Chapter 26
IT’S NOT AT ALL like the last few times.
Then I was changed by the panaceum or weakened with an injury or high off the thrill of victory and covered in blood.
But now? Now I’m fully myself.
And he kisses me in the way a pirate assassin ought to be kissed.
With fervor.
His arms wrap around me, trapping me against him. One lands on the small of my back while the other presses between my shoulder blades. At first, I worry about what to do with my arms, but they find the most natural position around his neck. All the better to keep his mouth fused to mine.
He smells of salt and leather and soap. He tastes like water. He feels like death.
Yes, death. That sweet, sweet moment just before I end someone. When I know I’m relishing in vengeance yet again. He is that feeling magnified by a hundred. A sense of accomplishment and rightness and mine .
He is mine just as much as those lives I take.
But he burns with life. I feel the heat of him from my head to my toes. It’s more effective than any fire. Makes me feel alive in a way temperature can only hint at.
This is a dance I enthusiastically take part in. The dance of our lips to the music of our rapid breathing.
I know how to issue out threats with the merest of gestures, but I didn’t realize how my blood could pump faster when he moves his hands to my waist, moves his thumbs along the straight line of my stomach.
And when he lifts me onto the desk, I suck in a breath of air before he captures my lips again. His hands are on my legs now, widening them so he can slip between and press our bodies together once more.
That’s when I finally uncoil my arms from around him so I can do some exploring of my own. I wrap my hands around his biceps to feel the strength of his arms from atop his clothes. I clasp my ankles together behind his back, pull him flush against me, let my fingers roam up and down his back.
That night, no more knocks come to the door. No, everyone lets their captain get her rest.
Except that night, I get none.
I’m too busy kissing the man who loves me.
THE DRIFTA LOWER NETS into the water to catch food for everyone during the journey. The Islanders crew the ship. Everyone does their part to help us reach home.
The below-freezing temperatures drift away until it’s only the normal cold of the north. We are close to reaching the Seventeen Isles. Perhaps only a day or two’s sail now.
The entire journey has been smooth and quick. Not a single skirmish to be found on or off the ship.
And then, “Ships on the horizon!” Roslyn’s shout rouses the whole crew to full alertness.
I join her up in the crow’s nest, Dimella’s spyglass in tow.
What I find brings a smile to my lips.
“Who is it?” Roslyn asks.
“It’s the queen. She came for us.”
“Looks like we didn’t need her help after all.”
“Nope. We saved ourselves in the end, but it’ll be nice to explain the situation to her sooner rather than later.”
Roslyn nods. “Do you think my papa is with her?”
“Only death would have stopped him from being on that ship.”
Roslyn thinks on this. “Suppose I best work on my apology, then.”
“You’ve had months to do so,” I point out.
“Aye, and I haven’t thought of anything yet.”
“Just try for honesty and sincerity.”
“Sincerity?”
“Don’t fake anything.”
“Oh.”
I leave her to think on that and slide back down to the deck.
“It’s Alosa,” I say to Dimella and those near her. “The Ava-lee leads five ships toward us.”
“Thank the stars!” Enwen says.
“Aye. You might be meeting them soon if we can’t find a way to let her know it’s us. Don’t forget, we’re on a foreign ship now.”
Dimella says, “We haven’t our colors. They went down with the ship.”
“We’ll need something the queen will recognize,” Kearan puts in.
And as I eye him, I know just what to do.
“Your coat,” I say, gesturing to Kearan. Alosa is all too familiar with it. “Off with it, and we’ll hoist it high.”
By the time we’re close enough to the pirate queen’s fleet to make out the flags on all her ships, Kearan’s coat is strung high, flapping in the breeze. We’ve explained the situation to the Drifta, and they grow slightly on edge. I don’t blame them. They’re about to meet a foreign monarch. No one would expect the likes of Alosa.
A few hours pass before we’re finally upon each other. Alosa surrounds us with her ships before lining up the Ava-lee with our vessel. A gangplank is lowered, and the queen treads across the distance between the two ships with all the grace and beauty one would expect from a half siren. Two men walk just behind her. The first is, of course, the frantic Wallov, whose eyes scan the ship in search of his daughter. The other is Riden, the queen’s consort.
Alosa’s crew follows after them. They fan out along the edges of the ship, as is protocol when boarding a captured vessel.
Alosa scans the entirety of the ship, taking the measure of all the unfamiliar faces. When her gaze lands on me, she strides forward and embraces me. In my ear, she asks, “Roslyn?”
“Alive and well. She’s at her usual post.”
Alosa claps me on the back before turning to Wallov. “I think you’ll find your daughter up in the crow’s nest.”
He takes off toward the mainmast. I look up at the top, where just Roslyn’s eyes are peeking over, watching her papa advance with a desperation that almost tears at my heart.
To me, the queen says, “I see you’ve brought back with you more than I sent you out for.”
“Aye, Captain. There were lots of folks that needed saving.”
“From?”
“A siren artifact and a man’s greed.”
At that, Dynkinar steps forward, her little translator in tow. It makes sense that she would rather one of her own speak for her than have me be the go-between. She bows her head in a sign of respect, and Alosa does the same.
“I am Dynkinar, last surviving Speaker for my people,” the boy translates. “We are blessed to meet you, Queen Alosa. Captain Sorinda has told us much about you and your greatness.”
“Greetings, Dynkinar. Perhaps we’d better find a place to talk so you can both tell me the whole story?”
We all nod.
“Riden?” Alosa says.
“Aye?”
“Assess the crew aboard this vessel. Have the healers tend to any wounded and make sure all their bellies are filled.”
“Aye-aye.”
Alosa won’t know yet that I’ve already healed the injured, and I don’t correct her. The time for that is not yet.
Alosa takes my arm and leads me across the gangplank toward her captain’s quarters. Dynkinar follows behind us. Alosa says, “Have I mentioned how much I love having him as my new first mate? Bossing him around is such a delight, and he’s so good at following orders.”
I look over my shoulder. Riden has gripped Enwen in a fierce hug. Kearan stands not far off, arms crossed, as he waits his turn.
“He might like it more than you do,” I point out.
“Then we’re both lucky, eh?”
“Aye.”
When we’re behind closed doors, the whole story comes out of me. Dynkinar offers her side of things, sharing a brief history of her people and their sacred charge. I don’t stop until I get to the part where we set sail for the journey home.
Though Alosa looks perfectly perplexed, I know she believes every word. “My mother has never once mentioned the existence of siren artifacts, but then again, she’s not good at offering up information unless I ask for it. Just doesn’t occur to her the things I might want to know. I’ll set up a meeting with her straightaway when we return. We need to know if there could be any more of these artifacts lying in wait about the seas. What did you do with the panaceum?”
I procure it from my boot so she can look at it. She tries to reach for it, but I say, “There was a cost. I can’t let it be parted from me, else I will die. Maybe Kearan, too.” The object was still in Threydan’s heart when I used its power to heal Kearan. The rest of the injured were healed after I freed the object and killed Threydan, but Kearan and I will depend on it for as long as we both live.
Zarian translates for Dynkinar, and she narrows her eyes slightly.
So I explain in detail what I know to be true about my connection to the object.
I finish with “I don’t want it, but it’s what’s keeping me alive. I have to have it on me at all times.”
Alosa turns to Dynkinar. “I can imagine how you feel about that, but the four of us in this room are the only ones who know where the panaceum is. If we keep it that way, it will remain safe. I trust Sorinda with my life, and it would seem she has already preserved yours once. Is this going to be a problem for you?”
Dynkinar listens to Zarian’s translation carefully. She meets my eyes.
In Driftan, Dynkinar says directly to me, “Let no more blood be spilled between our peoples. You have saved us from Threydan after we tried to kill you. You have proven yourself to be trustworthy when he offered you immortality. For that, I will allow the artifact to remain in your safekeeping. But if word should get out about it, we will need to revisit this discussion.”
“Understood,” I say.
Alosa looks at me curiously.
“Another perk of having the artifact.”
“Very nice.”
“Dynkinar agrees.”
“Excellent. You’ve done well, Captain.”
I wince.
“You disagree?” she asks.
“Only at being called Captain. I don’t care for the position or the title.”
She sighs wistfully. “I hoped a journey like this would change your mind. I do so need more captains I can trust. But I understand. You are who you are, and I shall not ask you to captain a vessel again unless I grow desperate once more.”
My relief is palpable. I want nothing more than to return to my duties as assassin.
“Do you have a new job for me?” I ask.
“Oh, no. You haven’t even finished this one yet. That vessel and all those upon it are in your charge until we return home.”
I try not to cringe. A month still of captaining.
“And then, when we return to Queen’s Keep,” Alosa continues, “you’re to rest from your travels and recuperate. We’ll also have to see about acquiring a new ship for you.” At the face I make, she adds, “Purely for emergencies, mind you.”
My lips twitch. “Then I won’t object if it’s only for emergencies. I’ll try not to sink this one.”
“Technically, my people sank it,” Zarian says. “You did the best you could.”
“Aye,” Alosa says. “That she did, and it was more than enough. Sounds to me like she stopped a threat to the entire world before it could even leave the island.”
“That she did,” the translator says on Dynkinar’s behalf. “I am eager to learn more about the incredible individuals within your ranks, Captain Kalligan. If any of them are half as talented as Sorinda, then I don’t think the King of the Undersea stood a chance in the first place.”
Embarrassment heats my cheeks, and I look away so the pair don’t notice.
“I have only the finest working for me.” I can hear Alosa’s smile in the words. “As for you and the Drifta, we would be happy to have you join us at the keep. We are still building our fortifications there. Perhaps you could occupy another section of the island and build the first town?”
“I’ll take my leave of you for now and discuss this with my people.” Dynkinar and the boy leave, leaving me and Alosa alone in her captain’s quarters.
It is a comfort to be in such a familiar setting. I’ve spent years of my life sailing on this ship. She is more familiar to me than any other place in the world. I have hidden in her shadows and found every nook and cranny there is for secreting stuff away. This ship was the first place that felt like home again after I lost my family.
“You look like you wish to say something,” Alosa prompts.
Where to begin? “I … changed while on the island,” I start.
“Yes, you mentioned how the panaceum made you temporarily immortal.”
“No, I mean, me. In here.” I point first to my head and then to my heart. “I don’t know how to say this, but I think I might … be with Kearan.”
Alosa blinks twice. “What do you mean be with Kearan?”
I take a deep breath. This is Alosa. I can tell her anything. Her good opinion of me won’t change. I have to trust that. So I tell her my story. The full story of what happened to my family. What happened with Kearan. Where we’re at now. I end with “So now we’re together, and it’s strange, but I’m just trying to take it one day at a time.”
Alosa shifts slightly, but she doesn’t break eye contact. “That’s a lot of information you just threw at me, but let me see if I’ve got this right. You’ve lived your life at a distance because you didn’t think you were worthy of anything more. Because of that little girl who died in your stead. But you’ve had a change of heart, thanks to Kearan. Also, you are with him. As in there’s kissing and stuff happening. Have I got that right?”
“More or less.”
She takes a moment to let it all sink in. “I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel as though you could trust me with the story of your childhood. I should have done better—”
“No, it wasn’t anything you did. I cared too much about your good opinion. I didn’t think what I did was forgivable. I was stuck for a long time. And then you forced me and Kearan together on this voyage, and it was the best thing that’s happened to me since the day you found me and convinced me to join your crew.”
Alosa smiles. “If that’s the case, then I’m happy for you. I’m happy for you both.”
“Thank you.”
“And of course I don’t hold your past against you or think less of you for it. If anything, I’m more astonished by you than ever. You’re a rare soul, Sorinda. I’m proud to know you and call you a friend.”
I feel my face softening, so I turn it toward the floorboards. “There is one more thing I wanted to discuss. I think that perhaps I might like to train some of the girls.”
“Train? As pirates?”
“Assassins.”
“Stars,” Alosa says. “I’m just trying to imagine more than one of you at the keep. The land king will shat his royal britches once he hears of it.”
“I have your permission, then?”
“Of course. I think it’s a wonderful idea. I’ll spread the word and get you recruits. Besides, if this means you’ll spend more time at the keep, then I’m all for it.”
We return to the Drifta’s ship, where Alosa’s crew is catching up with friends who’ve been apart during our journey. Riden finds us and takes position at Alosa’s other side.
“There aren’t any injured, but the crew seemed grateful for a change in food options. I understand there was quite a lot of fish being eaten. The Drifta didn’t know what to make of the bread we had with us. Do they not grow wheat? Just how cold was it up there?”
“Cold enough to freeze the blood in your veins,” I answer.
Riden makes a face before throwing his arm over Alosa. He pulls her in close and kisses the side of her head.
“How is the situation with your brother?” I ask him. “What of Mandsy and Niridia?”
Alosa answers for him. “I’m expecting an update on the situation very soon. Last I heard, they were close to apprehending Draxen. It’s taken an unusually long time. I’m not sure what to make of that, but I trust that Niridia will get the job done, especially with Mandsy watching her back.”
“Aye,” Riden says. “Draxen doesn’t stand a chance.”
DURING THE NEXT LEG of the voyage, Kearan and I have a talk about the panaceum and how our lives now depend on its proximity to me at all times. We’re in agreement that we won’t use it to prolong our lives. We only need the one to share together. That’s plenty.
A lot has changed at Queen’s Keep since I last saw it. Half the fortifications are done. There are barracks housing different crews, a dock has been furnished out to sea for the ships to anchor off of, and the kitchens and queen’s quarters are fully done.
The builders are still working on the training grounds, where Alosa says she’ll have them make a special section just for me and my group of aspiring assassins. Just yesterday, she sent me the sign-ups for the hopefuls.
Twelve girls and one lad, that translator Zarian.
As I go over the names again, Kearan looks over my shoulder.
“Naturally, Roslyn managed to sign up first,” I say.
“She’s learning from the best. Of course she’s excited. What will you start them with? Knifework?”
“Footwork. If you can’t get close enough for the kill, there’s no need to bother with a blade.”
“Hmm.” Kearan leaps behind me and tries to wrap an arm around my neck, but I sensed the move before he made it. I duck, and his arm brushes nothing but air. I have a knife out and pressed against his side before he can do anything else.
“You’re quicker than lightning,” he says, with that full grin that makes me want to return it. I don’t usually, though. Kearan prefers to coax them from me anyway.
“Maybe you’re slower than mud.”
“That tongue is quick, too. Maybe you should teach them that as well.”
“An assassin’s job should be done without any talking.”
“Then what else will you teach them?”
“How to be fearless.”
He cocks his head to one side. “How does one teach that?”
“You find a way to conquer what you’re afraid of. You face it over and over again until it doesn’t affect you anymore. As a small child, I used to fear the dark, but I have a mantra that helped me stay strong. You can’t be afraid of the dark when you’re the monster lurking in the shadows. ”
“Bloody hell, Sorinda.”
“I know, but I think I’ll amend it now. I’ve learned more about myself, and I don’t think I need to be a monster anymore.”
He wraps his arms around me, and this time I let him as he pulls me in for an embrace. “You were never a monster.”
“No, but I liked to think of myself that way. It helped me to feel strong. Made everything all right as long as I was taking down worse monsters.”
“Perhaps that is what we should call your new trainees. Sorinda’s monsters.”
I smile. “I’ve no doubt I’ll think of them as such by the end of each session.”
“Whatever you think of them, I promise it’s nothing compared to what they’ll think of you. You will give them hell every day and make them work for it. As well you should.”
He leans in for a kiss, and I return it.
“Shall we go down to dinner?” he asks.
I nod and turn to blow out the candle of our shared rooms. He finds my hand in the dark and leads me into the hallway.
I’ve learned it’s okay to lean on others for strength, but it’s even more important to find your own strength from within. I discovered mine once I realized it was okay for me to exist without guilt any longer. It’s okay for me to share myself and my knowledge with others.
And that’s when it comes to me.
You can’t be afraid of the dark when you’re the light keeping the shadows at bay.