hear him. He is going to House Azarov. He will be residing in the very place where Mrs Hawley believes I might find answers. There, he might find not only information to help me with the bond, but about the luna child, too. If it is something spoken of freely between vampires — enough for Juliette to know of it — there must be records or books written on the subject. There might be evidence of the Court’s intentions, too.

But if Charles is to help me, he will need to be reminded of a truth he knew back at Nighthaven.

“Sera? Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes, quite alright.” I blink, refocusing on him. “They have an archive?—”

“Oh yes, Mrs Hawley told me. I think she was trying to stop me from climbing out of the window again. Apparently, I am to go to Lady Azarov’s son, Lord Nikolai, rather than her heir. There is an impressive library that I will get to enjoy. And the estate is on the outskirts of the city, with extensive grounds.” He looks up at me with a wry smile. “It might not be so bad.”

“From what Mrs Hawley has told me, they are a brutal family, Charles. I do not like the idea of it. But you being there…” I take a deep breath. “There might be something you can do for me.”

Charles’s eyes brighten, round and hopeful. “Name it, Sera. Whatever you need.”

I chew my lip. “The night Juliette died, Nate and I looked through her belongings. Nate believed there was a plot against her — that her replacement as heir had been planned because she started questioning things.”

“What sort of things?”

“There was mention of a luna child. Juliette seemed concerned the Court was taking action to prevent such a child existing.”

“A luna child? She never mentioned that term in my company.”

“It seems it is not commonly known. Nate had not heard of it. But there must be some record of it at House Azarov. Something that might give us answers as to what the Court is up to.”

Charles frowns. “Why do you care, Sera? Juliette was not so monstrous, but she still brought me here against my will and used me for my blood. I have no interest in investigating her death.”

I sink back in my chair. I had not interrogated the thought before. Why would I help Nate, when all I should want is to be free of him?

“There is a great deal you don’t know, Charles.” I struggle to look at him. “Back at Nighthaven, Nate glamoured certain memories from you and Lizzie and Agnes. They were memories of me.”

His face drops. “I assure you that he has done no such thing. I remember everything. Every moment we have shared together.”

“It is impossible to know what you do not know. My father always used to say that to me.” I smile sadly. “Nate took away memories from the three of you that would put me in danger. He did not trust anyone with my secrets and he has gone to great lengths to cover them. But if I am ever to get out of here, then I need your help. And that means telling you everything.”

“What do you mean? Has he done something, Sera? Has he?—”

“No, Charles. And I hate that I have to tell you this; that I have to start from scratch when you once knew things about me that no one else did.” I straighten up, breathing in deeply through my nose. “I have magic. Powers that have marked me as different for many years. You were my one true friend in London because you never seemed to mind. You didn’t walk out of rooms when I entered them; or view me as some oddity that was always to be kept on the outside of things. When we were together, I felt — not that those things didn’t matter — but that they were some of your favourite thing about me. Where others shied away from me, you only ever wanted to be…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Closer.”

Charles stares at me, unblinking. “I remember.”

“You do?”

“Now you have spoken it, yes. You saved us during the hunt.” His voice is low.

“I did my best. But Camilla?—”

“Without you, none of us would have survived it.”

“Perhaps.”

“And you are allowing me to remember this now because you need my help?”

I nod. “If I am to be free of this place — of Nate and the Blackwoods — I need to understand my magic and where it came from. Mrs Hawley believes there might be things that will help me — journals or records, perhaps — in the collection held by House Azarov. But if I go there, I will not leave alive.”

“You wish for me to investigate? Both this matter, and stories concerning a luna child?”

“Yes. Anything that might help. Mentions of my mother?—”

“Your mother?”

“Yes. Her name was Rosalind Winspear before she was married. My powers have come from somewhere. I… I believe she was a witch.”

Charles’s thick eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “Even if she was, what would I possibly find in a vampire library about her?”

I pull at the locket around my neck, running my fingers between the links. “I believe…” I pause. How can I say this to Charles? There’s every chance he will not look at me the same — that even now, with the glamour faded, he will refuse to help me because the thought of it is so damning, so grotesque. “I believe my mother knew Emerson Conway.”

Charles looks blankly at me. “Emerson?”

“Valeria’s husband.”

“How would he possibly?—”

“I think he and my mother were in love. And I believe there is a chance that she was with him on the night they both died. The night they were killed by Valeria.”

“Your mother was…” Charles stares at the floor, shaking his head. “She loved a vampire? But isn’t that unheard of? Witches and vampires don’t…” He looks at me and realisation dawns in those deep brown eyes. “You are a witch and yet you give power to Nate. The old tales they spin are a lie.”

“I believe so, yes.”

Charles continues staring into nothingness, his nostrils flaring.

“The Azarovs are one of the Court’s founding families. Their property has never changed hands and with such a sprawling library, there must be some answers. Something definitive that tells us about the connection between vampires and witches and whether the decrees are all lies.”

“Are you asking about your mother and Emerson, or about you and Nate?”

“I am?—”

“I know there is an affection from your side, Sera. The glamour might have made my words harsh, but there was truth in them. I am not blind to the fact you care for him. You have saved his life, and he is more attached to you than any of the others have been to me, or Lizzie, or Agnes. Even Eddie and Camilla. If you need to know whether it is possible for vampires and witches to love, then I think you already know the answer.”

He looks away from me again, and I see the sadness settle in his features. That same defeated look I saw when we met again in Mayfair.

“It isn’t love, Charles. Nate and I…” I wait for him to look back at me as I force the words out. “We are blood bonded. My fate is tied to his. It is why I need answers. So I might break it.” I collapse over my knees, head in my hands. My body trembles with the release of finally speaking such a thing aloud.

“Sera.” Charles’s jaw drops open. “How could you not tell me? No wonder you have been acting in such a way.” He stands, pulling me out of the chair, gathering me into his arms. He rubs my hair and I lean into him.

“I could not burden you with it. None of you. And I knew it would hurt you, but telling you, even now, puts Nate and I in very grave danger. If he dies, I die.”

“It’s why you saved him from the hunters.”

I nod. “The bond would have me protect him at all costs.”

He pushes me to arm’s length, peering down into my eyes. “I will do whatever you need me to, Sera. We will get answers and you will be free of him. And when this is over…” He brushes a strand of hair from my eyes. “We can do what we always wanted before our families ruined everything. The life we planned will be waiting for us.”

Before I can so much as breathe or blink, Charles pulls me into his chest. My arms hang limply at my side before I force myself to gather them around his back. My fingers meet easily, and I find myself wishing it was Nate’s firm embrace I was caught in rather than Charles’s angular one.

Perhaps the bond has affected me so deeply that I cannot see things clearly — just as Charles was changed by the glamour. When it is broken, I might look at him with deeper affection again.

As we break apart, I catch the scent of roses on the breeze, floating in through the open window. Immediately, I am transported back to Mayfair and Valeria’s garden. Nate had not drunk from me then. We were not bonded. Yet I felt, even as fear churned in my stomach, that I would give him everything. That I had met someone who terrified me, but made me feel alive for the first time in my life.

I look again at Charles. He has never sent shivers up my spine or made my heart skip a beat. And the thought that he never will settles uncomfortably in my stomach.

I need his help to break the bond and be free of Nate. But how will I ever sever something I am not entirely sure I want to be free of?